Riding The Pine

The Crystal Ball 2011 The Championships

2012-01-22T15:00:00.004-05:00

With only a few hours to think about it, I can already tell you I do not like living in a world where Joe Paterno is no longer around. I can guarantee I’m not the only one either. Rest in peace JoePa.

Opening Kickoff

How pissed, in private of course, will Peyton be if Eli goes on to win his second Super Bowl ring? Eli should make a big show of giving one to Cooper, something Peyton could never do. I bet that would make Thanksgiving in the Manning household a tad uncomfortable.

The Way It Was

NFL representatives have been on site of each game reviewing plays to make sure trainers don’t miss players with potential concussions. NFL players, fans, and teams should be thanking James Harrison for this. Because when Harrison hit McCoy and the Browns botched it, this change was deemed necessary and instituted. Harrison and his head has been the leading proponent for change in the NFL regarding its concussion policies. He’s a hero, not a villain.

49ers 36 – Saints 32

Who had Alex Smith driving the 49ers 86 yards in less than 2 minutes for the game winning drive? Anyone? No? I didn’t think so.

The Saints turned ball over 5 times, and it haunted them. San Francisco didn’t capitalize on the turnovers very well, but the 13 points they did generate from Saints miscues turned out to be just enough

New Orleans looked disjointed and out of rhythm all game long. It wasn’t until the 4^th quarter their offense looked explosive and dynamic.

And I knew the Saint defense were not world beaters but giving up 36 points?

I know everyone’s surprised about Alex Smith playing such a tremendous game against the Saints, but we shouldn't be. After all, there were multiple reasons he was a number one draft pick. On top of that, despite having 7 offensive coordinators over his career, he still managed to hang around amongst the turmoil, which shows both his talent and resolve. Is it such a stretch that now with some stability and positive coaching influencing him he's finally reaching some of that potential seen on draft day?

The victory was a feel good win for the team and the fans of San Francisco. I mean watching Vernon Davis crying after scoring the go ahead touchdown with 9 seconds remaining you have to feel good for a guy like that. Just watching that level of unbridled joy is exhilarating. But before we get too far on this bandwagon, let’s clear up a few items.

First of all, come on, 49er rally towels? Give me a break. Yes, I know Pittsburgh was not the first team to come up with such a gimmick, and yes, I know, we don't have exclusive rights to said gimmick. But by now, any team that does such gimmick just looks like their coming up with a cheap knockoff of the Terrible Towel. Don't argue you do look that way.

And let's stop calling Vernon Davis' touchdown "the grab" I know it's been a long time since 49er playoff glory, but there's no need to pervert the past by trying to apply it to the present.

And Harbaugh quit acting like an asshole. His team is playing its biggest game and engineering its greatest victory in years, and he spent half the game looking perplexed as if he was trying to figure out who cut the cheese. Every week he makes it harder for casual fans to root for his team.

That being said, a tremendous win by San Francisco. But you know what, the more Jim Harbaugh wins, and the bigger games he wins, the more atrocious Mike Singletary looks as a head coach.

Patriots 45 – Broncos 10

I guess we should have all realized that Jesus loves Tom Brady more than Tim Tebow.

Woof the Patriots took the Broncos to the woodshed. Do you think that perhaps Brady got a little sick of all the Tebow talk?

Since the game was over by halftime, there’s really not much to say about it. I will say this. No offense Denver, but better you than us.

But once again, for no good reason Belichick left Brady in late in the game risking injury. He should have been out of the game before the 4^th quarter. Here’s hoping Belichick pays for his insolence. Although I did like Brady’s drop kick.

Von miller, I know it was a bad game, but come, you gotta keep your head about you. Starting a fight is no way to end a season.

Ravens 20 – Texans 13

I wasn’t sure if Baltimore would have enough left in the tank to take on the Texans after playing two Super Bowls already this season. It turns out they did, color me surprised.

Actually, I think it may have been three Super Bowls so far. After the Ravens won the AFC north in Cincinnati during week 17 they broke out division championship hats and t-shirts. I think that does count as a third Super Bowl. I’m just serving sour grapes. I’m sure if my team only won a division championship every 5-6 years I’d be celebrating too.

Despite Ed Reed’s gimpy ankle, Ray Lewis’ age and Joe Flacco’s fu Manchu mustache, the Ravens managed to squeak by a rookie third string quarterback playing on the road in his first ever playoff game.

Giants 37 – Packers 20

The Packers receivers coach should have done a discount double check on his players’ hands, because not one of them could seem to hold onto a football.

Yes, Greg Jennings fumbled. Everyone knows. But the Giants won the game despite getting jobbed on the call and the replay. So let’s move on.

Ok, shame on me for making fun. Eli Manning is an elite quarterback in the NFL and should be mentioned amongst them. Amazing how much the guy has shined this season when you take away his brothers oversized shadow.

I think this sums it up for all Packer fans.

The Steel Pit

Offensive coordinator Bruce Arians retired this week amid rumors of changes coming for the Steelers’ coaching staff. Whether Bruce retired, or was forced out by Tomlin, Art Rooney II or just didn’t have his contract renewed is still a matter of conjecture. But the team felt that the underachieving offense needed a change and in some manner affected a change.

Arians’ offense, and specifically his play calling, have been a point of contention for many Pittsburgh fans and often criticized. I am no exception from that group. I mean come on, how many failed bubble screens can you call before you realize the play is just not working? But I digress.

I will always thank Arians for one thing. No not the Super Bowl trips and the win, that’s obvious. I thank him for changing perceptions regarding offensive football in Pittsburgh. Too often too many Steeler fans felt the only way to be successful was to run the ball, and when that didn’t work you had to run more. The pass seemingly was akin to nuclear waste, only to be handled in emergencies and only with much trepidation and fear. Arians moved the offense away from that archaic thinking, started working in a more modern passing offense and showed fans that not only can you win games passing first, but that it was ok to do so and still fit into the Pittsburgh way of doing things. He allowed stubborn fans to like a passing game, and by doing so helped change perceptions regarding what constituted the Steeler offense.

For many fans, this is a drastic sea change of thinking, and it wasn’t an easy change. But Arians stayed his course, suffered the slings and arrows and helped build a new outlook for fans to the point that now people were calling for his head because the passing game was not good enough. So for changing those long held perceptions, I will always be thankful for the work Bruce Arians did for the team and hope that he does finds enjoyment in retirement.

In other news, as the team begins to decide who should stay or go as they work through their crippling cap issues, Hines Ward stated that he would take a severe pay cut to remain with the team. I know it may not make sense from a few logical viewpoints, but I think the team should do this and not think twice. Don’t let one of your team leaders play his last season or two in another uniform that would not be right guys.

Big Douche settled his sexual assault civil suit this week, very quietly with no details regarding any monetary settlement. I’m sure money exchanged hands, and I’m sure it was substantial.

Running backs coach Kirby Wilson is still hospitalized in critical condition from the effects of a fire at his house earlier this month. Prayers and thoughts for Kirby to turn a positive corner soon.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

According to a recent survey, Tim Tebow is the most desired celebrity neighbor. It’s a beautiful day in his neighborhood.

Apparently, Joe Flacco is so nonplussed about playoff pressure he’s been skateboarding in his driveway. The last professional athlete to win a championship with a mustache like that was Hulk Hogan. Do you really want to put Joe Flacco into the same group as the Hulkster?

O.J. Simpson’s lawyers are stating a bank is foreclosing on Simpson’s Florida home. How can he still afford lawyers?

The Broncos have announced that Tim Tebow will be their incumbent starter for the 2012 season. I wonder what may have prompted that decision….

In the final Tebow segment this week, it was reported that Tebow played through injuries during the Patriots game. Yes, I’m sure he did, just like every player on the field that weekend. Come on guys, if you want to find a Tebow story, find a better one. Every player plays with an injury, that’s nothing special.

Peyton Manning wants to stay in Indianapolis. I don’t think that choice will be up to him much longer.

Oh look, Cowboys receiver Dez Bryant was detained by police. Oh he’s a winner isn’t he?

With their season over, now the Packers have moved on to making tough personnel decisions, including what to do with fan favorite and aging wide receiver Donald Driver. Packer fans, I know how you feel. Have you met Hines Ward?

LaDainian Tomlinson joined the Jets fracas, piling on and ripping the team and calling Mark Sanchez pampered. You know what’s most telling in all of this? Sanchez has yet to say anything even to just defend himself.

New Miss America, Laura Kaeppeler from Wisconsin, wants Aaron Rodgers to give her a call. Perhaps she just wants to find a better car insurance rate.

The Kansas City Star published an article detailing the distrust, anxiety and paranoia currently prevailing within the Chiefs organization. Who would have thought an organization run by Scott Pioli, who learned his skills at the foot of Bill Belichick, would create an atmosphere of distrust and paranoia?

Apparently, hidden amongst his defensive skills is an offensive mind, since Ravens safety Ed Reed piped up for no explainable reason his opinion of Joe Flacco’s performance against Houston and his opinions on how the offense should run. This of course sparked much discussion and controversy, prompting other players to defend Flacco and culminating in Reed and Flacco staging a fake fight to diffuse any tension and illustrate no hard feelings between the teammates. That’s right Baltimore, focus on anything but the Patriot offense. Good thinking. You’ve made yourselves front runners for next week’s idiot.

And outside the NFL news, former receiver Terrell Owens has announced he will play this season in the Indoor Football League. This news is too sad and pathetic to make a joke.

Duck Duck Coach

Chicago – There is no word on a new offensive coordinator or a general manager, although it takes time to get these things right.

Indianapolis – In a surprise to absolutely no one, the team fired Jim Caldwell as well as a slew of assistant coaches. Poor Peyton doesn't have a friend left in Indianapolis. If I were him, I'd start looking around at teams with decent offenses but horrendous quarterback situations for a potential new job because it more and more that he'll be next on Irsay’s house cleaning list.

Miami – The Dolphins got a clue and hired a decent coach, Packers offensive coordinator Joe Philbin. Hopefully Joe and his family can find a new life in Miami to help ease the pain of losing their son tragically.

New Orleans – Hired former Rams head coach Steve Spagnuolo to replace Gregg Williams at defensive coordinator. Does this count as a trade? Since Spagnuolo was a head coach, do the Saints need to throw in cash or a future assistant coach?

Oakland – No word yet on the first head coach of the Mark Davis era.

St. Louis – The team also hired Saints defensive coordinator Gregg Williams to run their defense. They did see the game in San Francisco, right?

Tampa Bay – If they hired anyone of note, it escaped my eyes.

He Said He Said

"This game isn't about wins and losses. It's about relationships." Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis after Baltimore's win over the Texans

That’s an easy statement to make after you win.

"That's the pretty boy. That's the man of the NFL. That's Mr. Do-It-All. So everybody is going to hold that against me but I don't care" – Ravens defensive back Bernard Pollard, known previously as the Kansas City Chief who destroyed Brady’s knee in week 1 of the 2008 season and torpedoed the Patriots that year

Is it too much to ask Bernard for a repeat performance?

"I'm sure if we win, I'll have nothing to do with why we won.'' -- Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco the Houston game

Good gravy, he should be working for the Psychic Friends Network with prognostication skills like that.

"It's one of the few I've actually thrown up. I've never had one completed before . . . on our side." – Giants quarterback Eli Manning on his end of the half Hail Mary pass to give the Giants a commanding halftime lead.

Oh, that wacky Eli and his wry sense of humor. Maybe he should host Saturday Night Live….

"I didn't think it was going to end tonight. We had a championship-caliber regular season and didn't play well today. Personally, I didn't play as well as I wanted to." – Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers

It’s funny how everyone seems to forget each year that of the 12 teams who enter the playoffs, 11 of them finish the season with a loss. Yet when that loss comes, everyone is surprised.

“The phrase "divisional playoffs.'' Stupid title for the weekend.” – SI.com’s Peter King

The great and powerful NFL Oz has spoken. We must now come up with a new name for this weekend of playoff football, lest he spite more good players by withholding his vote for the Hall of Fame. Yup, King is a voting member of the Hall of Fame I’m surprised he hasn’t sent out a reminder tweet in case anyone has forgotten over the past few days.

“Joe was kind of rattled a little bit by that defense. They had a lot of guys in the box on him and they were giving it to him. I think a couple of times he needed to get rid of the ball. It just didn’t look like he had a hold on the offense.” – Ravens safety Ed Reed on Joe Flacco

"My quarterback can go out and beat anybody. Anybody." – Ravens linebacker Terrell Suggs defending Flacco

Hey Baltimore, are you too dumb to know distractions kill? Have you not read my Super Bowl picks the last few years? Why would you, you weren’t involved. Ha ha ha.

Idiot of the Week

You know what’s great about the playoffs? Everyone steps up their game, including potential idiots. Oh, it’s like a buffet and I just cannot decide.

Maybe I’ll start with a sampling of Saints defensive coordinator Gregg Williams, whose defensive game plan gave up 36 points to one of the least dynamic offenses in the NFL. No, tastes too much like road kill.

Maybe I’ll try this Bill Leavy, who blew a horrible call in Green Bay, and the subsequent review. Wow Bill Leavy blowing calls in the playoffs? Sorry I’ve had this dish before. I don’t want leftovers.

What about some Von Miller, who lost his cool in New England and started a fight near the end of the game. Yes that’s dumb but who hasn’t lost their cool against the Patriots? That’s a stale dish.

Oh, this looks great! Yes, I’ll have a heaping helping of Packers defensive coordinator Dom Capers as my idiot this week.

The Packers played an awful defensive game in general, but their defensive stance on final play of the first half was cover your eyes atrocious. The Giants with only seconds remaining lined up on the Green Bay 37 yard line for one final play. If they are not going to attempt a long field goal, there is only one logical place for a pass to go, which is into the end zone.

Yet Capers, supposedly the true genius behind the fire zone blitz, did not pick up on this obvious strategy. There were only two Green Bay defensive backs in the end zone to cover three Giant receivers. The remaining Packer secondary was outside the end zone. Why? Why weren’t they all crowding the receivers in anticipation of a Hail Mary pass?

Capers blew an obvious defensive call, and hastened the end of Green Bay’s season. Dom, you are an idiot.

On Tap This Week

Funny I foolishly point out who I don’t want to win the Super Bowl, and all but one of those teams won to move on to this round. That figures.

Last week: 2-2

Season to Date: 175 - 90

Paid for it with the standings too. Well, let’s look at how things are shaping up for a trip to the Super Bowl this week. I think I’d be happy if we could just avoid having the Harbaugh Bowl. Two weeks of listening to constant stories about those two would make me long for a Rex and Rob Ryan documentary.

Sunday

AFC Championship Game - Baltimore (13-4) at New England (14-3)

Let’s see, do I want the hated division rival for which my loathing knows no bounds, or the team of successful cheaters who could tie records set by my favorite team’s coach and quarterback decades ago? This is not picking a football winner, its Sophie’s choice! Ok, I’ll just hold my nose and get it over with.

Patriots over Ravens

NFC Championship Game - New York Giants (11-7) at San Francisco (14-3)

Giants vs. 49ers in the NFC Championship game, what is this a rerun of I Love the 80’s?

New York is obviously peaking at the right time. San Francisco looked tremendous in their thrilling last second win over New Orleans. But something tells me they blew their emotional fuse, and are primed for a letdown game. Although I have been wrong before.

Giants over 49ers

The Crystal Ball 2011 The Divisionals

2012-01-14T16:00:00.000-05:00

If Denver faces New Orleans in the Super Bowl, and Tebow tops the Saints, is that the kind of theological paradox that would bring forth the rapture?

Opening Kickoff

I must ask referee Carl Sheffers, is there any time it’s necessary to throw a player to the ground?

The Way It Was

The Steelers, Lions and Bungles had too many men in the huddle penalties. I know it’s hard to play on the road against a loud and feverish fan base, but you can’t remember to count to 11? And as a surprise to no one, all three teams lost.

Take spinal tap advice, it goes to 11. Not 12.

Texans 31 – Bengals 10

Houston was primed and pumped for their first ever Texans playoff game. The team did it up right, even bringing out ol’ Bum Phillips, the legendary Oilers coach and father of defensive coordinator Wade Phillips. It was good to see Bum again complete with his trademark cowboy hat. And Arian Foster had the Texans logo shaved into the side of his head. You think he was ready for his first playoff game ever? You betcha. And I must give credit to his barber, that logo was great work and even in the same position the logo is on the Texans helmets. His barber does tremendous work.

