The Crystal Ball 2014 Wildcard Weekend

Welcome to The Crystal Ball’s Wild Card Weekend special! Now begins that exciting time of year that is playoff football! It is a rare treat, as only 11 games remain in the NFL season. I know I’m raring to go!

Although it feels like we forgot something last week. It’s escaping me, like we forgot the final regular season installment and instead indulged in holiday festivities with friends and family. Strange.

Opening Kickoff

Johnny Football threw a party Friday night before the Browns season finale, then totally denied he threw a party attended by some Browns players and said it’s on him to be better. He then immediately followed this up by partying in Miami on Monday and Wednesday. Cleveland is so lucky.

The Way It Was

Well well well, will you look at that? The AFC North has filled out half of the AFC playoff bracket, and not amongst them, once again, is Cleveland. That’s a shame.

I wouldn’t get too excited about that stat, though. After this weekend, there will only be one AFC North team left in the playoffs. Yes Cincinnati, I do not anticipate you suddenly becoming playoff victors.

The NFL had one game finish in a tie this season. Both participants of that game made the playoffs. The new fad for 2015, ties!

I’m still trying to figure out which action surprised me less. Ndamukong Suh performing yet another dirty act on the football field, or the NFL overturning an obvious suspension.

Wow, Giants players really showed how they care about Coughlin. Yikes what an awful way to end the season.

Along the same vein, we give the same kudos to Dolphins players in regards to Joe Philbin. No wonder reporters were asking both owners immediately after the game if the coaches would be retained.

Really Phillip Rivers you spastic little turd?

San Diego general manager Tim Tedesco stated they are working on a contract extension for Rivers that will keep him a Charger until he retires. After watching last week’s game, I have two words of warning for the Chargers front office: Jay Cutler.

Congratulations 49ers, you managed to eke out a victory against third string quarterback for your departing head coach, thus ruining your draft position for your incoming head coach, who will be nothing but a puppet for the current mediocre front office. Brav-o.

Aww, poor Bill O’Brien failed in his first year. He’s lucky he had J.J. Watt, or that was a 2-14 team. Now Bill, did you learn what everyone else short of Rex Ryan knows, you need a top tier quarterback to win?

The Carolina Panthers won the NFC South, despite going 64 days this season between victories. I bet Cleveland couldn’t even win that division.

Can we please get a moratorium on calling Joe Flacco Joe Cool? Seriously, it’s insulting to Joe Montana and a complete misnomer, since Flacco was only good in one playoff season. The others, well he kept losing to Pittsburgh. Plus he already has a nickname. It’s called the Unibrow.

The Steel Pit

Steelers 27 – Bengals 17

The Steelers managed to vanquish the Bungles, and reclaimed the AFC North title. However the game came at a considerable cost when running back Le’Veon Bell was injured with a hyper extended knee and did not return.

While Bell looks to be fine for the long term, the immediate short term is in doubt. Bell will be out for the Steelers first playoff game, leaving the running back situation to Josh Harris, Dri Archer and the just signed this week Ben Tate.

I’m sure in the wake of Bell’s injury and subsequent status for tonight’s game will come a slew of second guessing regarding the team parting ways mid-season with LeGarrette Blount. But do not count me amongst those who may question the move. I supported it then and stand behind it now.

Cutting Blount was the right thing to do for Bell and his development, and the right thing for building the camaraderie of the team. Look at it this way, any player speaking on or off the record after cutting Blount was wholly supportive of the move. If a whole team is on board with jettisoning a talented player that says something.

If coaching staff should take any heat, it’s signing Blount in the first place. But how can you know a guy will turn into such a pain in the ass? Short answer, you don’t know.

Yes, at this moment, having Blount for depth would be tremendous. But he’s gone. And remember, the last time Baltimore and Pittsburgh faced off, we had both Bell and Blount, and combined they did nothing against Baltimore’s front. Now, against their secondary, Roethlisberger and Brown did wonders. We still have those two members of the Big Three healthy, active and ready to go. And as Meatloaf once said, two out of three ain’t bad.

