The Crystal Ball 2014 Week 13

Welcome one and all to Week 13 of the NFL season! Forgive me, but due to the holiday, and a recently ridiculous work schedule, this week’s offering will be thin, and next week’s will be almost non-existent. So I hope you filled up on turkey and stuffing. But fear not, there are still a few good leftovers for us to gnaw on. So let’s raid the fridge!

Opening Kickoff

Of the many things I’m thankful for this time of year, and the list is long, one is that Roger Goodell was again exposed for his terrible management of the league as an independent arbiter held up Ray Rice’s appeal. Tell me NFL ownership, how much of this man’s bungling stewardship will you continue to endure before he damages the league beyond repair? Perhaps it’s time to find someone who will do more than talk tough about the problems facing the league and actually act tough.

The Way It Was

Good job Buffalo and what a feel good win against the Jets on Monday night after a ridiculously trying week. My apologies for ever doubting the power of the Neck Beard in a snowstorm.

Andy Reid called Mike Smith after the Falcons loss and said, boy did you screw up your clock management!

Hmm, the Cowboys December collapse started a week early.

So we finally have 3 compelling matchups on Thanksgiving, and none of them were actually compelling to watch. Shocking.

The Steel Pit

Mercifully, this team did nothing this week except get healthy. No weird shenanigans, no dope smoking, no one was cut, and no one stirred up a useless pot of controversy. I’m not sure what to do with myself. Thank goodness the bye week is over!

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

As if the NFL didn’t give us reason to pause and wonder why we’re fans, thank you Roger Goodell for that. This article outlines all the negative aspects of the league. Tell me again why I tune in?

Before he had his job taken away, RGIII had all his special in house privileges revoked as well. See, how it’s supposed to work is you hire someone, then through their stellar performance start heaping privilege, accolades and money upon them. Dan Snyder to the order reversed with RGIII. Considering Snyder’s ego, it’s no wonder he’d go for the fame before performance.

When things looked bad for Cleveland last week, a brave voice spoke up. That voice? Johnny Football’s girlfriend. Her message? Put Johnny in the game. Her clue level? At zero.

Marshawn Lynch was fined $100,000 for not complying with the NFL’s media policies. Seriously Goodell? You excuse on a regular basis public behavior that endangers the general public, slap wife beaters on the wrist with punishments less severe than those you dole out for smoking marijuana and at your worst  deify and glorify murderers, yet not giving a compelling enough interview is worth $100K? How are you still employed?

Upon Further Review

With Roger Goodell being revealed as the duplicitous, inconsistent, power mad liar he is, there’s plenty to talk about this week. But I think I’ll let this transcript do all the talking. This is Richard Sherman and Doug Baldwin combining for one of the most epic interview segments ever, where they call out the ridiculousness of the $100,000 fine on Marshawn Lynch for not complying with the NFL’s media policy, and the hypocrisy of the NFL and their policies. Take it away gentlemen….

Sherman: "You know the other day, Marshawn Lynch got fined $100,000. Did you know that? They wouldn't have paid him $100,000 if he had talked [before the fine]. Doug, do you think they would have paid him?"

Baldwin: "No, they sure would not."

Sherman: "Geez, Louise. But you know who pays me a lot of money? Beats by Dre, the wonderful headphones I wear. But the league doesn't let me say anything about them. Doug, why is that?"

Baldwin: "I don't know. Sounds kind of hypocritical to me."

Sherman: "Yeah, it sounds a little bit hypocritical. It seems like we're in a league where they say, 'Players, please don't endorse any alcohol. No DUIs please.' But yet, a beer sponsor is their biggest sponsor. Doug, how do you feel about that?"

Baldwin: "Like I said, sounds very hypocritical."

Sherman: "Very, very interesting. It's crazy. In the offseason you get to wear Neff beanies, you get to eat Campbell's soup. My girl was sick this week, and we got some Campbell's soup in her. So kids, when you get sick, make sure you get some Campbell's soup."

Baldwin: "Speaking of health, how do you feel about the NFL making you play two games in five days?"

Sherman: "On my gosh, geez. I almost didn't realize that because they've been talking about players' safety so much. Two games in five days doesn't seem like you care about players' safety much. It's a little bit much for me. But Doug, you look pretty healthy to me. Looks like you've been eating good. What kind of sandwiches have you been having?"

Baldwin: "You know, I like to eat fresh, so I eat my Subway. And I wash it down with a bottle of Martinelli's."

Sherman: "Sounds like a great beverage. It's fun to use your time in the NFL for something you care about, right? Then you don't get fined $100,000. You don't get fined at all for this. This is how they want us to talk. This is what they want us to do. They want us to advertise, right, Doug?"

Baldwin: "Sounds about right to me."

Sherman: "Gotta make some money. Gotta not get fined. Any questions?"

Baldwin: "No. I don't think so."

A Thousand Words or Less

Photo: Al Bello/Getty Images

Amazing. Just amazing. Having watched it live, it blew me away instantly with its athleticism and concentration.