Now, I know that Houston has not seen a playoff game since the early 1990s, but the crowd should know it’s 2012. What was with the crowd chanting Whoop There It Is? Honestly? Did the stadium PR crew have to use the same music cues from the last time Houston made the playoffs?

With two rookie quarterbacks facing off against each other for the first time in playoff history, the question was who would screw up first. Thank goodness for T.J. Yates he has Andre Johnson, who can make any quarterback look good.

Pacman Jones was scorched so badly on Andre Johnson’s touchdown; he’s still peeling a week later. I wonder if Johnson smack talked him and asked him if he would make it rain to put out that fire from the burn.

The Red Rifle however misfired badly. Dalton threw three interceptions, one that was returned for a touchdown by J.J. Watt and one that led directly to an Arian Foster touchdown run. It was not a good day for the Bungle quarterback.

But it was a good day for Houstonians, and now their team is off to Baltimore.

Saints 45 - Lions 28

Detroit played well in their first playoff appearance this millennium, and hung in there for most of the game. But once the Saints started pulling away, the lions couldn’t keep up.

The Lions’ defense just could not stop the Saints offense no matter what they tried. Even when they had the Saints in third and long situations, New Orleans always found ways to convert. Detroit defensive coordinator Gunther Cunningham could not find the proper alignment to put his charges in to flummox Drew Brees.

Finally, in the 4^th quarter, the Saints just exploded and left the Lions in the dust. And now, the Lions still have yet to win a playoff game this century. But at least they’ve played one. It’s an important first step.

You knew the Lions would lose, when Jim Schwartz was actively berating his team on the sidelines at the beginning of the 4^th quarter. Is it just me or does Jim Schwartz have the look of a bitter vindictive type of person? I think he only wanted to win so he could stick it to Harbaugh later in the playoffs.

On the plus side for Detroit, you cannot stop Calvin Johnson. You can’t even hope to contain him. Unfortunately the Lions’ offense needed one or two more of him.

From the Saints, I loved Sean Payton going for it on fourth down. He showed tremendous faith in his offense and put the onus on them to go out and win the game. And not once did they let him down. Not once. The team went the entire game without punting one time.

And it’s been said repeatedly, but it should be said again, Darren Sproles is awesome. Dean Spanos, were you watching this game? Can you still defend keeping A.J. Smith and Norv Turner in charge of your team after they let Sproles walk?

Giants 24 – Falcons 2

The Giants were making first playoff appearance since 2008, and at first it showed. Did they prepare at all? The offense looked atrocious and bogged down and could not keep the Atlanta pass rushers out of Manning’s face.

The Falcon defensive pressure resulted in an early safety, which unfortunately for Atlanta fans translated into the only points the team would score all afternoon.

Going for the conversion on 4^th and short can be tricky and set the tone for future play calling in a football game. When a 4^th and short call fails early in the game, a coach will tend to be more conservative on a future call and just punt in order to avoid criticism later. In the first quarter Atlanta attempted to convert a 4^th and 1 but was stopped short. When head coach Mike Smith was faced with a 4^th and inches situation inside Giant territory again in the second quarter, Smith opted to punt the ball and try to pin a sputtering giant offense deep.

So what happened next? The Giants woke up and drove the length of the field, which included a 4^th and inches conversion of their own, for a touchdown, their first score of the game and the lead they never relinquished. After that, the Giants’ defense continued their domination of the Falcons offense and the Giant offense methodically worked the field and scored a total of 24 unanswered points.

Mike Smith should have gone for it on his second 4^th and inches. Instead he played scared and conservative and paid the price by losing his lead and his advantage when he had the home team out of sorts and struggling mightily. While he did attempt other 4^th and short attempts later, with no success, this particular attempt was the key turning point of the game, and the last point at which his team was truly in the game.

The Steel Pit

Steelers 23 – Broncos 29 OT

Ok, like many Pittsburgh fans, we were under no delusion we were winning the Super Bowl this year. We saw the injury list, we knew the defense had pressure issues, we saw the offense that sputtered as of late. We have seen enough football, both good and bad, in the Steel City to know the look of a team that is not going far in the playoffs. But we figured, hey, at least we can smack out one more win before the season ends, right?

WRONG!

And I’ll be honest, I would have thoroughly enjoyed watching Tebow put together another thrilling win and cheering him on if it was not against Pittsburgh. Yeesh. You know, you stick up for a guy all season, defend him and support him, even when fans of his own team turn on him, and this is how he repays you? Thanks a ton Tebow! Awww, I can’t stay mad, because I know you’re continued presence in the playoffs hacks off too many people and I enjoy that almost as much as your unconventional style of winning games.

After the game, people made a ton of religious connections with the final results of the game. Here are some of the ones I found.

· Denver is the stadium closest to heaven – Mile High

· Tebow threw for 316 yards

· Roethlisberger’s interception came on a 3^rd and 16 play

· Pittsburgh’s time of possession was 31 minutes and 6 seconds

· Tebow’s average yards per completion was 31.6

· Demaryius Thomas, who scored the winning touchdown, was born on Christmas

· A halo appeared in the sky above the stadium during the game

There’s just no way we were winning this game, was there?

Well, in the first quarter it didn’t seem that way, as the defense dominated the Bronco offense. But the Steeler offense could not convert in Denver territory and settled for field goals. And I felt tremendously uneasy after the second field goal, as it turned out with good reason.

In the second quarter, Tim Tebow channeled his inner John Elway and let loose, completing big passes, driving the offense and running up a 20-6 lead before halftime. So much for the second quarter being a nightmare for the Broncos, it looked like a magical dream.

Poor Ike Taylor got schooled in this game. He had such a tremendous regular season, regularly shutting down top flight receivers and top flight quarterbacks, but today, he couldn’t stop Tebow or Thomas. Thomas had 100 yards receiving on 2 plays.

Now, his job was not made any easier by a pass rush suddenly disappeared giving Tebow plenty of time to find a receiver. It also did not help when Brett Keisel left with groin injury and Casey Hampton left with a knee injury. Keisel will require surgery in the offseason, as will Maurkice Pouncey, Rashard Mendenhall and Max Starks.

The two biggest problems of this year’s Steelers on display; anemic red zone offense and a defense unable to produce turnovers.

Finally late in the 3^rd quarter, the offense put together a successful touchdown drive, with a bit of help by a fast whistle that ruled a pass incomplete when it was a backward pass that should have been recovered by Denver. For the love of all that is holy Bruce Arians, if you do return as offensive coordinator next season stop with the ridiculous receiver bubble screens!

The team kept fighting back in 4^th quarter and successfully tied the game. But their offense just could not get it done and in position for a final chance at a field goal to win.

Which brings us to the first over time playoff game under new rules format, where we have to be fair and give everyone a chance to win, but it mattered not. Pittsburgh lost the toss, and then Denver scored a touchdown on an excellent catch and run by Thomas with the safeties selling out for the run and Thomas only needing to get past Ike Taylor for the touchdown. A job Thomas showed all game he was more than capable of handling.

I’m still stunned, that our pass defense, which had been one of the best all season, and Ike Taylor in particular, who had played lights out all season, got burned repeatedly by Tim Tebow, the quarterback everyone said could not throw the ball. It’s shocking to me. Tim Tebow strafed our secondary. You know Ryan Clark is going to blame himself for this one.

What bugs me the most is the team went into the game thinking there’s no way Tebow can make big throws in big games, so just stop the run and dare him to make those throws. Tebow turned that train of thought on its ear throughout the first half, and we still didn’t stop the run. Now in the second half, when you know he can make those throws, why not respect that aspect of the offense and adjust accordingly, maybe keep the safety back over the top, have Taylor more aggressive on Thomas or get him some corner help? Nope, that didn’t happen, the Steelers stubbornly held onto their prescribed game plan and Tebow continued to burn them with the pass, all the way to the last play of the game. That last play of the game which was the first play of overtime and was the longest touchdown pass in playoff history, in the shortest overtime period in playoff history. I’m so proud.

Regardless, the season was successful for the most part. If you look at it from a pure numbers standpoint, there’s no way a team ranked next to last in takeaways and with so many injuries had any business being in the playoffs, let alone 12-4. There were plenty of good spots and good moments. Heck I’m still enjoying the win over Tennessee, which was one of the best sporting events I went to last season.

And at least I won’t have to watch the indignity of seeing Pittsburgh lose to the Patriots in New England next week, so that’s a plus. I certainly wouldn’t want to end the season seeing and hearing all those smug Patriot fans cheering after beating Pittsburgh in the playoffs, again. And now the team has plenty of time to get healthy and start making some hard choices on expensive, aging veterans. Plus, everyone gets another week of TEBOW! So I guess things didn’t turn out too badly after all. Plus, there’s always next year.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

Hall of Fame running back Barry Sanders’ son has committed to Stanford for next season. Wait a minute; Barry Sanders has a son going to college? Yikes, starting to feel a little old over here.

The always classy Chad Ochocinco ~~twitted~~ tweeted about his fiancé’s gas problem on a flight. Chad, you should not have to be told to not tell the world about your significant other’s bodily functions. Ladies do NOT like that. They do not find fart humor as funny as guys.

Apparently, this Packer fan received his stock certificate to show his ownership stake in the Green Boy Packers. Now if you received this certificate, would you still have to follow NFL ownership rules?

Wait, Aaron Rodgers has a record label? How did I miss this one? Ok Packer fans, now is the time for fear and concern, as this is where distraction starts, when players start focusing on outside interests. If you don’t believe me, just ask Patriot fans who are nursing a 3 game playoff losing streak led by their Ugg booted quarterback.

Ok, just one more from Packer land. Apparently, defensive tackle B.J. Raji felt it necessary to taunt the Giants in the lead up to Sunday’s game. Oh Raji, history should tell you such things never end well.

In the continued fallout of the Jets season, players are coming forth to defend Mark Sanchez as the quarterback continues to be assailed by criticism both from within and outside the locker room. Now owner Woody Johnson has jumped into the fray to defend Sanchez as well. Is Mark not a big enough boy to stand up for himself? Even Eli Manning grew up and stuck up for himself when Tiki Barber started slinging barbs at him. And that’s why New York is a Giants town and the Jets will always be second place.

And I’ve been saying it, so why can’t everyone else just start saying it too. Perhaps Mark Sanchez is just not a very good quarterback. It’s ok to admit it.

Pittsburgh mayor Luke Ravenstahl settled his bet with Denver mayor Michael Hancock and donned a number 15 jersey and Tebowed. It’s not the first non Pittsburgh jersey Ravenstahl’s worn this year. See him in his other jersey this summer as he makes a cameo in The Dark Knight Rises! Hey, Pittsburgh’s out of the playoffs, so I’m cheering myself up by reminding myself, and everyone, that Pittsburgh is the new Gotham, so there.

Did you watch Saturday Night Live last weekend? Did you see the advertisement for the Charles Barkley Post Game Translator? I have only one question. Why doesn’t this actually exist? You know how much I’d be willing to pay for an app like this?

Former professional wrestler “Stone Cold” Steve Austin announced that if Tim Tebow can put on a repeat performance this weekend against New England, he’ll hand over the sports ownership of the numbers “3:16”. Ummm, that’s just weird.

Upon Further Review

Let’s just get this out right from the start. I do not want 4 of the 8 teams remaining winning the Super Bowl under any circumstances. There I said it. That felt better. Yes, I know its bad karma to root against teams and perhaps I have a bitter bird on my shoulder after getting ousted, but so what. Everyone has at least one team they dislike so much they’d rather play goalie with no pads than watch said team win a championship. Now, my four teams this year I’m rooting against it’s not dislike. Actually in two cases I like the teams and the fan bases. But I just do not want their team to win. Not ever, just until Pittsburgh has two more Super Bowl trophies. Here they are, in no particular order, and the reasons why.

San Francisco – Pittsburgh initiated the 4 Super Bowl Club, which was joined and surpassed by the 49ers and Cowboys. Finally, the Steelers joined those teams with 5 wins and then surpassed it, becoming the only team to win six. I do not want company in this club. Call me the championship Mercury Morris.

New England – if the Belichick/Brady combo should win, that would give them 4 Super Bowls, joining the ranks of Joe Montana, Terry Bradshaw, and Chuck Noll as the only quarterbacks/head coach to win 4 Super Bowls. It still bugs me that Noll is consistently forgotten and underappreciated for his accomplishment and rarely mentioned in the ranks of all time coaches when the subject comes up. With how the media cycle works now, I know this would not be the case with Beli-cheat, and I could not stand that. And trust me, neither could any of you.

Green Bay – I do like the Packers and have said that often, and find them imminently rootable, but come on. There are already too many teams in the 5 Super Bowl club, there’s no need for additional company. It gets this already stacked team too close to 6, which they could do with how this team is built in a few years. Yikes.

Baltimore – I’m a Pittsburgh Steeler fan, is there any other reason needed? Yes, this one is about dislike.

Duck Duck Coach

Chicago – There is no word on a new offensive coordinator or a general manager, although it takes time to get these things right.

Indianapolis – The team hired Ryan Grigson, formerly of the Eagles, as their new general manager. Ok, should I make an Eagles playoff collapse joke here, or wait until they decide the fate of Jim Caldwell when I could include some clock management jokes too….

Jacksonville – In order to help the development of Blaine Gabbert, and their offense in general, the Jaguars hired Falcon offensive coordinator Mike Mularkey as their new head coach. Ummm, Jaguar management, you did see what his offense did last week in New York before you hired Mularkey, right?

Kansas City – The Chiefs made it official and hired Romeo Crennel as their head coach. I wonder if Scott Pioli will question this decision in three years when both himself and Crennel are fired.

Miami – The only news of note is they lost the Jeff Fisher sweepstakes. I’m sensing some no name hire and more crappy football coming from the South Florida region.

New York Jets – New York shook things up by letting go of offensive coordinator Brian Schottenheimer and replacing him with former Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano. Yeah that'll fix the Mark Sanchez problem, because Sparano had such success developing quarterbacks in Miami.

Oakland – Mark Davis hired his first general manager, former Raider and longtime Packer front office fixture Reggie McKenzie, who promptly fired Hue Jackson. I told you Jackson overstepped his bounds trying to accumulate power after Al Davis’ death.

St. Louis – The Rams got their man and hired Jeff Fisher as their new head coach. I think this has the potential to be a great hire and I’m intrigued to see how it turns out.

Tampa Bay – The team is looking at multiple coaches, including retread Marty Schottenheimer. I guess once you win a UFL championship, you become in demand.

He Said He Said

"When a man tells you his reasoning for not letting you play is because if that was his son, he wouldn't want him out there, it shows you he cares about you more than just as a football player, that you're not just an asset to a football team. He understands you have a family and people that depend on you." – Steelers safety Ryan Clark on his conversation with Mike Tomlin when Tomlin told Clark he would not be playing in Denver

Despite the results of the game, and Mundy getting suckered in on that last play, it was still the right call.

“Much is being said about the hiring of Bill O'Brien as the next football coach at Penn State. I do not know him. I have never met him nor been coached by him. One thing I do know is that I will support him, and I call on all Penn State football lettermen to do the same. Whether you agree or disagree with his hiring, we should support him. Instead of chastising him for not being a Penn Stater, let's show him what it means to be a Penn Stater. Coach O'Brien is faced with the daunting task of resurrecting our beloved, yet bruised program. Let's support him in any way we can.” – Former Penn State quarterback Kerry Collins

Thank you Kerry for stating what I and many other fellow alumni feel, but far more eloquently and succinctly than I managed to last week.

"Quite frankly, New York doesn't like losers. And even if it's an 8-8 record, that's not good enough here. They want a winner, and there is frustration. That's what you want." – Jets owner Woody Johnson

Yes, that job is restricted to Cubs fans.

"Damn.. 2 years.. My bad want to come to the game on Saturday?" – Patriots receiver Chad Ochocinco, responding Twitter follower Victor Gonzalez and inviting him to the game Saturday night in Foxboro.

Ok, I take two things away from this. One, color me surprised that Twitter isn’t completely useless. And two, say what you will about Ochocinco, but at the very least he’s fun.

I’m going to take a hand in everything that goes on around here.” – former Raiders head coach Hue Jackson at end of season

So you say.

Idiot of the Week

While it’s tempting to deem Ike Taylor this week’s winner, that would be unfair. Everyone has a bad game once in a while. Ike just had his bad game at a very inopportune time. Plus, I’d be more apt to award Dick LeBeau and Mike Tomlin as this week’s idiot for not adjusting to compensate for Denver’s suddenly viable deep passing game. But I digress.