A Thousand Words or Less

Christian Petersen/Getty

One Harbaugh down, one to go.

Coaching Carousel

Now that the season is completed, it’s time for the annual coaches’ game of musical chairs. Desperate teams in need of change to either get better, keep ticket sales for next year flowing or going through power struggles wasted no time making the NFL’s yearly Black Monday as exciting as always.

Assistants and front office personnel from the Broncos, Seahawks and Cardinals are being courted by numerous teams with new job postings, and most likely in the coming weeks we’ll get to know all of them. But until they have secured themselves new wardrobes and addresses, let’s take a look at the teams now putting out wanted ads and the gentlemen updating their resumes with the return of one of our favorite features, the Coaching Carousel.

Atlanta – After seven years of milquetoast teams and poor clock management, Arthur Blank fired head coach Mike Smith. I don’t think anyone was surprised by this, least of all Smith. After all, when you have a chance to win the division on your home field and can muster no more than 3 points, you pretty much sealed your fate.

Buffalo – In a surprise move, head coach Doug Marrone opted out of his contract and left the team after posting a successful 9-7 season. Rumors of a power struggle between Marrone and general manager Doug Whaley abound, and questions of what new owner Terry Pegula would do with Marrone after his contract ended next year persist. The Bills have begun their search amidst this ever widening soap opera.

Chicago – Head coach Marc Trestman and general manager Phil Emery are both out as expected. Now the question will be when the new regime is installed, what will they do about the Jay Cutler situation, which will prove to be problematic.

New York Jets – Rex Ryan is no more. So much for those entertaining press conferences. General Manager John Idzik is out as well, but that is well deserved. If you think your best options at quarterback are Geno Smith and the ghost of Michael Vick, you are underqualified to be an NFL general manager.

Oakland – The first team this season to create a coaching vacancy, the Raiders have begun work to fill that void. Interim head coach Tony Sparano, once a mediocre head coach in Miami, is slated to state his case for the full time position. The team is also rumored to be interested in Philadelphia offensive coordinator Pat Shurmur, who spent two seasons in Cleveland as the head coach and amassed a 9-23 record at the helm of that franchise. So obviously, Oakland is right on track to continue its march into football obscurity.

San Francisco – General Manager Trent Baalke won his power struggle and head coach Jim Harbaugh is no longer the coach of the 49ers. Harbaugh was not fired, nor did he quit. The announcement stated the two parties had parted ways. I guess this is the first example of a team and coach having a conscious uncoupling. Either way, the 49ers will now begin their decent into mediocrity and Harbaugh can enjoy being a mini dictator and tyrant where those attributes are not only permitted, but encouraged and celebrated, college football.

Washington – The team and defensive coordinator Jim Haslett parted ways in what I can only assume is a reason to scapegoat someone for another pathetic season not named Gruden, Griffin or Snyder. Haslett sucks, so no love lost there. But if this team wants to improve, a better coach, an improved quarterback and a better owner are needed.

He Said He Said

“It’s time, it’s the Ravens. You have to put on your big boy pants.” – Steelers receiver Antonio Brown

Brown gets it. Hopefully he has a transcendent game inside of him just bursting to escape. This would be the week for it.

“If I want him to block Suggs then I’m stupid.” – Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin on running back Dri Archer, who stands 5’ 8” and weighs 173 pounds

It’ll be hard to block Suggs. Not even a restraining order can hold him back.

"It's about action. It's about being accountable and doing what I'm gonna say instead of looking like a jackass." – Browns quarterback Johnny Manziel

Keep in mind, he said this BEFORE he got busted for partying up in Florida. It certainly is about action.