But with all due respect to Beckham, it was not the greatest catch ever. It did not win a Super Bowl (Santonio Holmes, David Tyree), it did not win a conference championship (Dwight Clark) and it did not even win this game, which the Giants lost. It is, unfortunately, relegated to lone bright spot in an otherwise miserable Giants season. But still, damn did you see that???

He Said He Said

“Yeah” – Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch

Yeah.

“The lowest point of all this I think was the disassociation from a lot of friends you thought were close or you thought you were kind of cool with really not checking on you anymore, hitting you up anymore, wanting to hang out.” – Browns receiver Josh Gordon on issues he had during his suspension

Well, Josh, sometimes when you let down your friends and teammates, and people you thought were kind of cool, by getting busted smoking weed instead of focusing on your job that benefits them as well  as you, they let you know by not hanging out or hitting you up. It’s called real life there big fella, get used to it.

“If you asked any player that’s won MVP awards and never won a Super Bowl, I’m sure they’d trade that in a heartbeat. {The MVP} is a great thing. It would still be a reflection of how our offense has played. To me,, that Super Bowl is the ultimate goal.” – Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger on his thoughts on winning an MVP.

See, he gets it. And I bet he’s right. Let’s find out. Hey, Dan Marino, would you trade your MVP for a Super Bowl ring? You would? Shocking.

Idiot of the Week

As much fun as it is sticking it to Goodell, and it is, feel like shaking it up.

This week, I crown Bills defensive coordinator Jim Schwartz as our idiot.

I know, that sounds harsh considering the week that Buffalo had, but he deserves it. After an emotional win that the team and city needed, Schwartz had to ruin the moment by having his defensive players carry him off the field in Detroit. What was the reason for this, other than to stick it to Detroit fans and the Detroit organization who gave his sorry ass a chance a few years back? Is it their fault he failed to capitalize on said chance? No.

Now, instead of being the gracious winner, he took a great moment for Buffalo and soiled it with his own dirty laundry. What an ass clown and this week,  an idiot.

On Tap This Week

Hey, it’s December crunch time for everyone.

Last week: 9-6

Thursday: 2-1

Season to Date: 119-60

Hmmm, best step it up if I want a chance at winning it all.

Sunday

New York Giants (3-8) at Jacksonville (1-10)

Woof. I want to know what was the transgression you committed to watch this game. Because viewing it must be some sort of punishment.

Giants over Jaguars

Cleveland (7-4) at Buffalo (6-5)

Bills are riding high after an emotional win last week. They’re back home in front of what will be a raucous crowd. Cleveland won last week by the grace of Mike Smith. Josh Gordon is back and already sewing discord in the locker room.. Yeah, I think it’s time for the Browns to revert to form.

Bills over Browns

New Orleans (4-7) at Pittsburgh (7-4)

One way or another, the team wearing black and gold will win today.

Steelers over Saints

Washington (3-8) at Indianapolis (7-4)

The RGIII era is over. Long live Colt McCoy. Somewhere, Browns fans are snickering.

Colts over Snyders

Oakland (1-10) at St. Louis (4-7)

Yikes, this is almost as bad as the Giants/Jags game. Gross.

Rams over Raiders

Cincinnati (7-3-1) at Tampa Bay (2-9)

Man, no matter when I think it’s going to happen, the Bengals have yet to turn into the Bungles. It’s driving me nuts! Although, if the Bucs win they’ll begin their march to the division championship. I’m just saying.

Bengals over Buccaneers

Tennessee (2-9) at Houston (5-6)

I think we’re all past the “Old” Houston vs. “New” Houston metric for this matchup, correct? I imagine Mr. Watt will have a big day. At least I hope so.

Texans over Titans

Carolina (3-7) at Minnesota (4-7)

I’m sure fans of both teams are hoping this one gets snowed out too.

Vikings over Panthers

San Diego (7-4) at Baltimore (7-4)

Like I can trust San Diego to do anything right.

Ravens over Chargers

Arizona (9-2) at Atlanta (4-7)

It boggles my mind that this is a game between division leaders. Is it possible for the owner to fire the coach mid game? Let’s find out.

Cardinals over Falcons

New England (9-2) at Green Bay (8-3)

Here’s the big tamale today. The one some are touting as a Super Bowl preview. First, it’ll be a good game, so watch and enjoy. Second, I’ll say it right now, these teams will not meet in the Super Bowl. And third, New England will lose because Belichick will go vanilla so he sees what Green Bay does, and the Pack will throw everything at the Patriots so they can get a big win at home. Even if I don’t believe this will be a Super Bowl matchup, Belichick will direct his team as though it is, and prepare for both games accordingly.

Packers over Patriots

Denver (8-3) at Kansas City (7-4)

Well, now that the real Andy Reid has revealed himself, I imagine we’ll see more of him in the coming weeks.

Broncos over Chiefs

Monday

Miami (6-5) at New York Jets (2-9)

I don’t give a crap about cold weather vs. warm weather teams. The Jets suck, period. Stupid Jets.

Dolphins over Jets