This week our winner is Cincinnati head coach Marvin Lewis. Lewis showed with unquestionable accuracy why he has yet to win a playoff game. Before the first half ended, Lewis had used both of his challenge flags. Both of his challenges failed, and badly. Actually it was painfully obvious both plays would stand as called, and one was to challenge the spot of the ball on the field, which is almost impossible to properly assess through replay and almost never overturned. They were horrible calls that left his team without challenges in the second half and wasted two timeouts that might have helped as halftime approached. But considering Lewis’ clock management is only rivaled by that of Andy Reid, I doubt that. So for not having the common sense to at least save one challenge for the second half, terrible clock management, dumb challenges and once again losing in the playoffs, Marvin Lewis you are an idiot.

On Tap This Week

Every home team won last weekend, what an odd occurrence.

Last week: 3-1

Season to Date: 173-88

Yeah, that’s pretty good, except I lost the one game I wanted to win! AAARRRGGH!

Sigh.

Well, let’s move on and examine the Divisional round matchups.

Sunday

Houston (11-6) at Baltimore (12-4)

I don’t think T.J. Yates has enough magic in him to win a playoff game on the road in a hostile environment such as Baltimore. Well, ok he might but he hasn’t shown me anything yet to make me believe, especially considering the Ravens have teed off against all competition at home this year. Regardless, what I hope is that Texans offensive line and defense put a royal pounding on Baltimore as a surrogate Pittsburgh.

Ravens over Texans

New Orleans (14-3) at San Francisco (13-3)

Yes, I know, New Orleans stinks outdoors, their offense is hobbled outside a dome, and they are going against a ferocious defense that has had a week of rest in a hostile environment. But if Tony Romo can win in San Francisco, with broken ribs, then a healthy Drew Brees can too.

Saints over 49ers

Denver (9-8) at New England (13-3)

Denver played its Super Bowl last week. This is their Pro Bowl, merely an exhibition where the final score means nothing; it’s just nice they got some players invited.

Patriots over Broncos

New York Giants (10-7) at Green Bay (15-1)

If I were Packer fans, I’d be concerned for three reasons. One, the Giant defense is stout and aggressive, with a tremendous pass rush that can disrupt any offense. Their running game, once stagnant, is now a force and allows Eli, the best Manning in football, to work a defense over. And three, the last time these two teams met in the playoffs, the Giants took care of business in Green Bay. Oh, I’m picking the Pack, but I will not be surprised if the G-Men pull off the upset.

No matter the outcome, the Packers will be playing for offensive coordinator Joe Philbin, who lost his son in a tragic accident this week. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the Philbin family.

Packers over Giants

The Crystal Ball 2011 The Wildcards

2012-01-07T16:00:00.003-05:00

Wait a minute, last week was the end of the regular season? Good gravy where did it all go? Just like every season the end comes all too soon. For the lazy couch potato fan it comes too soon, for teams that have had horrible seasons and injured, battered players, it could not have come soon enough. But we’re not done here; oh no we’re just getting started. And with the playoffs starting and the season ending, this week it’s packed full so strap in because the ride is about to get really good.

Opening Kickoff

Last weekend I did experience what it's like to be a Bengal fan; go into the game with high expectations only to have them predictably dashed against the rocks of failure. The triumph of hope over experience is the cornerstone of being a Bungle fan. No wonder they didn't want to come out to the stadium all season, they didn't want to pay to watch the other shoe drop.

The Way It Was

Considering that the NFL will now promptly ignore the 20 teams not involved in the playoffs, this segment is almost inconsequential. But hey, who likes to follow the lead the NFL demands?

I think the job of quarterback of the Houston Texans has surpassed crab fisherman as the most dangerous job in the world. Schaub, Leinart and Yates all nod solemnly in unison.

Drew Brees extended his single season yardage record and set a new record for 13 games of 300+ yardage a season while Darren Sproles set the NFL single season record for all purpose yardage. Yeesh, does this team just pick out unattainable records before each season and gun to break them?

Woof, the Patriots really piled it on poor Buffalo. The Bills raced out to a 21 point lead early, but like a microcosm of their season, couldn’t sustain that pace and ultimately succumbed to an overwhelming onslaught. What a shame. Maybe next year Bills fans, maybe.

Drew Brees piled it on two with five touchdowns. Not sure why he was in the game, perhaps he just wanted to make a point when it comes to MVP voting.

Wow, look at Matt Flynn! Who would have thought he has the Rodgers touch? Well congratulations Mr. Flynn, you’re about to get paid by some crappy quarterback needy team this offseason!

How long before some chucklehead starts saying Rodgers is not that good and it’s just the Packers system? What? It already started? Figures.

Is it just me, or did it seem like Cincinnati and Denver both went, eh, we don’t have to try, we’re pretty sure Oakland will screw up and we’ll make the playoffs anyway? While that is was a reasonable, and correct, assumption it was still horrid performances by teams who only had to win a football game to make the playoffs.

So much for Tebow Time which failed miserably in the jilted quarterback revenge bowl. Has Tebow Time been retired for the season? Well, it has been now, as far as I’m concerned.

Kyle Orton will have his revenge, in this season or the next. Turns out, it was this season. Now where does Kyle go? You think he’ll be a happy backup to Matt Cassel? Perhaps it’s time to try the NFC again; I hear Arizona is nice this time of year.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Eli is the best Manning in football.

What a great season for San Francisco. But let’s not forget one important point. In their playoff warm up, they came 2 seconds and an eyelash from losing to the Rams. So, how strong do you feel about them in two weeks if they have to play catch up against a more powerful offense?

Cardinals’ receiver Larry Fitzgerald was coughing up blood on the sidelines and may have been playing with a punctured lung. And to think he was putting out such effort for the going nowhere Cardinals. That man needs a better team.

The Steel Pit

Steelers 13 – Browns 9

Why is it that every time Pittsburgh plays Cleveland, they win the game but lose the war of attrition? Yet another win over the Browns, but another grocery list of injuries, and this time the injuries may impact Pittsburgh’s playoff chances. Attention league schedulers, can we have a less damaging division game next year to end the season? Such a thing doesn’t exist in the AFC North? Well it was worth a shot.

The Browns took their pound of flesh out on the Steelers, and the results were not pretty. Roethlisberger aggravated his high ankle sprain, but will play against Denver. However something tells me he’ll be as mobile as C-3PO caught in quicksand. Rashard Mendenhall tore his ACL and is out for the season. Cortez Allen separated his shoulder and is out for at least this week, most likely longer. Brett Keisel strained his groin and barely practiced this week, although he is slated to play. Couple those injuries with a still hobbled LaMarr Woodley and Doug Legursky and his questionable shoulder, and suddenly the playoffs look far more daunting than they did a month ago.

Plus, then there’s Ryan Clark, who will sit out the game due to the Sickle Cell Trait he carries that has previously caused a life threatening situation for Clark the last time he played in Denver. Head coach Mike Tomlin decided to err on the side of caution and told Clark early in the week he will not play. I agree with Tomlin, it’s the correct call. It is an important game and all hands are needed on deck, but at what cost should players play? I am in Tomlin’s camp that Clark takes a break and we let Ryan Mundy show what he can do. While playoffs are important, a life far outweighs a few tackles.

On top of this, Maurkice Pouncey also re-aggravated his high ankle sprain and will not play against Denver. But for this I have a solution. Pouncey has an identical twin brother, let me repeat that, identical twin brother, who plays center in the NFL. This brother, Mike, currently plays for a team that has concluded their season and he has a lot of time on his hands and better health. I think Mike and Maurkice need to play a game of The Parent Trap on the NFL. There, problem at center is solved. Hey it could work! It worked for Hayley Mills and Lindsay Lohan.

As a side note, our best wishes for a speedy recovery go out to running back coach Kirby Wilson. Wilson was burned badly in a fire at his home early Friday morning, and remains hospitalized with burns over a significant portion of his body. Mercifully, the reports are that the burns, while bad, are not life threatening and all of us in Steeler Nation couldn’t be happier to hear that news in the face of such a horrible accident. We here echo the sentiments of the Steeler organization that our prayers are with Wilson in his difficult time.

Ward Watch - He did it! 1000 receptions! Yes the final one came on a catch for a 3 yard loss, and it took all 16 games to make it happen, but who cares! The team showed how much Hines matters them by making sure he got that record. Hines Ward is now only the 8^th receiver in NFL history with 1000 catches. Couple that with 12,000 + yards receiving; a Super Bowl MVP and two (so far) Super Bowl rings, try to tell me that’s not a Hall of Famer! Who knows what may happen after this season, but right now, I’m celebrating a monumental accomplishment in a tremendous career. For those who would like to indulge more, here’s a great article about Hines and this milestone.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

SI.com’s Peter King went out of his way to give historical evidence that teams do not purposely lose just to get a better draft position. Oh Peter, you’re so naïve and innocent, it’s sweet. Apparently, Mr. King has never watched the NBA.

And speaking of the NFL draft, here’s the initial draft order for 2012. Looks like the Rams are in the sweetest spot, sitting at number 2 and not in need of a quarterback. Hello massive bargaining chip!

For those of you with no more 2011 season, as the saying goes there’s always next year. The NFL has released the matchups for 2012. I’m thinking that Steeler game at Cowboys Stadium is looking mighty exciting.

Look, Bill Maher found a way to keep his name in the press! I wonder how famous he’d be if he actually contributed to society or entertainment in a meaningful way, or even did anything interesting other than complaining. I find it fascinating how someone who cannot stand Tebow is so obsessed with him. Bill, if you really hated Tebow, you’d just ignore him until he goes away. Wait, why am I sticking up for Tebow less than two days before he takes on Pittsburgh? Yikes I need a smack upside the head!

Ravens linebacker Terrell Suggs also does not like him some Tim Tebow, as he inexplicably blasted the Broncos quarterback. How strange, since you would think he would be rooting for Tebow this weekend to possibly upset Pittsburgh, and eliminate the chance Pittsburgh would face the Ravens in the playoffs, again, and beat them, again, and end Baltimore’s season in abject failure……again.

Bills receiver Stevie Johnson caught a touchdown, flashed his undershirt on which he had a Happy New Year message scrawled, drew a celebration flag and was promptly benched for the remainder of the game. What a lovely diva receiver he’s becoming.

Packers’ linebacker Brad Jones tackled a fan trying to get onto the field during the Packers home finale. That reminded me of when James Harrison body slammed a Browns fan trying to get onto the field. Oddly enough, Roger Goodell did not fine Harrison for that hit.

During one of his paternity suit trials, yikes what a loaded statement that is, Terrell Owens had to hear the judge suggest his NFL career was over. Was anyone surprised by this statement other than T.O.?

Former Bears receiver Sam Hurd has been indicted on federal drug charges for attempting to purchase and distribute marijuana and cocaine. It would seem Hurd made a tactical error in planning for his post career vocation.

Ok, let’s get to it, the colossal disintegration and subsequent implosion of the 2011 New York Jets.

After their 3-game collapse eliminated them from the playoffs, which was capped by a regular season finale loss to lowly Miami, players started turning on each other and jumping ship faster than rats off a sinking barge. First came news that Santonio Holmes, the “captain” for the final game against Miami, quit on the team and was benched at the end of the game after fighting with teammates in the huddle, which was a culmination of his fighting with Sanchez during the week.

That was just the beginning of the reality show drama, as Bart Scott lashed at reporters as he left the locker room when they asked him about his questionable future with the team. Rex Ryan stated the offensive coaching staff would be revamped, a rookie quarterback blasted his own teammates despite the fact he has no guaranteed job and Ryan cried at the final team meeting, which I imagine was to squeeze the last bit of media attention out of this lost season. And finally, someone stated what I’ve said for three seasons now; Mark Sanchez is not a good quarterback. I never thought that would happen! Now, to all head coach desperate teams out there, how good do you feel about Rex’s identical twin Rob today, considering how fast his brother’s turned the Jets into a steaming pile?

Upon Further Review

Penn State hired their first head coach in almost 50 years. There's a sentence many never thought they would hear. Penn State decided to go outside the Nittany Lion family and get a fresh start to separate them from the horrific scandal embroiling the team and university. A wise move I would say. The university needed a clean break from the Joe Paterno era, and from any connection to the Sandusky scandal if they ever hope to recover and heal. A new coach from outside the program that will bring in all new blood will provide the fresh start the program and the university desperately needs right now, whether people want to face up to that reality or not.

New Penn State head coach Bill O'Brien has a daunting task for his first head coaching job. He must now be prepared to handle the criticism of alumni, donors, former team members, the general public, college football talking heads and everyone else while convincing recruits Penn State is still a national power, rebuild a battered program, change the culture inside a damaged program while steering the football team of a Big Ten school, which is one of the most famous and renowned universities in America. It is nothing short of the job of a Fortune 500 chief executive officer. And considering how some former players have been behaving, it will be a tough road to hoe right from the start.

I had hoped Penn State would find a coach with some head coaching experience, which would help with the transition and help the coach himself keep on task doing the typical coaching work while dealing with the distractions that will swirl around the team for a long time. But the Penn State search committee felt strongly about O'Brien and he will now get an opportunity that no one has had since the 1960s, be the head football coach at Penn State.

Perhaps Bill O'Brien has what it takes to turn things around, only time will tell and I personally wish him luck. The program and university needed fresh blood and a new perspective, even before the scandal hit. So far, it would seem that O'Brien is doing and saying the right things, and hey, sometimes just starting a new venture on the right foot is enough to get the ball of success rolling.

In the mean time, how about everyone who's all fired up about O'Brien's appointment just relax for the time being and give the man a chance? His job is going to be hard enough without having a bunch of PSU loyalists blasting him because he's not Joe Paterno and not a Penn State guy. Joe is no longer an active part of Penn State, and it's time to let him go. If we welcome O'Brien in, he will be a Penn State guy and a member of the Penn State family. Remember everyone, it goes WE are Penn State. There's always room for more people in that We.

Saddle Up!

Strap on your spurs kiddies, It’s time once again to pick your playoff horse. Sad your team did not make the playoffs? Lost about whom to root for over the next few weeks? Wondering who you can get behind in the big games when your team is sitting at home eating Fritos? Then you’ve come to the right place as we will help you pick your playoff horse.

I know, those new to The Crystal Ball are asking yourself what the deuce is a playoff horse? A playoff horse is merely your temporary team for whom to root during the playoffs if your boys are sitting home in January. Unsure how to pick a playoff horse? Then rest easy, since your friends here at The Crystal Ball have you covered. Here is all you need to know as you go forth into the NFL post season with a temporary rooting interest.

Avoid teams from your division – This has too many incestuous ramifications, and could create bad karma for your team next year. Plus, if they won it all, would you really be able to live with yourself? Avoid division teams at all cost.
Avoid traditional rivalry teams – This is paramount, and can create as much bad karma as a division rival, and usually is a divisional rival. If you are a Raiders fan, you do not root for Denver ever. You would never see a Cowboys fans rooting for Philadelphia either. Plus, if you did that, wouldn’t you just feel sleazy, like you slept with your best friend’s girlfriend?
Avoid teams that beat up on your team – Sure, your team had a bad year, but why rub their noses in it by rooting for a team who tortured them.
Never buy any merchandise of your playoff horse – This is a very short term commitment, no need to invest any money in it. Plus, you could be labeled as a band wagon fan or even bring bad football karma to your team. You never want to split your true loyalties. And, if any of your family or friends who know nothing about football sees this merchandise, it could lead them to believe this is your favorite team and the next thing you know you find Seattle Seahawks Salt and Pepper shakers under your tree next Christmas. Always a bad thing.
Look for teams that did not play yours - This makes it easier to cheer for your playoff horse, since you cannot create bad karma or look like a band wagon fan. Plus, you will not be reminded of when they played your team this season, which could be a bad memory.
Try to find a positive connection to your favorite team – Does your playoff horse play in the same state as your team? That works. Are their former players from your team on their roster? Probably, so why not root for those guys, you liked them at one point in their careers. Do you have a friend who is a big fan of a team? Go with his or her team.
Look for the sleeper – This is a great one, since if you pick the right team, and they go all the way, you look like a genius. And if they lose, well, you have lost nothing. There is always one team lurking and ready to pounce; the only question is if they could go all the way. Maybe they just need some extra cheer.
Pick one team from each conference – Always have two, it increases your odds for making it through the playoffs. Plus, if they both happen to make it to the big game, then you look like an uber genius. On the off chance this should happen, switch all support to the team representing your conference. It’s always good for your real team to be in the more powerful, and Super Bowl laden conference. Trust me, the 80’s and 90’s were rough on us AFC folks.
You must pick your horses before the playoffs begin – Yes, I know, this only gives you a week to mourn your season’s end and then find someone to root for, even if it’s only half heartedly. But you cannot cheat by peeking at Wild Card weekend and seeing who might really have a shot.
If your horses lose before the Super Bowl, you are done – Just like if your own team were eliminated from the playoffs, so too go your temporary allegiances. After that, you can only pick winners for each game. Well, if you have a few bucks on the game, then cheer away. But if not, then just watch as an objective party. Now, if you want to root still, my advice is to root against the teams you cannot stand. If you are any true fan, I’m sure there will be more than a few of those around, even when there are only two remaining combatants.