"It sucks because of the perception I've based around myself, I've done this to myself, that that was allowed to be reported and people are just allowed to nod their head and act like that went on. Either I'm going to learn or I'm going to be finding something else to do." – Browns quarterback Johnny Manziel

I’m guessing it will be something else, either professional celebrity partier, game show contestant or male stripper.

"He's gotten himself to the point with me that his actions are much more important than what he says." Browns head coach Mike Pettine on Manziel

Sounds like Cleveland may be drafting yet another quarterback soon.

“I'm in a good place. You're not going to see me on the sidelines. I enjoy it, I miss it, but not enough to get back." – CBS analyst Bill Cowher on the annual head coaching rumors

I keep telling everyone, he’s not coming back. He is a Super Bowl winner with his hometown team, likes his current job immensely, is well paid and likes his life without the stress and aggravation of being an NFL head coach.

"I'll just ask the fans this. Do you want Peyton to throw 70 million touchdowns and break 80 million records or do you all want a parade downtown?" - Broncos running back C.J. Anderson

They want him to throw 70 million touchdowns and then make excuses for him when he fails, again, in the playoffs.

“Was there a better karmic ending to this 2014 Ravens season then “Destroyed by their most hated rival in Round 1?” Of course not.” – Grantland.com’s Bill Simmons on the potential outcome of Saturday’s Ravens/Steelers tilt

More on this later, but no, there would not be a better karmic ending.

Idiot of the Week

Yeah, Johnny Football would be the easy call. But I don’t do things the easy way.

For Week 17, the award of Idiot is bestowed upon the San Diego Chargers.

All they had to do was win one football game, and they were in the playoffs. They were going against a Kansas City team playing a backup quarterback and possessing a receiving corps that had not scored a touchdown all season. This should not have been that difficult.

And yet, they still lost. That alone would not have garnered them the award. Heck every year we see multiple teams that manage to blow playoff chances. The Bungles blew their division this year.

No, what really brought home their victory was they ruined my dream of a Harbaugh-free playoffs. So thank you very much San Diego Chargers, you are all idiots.

On Tap This Week

And now we come to the end of another successful season of prognostication.

Last week: -11-5

Season End: 173-79

Look at that record. How come no one pays me to pick these games? Regardless, I finished 3^rd overall, 3 points out of first place. I call those points the Jets, the Buccaneers and the Saints.

Sitting at home until the Spring….

20 teams not good enough to make the big dance. Suck it until next year jagoffs.

Enough of them, though. It’s time to dig into this weekend’s games, the first of the 2014 playoffs.

Saturday

Arizona (11-5) at Carolina (7-8-1)

How about those Panthers? Carolina as done a shocking job coming back from the brink of a season collapse to storm back, pick off wins and take the NFC South. At least someone finally decided they wanted to be division champions. And much of it comes on the fractured back of Cam Newton, who has looked reborn fearless since his auto accident. Cam is playing like a man with nothing to lose. Nothing more dangerous in the playoffs than a team stoked with confidence and playing with house money.

Arizona has had a wonderful season, and Bruce Arians has done an amazing job building a strong team. Unfortunately, their quarterback situation is a giant mess. Today they will start third stringer Ryan Lindley, because that’s all they have left at this point. Do you feel comfortable backing a third string guy, in his first major pressure situation, on the road? I certainly don’t. If I were the Carolina defense, I’d be chomping at the bit. This game will be is Carolina’s karmic makeup for that atrocious playoff game in 2008 that ended the effective portion of Jake Delhomme’s career.

Panthers over Cardinals

Baltimore (10-6) at Pittsburgh (11-5)

Does it need to be said? This is the best rivalry in the NFL. Get ready for a smash mouth, hard fought, nasty game played in freezing cold rain. This will be a game for men, boys stay home.

What also needs to be said is the universe owes all of us who loathe the Baltimore Ravens, and that is a very large group of people that includes plenty of non-Steeler and non-football fans, an epic Steeler victory.

It’s time for some karmic payback for how the Ravens let Ray Rice off the hook when they wanted his professional services, essentially excusing his abhorrent behavior. It’s time for payback for how the team then turned on Rice when public opinion turned out be against professional athletes coldcocking their significant others. It’s time for payback for how the team left Rice hang out to dry to face the public maelstrom and threw Rice under the bus faster than Ray Lewis disposes of bloody clothing.

Rice, who it should be noted told the truth about what happened from the beginning and strangely is the most sympathetic player in everything that happened, was cut from a team that claimed, as they were severing their business relationship with the man, that they wanted him to be a Raven for life and be part of the team again once his playing days ended. Obviously there is no honor among thieves, and as we’re often reminded football is a business. But the coldness of which the Ravens treated what was one of their best players, best community ambassadors and biggest stars merely to cover their own asses and try to cover up their shameful handling of a serious domestic violence situation was beyond shameful.

Add to this this week their director of security, a key member in the sham investigation put forth by the team on the Rice assault, was placed on administrative leave after being charged with a sex offense. As long as the offense isn’t on video, I’m sure he’ll be fine.

From a karmic standpoint, this team is not due to lose in the playoffs, this team is due to get humiliated in the playoffs. But that’s not why they’ll lose. They’ll lose because of Roger Goodell.

Goodell knows that the longer the Ravens stay in the playoffs, the more likely the conversation about the Ray Rice situation, Goodell’s part in the debacle, the Ravens and the league’s handling of the case and the NFL’s handling of domestic violence in general will start up again. The last thing Goodell wants during his sports marquee season is people talking about his ineptness and his league’s misogynistic views toward women.

Something will happen in this game that will have every Raven fan screaming foul for the next week. And I don’t care. It’s about time we get some questionable calls in our favor, and with Le’Veon Bell sidelined, I’ll take it. Plus, considering how many dirty plays the Ravens get away with, both on and off the field, it’s about time for some of that behavior to come home to roost.

Ok, so you want some actual football analysis for this matchup? Fine. Both teams are running backup running backs, essentially, so this is a wash. The only difference here is Justin Forsett has had an entire season to get used to the job.

The Steelers pass defense is below average, and vulnerable to the deep pass. This plays right to Baltimore’s greatest offensive strength, as Joe Flacco is tremendous dropping long balls. However the Ravens offensive line is a patchwork mess, and average at best. This bodes well for Pittsburgh, whose pass rush has improved markedly over the last month and looks to have Flacco and his unibrow square in their sights.

On the other side of the ball, the Steeler offense is missing Le’Veon Bell, but still has every other weapon including a rapidly improving receiving corps to back Antonio Brown and give Ben Roethlisberger a variety of options. This is the best matchup to exploit, as the Baltimore secondary may be even worse than Pittsburgh’s.

This game will come down to offensive line play. Whichever unit is able to give their quarterback time, keep him clean and control the line of scrimmage will win the game. I must say I like Pittsburgh’s chances in that battle.

Steelers over Ravens

Sunday

Cincinnati (10-5-1) at Indianapolis (11-5)

Two weeks ago Cincinnati “exorcised” the prime time demon by winning their first prime time game of Andy Dalton’s young career. Last week, with a chance to win the division, they went back to their previous ways. Indianapolis already pummeled this team once. I see no reason anything else will change. And yet for another year, the Bungles will enter the playoffs losing their last game of the season, and their only playoff game of the season.

Colts over Bungles

Detroit (11-5) at Dallas (12-4)

Woof, you got me. I waited all December for Dallas to revert to form, and yet they kept winning. Stunned would be one descriptor you could use. I mean, I don’t know if I’m ready to live in a world that includes Jerry Jones as a competent general manager. But so far, it’s looking to be true. However, something doesn’t sit right. Murray still has a gimpy hand, and Detroit wins sneaky weird games. This just feels like it could be one of those games. If I’m wrong, well it just might be a Cowboys world.

Lions over Cowboys