Remember, this is only for the short term and just for a little fun. You are just rooting for a team so you can create a little vested interest in the playoffs. After the team is done, or the playoffs end, so does your support for your playoff horse. Any cheering for them after that means you are either gleaming off of their success and that would compromise your own team, or you are a band wagon fan, and that would really hurt your team and your credibility. You never want to do anything that would compromise your true allegiances. With that in mind, go out there and find your playoff horse, have a blast and good luck!

Duck Duck Coach

Buffalo – The Bills canned their defensive coordinator and promoted Dave Wannstedt to the role. Considering how much of a mess the Pitt head coaching job has been since this time last year, something tells me Wannstedt is feeling pretty good today.

Chicago – The Bears parted ways with longtime general manager Jerry Angelo and offensive coordinator Mike Martz resigned. I wonder where Martz will land next for 2-3 seasons before getting into a tiff no one has hired him yet to be a head coach. Be careful Cam Newton, he may be coming to a town near you.

Indianapolis – After failing to draft and train a proper backup for Peyton Manning, the team fired Bill Polian and son, while the job of the coaching staff remains in question. Ok, I get tossing the Polians, especially since Chris was cover your eyes awful at building a team. But how can, at least for the moment, Jim Caldwell escape blame for this disaster?

Jacksonville – No word yet on the replacement for the immortal Jack Del Rio, although I know the world waits with trembling anticipation as to who will take the post.

Kansas City – The team seems to be leaning toward installing Romeo Crennel as the permanent head coach. Cleveland fans are frantically calling anyone they know in KC to warn them of the impending disaster.

Miami – The Dolphins have been heavily courting current big name coaching free agent Jeff Fisher, but they have competition on that front. So most likely, they’ll end up with some scrub and continue on their path to mediocrity.

Oakland – Hue Jackson in his continued effort to spread the blame for another failed season and distract everyone from his horrific trade for Carson Palmer that will hamstring the Raiders and their ability to add talent for years by firing his defensive coordinator. That should buy him another season at the helm, maybe two. But something tells me his absolute power he gained in the wake of Al Davis’ passing will soon come to a drama filled end.

Philadelphia – Despite conjecture otherwise, Jeffrey Lurie and the Eagles are sticking with Andy Reid. The dream truly is still alive.

San Diego – Inexplicably, the Chargers are retaining both Norv Turner and general manager A.J. Smith. Owner Dean Spanos claimed this move was based on stability. And while I am well aware of how well stability can create a successful franchise, (see Steelers, Pittsburgh head coaches 1969-2011), Turner and Smith have not earned that level of commitment. Over the past five years of their stewardship, the franchise has experiences a reduction of wins each season and a lowering of success in the playoffs, culminating in a mediocre 8-8 record and no playoff appearance this season. Next season, I’m predicting a 6-10 record and perhaps that will finally wake Spanos from his lethargy.

St. Louis – To the surprise of no one, the team fired Steve Spagnuolo, who will now find himself a much in demand defensive coordinator. As for the team, they are also heavily courting Jeff Fisher. I’m actually rooting for this connection, since I think with the resources and building blocks the Rams have, this could be a successful combination.

Tampa Bay – The team relieved Raheem Morris of his head coaching duties, putting a merciful end to the overmatched head coach’s nightmare season.

He Said He Said

"It didn't matter, the minus-three yards. It was the happiest minus catch that I ever had." – Steelers receiver Hines Ward on his 1,000^th career catch

It was the best minus catch I’ve ever seen.

“It’s the first time I’ve ever been around extremely selfish individuals. There were people within our locker room that didn’t care whether we won or lost as long as they ... had good games individually.’’ – Jets rookie quarterback Greg McElroy on the dysfunctional New York Jets

Wow, when the rookie 4^th string quarterback feels comfortable blasting the team in the media, you know that locker room is out of control.

“Do Goodell and money-grubbing owners still want to see an 18-game season and justify it in the name of fan interest? Look around, Roger. Behold the battered bodies. To subject these men to more punishment would not only represent the height of hypocrisy, irresponsibility and greed, it also would be borderline criminal. Give it up.” – Pittsburgh Tribune Review sportswriter Joe Starkey

Memo to Mr. Starkey: I think it’s painfully obvious that Goodell is only interested in player safety and health as far as public opinion of the league, and continued advertising dollars, are concerned. Although it still boggles my mind that we haven’t even put the first post lockout season to bed and already we’re back on this 18 game schedule nonsense. Roger, have you seen the ratings in the Midwest without Peyton Manning this year?

"Now, you've got to understand. I came from North Dakota. Here I am in the Vikings locker room. That was the team. Randy Moss to the left of me, Cris Carter to the right, John Randle across the locker room. I'm like, 'Holy crap! What planet am I on? What am I doing here?' But soon you realize how everyone's got a job to do, and if you do your job, you belong.'' – retiring Vikings offensive lineman Jim Kleinsasser

Here’s to a great second career as Kleinsasser rides off into the NFL sunset. He was meant to be a lineman in the NFL. His name just sounds like one that was meant to be said in the smooth bass voice of John Facenda in NFL Films presentations of days gone by. Read this sentence and imagine Facenda saying it: “When Kleinsasser cleared a path for Peterson, devastation rolled in his wake.” See?

"I'll tell you what. It's tough for guys to follow a captain that kind of behaves in that manner." - Jets running back LaDainian Tomlinson, on Santonio Holmes

Look, I think we all realized Ryan’s team was overrated, but who would have guessed they turned to such a hot mess so fast?

"I'm really disappointed. I know these fans are passionate about their Browns, but when you hear fans cheer when a guy goes down, that's disappointing. I don't care who it is or if you really hate that team." – Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger on Browns fans cheering when Rashard Mendenhall was injured during the game.

You stay classy, Cleveland.

"That boy be praying on the sidelines, boy. I don’t feel comfortable [if] I’ve got to pray every fourth quarter like, ‘Oh my God, please come save me again.’ Let’s just go out there and win the game.” – Terrell Suggs on Tim Tebow

Yeah, something tells me in a week or two, that’s the exact prayer Suggs is going to be saying when once again, the Ravens cannot beat Pittsburgh when it matters most. Or at least I’m hoping so.

"Hey, I'm just trying not to get 'Tebowed’.” – Steelers linebacker James Harrison on the Broncos match up.

How much you wanna bet if the game gets out of hand Harrison ‘Tebows’ after a sack?

Idiot of the Week

Oh my goodness, such a cornucopia of idiots to chose from in the final week of the season. Whom should we honor with this hallowed award?

How about Rex Ryan? He boasted before the season that the Jets would win the Super Bowl this year, and then managed to lose control of the team to such an extent that not only did they not win the Super Bowl, but they missed the playoffs and finished with a non winning record. Yeah, that’s good, but Rex will undoubtedly find a way to win this award in the near future so we’ll wait until he really does something special.

Perhaps we could go with Jets receiver Santonio Holmes? He caused locker room drama and division and managed to quit on his team during the last game of the season when they still had a chance to make the playoffs. Those are pretty strong credentials as well. But if anything, all Santonio really did was make fools of all the sportswriters who openly questioned the wisdom of the Steelers when they traded him for 10 cents on the dollar to the Jets two years ago. Tell me how smart Pittsburgh looks for getting rid of Holmes before he melted down now?

Maybe we can find a winner in Raiders head coach Hue Jackson, who took the time after Oakland’s end of the season collapse to throw his entire coaching staff and his team under the bus for finishing a pedestrian 8-8 and missing the playoffs. Yeah, that sounds like a winner, but that’s not being an idiot. That’s being a jackass who’s using the media to change perceptions regarding responsibility for another lost season in Oakland while trying to save his own job and solidify his questionable powerbase in a franchise that will now have some seismic shifts in the power and authority structure. Nice try, Hue but some of us see through your lame subterfuge.

No, this week, I’ll give the honor to all jagoff Patriot fans. New England went into Week 17 with a 12-3 record and had won their division and locked down at least a first round bye. By any estimation, they had a successful season despite having a defense with more holes than a colander. They had little to play for other than the number one seed, and could be forgiven at this point if they dropped a semi-meaningless game. Yet when they went down 21-0 against division rivals Buffalo, the home crowd booed the Patriots. Yes, the home crowd filled with Mass-holes booed their division winning; playoff bound team for falling behind to a crappy team in a meaningless game. Oh sure, the “fans” cheered when their team scored 49 unanswered points, but before they started such a torrent in scoring, they booed their successful, winning team.

I have commented previously that Boston fans are spoiled and entitled, but this just tops the cake. Your team has won this season despite fielding a defense that should have relegated the team as one of the worst in the league. They have been one of the top teams, and Super Bowl favorites, for a decade now. They have won three Super Bowls in the last 11 years. And yet when your team falls behind to a crappy team in one game that will most likely be forgotten past this season, you boo lustily because they’re not stepping on their throats?

So to all Patriot fans, and especially those in Gillette Stadium on January 1^st 2012, for being a bunch of short sighted, short memoried, entitled, spoiled, enabled, selfish pains in the ass with no appreciation for the bounty of success you have been granted that the rest of us in sports fandom have had to endure for over a decade now with no relief in sight, you are all idiots.

On Tap This Week

We had one more chance to make an impact in the polls, so what happened?

Last week: 13-3

Season to Date: 170-87

Hey not a bad finish. Next week, we’ll stack up our season next to all of the football analyst “experts”. That should be fun!

But now is when the games really count. Precisely, the count is 11; only 11 more games remain in the 2011 season. Well, 12 if you count the Pro Bowl, which only a few do, and 13 if you count the Super Bust, which I most certainly do. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s take it one round of the playoffs at a time.

Sitting at home, still celebrating their regular season Super Bowl wins….

Baltimore

Green Bay

New England

San Francisco

Saturday

Cincinnati (9-7) at Houston (10-6)

This may be the one game with the most question marks around it. Do you go with the home team, who is operating on its third string quarterback and one bad hit away from starting the Jake Delhomme era in Houston? Or do you go with a Bungle team who has only beat one team with a winning record all season, playing on the road with a rookie quarterback who spent a day in the hospital this week due to illness going against a team whose fan base have been craving a playoff game and the post season atmosphere since 1993? Well the Bungles jobbed me this week, so I imagine they’ll be lying in wait to do it again.

Texans over Bengals

Detroit (10-6) at New Orleans (13-3)

Ummm, I will admit I like Detroit and they have a great story. But come on, they’re not winning this game. You gotta lose in the playoffs first; get that bitter taste of defeat before you can succeed in the post season.

Saints over Lions

Sunday

Atlanta (10-6) at New York Giants (9-7)

The dynamic duo of Mike Smith and Matt Ryan despite their tremendous regular season success, have yet to win a playoff game together. Why start now?

Giants over Falcons

Pittsburgh (12-4) at Denver (8-8)

Ok, we covered the injury issue above. And if you want to stack the deck more against Pittsburgh, or in favor of a Denver upset, think of Warren Sapp’s big talk about the defense being old, over and done. Honestly, this game scares me more than it should, because the conditions are perfectly ripe for a Bronco upset which is entirely possible.

But my spirit is buoyed by Myron Cope with a Christmas carol written specifically for beating the Broncos. Yes, this is terribly dated, but it’s Myron at his spastic best. Trust me, this is classic gold. If you don’t get it, don’t worry. You kind of have to be a longtime Steeler fan to truly appreciate the beauty of Myron.

Steelers over Broncos

The Crystal Ball 2011 Week 17

2012-01-01T12:13:00.002-05:00

All football games were wrapped up before 8pm Saturday night and didn’t commence again until after 8pm Sunday evening. Even the NFL knew it couldn’t compete with 24 hours of A Christmas Story.

Opening Kickoff

Hey, Prime Time, what’s the deal with the beard? Will someone tell Deion Sanders that A) the only NFL player that grows a playoff beard is Brett Keisel and B) Just For Men isn’t just for Emmitt Smith and Keith Hernandez?

The Way It Was

On his last pass of the evening, a touchdown to Darren Sproles, Saints quarterback Drew Brees broke Dan Marino’s 27 year old single season passing yardage record on Monday night, a record many thought may not be broken. And while I agree it was a more difficult time for quarterbacks and receivers when Marino set the record, defenses pounded Dan in ways that if they tried it now on quarterbacks, suspensions would be flying out of the NFL offices left and right.

Dan had to do it the hard way, but if anyone was going to break this record, I’m personally glad that Drew Brees was the one to accomplish the feat. When San Diego shoved him out the door in favor of Phillip Rivers, Brees spoke with the Dolphins first for a job. He liked the team, but Nick Saban didn’t want to take a chance on the rehabbing Brees. So Drew spoke with Sean Payton and the Saints. Payton did want to take that chance, and more importantly Brees wanted to take a chance on the team and the rebuilding city. Brees threw himself into his new team and his new city, becoming a visible and tireless worker, investing his time and money, to help with rebuilding the hurricane ravaged city and its citizens. He gave the fans someone and something to believe in, and the team a leader it desperately needed. Since that moment, both the franchise and city have advanced by leaps and bounds. For Brees to break such a vaunted record seems fitting. He is a classy man who deserves such accolades.

And let’s give a round of applause to Dan Marino himself, who set this seemingly unbreakable record in an era when quarterbacks were afforded no protection by the rules or officials and throwing for 4,000 yards was thought to be a monumental achievement. When Brett Favre was breaking Marino’s records a few years ago, Dan always congratulated Favre through gritted teeth. But with Brees, he’s been nothing but congratulatory and effusing of praise as Drew mounted his assault of Marino’s record. It would seem that Marino is a classy guy who knows how to identify other classy guys and just hates to see his records broken by douche bags. I’d bet secretly Marino was rooting for Brees and not Tom Brady.

In the Saints locker room after the game head coach Sean Payton gave major props to Dan Marino. Men who are successful in the NFL understand the history of the sport and where it came from to get to where it is today. Payton and Brees understand that, and that’s why they are so successful together. Here’s hoping they continue to be successful together for many years to come.

Well, so much for the vaunted Jets secondary containing Victor Cruz.

Is there a better touchdown leap this season than the Bungles Jerome Simpson leaping over a defender and then sticking the landing? If this football thing does not work out, perhaps the U.S. men’s gymnastics team should offer Simpson a spot.

I found it kind of disturbing that the Bronco defense is now baring all its weaknesses right when the team needs them the most. They aren’t going anywhere without a fierce, turnover producing defense.

Seriously, Ravens, haven’t you learned anything? You never punt directly to Josh Cribbs; it’s like punting to Devin Hester, just inviting disaster.

The Detroit Lions clinched first playoff spot since 1999 when Charlie Batch was their quarterback. Go Charlie!

Ok, so much for that Norv Turner December magic. There’s nothing like getting blown out of the water when you have a chance to win your division. Perhaps now he’ll finally find himself unemployed

Wow, the tuck rule reared its ugly head in New York, this time benefiting the Jets. Can we please change this ridiculous rule now?

Tony Romo’s hand injury puts a severe crimp in Dallas’ chances to claim the division tonight. It also may affect his golf game, which may become a priority much sooner than anticipated.

Well, Rex Ryan began last week guaranteeing a victory over the Giants, and that didn’t happen at all. I think it’s time Ryan learned when to shut up.

Awww, how cute was it for Rex Ryan to send Plaxico Burress out as the only captain against his former team? Super cute! Did it work as a psyche out tactic? Of course not.

Ain’t nothing wrong with the Packers laying a little smack down on the Bears. Without even playing the entire game Aaron Rodgers scored 5 touchdowns. That’s more than Al Bundy!

Ok, can we all finally admit that Mark Sanchez, with two more years of experience, is no better of a starting quarterback than Tim Tebow? And honestly, he’s worse because unlike Tebow, he can’t even run the ball as effectively. Who would have thought that one season of starting experience in college wasn’t enough to A) be enough to properly judge Sanchez’s ability as a starting quarterback in the NFL and B) give him enough seasoning or practice to even have a chance as being a successful starting quarterback in the NFL? Just everyone with any sense of how professional football works.

Cam Newton clinched the rookie passing yardage record, set by Peyton Manning in 1998, with a game yet to play. I know Andy Dalton has his team one win away from a playoff berth which is tremendous, but is there any way Cam Newton doesn’t win offensive rookie of the year? Heck I say he should be in the running for MVP, because name me a more important person on the Panther team?

David Akers set an NFL record with his 42^nd field goal of the season, the most field goals ever successfully completed in a season. That’s an amazing accomplishment by a great kicker. But just goes to show how anemic the 49ers offense is. Not that I’m bitter a certain team couldn’t exploit that.

The Steel Pit

Steelers 27 – Rams 0

Well, no Big Ben, no Pouncey, no Woodley, so the deck was stacked. And then before the game, the team announced that rookie right tackle Marcus Gilbert was benched for disciplinary reasons. Look I like that kid, but if he doesn’t get his head on straight, no matter his talent the team will cut him. If he doubts that, he should have a conversation with Jeff Reed.

Couple these missing players with Doug Legursky getting hurt early and forcing Trai Essex to move to center and Chris Kemoeatu the penalty machine entering the game, there was much opportunity for the lowly Rams to force an upset.

But disaster was not in the mix, as the defense pitched a shutout, the offense put together their best running effort of the season and Kemoeatu had a zero penalty game as the Steelers bestowed a satisfying Christmas present upon their fans.

Plus, good ol’ reliable Charlie Batch put in a workman like effort. Even his interception wasn’t his fault since Antonio Brown lost his footing. And he had a couple of nice Roethlisberger-esque moments evading pressure to make a play and continuing drives. Although he had a few head scratching passes that make you realize, yeah this team needs a healthy Roethlisberger for the playoffs, Charlie did all you could hope for and a bit more.

In other team news, Antonio Brown set the Steelers record for most all purpose yards with 2,048 and went over 1,000 yards receiving, joining Mike Wallace as dual receivers with 1,000 yards. Pretty darned good for a second year receiver.

Ward Watch – Hines tallied four catches, thrilling the home crowd and bringing his total to 995 career receptions and only 5 from 1000. While considering his recent output puts doubt he may not make the milestone against the Browns, as long as he’s on the field, there’s a chance. I sure hope the coaches and Ben give this man his due and give him the opportunity to grab this record, he has earned it.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

The Bengals, who have sold out only one game this season, begged fans to come out for their home finale today. The begging helped, since fans responded to see the team attempt to make the playoffs. Weird, as a fan I can’t imagine a team having to beg fans to come to the park. Oh wait, yes I can, I’m a Pittsburgh Pirate fan.

Adrian Peterson tore his ACL and MCL, leaving him done for the season and questionable for the start of 2012, although the Vikings say he will be ready by then. He may be, but he will not be the AP we know and love. Just what Viking fans needed to get excited about next year.

Well this was interesting, a Packer fan getting sweet revenge on her ex-boyfriend thanks go to a well placed sign on a nationally broadcast game. Who says signage at a football game is a waste of time?

According to this report, over half of the NFL players interviewed stated that they would hide a concussion so they could continue playing. Who’s surprised by this report other than Roger Goodell?

Steelers’ defensive end Brett Keisel, known for his tremendous play and prodigious beard, is also a tireless worker for multiple charities and the community. I love stories like this of athletes giving back; it gives me hope especially this time of year.

And speaking of great heartwarming stories, Steelers’ quarterback Charlie Batch spent last Saturday orchestrating a satisfying win for the home team, and then a beautiful moment for families all over the Pittsburgh region by delivering toys to needy families. Sorry, it’s getting a bit misty in here.

Dolphins’ defensive end Jason Taylor is set to retire after this season. Jason, are you sure you want to retire or rather sign with the Patriots for a season then sign yet again with the Dolphins?

Jets running back LaDainian Tomlinson stated this could be his final NFL campaign as well. Awww come on guys, I’m sure you both have enough left in the tank for a season or two in Oakland.

NFL analyst and massive blowhard Deion Sanders let his wife know he wants a divorce by allowing her to read it online instead of telling her privately and like a man. You stay classy there, Prime Time.

Dolphins’ receiver Brandon Marshall claims Jets cornerback Darrelle Revis gets preferential treatment and generous calls from officials, in sports lingo known as the Jordan Rule, which came about from basketball players claiming the same thing happened to Michael Jordan. Ummm, Brandon, don’t you think the true beneficiary of the Jordan rule would be Tom Brady?

The NFL this week released its list of Pro Bowl players for 2011. And oh look, there are worthy candidates left off the list and players on the list that are only there because of their name and not this season’s accomplishments! What a travesty! Just like EVERY YEAR. Come on people, and that includes fans sportswriters commentators and assorted talking heads, save the mock indignity for another time. This happens every season, let’s move on.

Upon Further Review

Considering his on-field transgressions this season, the media has been piling on Lions defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh pretty hard and frequently, with yours truly no exception. But hey, when you dribble a man’s head off the turf and then stomp on him, you earn that negative press.

But those who claim to know him personally have stated over and over that the raging Hulk-like behavior he has exhibited is not the man they know. And you know what, it turns out they’re right, and I didn’t see something in Suh that should have been as terribly obvious to me as a Steeler fan and historian. I was wrong about Suh, and he should get to plow into me like a tackling dummy because of it.

I offer this mea culpa for three reasons.

1) In the days following his stomping incident, when everyone in the free world was jumping on Suh’s case and decrying his violent behavior and his seemingly insincere apology, Suh called stomping victim Evan Dietrich-Smith and personally apologized for his behavior. It takes a big man to not only admit you’re wrong, but to apologize to someone like a man. Suh did that and no one knew except Smith, the way it should have been. But no one noticed because we were too busy raking him over the coals.

2) In a list compiled by The Giving Back Fund, it was revealed that Suh, with his $2.6 Million donation to the University of Nebraska, is the most generous athlete in all U.S. sports. And before we get all cynical, he made his donations long before he fell out of public favor and not to get back into the good graces of the fans and media. While I could quibble about his donation, since I’m sure there are dozens of great charities where such a large donation could go much further than a wealthy university, I won’t. He didn’t have to do anything with that money, but because of his generosity, many professors and students will benefit from Suh’s kindness. It would be nice to see more celebrities, athletes and stars giving back to their communities.

3) Suh is a talented tackle that has a fierce competitive streak, a dominating force on the field and natural gifts that most players will never have and cannot stop on the field. He hates to lose, not just games but on individual plays and cannot stand getting beaten in any sense. He is still young and raw and has not yet mastered control of his gifts, intellect and competitive nature, which is understandable since he’s in only his second season. If you combine these factors together, you see an instant comparison come to mind, one I cannot believe I missed. He plays like a young Joe Greene. I know, it’s far too early to compare a second year man to a Hall of Fame tackle that was the cornerstone for a multiple Super Bowl winning franchise, but the evidence is there. Greene had all of the above, plus a gentle, giving nature off the field that was often overshadowed by his fierce play on it. And like Suh, Greene had a lot of trouble keeping his emotions and competitive nature in check his first few seasons before the Steelers started to win games and become a powerful force in the league. Suh is going through the same growing pains, and instead of demonizing him, we should be recognizing the potential for greatness and give him some slack to not only grow, but learn as well.

Suh is a good man, and a good athlete, and I personally apologize for suggesting he may be just an out of control idiot and implying a comparison to Albert Haynesworth. Like everyone, I jumped in too quick to judge without knowing the whole story. If it’s good enough for Suh to apologize, it’s good enough for me. Good luck in the playoffs young man, and considering what kind of once in a generation talent Greene was, I personally hope this comparison I make is accurate because it would be a treat to see another such player in the league again.

Duck Duck Coach

Black Monday rapidly approaches, are you prepared for someone taking a foolish chance on the soon to be unemployed Norv Turner?

He Said He Said

"What's new man? The standard is the standard. We say all the time the quarterback position isn't any different than any other." – Steelers linebacker James Farrior on quarterback Charlie Batch’s performance starting in place of Ben Roethlisberger

While Charlie did a tremendous job, I think Indianapolis fans would like to raise an objection to the thought that the quarterback position isn’t different than any other.

''The man told me, `Hue, we'll win it in the end.' I believe that. I don't know how it's going to happen. I don't care how it's going to happen.” – Raiders head coach Hue Jackson referring to a conversation he had with the late Al Davis before he passed away earlier this season.

Well, technically it’s still possible. But would anyone want to put good money on it?

“I will never fire myself. We go out and you don’t go from being a Coach of the Year candidate to being the worst coach in the league to getting fired within a year.” – Buccaneers head coach Raheem Morris

Well, you do when you drop 9 straight games and have an impatient owner who needs to sell season ticket packages for 2012. Don’t worry Raheem, someone else will do the firing for you.

"I now have played every position on the line this season. Tight end and fullback, too. All I've got to do now is get in at quarterback and wide receiver." – Steelers lineman Trai Essex after filling in at center for the injured Doug Legursky

Ummm, not that I’m doubting his ability, but I do not want to see Trai at quarterback or wide receiver, because that means something terribly bad has happened.

"As far as I'm concerned, he'll be the last quarterback we ever draft high in my lifetime.'' – Panthers owner Jerry Richardson on Cam Newton

Doesn’t this fall somewhere under the heading of famous jinxes?

"It's time to shut up, fat boy." - Giants running back Brandon Jacobs to Jets head coach Rex Ryan after the Giants' victory over the Jets

It’s long past time, since the refreshing bravado long ago moved to hot air blowing buffoon.

Idiot of the Week

Mmmm, I do love me weeks that offer multiple nominees for idiot without even trying. Who’s on deck this week?

Perhaps we could give the award to Drew Brees and Sean Payton, who called a timeout to get their next play, lined up, managed to screw that up and actually attempted to call back to back time outs, which is not allowed in the NFL and incurs a penalty. But considering how they dismantled the Falcons and Brees broke the single season passing yardage record in this game, I’ll give them a pass this week.

We could also nominate Bill Maher, who raised the ire of Tebow maniacs and Christians alike by tweeting a rather insulting message as Tebow melted down against Buffalo. But Maher isn’t an idiot, just your typical celebrity attention seeking whore. Like most attention whores, Maher’s only fear is irrelevance which he managed to stave off and at the same time glean some free publicity by jumping on a topical subject and ticking off two large groups of people. That’s not being an idiot. In Hollywood terms, that’s called maximizing your Q rating by becoming a part of current events and popular culture.

I thought about nominating Jon Gruden and his disturbing lack of knowledge about NFL rules, but Mike Pereira, who seems to be unable to stand Gruden and his blowhard act, already took care of publicly bashing the former coach. By the way, nice call Mr. Pereira.

No, this week let’s go with Jets head coach Rex Ryan, who spent the week guaranteeing a Jets victory over the Giants, smack talking the other New York team and seemingly forgetting to game plan as the Giants annihilated the Jets in the battle for New York and the battle for a playoff position. Rex just doesn’t seem to know when to shut his massive piehole, and Brandon Jacobs gave him a recommendation as to when and how to do such. Rex, you are an idiot.

I’ll also give out a second place award to his brother Rob, who runs his own mouth almost as much as his twin despite the fact he’s not a head coach, keeps politicking for a head coaching job while his Cowboy defense keeps leaking more severely than a submarine with a screen door installed. Perhaps Buddy Ryan should sit his boys down and teach them that silence indeed can be golden.

On Tap This Week

Ok, so I’m out of the running to take the pool this season. Hey, it’s difficult to predict how 32 squads will react week in and week out. Well, at least it is compared to those in front of me.

Last week: 10-5

Season to Date: 157-84

But there’s still a chance to at least salvage a moral victory by winning a week, right? Considering 20 teams will pack it up and go home after today, I suppose they’re all thinking the same thing too. Well this is it for the odd 2011 regular season, let’s dive in one last time and see who has it, who doesn’t and who just couldn’t give two toots.

Sunday

New York Jets (8-7) at Miami (5-10)

Well, Rex Ryan needs something to crow about during the offseason, and what better way for Rex to crow than to do it after a loss that officially torpedoes his team’s chance at the playoffs and makes his preseason Super Bowl boasting even more ridiculous.

Dolphins over Jets

Buffalo (6-9) at New England (12-3)

Like Belichick would ever roll over and give a game to an opponent, let alone a divisional one, especially with a first round by and home field advantage being such prominent aspects of this game.

Patriots over Bills

Tennessee (8-7) at Houston (10-5)

Once again, who cares? The only thing Houston has to lose is another starting quarterback.

Titans over Texans

Indianapolis (2-13) at Jacksonville (4-11)

The only reason to watch this game is to make sure Indianapolis doesn’t screw up getting the number one pick in the draft.

Jaguars over Colts

Washington (5-10) at Philadelphia (7-8)

Well, so much for Rex Grossman’s prediction to win the NFC East. Although considering how atrocious the entire division has been, he wasn’t far off.

Eagles over Redskins

Chicago (7-8) at Minnesota (3-12)

Just playing out the string. Sorry Bear fans, it did look good there for a while, no?

Bears over Vikings

Carolina (6-9) at New Orleans (12-3)

New Orleans still needs to play all out for that second seed, at least until they see how fast San Francisco is demolishing the Rams, so as good as Cam Newton has been, it will not be enough.

Saints over Panthers

San Francisco (12-3) at St. Louis (2-13)

If St. Louis had any fight left in them, it disappeared long ago. San Francisco still needs to secure that second seed, and since they’re playing at the same time as New Orleans, they’ll be fighting hard to the end as well, with more demonstrative results.

49ers over Rams

Detroit (10-5) at Green Bay (14-1)

What a shame for Detroit. They finally have an exquisite season, one in which they finally turn their ship in the right direction and shuck their loser label, hit double digit wins and secure a playoff berth for the first time since the last millennium, and Green Bay has such a tremendous season there’s no way Detroit could even sniff at a division championship. Sometimes, even winning isn’t enough.

Packers over Lions

Baltimore (11-4) at Cincinnati (9-6)

If Cincinnati wins they not only get into the playoffs, but they give Pittsburgh the opening they need to claim the division, make it three teams in the AFC North with double digit wins and have the division fielding half of the AFC playoff entrants. I am a huge Bungle fan this week.

Bengals over Ravens

Pittsburgh (11-4) at Cleveland (4-11)

Despite the carnage inflicted by Cleveland in the last matchup between these two teams, I still feel good about Pittsburgh finally taking care of business. Regardless of Peyton Hillis finally showing up and deciding to play for the contract he signed before he was the Madden poster boy.

Steelers over Browns

Kansas City (6-9) at Denver (8-7)

If Denver wins, they win the AFC West and go to the playoffs. Unfortunately, their defense seems to be forgetting that Tebow needs the score close to perform a 4^th quarter miracle, and Tebow himself seems to have forgotten that turnovers kill. And now, they have to go through Kyle Orton to win. Who would have seen this showdown coming at the beginning of the season? I’d feel better about an upset if KC could have taken care of business at home last week and Romeo Crennel wasn’t prominently involved.

Broncos over Chiefs

Seattle (7-8) at Arizona (7-8)

With nothing left to play for, who cares? Well, I bet Seattle fans do, because an 8-8 record shows at least an improvement in the regular season from last year. I know, weird to think about, right?

Cardinals over Seahawks

San Diego (7-8) at Oakland (8-7)

The only thing left for Norv Turner before he’s asked to pack up his office is at least to secure a non winning season, so he doesn’t have to list a losing season on his resume.

Raiders over Chargers

Tampa Bay (4-11) at Atlanta (9-6)

Considering how the players have responded to Raheem Morris’ call to band together and fight, how do you see this game rolling?

Falcons over Buccaneers

Dallas (8-7) at New York Giants (8-7)

Winner takes all, how much fun is that? With Tony Romo playing with a bad paw on the road and no DeMarco Murray to save him on the ground, I’m giving this game to the G-Men to save Coughlin’s job for another season. Sorry Cowboy fans, but I just don’t see it short of a miracle or an Eli Manning meltdown.

Giants over Cowboys

The Crystal Ball 2011 Week 16

2011-12-24T11:35:00.000-05:00

Wow, Tim Tebow is such a nice guy he gave a great early Christmas gift to all the haters out there by losing to the Patriots just so they’d have something to be smug about on Christmas morning.

Opening Kickoff

Let me get this straight, the Chiefs beat the undefeated Packers, the Colts won not one but two games, Tim Tebow did not perform 4^th quarter magic, Ochocinco finally caught a touchdown as a Patriot and Ndamukong Suh not only did not commit any penalties, but blocked a potential game winning field goal? No way could all of that have happened in one week. Next thing you’ll try to get me to believe is the power went out twice at an NFL stadium in primetime and Brett Favre’s still retired.

The Way It Was

I knew I should have gone with Seattle….

Well, so much for that Eli Manning clutch in the 4^th quarter nonsense. I’d question how they could fail so miserably with the division on the line, but then I watched both the Ravens and Steeler games, sooooo…..

I will give the Giant receivers some credit, those were some of the best catches I’ve ever seen, especially that acrobatic kick the ball back to himself number done by Ahmad Bradshaw.

Chad Ochocinco finally scored his first touchdown as a Patriot in New England’s triumph of evil over good against Denver. I think we all know what Chad did at home that night, wink wink.

AAARRGHH oh I hate you Panthers so much! Please, just let me know if you’re gonna be decent or crappy! A small heads up is all I ask of you!

I don’t know what’s more shocking, that Indianapolis won, twice, or that Green Bay lost. Did I really see Romeo Crennel coach his team of scrap to a victory over the undefeated Packers? I think I need to get my eyes checked.

Sigh. Oh Buffalo.

Wow, that Dream Team is really something. Shame this is Week 16 and not Week 2.

Hmmm interesting. Ray Lewis returns after four games and the Ravens defense plays their worst game in four games. Does anyone think Ray Ray will be man enough to admit he’s hurting his own team? Me either and I couldn’t be happier.

All players get to the point where they realize they cannot do what they once did anymore. You think Ray Ray came to this moment of clarity when Mike Tolbert shucked Lewis’ tackle and kept on running?

Bill Belichick must love him some Tebow like many others. With less than three minutes left in the game and up by a significant margin Belichick eschewed going for a screw you touchdown. And the Grinch’s heart grew three sizes that day.

The Steel Pit

Steelers 3 – 49ers 20

Well at least Roger Goodell was happy Monday night. It’s much easier to beat a weakened team when the commissioner further weakens them. It’s funny how Alex Smith looks like Tom Brady with zero pass rush in his face.

Ben’s ankle injury showed through as he turned the ball over four times. You never win doing that. Yes, the team had to take a chance with him, but perhaps Charlie Batch should have started the second half. Regardless, where the hell was everyone else? Why doesn’t our defense force turnovers?

And what about the coaching? They had 10 days to prepare for this game, and yet they were picked apart by the west coast offense short passing game, performed by the team that ORIGINATED the west coast offense. You think they might have seen it coming. And to make matters worse, they didn’t adjust, go to a man to man coverage defense and press the receivers at the line.

They looked horrible from the opening power failure and it never got any better. They took an opportunity to grab the AFC North and the number one seed in the AFC and dropped it in the bay. But they know that so I won’t pile on this close to Christmas.

Of course it didn’t help that Walt Coleman was playing favorites by making several questionable calls against the Steelers, including a nonexistent chop block call and a lobbied for leaping penalty that ended up resulting in a 49er touchdown. Even Mike Tomlin was openly questioning the calls in his weekly news conference, although he rightfully put the blame on the team’s performance for the loss.

Thanks guys, I love watching you lose to both Harbaugh brothers this year.

Regardless, they have secured a playoff berth so at least they’re in the post season. And just like the lottery, you have to be in it to win it.

Ward Watch – Hines barely played and had zero receptions and is still stuck on nine catches to reach 1000. The odds seem to be against Hines from making that milestone this year, but as we all know, Hines likes it when you doubt him. And to all fans going to Heinz Field today for the final home game this year, give Hines the warmest welcome you can. He’s not ready to retire, and is still under contract, but considering his reduced playing time there’s no telling how the offseason may play out. There is a chance this could be Hines’ last home game as a Steeler. And while that is a slim possibility, do you want to take a chance in not letting this Steeler know how much you love and appreciate all he’s done? I wouldn’t.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

As the season progresses, it seems John Elway likes him some Tebow more and more! They make the playoffs; I bet he’ll do some back flips.

Nothing spreads Christmas cheer better than singing loud for all to hear. The Steelers once again have taken this thought seriously and have provided us with their renditions of Christmas carols. If this doesn’t bring a smile to your face, nothing will.

Watching the postmortem of the 49ers debacle, what do I see but Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger doing interviews at his locker wearing a fedora far too small for his head, reminiscent of Tom Brady’s tiny hats. Unfortunately it was the second most entertaining part of the evening, preceded only by San Francisco’s exploding transformers.

Rex Ryan, in anticipation of the Jet’s game against the Giants, claimed his New York team is the better of the two. Wow, what a shocker, Rex Ryan is being boastful. I will admit it takes some cajones to be that confident after being humiliated by the Eagles.

Colts quarterback Dan Orlovsky refuses to apologize for the Colts winning their second straight game and endangering their hold on the number one pick in next year’s draft. Considering the man now has two career victories as a starter, can you blame him?

A group of former players are suing the league regarding brain damage they say is linked to concussions suffered during their playing careers. I’m sure somehow, Goodell will blame James Harrison.

Ok, I think I’ve figured out the magic of the Tim Tebow experience. Every fan has experienced watching their favorite team playing a bad game, yet they hold out hope that they will still turn it around. Perhaps they’ll finally start stringing a few plays together, which will lead to a drive, and a score, and then momentum will take over and eventually lead to a thrilling comeback and an exciting victory. But every fan knows that in some games, that’s never to be and they finally reach the point when they realize, ok, they’re not pulling out of this nosedive, they’re playing too bad, they’re too far behind and the opponent is too good to overcome and they give up, only watching the rest of game steeling themselves for the inevitable. What makes Tebow so much fun is he has erased that reality check moment for Bronco fans. Now they believe their team can win in a thrilling comeback fashion no matter how dire the circumstances or how disparate the score. Well, at least the Bronco fans who don’t openly hate Tebow feel that way.

Upon Further Review

Well once again I was privileged to watch the Steelers play in primetime and see for the umpteenth time referees miss several blatant penalties inflicted upon Pittsburgh while calling several questionable at best calls against the visiting Steelers. But who cares, this is the Steelers, bad calls should be as expected as exorbitant fines and now, suspensions.

I know other fan bases, casual NFL fans and the national and regional media outlets think Steelers fans are certifiably nuts for continuing to think Goodell and the league have our team targeted, and they might be right. After all, it's only one or two blown calls? That happens to every team during the course of an NFL season right?

But when it either several horrible penalty calls or missed calls happen every single game, it adds up. And when you see almost every week a Steeler fined for a hit you begin to wonder. Yes we know players on other teams get fined too, but the disparity between the number of fines the Steelers receive compared to other teams is shocking.

And how can we not wonder aloud that we are targeted when James Harrison, who has been exemplary in keeping his play clean and within the rules this season, is suspended for an illegal hit and his first penalty against anyone this season, but the Browns organization is not punished at all for sending a concussed man back into the game? James Harrison himself has agreed the hit was illegal and the punishment fitting yet is rightfully questioning the league’s lack of sanctions against Cleveland. The league imposed no sanctions on the team and seemingly just accepted Holmgren's lame excuse about too much confusion on the sidelines for doctors to see the hit and McCoy not showing any signs of a concussion. Really?

With replay available to fans with a smart phone in the stands, no one could show these "doctors" the hit to get their opinion before allowing McCoy back in the game? Teams have the ability to send pictures of plays on current drives right to the sidelines in real time, so there’s no way you can convince me they had no ability to see a replay of the hit before clearing McCoy to return to the game. At best they were ignorant and at worst recklessly disregarded player safety in the new “safety conscious” NFL. And yet, Pittsburgh is the bad guy yet again.

So tell me, what reason do Steeler fans have to not feel targeted by the league?

He Said He Said

"We're lucky they had a heart and stopped scoring. Because if not, it would have gotten really disgusting." – Jets linebacker Calvin Pace on Philadelphia’s beatdown of New York

Boy that’s no joke.

“I trust his judgment 100 percent. He's a brilliant guy in my estimation -- on the field and off the field." – Jets owner Woody Johnson on head coach Rex Ryan

And people think Forrest Gump is naïve.

"Still sucks. But nice to go a calendar year without losing.'' - Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers after the Packers first loss of the season

Yeah, but think about how Colts fans feel today, having lost 13 straight and now threatening to lose the Suck for Luck campaign

“The actions of the Steelers coaching staff over the past five games make it look as if they are phasing out the most prolific and decorated receiver in franchise history.” – Post-Gazette sports columnist Ed Bouchette on Hines Ward’s current status

*Sigh* Oh boy I hope that’s not true, despite my eyes and mind telling me logically that it is. And yes, I am waxing a bit nostalgic because I have a feeling that this is Hines’ last season in a Steeler uniform. I hope I’m wrong but if I’m not, I hope his teammates feel the same way they did about Jerome, he deserves to go out a champion.

"I don't want to play for anybody else. We'll deal with that when the time comes. Right now, it's not even in my mind to think what happens -- am I going to be here, is this my last game? I don't think like that, I've never thought like that." – Steelers receiver Hines Ward on his future

You know, with Aaron Smith and Chris Hoke suffering potential career ending injuries, James Farrior also playing a reduced role and Troy Polamalu and Ryan Clark looking more human than they ever have in their careers, Hines even talking about his career ending or playing elsewhere is just too much. The only constant in life is change, but sometimes, it would be nice to parse it out slowly.

“What I’m saying is this, and quote me on this, if you’re going to play Sunday, granted, some injuries you can’t practice through, I understand that. But little nicks and bruises? If you can push through it, push through it because your team needs you.” – Giants defensive back Antrel Rolle calling out teammates for not practicing and properly preparing for the game

Well, at least he’s not making ridiculous predictions and guarantees.

Idiot of the Week

This week, we bequeath the honor of idiot on….no one!

That’s right, I said no one. Oh, don’t get me wrong, there were plenty of idiots out there. And more than a few who deserve the honor. But it’s Christmas Eve and I’m feeling the joy of the season and do not feel like calling out anyone for their boneheaded plays or numbskull actions. So a Merry Christmas to all as I let all those potential idiots off the hook. Consider it my gift to you.

And enjoy it, next week I will not feel so magnanimous.

On Tap This Week

Every year as the season wanes, there is one week where everything goes topsy turvy. We all know its coming; it’s just predicting when it’s coming….

Last week: 6-8

Thursday: 0-1

Season to Date: 147-79

I did not predict it well. But, since the NFL is giving us our Christmas present of NFL games a day early, let’s open them all up and see what we got!

Christmas Eve

Tampa Bay (4-10) at Carolina (5-9)

Carolina, my own personal Grinch. Grrrrrrr….

Panthers over Buccaneers

St. Louis (2-12) at Pittsburgh (10-4)

Charlie Batch will take the reins of the Pittsburgh offense, letting Big Ben rest his injured ankle. Usually, this would tick off and inspire a lesser team, but one its St. Louis and two; they now have a chance at the Andrew Luck sweepstakes, so why ruin an early Christmas gift by winning?

Steelers over Rams

Oakland (7-7) at Kansas City (6-8)

Not that I trust the Romeo Crennel era all that much, but Oakland seems intent on an epic collapse and an off season house cleaning, soooo

Chiefs over Raiders

Arizona (7-7) at Cincinnati (8-6)

Ok, this is a tough one since Arizona’s been playing so well as of late, but I just have a feeling about Cincy having a late season push toward a potential playoff spot. Of course, I have been known to be wrong before.

Bengals over Cardinals

Minnesota (2-12) at Washington (5-9)

Hmmm, it would appear we have some coal in the stocking.

Redskins over Vikings

Cleveland (4-10) at Baltimore (10-4)

Go Browns.

Ravens over Browns

New York Giants (7-7) at New York Jets (8-6)

Which tanking team do you feel worse about? Usually you could feel a bit better about a conflicted pick by just going with the home team, but in this case aren’t they both the home team?

Giants over Jets

Jacksonville (4-10) at Tennessee (7-7)

What, more coal? Is this Santa’s punishment for the lockout?

Titans over Jaguars

Miami (5-9) at New England (11-3)

Sure, Miami could win, but New England wants that number one seed more.

Patriots over Dolphins

Denver (8-6) at Buffalo (5-9)

Ok, here’s where Denver gets back on track toward the playoffs.

Broncos over Bills

San Diego (7-7) at Detroit (9-5)

If Norv Turner could only coach from September through November like he does in December….

Chargers over Lions

Philadelphia (6-8) at Dallas (8-6)

This might be foolish, but hey, isn’t it the season for a bit of foolish hopefulness?

Cowboys over Eagles

San Francisco (11-3) at Seattle (7-7)

Sure, Seattle is coming on strong, but San Francisco still has a chance at the number one seed and they’re just better.

49ers over Seahawks

Christmas Day

Chicago (7-7) at Green Bay (13-1)

Well, there’s a reason Perfectville has a population of 1, it’s hard to do. I think the frustration of losing that game will be laid upon the shoulders of the disintegrating Chicago squad.

Packers over Bears

Monday

Atlanta (9-5) at New Orleans (11-3)

You think New Orleans will lose the game in which Drew Brees breaks Dan Marino’s single season passing yardage record? Me either.

Saints over Falcons

The Crystal Ball 2011 Week 15

2011-12-18T12:01:00.002-05:00

I ask this question at least 5 times every Sunday and never get a logical answer. How do you false start at home?

Opening Kickoff

It would seem that the Cardinals and Seahawks are playing good football just in time for a late season push to win the division. Do they know the 49ers locked that up weeks ago?

The Way It Was

Oh, so that’s what the Dream Team looks like. Huh, not bad.

How about we just say if you play pro football in Florida, I don’t know you. Yeah, that should cover all the bases. Seriously, how can every team in that state be so bad?

I got sucked into those damn Panthers, again, and they crapped the bed on me, again. Like I said, call me Stupid.

How do you miss a 36 yard field goal at home???? If I were Jeff Reed, I’d drive down to Carolina right now because Olindo Mare may be soon unemployed.

Come on, New Orleans, do you really have that much trouble playing outdoors?

Funny, how in a renaissance season, with a total revamping of the quarterback and wide receiver positions, a new dedication to defense and cleaning house of all the old troubles, problem children and other distractions, it took until week 14 for the old Marvin Lewis to come back and blow a game they had won.

Congratulations to Houston for making the playoffs for the first time in franchise history. The good people of Houston will now get to see a home playoff game in their fair city for the first time since 1993. That’s a long drought, almost as long as Pittsburgh’s been waiting for playoff baseball. *Sigh*

Ok, I feel bad for Cowboys fans. Just when they find a running back in DeMarco Murray whose talent looks to be able to overcome questionable coaching and dumb ownership, the kid breaks his ankle and is out for the season. What does a fan base have to do get catch a break? Oh, sorry Browns fans, I didn’t see you there.

Congrats to Rob Gronkowski for setting the single season touchdown record by a tight end. Ok, just a quick defensive note for any of New England’s remaining opponents, COVER-THIS-GUY! Yes, he is that good.

Let’s be quite honest now. The only reason London Fletcher was flagged for his hit on Tom Brady was because the hit was on Tom Brady. That was a clean hit nowhere near the head. Unless Brady had a picture of a helmet taped to his midsection, I cannot see where there is a shot to the helmet. Watch it again, and please, someone show me exactly where Fletcher is touching Brady’s head?

Tom Brady got into a heated argument with offensive coordinator Bill O’Brien after he threw a bad interception. The argument became so intense, Bill Belichick had to come over and settle things down. You know Tom, some quarterback leaders don’t need to act like a giant a-hole to inspire their offense. Why don’t you talk to your counterpart after today’s game to find out how it’s done?

Boy, the Vikings just wouldn’t say quit. Hey, good for them I like that kind of fight. Yeah, the season may be lost, but that doesn’t mean you give up the ship. Good job guys.

Hmmm, that was a tremendous whooping Jacksonville laid on Tampa Bay. That will probably do it for the Raheem Morris era. If it wasn’t, the loss to the Cowboys Saturday night then iced that cake.

Funny, the Jaguars beat down the Buccaneers 41-14, and then lose to Atlanta by the exact same score. Ok, maybe not ha ha funny, but at least an interesting coincidence.

Ok, I think the feed the beast stuff in Seattle is pretty lame. But raining Skittles down on Marshawn Lynch when he scores a touchdown is pretty fun.

Well, they did it again. The defense kept it close; Tim Tebow gave them a chance, Matt Prater won the game in overtime and Denver keeps rolling. Seriously, how much fun is this team?

The Steel Pit

With no game until Monday night, allow me a moment to rant.

The team announced that if left guard Doug Legursky were needed to start at center, Trai Essex would fill in at left guard and I couldn’t be happier. Not because Essex is a tremendous talent that will change the course of a game, but because that means Chris Kemoeatu is stuck on the bench.

I am so sick and tired of Kemoeatu and his constant penalty filled play. The man has taken Willie Colon's ability to create drive killing penalties and take it to a new level. The team obviously felt the same way when they installed a healthy Legursky at left guard, a position Kemoeatu has manned for over 4 seasons now. But his undisciplined play has led the Steelers to finally make a change.

The crazy part is Kemoeatu is like any player, a competitor who wants to play. So you would think when injury gave him another opportunity he would have grabbed it and ran with it. But no, when he came off the bench last week, he incurred three drive killing penalties in just two quarters of work. Show me how that’s a man who gets he needs to change the way he plays. I’m sensing shades of James Harrison here, but I digress.

But at this point in the season the team has limited options. But going forward in the future, the options are still restricted depending on player availability and draft options. The only true solution I can think of is the team needs a better backup center. Oh, don't get me wrong, Legursky is fantastic in that role. But if he needs to relieve Pouncey, then that means we lose Legursky at left guard, which means we have Kemoeatu back in the game.

Look, I understand Kemoeatu has all the physical tools you need and could want in an interior lineman, but his mental mistakes are devastating and drive killers. Obviously the coaching staff feels the same way since he's been demoted from starter and hopefully they get rid of his big juicy fanny in the offseason too. Super Bowl contender windows don't stay open forever and the Steelers know they need to take advantage while we can. Just ask Indianapolis about that.

And I'm not taking that game out on him solely, I know Heath Miller, Hines Ward, Ramon Foster, James Farrior, Ike Taylor, and James Harrison (more on that later) also had a few boneheaded plays, but they made mistakes and then righted themselves and moved on. Kemoeatu just keeps making them. You'd think he’d do more with an opportunity to prove himself again.

No matter how talented and skilled a player may be, there comes a point where they have to progress past making rookie type mistakes. If that point never comes, then they become a detriment instead of a positive influence. Kemoeatu has now reached that point and his Steeler career may be coming to a close. I would suggest Willie Colon pay close attention to how this season is playing out. Obviously, false starts and holding calls are no longer acceptable faux pas for Steeler linemen, and I am happy to finally see such improvement.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

The NFL unanimously approved Shahid Khan as the new owner of the Jacksonville Jaguars. Oh man, I’m already digging a guy who rocks such an awesome mustache!

So while the media and NFL universe has been losing its mind over James Harrison’s hit, it turns out the real bad guy here is the Cleveland coaching and medical staff, who never actually tested Colt McCoy for a concussion before sending him back into the game. Now explain to me again how Harrison is the one suspended when Cleveland blatantly skipped the basic tenants of the new concussion rules?

If you’re like me, and some most definitely are vehemently not, you just can’t get enough Tebow. Well, Fox Sports has fixed all that with their new Tim Tebow page. All Tebow, all the time! Oh how much to I enjoy knowing how much this ticks off all the NFL know it alls who still keep arguing he’s a crappy quarterback.

Speaking of Tebow, are you looking for that perfect Christmas gift for you Tebow/Bronco loving sports fan? How about a Tim Tebow Tebowing Fathead? Say that 5 times really fast.

Texans first year defensive coordinator Wade Phillips, who has completely turned around the defensive unit and team to the point I would vote for him as coach of the year, is going on medical leave for a few weeks. While I hope Phillips is ok, I am wondering if the Houston coaching staff is resting their starters for the playoffs. If so well played Gary Kubiak.

A Jets fan was insulted and then severely beaten by a group of Chiefs fans after the Jets/Chiefs game last week. What is wrong with people? It’s just a game! Yes watching your favorite team lose is never fun, but it happens, deal with it. And throwing out 9/11 insults? Are you serious? Is the cost of going to a game not enough of a deterrent for your average fan anymore, now we have to think about getting our asses kicked and pummeled by the type of insults terrorists would throw out to provoke us too?

Wow, look at Eli Manning, he’s actually backing up his preseason claims of being an elite quarterback. Color me surprised and impressed. According to this article, his 4^th quarter numbers are even better than comeback king Tim Tebow. If Eli’s even better in the 4th quarter than Tebow, how much fun would it be if the giants and broncos both faced off in the Super Bowl? I think more than a few people just puked at the idea.

Upon Further Review

Well Roger Goodell finally found a way to punish James Harrison for making him look like a clown in a national magazine interview and suspended him for one game for his hit on Browns quarterback Colt McCoy.

The NFL, and the Steelers, is holding the company line that this suspension is a result of Harrison breaking the rules and being a repeat offender. Those are the facts and they are indisputable. Also is a fact that this was Harrison’s first penalty against a quarterback, or in general, all season. Obviously James has changed his playing style, yet that did not play into Goodell’s decision in suspending Harrison.

Don’t buy any lame explanation from the NFL that this is about safety or about rules. It’s about Harrison personally. If you don’t believe me, then answer me this. Why does Harrison get repeatedly fined for at times seemingly innocuous hits when Baltimore’s Terrell Suggs, who while playing as intensely as Harrison and adds an element of dirtiness, never get fined or suspended or blasted in the national media? Watch Suggs, I bet you could pull game tape from any game this season and you’ll find at least one play in each game where Suggs commits a flagrant foul, either a face mask, hands to the face, late hit, roughing the passer or unsportsmanlike conduct, and it’s never flagged. And there is never a fine either.

Heck, most of Baltimore’s defense operates this way, and you never hear about it. Last season Haloti Ngata blatantly punched Ben Roethlisberger in the face, smashing his nose and it wasn’t even flagged as a hit to the head. And if we recall, the NFL has deemed all hits to the head of a quarterback illegal, flaggable and fineable. Ngata barely got pocket change taken out of his pay for felonious assault and doesn’t get a public dressing down about changing his game. Harrison changes his game after a very public pissing match with Goodell, one Harrison finally realized he can’t win, and he has one bad hit and boom, he’s sitting at home.

What’s the difference between Ngata, Suggs and Harrison? Harrison openly questions Goodell, his methods, the NFL’s definition of illegal, the consistency of punishment and fines and Goodell’s judge, jury and executioner routine while Suggs and other players who play on the edge like Harrison just keep their mouth shut and off Goodell’s radar. In Saturday night’s Dallas game another questionable hit occurred with no flag. But if Harrison had made the hit, he would have been ejected. The team knows this too.

Whether you think Harrison is a thug or Pittsburgh is targeted by the NFL matters not. The simple truth is the rules, their enforcement and their prescribed punishment are all in an ambiguous area and as unpredictable as the weather. The Steelers have been the most vocal team in regards to demanding accountability and consistency, and for their efforts have been only rewarded with escalating fines, public derision from the league and now suspensions.

Goodell maintains he is trying to make a safer, cleaner game but the facts do not back up his words. If this stance were true, concussion reducing helmets would be mandatory throughout the league, head shot protection rules would be extended to running backs in general and wide receivers at all times and not just quarterbacks, other defensive teams that play on the edge would start being punished more often and Goodell and the NFL would make public how they deem illegal hits, create a consistent punishment schedule and enforce all infractions. Until these things happen, I maintain this is about Harrison and Goodell and has nothing to do with safety.

But if those points don’t convince you this is personal, think about this. If the NFL and Roger Goodell were truly concerned about player safety and not about sticking it to James Harrison, would the league have been fine with selling game pictures of a concussed Colt McCoy?

Duck Duck Coach

We’re still not at the point for this feature to come back weekly, but it’s obvious we need another update.

Indianapolis – no word yet, still waiting for the axe to fall on Caldwell. I’m wondering if he’ll even notice if he’s fired.

Jacksonville – Considering their play in Atlanta, I don’t think Mel Tucker has a chance to have that interim tag removed.

Kansas City – The Chiefs decided the fiery but overmatched Todd Haley is not what the team needs and fired him Monday. I guess lucking into one division championship is not enough to save a job anymore.

Miami – The Dolphins finally, weeks after they should have, put poor Tony Sparano out of his misery and fired him on Monday as well. Does general manager Jeff Ireland realize that if Dolphin owner Stephen Ross is serious about landing Bill Cowher that means Ireland is mere weeks away from being fired as well?

He Said He Said

“I don't perceive Todd Haley as a mistake. Todd Haley is a good football coach. I'll say that. What we need to do is figure out what direction we're headed in and how we're going to continue to make progress, how we can get some consistency back.” - Chiefs GM Scott Pioli on firing head coach Todd Haley

Translation, I just like keeping my job more than backing Todd Haley.

"Hey Ben! You Tebowed 'em!'' – Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin to Ben Roethlisberger in the locker room after the game

Bwha ha ha!

"I don't care. Call as many timeouts as you want.'' – Broncos kicker Matt Prater on being iced

Now that’s the kind of kicker you want on your team.

"You know what's fun about this? Everyone keeps saying what Tim can't do. And he goes out every week and we win. We love the guy. He's so real. Now we just feel like anything's possible.'' – Broncos kicker Matt Prater

That kids is the basic definition of intangibles, why the Broncos are playing better as a team and winning and what ticks off NFL analysts the most who keep trying to quantify every aspect of a violent, emotion-fueled game in which everything cannot be quantified.

"A long line of coaches and players are pretty pissed at me after that. We're both pretty emotional guys so that's what I deserve, you know. If you make bad plays, you're supposed to get yelled at by your coaches. It was just a stupid play by me.'' – Patriots quarterback Tom Brady on getting chewed out

Do you think he’d be so magnanimous and willing to say he deserved the verbal dressing down if New England had lost? Me either.

“He’s a good running back.” - Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher on Tim Tebow

“It wasn’t anything special that he did.” – Bears defensive end Julius Peppers on Tim Tebow

Awww come on boys, there’s no need to be sore losers.

Idiot of the Week

I think everyone in the Chicago area would agree with me when I bestow the crown of idiot to Bears running back Marion Barber.

Barber wins this week for twice failing to apply the kind of basic football knowledge that high school kids are taught on a daily basis.

Instance one – With Chicago holding the ball, all they needed to do was keep the clock moving and gain one first down to run all the time off the game clock, keep Denver from getting the ball back and win the game. Denver had no more time outs and could do nothing to stop the precious time from wicking away. But on an expected running play, Barber ran out of bounds. Basic football knowledge lesson number one is if you want to run time off the clock, stay in bounds. This stopped the clock, helped prevent Chicago from gaining the needed first down and gave Denver the ball back with enough time to get down the field and kick the tying field goal.

Instance two – Now deep in Denver territory and holding the ball in overtime, the Bears had a chance at a field goal to win game. Barber gets a chance at redemption. All he has to do is run straight ahead and advance the ball. But he ignores basic football knowledge lesson two, keep both hands on the ball and make sure it is firmly secured. Barber did not; Denver stripped the ball and recovered the fumble. Tebow drove the offense to field goal range and Matt Prater took care of the rest.

So for showing a lack of football knowledge, not once but twice, that would get a high school player benched, and making such game killing gaffes that it not only gave the other team a chance but ended up costing your team a game they never should have lost, Marion Barber you are an idiot.

On Tap This Week

Look it’s the return of Saturday Night Football! Oh wait, I’m sorry, I mean the special Saturday edition of Thursday Night Football. Seriously NFL Network, you need to come up with a better title for Saturday games.

Last week: 10-5

Thursday: 1-0

Saturday: 1-0

Season to Date: 141-70

Yes, still doing well, but I just cannot seem to get that one tremendous week. Perhaps this week will be the one.

Sunday

Washington (4-9) at New York Giants (7-6)

That season ending game between Dallas and New York is going to be tremendous with both teams tied and the division on the line for a winner takes all showdown. New York takes another step to make sure that happens.

Giants over Redskins

New Orleans (10-3) at Minnesota (2-11)

Ahhh, back in the comfort of a dome.

Saints over Vikings

Carolina (4-9) at Houston (10-3)

Nope, not again, never again!

Texans over Panthers

Seattle (6-7) at Chicago (7-6)

Ok, I guess we’ll go Bears here. But I don’t feel good about it. Maybe getting Tebowed will tick them off appropriately. Although, I am feeling very timid about this pick because once you’ve been Tebowed you’re never the same.

Bears over Seahawks

Tennessee (7-6) at Indianapolis (0-13)

Oh come on, like Indy will stumble this close to the goal line.

Titans over Colts

Green Bay (13-0) at Kansas City (5-8)

Like Kansas City had a chance with Todd Haley calling the plays.

Packers over Chiefs

Miami (4-9) at Buffalo (5-8)

Ok, just one more time, if only for old times’ sake.

Bills over Dolphins

Cincinnati (7-6) at St. Louis (2-11)

Ok, perhaps the Bungles can handle this level of competition.

Bengals over Rams

Detroit (8-5) at Oakland (7-6)

Looks like that Carson Palmer trade is looking shrewder as the weeks go by. Jason Campbell must be feeling good about his status for next season.

Lions over Raiders

Cleveland (4-9) at Arizona (6-7)

Brown fans will watch this game and think; wow I wish we had John Skelton. Yes, it’s gotten that sad.

Cardinals over Browns

New England (10-3) at Denver (8-5)

Call me a fool, call me stupid, and call me crazy I don’t care. This party train is too fun to get off of at this station. Tebow!

Broncos over Patriots

New York Jets (8-5) at Philadelphia (5-8)

Ugh, I know I’ll hate myself for this tomorrow, but….

Eagles over Jets

Baltimore (10-3) at San Diego (6-7)

Yes, I do believe the Norv Turner job saving late season push will continue again this week. And yes, a big part of this belief comes from the fact that I really need it to happen.

Chargers over Ravens

Monday

Pittsburgh (10-3) at San Francisco (10-3)

Let’s see, no Harrison and potentially no Woodley, no Polamalu, no Pouncey and no Roethlisberger. No problem?

Steelers over 49ers

The Crystal Ball 2011 Week 14

2011-12-11T13:01:00.000-05:00

John Elway took the time to set the record straight regarding his feelings toward Tim Tebow. I knew John liked winning too much to really be against TEEEEEBOOOOOWWWWW!

Opening Kickoff

I have it, the official page where I can purchase Packer stock! I’m just a few small clicks away from NFL ownership now! Let’s just agree to these terms and conditions for purchase….

…..Whoa, wait a minute, by agreeing to the terms I agree to be held to the same standards as other NFL owners. Which means amongst other things I can’t criticize the NFL, its management, coaches or officials and can’t bet on the outcome of any NFL game in any way and I could be subject to a fine by the commissioner for up to $500,000 for violations of the rules? Oh nuts to this!

You know what; keep your stock Green Bay. I prefer to remain a private citizen and retain my right to foolishly pick the Bills on the road and point out when Goodell is being an idiot. And if I need to spend money on something NFL, I saw a sweet Mean Joe Greene autographed Steelers helmet yesterday that would look great in my house.

The Way It Was

Ok, the Bears lose Matt Forte for weeks with a knee injury? Did someone give Chicago the stink eye?

And speaking of snake bit, the now injury ravaged Texans lost Andre Johnson, who injured his other hamstring. At least T.J. Yates looked pretty good in his first NFL start so that’s something.

Tampa Bay broke out the sweet creamcicle uniforms, which I dig, unlike most people. But considering the history of those uniforms, which must be why they got destroyed at home.

Oh Carolina you so infuriate me! Please, give me a schedule of when you’re going to play lights out.

And Miami, thank you for giving me yours it has helped, but I just forgot last week. Nice game, though.

Apparently Oakland didn’t take that threat of Denver charging up the division standings seriously considering their performance against the Dolphins. Hue Jackson obviously doesn’t take serious Tebow!

And speaking of which Tim Tebow threw two touchdown passes against Minnesota. If I listened to the naysayers, I wouldn’t think he was capable of such things! And yes, I laid on that sarcasm quite thick.

Oh come on Rex Ryan, its Washington! And don’t act like you blew them out, you got lucky at the end and nothing more. I guess after that game we can expect more post season blustering.

Rob Gronkowski had another outrageous performance, scoring three touchdowns for New England. Note to future Patriot opponents, you might want to cover this guy, maybe with two people.

Shouldn’t Brian Urlacher get an assist on McCluster’s touchdown that ended up winning KC the game? Oh wait, this isn’t hockey

Hmm Dallas could have really staked their claim to the NFC East, except Kevin Kolb is apparently too hot to handle. Seriously Jason Garrett? Oh you know where you land this week, see below.

Have you ever seen a team that backed by so much public goodwill, with so many casual fans rooting for them, burn through it so fast with such by being a group of undisciplined, dirty miscreants than Detroit? It’s like they’re an out of control, drunk, jackpot winner left unsupervised on the Vegas strip!

Ok, I’m not justifying Richard Seymour throwing a punch in the Dolphins game, but when Matt Moore is shredding your defense, I can see how frustrations will mount.

Poor Buffalo, just when it looked like they were about to get back on track, the real Chris Johnson showed up. Maybe next year Bills fans, maybe next year.

I know, many of the stats were accumulated in garbage time, but with his performance against New England, it’s a good thing Dan Orlovsky didn't start playing sooner or the Colts might be screwing up their Suck for Luck campaign.

Ok, I know the Texans defense is good, even without Mario Williams, but really Atlanta? Maybe you should have called the Oprah play.

The Steel Pit

Steelers 35 – Bungles 7

What a tremendous game. Pittsburgh weathered a few first quarter mistakes, and a big pass to A.J. Green, but after that, the rout was on.

The Bungles started making mistakes left and right, and the Steelers capitalized on every one, rushing out to a 21 point lead.

James Harrison had three monster sacks and the third one injured Dalton enough that the Bungles felt that it would be best to rest their rookie franchise quarterback.

Just a thorough destruction of a Bungle team that looked increasingly bungle-y as the game progressed.

The Steelers set a few records as well. Hines Ward crossed the 12,000 receiving yard mark; Ben Roethlisberger has the most completions of any quarterback in team history and also has been sacked more times than any other quarterback in Steeler history. That last one will provide some foreshadowing to our bonus coverage.

Although not all was perfect on a beautiful afternoon in the ‘Burgh; LaMarr Woodley aggravated his hamstring again. Good thing Jason Worilds has been coming on strong lately.

Steelers 14 – Browns 3 Thursday Night Football

Bonus coverage! Although obviously a short week was working against the team. Let’s just cover the good stuff. They won; they’re 10-3 and have 10 days to rest and game plan for San Francisco. Ok, let’s get to the bad.

Ok, has anyone seen this rant from a Browns fan? If not watch it; it kind of sums up things for these poor cats. But this guy is right; the Browns are playing another sport than football. And it would seem the Steelers devolved into the Browns brand of "football".

Injuries: Maurkice Pouncey left with a high ankle strain, Ziggy Hood left with a groin pull, Troy Polamalu must have popped his shoulder out since Ryan Clark was tugging on it like a madman on the sidelines, and Ben Roethlisberger made almost every member of Steeler nation throw up in their mouths with what looked like at first a sure broken ankle or leg. Mercifully, it was only a very painful high ankle sprain. We’ll get to more of this in a moment.

The Browns had a tremendous goal line stand, stuffing the Steelers on 4 tries from the Cleveland 2 yard line.

Ok, I’m fine with going for it on 4^th down, especially from inside the 1 yard line. But don’t run a play you already ran that DID NOT SUCCEED. That’s just poor play calling. Try some misdirection, fool the defense, and make them think you’re doing something else. If they can see, and know, you’re just going to run it up the middle well obviously they’ll stack that area and stuff the run. And what did Cleveland do? Hmm, let me think…..OH YEAH!

Ok, let’s get into Ben’s ankle. Everyone relax. By coming back into the game super hero style he's shown he can play on it to himself. So guess what he'll do? He’ll play on it. Unless a doctor tells him specifically no he'll be out there next Monday night.

But watching the replays over and over again did not help anyone think anything but the worst. It reminded me with the same sick feeling of Matt Ryan's horribly contorted ankle earlier in the season. How those guys got back up is still a wonder to me.

And not to pile a bit of insult onto a painful injury, but Ben, sometimes it's ok to throw the ball away or just scramble and slide for a few yards to end a play. Not everything has to be a home run.

And yes, while Ben's injury was scary and bad, mercifully he could still play even though he could barely walk. But at this point I think the more troubling injury may be to Pouncey, because if he’s out for any period of time, then Legursky is playing center and Chris Kemoeatu is back at left guard. I can only imagine how many holding calls will come from this.

Ward Watch – Ok, we know Hines is now the 19^th player in NFL history to reach the 12,000 receiving yard milestone. Oh that’s fun to say isn’t it? And between the two games, Hines had 6 receptions and only needs 9 more over the next three games to reach 1000 career receptions. We’re almost there!

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

Redskins Fred Davis and Trent Williams have been suspended by the league for the remainder of the season due to violating the NFL’s substance abuse policy. I guess Mike Shanahan’s plan for having high character guys on his team is going swimmingly.

While Goodell prepares his record level fine for James Harrison, and I’m sure it’s coming, perhaps he should tear his attention away from his loathing of Harrison for just a few minutes to address the Browns and how they handled Colt McCoy. Despite the NFL’s paranoia about quarterback head injuries (never mind backs, receivers, linemen, special teamers or kickers) Cleveland let McCoy play with an obvious concussion. Hey Roger, you think that behavior might be a tad worse than James’ hit?

Last season, Jerry Jones stated the Cowboys would be the first NFL team to play host for the Super Bowl. That didn’t happen. Now, Jerry Jones thinks the Cowboys, through the remainder of this season can go on a run and emulate the 2010 Green Bay Packers. Jerry saw last week’s game right?

Considering the overwhelming lack of interest in his services, Mark Kriegel is wondering if Donovan McNabb has lost his passion for football. Does this mean Donovan’s being sent to the island of misfit toys?

The Texans cut Kellen Clemens and signed Jeff Garcia in their strange quarterback merry go round.

Giants’ defensive back Antrel Rolle, who doesn’t know when to stop talking, is now guaranteeing the team will make the playoffs. You know, if you make enough guarantees, eventually one will come true! Here watch. I guarantee Rolle will make another dumb guarantee before the season ends. Ta da!

During the Monday Night Chargers/Jaguars snoozefest, ESPN recycled stadium and skyline shots during its broadcast, even accidently using a shot of the skyline of another city. I’d make a snarky comment about laziness, being too cheap to hire a blimp or the arrogance of ESPN in general, but hey I don’t blame them. I’m surprised there was anyone even watching the game to notice.

Upon Further Review

Bronco fan Tebow haters, a strange subset of Tebow haters, are now finally giving the Denver quarterback some credit for his winning ways. But of course, each grudgingly given compliment is backhanded in some way. Some of the favorite comments have included “finally starting to look like a real quarterback”, “he’s finally starting to not give up on a play and start scrambling and running around” or even this good one from last week when Tebow actually did well in the pocket, “they barely beat a 2-9 team”.

What I don’t understand is why Bronco fan Tebow haters, or BFTH, hate so much on a quarterback who has been the catalyst that has completely turned their team around. I mean look around the league at some of the quarterback wastelands that exist, and I guarantee you every single one of those teams would love to have Tebow on their team. Why do BFTH seem so unhappy about winning with an unconventional quarterback? Let’s break this down a bit.

First of all, Tebow looked much better last week, and has been looking better each week. His play at the quarterback position, and with traditional quarterback passing, has obviously improved. Why would the BFTH throw this back in Tebow’s face? Isn’t that what you want from him, to improve, get better, and become an even more dangerous weapon? And why is it such a surprise he would be improving week to week? Who would have figured that regular practice and playing time would allow a quarterback to grow into the position and improve? What a novel concept. Of course he’s getting better, you should be happy.

Second of all, when did scrambling and running around when a play breaks down become a bad thing? You know what current quarterback has made his bread and butter doing just that? Two time Super Bowl champion Ben Roethlisberger, that’s who. Roethlisberger wears number 7 after his football hero, two time Super Bowl champion Denver Bronco John Elway. Elway, like Roethlisberger, also made his bones SCRAMBLING AND RUNNING AROUND WHEN A PLAY BROKE DOWN! Someone please explain to me why Bronco fans are complaining about having a scrambling, running quarterback, when they thrived on just that sort of thing for 16 years and have been desperate to get it back since Elway retired? Someone, please explain this to me.

And third of all, yes, Denver had trouble putting away a 2-9 team on the road. For the first time in weeks, the Denver defense looked terrible. Tebow could not lean on the defense to keep it close until the 4^th quarter. Tebow had to get the offense scoring early and often, which is exactly what he did. Tebow and the offense won this one. How come the BFTH conveniently ignore that part? Oh because then they can’t hate!

I just don’t understand why a fan base would be so vehemently against having a quarterback who has gone 6-1 since taking over the job and pulled his team from an early round draft position to leading their division and in position for the playoffs.

And yes, I know he didn’t do it all himself. The defense has been playing lights out, the running game has been spectacular, the coaching staff has done a fantastic job in tailoring the offense to Tebow’s skills, working on his development and making smart in game calls. Everybody on the Broncos team and in their organization has been a vital part of this tremendous turnaround. But Tebow has inspired and he has been the leader we all look at quarterbacks to be, so he will get all the press.

So BFTH, it’s time to let it go, relax, get behind your quarterback and enjoy the ride. Even John Elway is on board, why aren’t you?

He Said He Said

"I was glad that they iced their kicker at the end, so I didn't have to do it."

-- Cardinals head coach Ken Whisenhunt referring to counterpart Jason Garrett’s late game gaffe

Worst timeout ever.

“The result of the play is a better result, first down” – Referee Ed Hochuli during a penalty call during the Steelers/Browns game

Don’t you just love it when Ed goes off script? Did anyone else enjoy Ed demonstrating with his giant pythons how Colt McCoy’s arm did not reach the goal line? He should have taken off his shirt for that gun show!

"I know that I had a lot of help. Offensive line did a great job, and receivers stepped up and made me look a lot better than I really am." – Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow after yet another Denver victory

See BFTH, even Tebow acknowledges he doesn’t do it all himself.

“I mean, the dude lit us up. I would have bet my paycheck that he would not have beat us passing the ball.’’ – Vikings defensive end Jared Allen on Tim Tebow

I think a bunch of people did.

“I think we're going to have an interesting call in Canton one day as one of the most interesting careers of this era is moving toward a significant landmark. Hines Ward's five catches in the rout of Cincinnati left him 10 receptions shy of 1,000 for his career. He'd be the eighth player in history to catch 1,000 balls." – SI.com’s Peter King

Interesting call? No, it’s a no brainer call Peter. Ward will accomplish this milestone, as well as 12,000 receiving yards and grabbing almost every Steelers receiving record, with a rotating cast of jokers at quarterback and for a team who during most of his career was run first pass if we must. The call you're looking for is, Mr. Ward, welcome to the HOF.

"We cannot let Josh Cribbs do to what he's done to us time and time again in the past. We've been dead Indians in his cowboy movie enough." - Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin

Boy he’s a fun quote isn’t he?

"He was a slappy?" – Texans head coach Gary Kubiak on finding out his rookie quarterback T.J. Yates was invited to the combine to help with passing drills instead of showcase his own talents

They call those quarterbacks slappys? That’s just mean, and sounds kind of naughty.

"I'm glad he scored because I wouldn't have made it down there if we had to run another play" - Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger on Antonio Brown's 79 yard touchdown and his injured ankle

I don't believe that for one second.

Idiot of the Week

We bestow the honor if Idiot on Cowboys head coach Jason Garrett his epic end of the game meltdown against Arizona.

With the game tied in the waning seconds, the Cowboys moved the ball to Arizona’s 31 yard line and in position to go for the win. The team held two time outs with 26 seconds of game time remaining. No problem, right?

The first problem is instead of using one of his timeouts, Garrett let the clock run down to 8 seconds as the offense scrambled to get down the field and spike the ball. If he had just used a time out, he could have ran a few plays, even just running plays to get the ball a bit closer for their rookie kicker. Garrett showed off his advanced degree from the Andy Reid School of Clock Management.

Then to compound matters, as the team lined up for the game winning field goal, Garrett inexplicably called a timeout, and iced his own kicker. Let me repeat that, he iced his own kicker. I know there are plenty of people out there who argue that icing a kicker doesn’t work. But if you really believe that, just ask any Cowboy fan you know if they feel the same way. When kicker Dan Bailey lined up for his second attempt for long range, the kick was unsuccessful and Dallas lost the game in overtime.

Garrett then tried, very unsuccessfully, to justify his boneheaded decisions by claiming something about the kicking unit wasn’t set or some such gibberish. To be honest, I was laughing too hard to even understand his lame excuses.

Look, I realize the job of NFL head coach is high pressure, high expectations with little margin for error. And often coaches must make decisions in a split second, and when there is time to think about it, so many rapid fire decisions can lead to second guessing. So I can get it that Garrett may have been second guessing something, or saw something that needed to be accounted for before Bailey tried his kick. But for the love of all that’s holy, don’t ever ice your own kicker!

So, for making Andy Reid look like a clock management genius, scarring his rookie kicker, dropping a winnable game and failing to stake a claim on the NFC East division crown, Jason Garrett you are an idiot.

On Tap This Week

Last week was not nearly as close as it looks.

Last week: 9-6

Thursday: 1-0

Season to Date: 129-65

You know it’s a bad week when every game that could go either way turns out to be the wrong pick. Still, I’m making better last second decisions than Jason Garrett.

Sunday

Indianapolis (0-12) at Baltimore (9-3)

Oh I’m picking Baltimore, but I’m rooting for Indianapolis.

Ravens over Colts

Atlanta (7-5) at Carolina (4-8)

How does that saying go, the definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results? Just call me stupid.

Panthers over Falcons

Houston (9-3) at Cincinnati (7-5)

The Bungles have to win a big game against a good opponent at some point, especially if they want to take the next step. Houston, on the road, with no Williams, Schaub, Leinart or Johnson sounds like a good place to start.

Bengals over Texans

Minnesota (2-10) at Detroit (7-5)

Well, I suppose this will get the Detroit playoff talk worked up again.

Lions over Vikings

Tampa Bay (4-8) at Jacksonville (3-9)

Ugh.

Buccaneers over Jaguars

Philadelphia (4-8) at Miami (4-8)

Nope, I’m not getting suckered into the Dream Team, and marginalizing Miami, again.

Dolphins over Eagles

Kansas City (5-7) at New York Jets (7-5)

Oh, another Jet win, another blowhard Rex Ryan proclamation. I cannot even wait.

Jets over Chiefs

New Orleans (9-3) at Tennessee (7-5)

Yes Chris Johnson is back! But Drew Brees has been here since week 1.

Saints over Titans

New England (9-3) at Washington (4-8)

Yeah right.

Patriots over Redskins

San Francisco (10-2) at Arizona (5-7)

Let’s see if San Francisco can accomplish what Dallas could not.

49ers over Cardinals

Chicago (7-5) at Denver (7-5)

No Jay Cutler, no Matt Forte, no prayer in Tebowland.

Broncos over Bears

Oakland (7-5) at Green Bay (12-0)

If Oakland couldn’t handle a road trip to South Beach, does anyone really feel good about them handling one in Wisconsin?

Packers over Raiders

Buffalo (5-7) at San Diego (5-7)

It’s time for one of those patented Norv Turner save my job late season winning streaks.

Chargers over Bills

New York Giants (6-6) at Dallas (7-5)

Ok, which team will live up to its late season swoon first? New York looked good for a change last week took the Packers to the limit. But Dallas is no Green Bay, and Tony Romo is no Aaron Rodgers. Let’s say if New York should win today that makes the season finale between these two teams will be muy interesante.

Giants over Cowboys

Monday

St. Louis (2-10) at Seattle (5-7)

Who cares, I’m watching Rudolph and the Grinch from my DVR Monday night.

Seahawks over Rams