The Crystal Ball Preseason Preview - AFC West

I do love the last preseason game of the season. Somewhat sloppy play by desperate men valiantly trying to make an NFL roster and avoid a job in the real world. Just fantastic entertainment, although if bittersweet as most of these gentlemen will find themselves unemployed. That’s right, final cuts are coming Saturday.

But fear not cut players; you never know what team may need your services. I know St. Louis is looking for quarterbacks, and Cleveland will be in the market for a wide receiver after budding star, no pun intended, Josh Gordon was assessed a year’s suspension for drug use.

Cleveland cracks me up. Just a few months ago it was everything roses on the shores of Lake Erie. But now, it seems like it’s already unraveling. The Gordon suspension just exemplifies the Browns’ problems. It looks like already the team could be regretting Johnny Football, although I bet they were after the spring of Johnny Party. First he flips the bird to the Washington crowd and shows the entirety of the NFL how easy it is to get under his skin. So the Browns, to protect their investment, tab Brian Hoyer as their Week 1 starter. I’m guessing not for talent, but because they were fearful that Manziel would melt down in the face of what will be a very hostile Pittsburgh crowd.

But perhaps it is talent, because in the Browns preseason game Johnny Football was sacked twice by fellow rookie Michael Sam, whom we’re being CONSTANTLY, told is a marginal player. So either Sam is a much better player than football people want to admit (which is my guess), or Manziel is not as good as advertised. Will the Browns ever get it right? Boy I sure hope not. Where would my amusement come from?

Oh I’ll just sit here in my glee and…..Wait a minute….

Is that Le’Veon Bell and Legarrette Blount doing their impression of Cheech and Chong while rolling through Pittsburgh?

Is that the much vaunted revamped Pittsburgh defense getting shredded in Philadelphia, by Mark Sanchez??

Is that the retooled Pittsburgh offensive attack going three and out, again???

Can I go back and revise the AFC North predictions? No????

AFC West

Denver Broncos

2013 – Finished 13-3 1^st in Division

My goodness, what a whirlwind season it was for the AFC Champion Broncos who found themselves in the ideal situation to win their third Super Bowl. Peyton had it all. Good weather, a record breaking offense, the biggest city in America lit up for him and the world at his feet. He was 60 minutes from his coronation as the greatest quarterback ever. But the Seattle defense was not going to be a footnote in the Peyton Manning story. And as the first snap from scrimmage sailed past Manning's wide eyed surprised look, so too went Denver’s evening.

After that, the indignity started. There was the discussion of how this loss impacts Manning’s legacy. To add insult to humorous injury, someone took some game shots and cut them together into a horror film. Unless you’re a Bronco fan, that link is great! And there was Peyton getting upset and defensive about being asked if the game performance was embarrassing. Here is his quote:

"It's not embarrassing at all. I would never use that word. The word 'embarrassing' is an insulting word, to tell you the truth."

Umm Peyton, I watched the game. Embarrassing and insulting are appropriate adjectives.

A Super Bowl loss is bad, but it would seem things haven’t really improved much for the Broncos. Yes, they did get some good defensive pieces to reload for another run. I think the acquisition of DeMarcus Ware was brilliant.

But the team was rocked by the news that owner Pat Bowlen is suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. He stepped down from his positions and relented control of the team. I feel for Mr. Bowlen, as I think this would be one of the worst afflictions to suffer. To lose your mind, personality and the uniqueness of who you are lowly, arduously sounds to me like slow torture. I hope things do not get too bad for Mr. Bowlen.

But things got worse for the Broncos when they signed former Steeler Emmanuel Sanders. Sanders initially had a deal with the Chiefs, but reneged on that deal to sign with the Broncos. Strike one. Sanders then went out of his way, once camp started, to praise his new quarterback. He went so far out of his way; he threw his old quarterback under the bus. Strike two. And then, after being asked about it, after hearing Roethlisberger’s response, when Sanders had a chance to save face, he stuck to his guns and continued to tout how much belter of a quarterback, football player and team leader Peyton Manning is versus Ben Roethlisberger.

Sanders has talent, but he’s also lazy and a locker room trouble maker. When Sanders claims Peyton is willing to stay after practice with him and a rookie wide receiver, I wonder if that’s because Sanders wants the work, or Manning says Sanders needs the work. Be careful Denver, because you signed a me first fool. I can’t wait to see the exasperated Peyton Manning Face after Sanders drops yet another ball at a critical juncture of a game. It should be an epically derisive sneer.

Projected outcome –There’s no way Manning has as good of a season as he did last year. But there’s also no reason for me to doubt Manning and Company cannot take this division. At least not yet.

Kansas City Chiefs

2013 – Finished 11-5 2^nd in Division

Andy Reid brought huge joy to Chiefs fans and barbeque joints all through the Midwest last season. And if it weren’t for that meddling Peyton Manning, he might have won the division in his first year as head coach. Alas, this was not to be, at least in 2013.

Projected outcome – Not really sure what’s happening in Kansas City this offseason, as most of it seems perplexing. Dwayne Bowe will start the season suspended; their offensive line has been partially rebuilt after a few stalwarts left for greener pastures. I see a sophomore slump for KC and a third place finish.

Oakland Raiders

2013 – Finished 4-12 4^th in Division

Oakland got serious this offseason! They went and imported a slew of veteran talent to bolster their team including Justin Tuck, Matt Schaub and LaMarr Woodley. Woodley even feels his new home and team are playoff contenders. Obviously, Woodley is even more delusional than he was near the end of his tenure in Pittsburgh. Has anyone watched the train wreck that is the Oakland quarterbacking situation this preseason? *shudder*

It would seem team owner Mark Davis saw it, as he’s been busy coming up with a tale so crazy no one is mentioning the disaster that will be seen on the field. Davis, who looks to be even crazier than his old man, is apparently looking into options for the Raiders new home. Their lease with Oakland runs out at the end of the season, and like every rich owner who does not want to spend a dime, he’s trying to extort a new stadium out of Oakland.

So far, those efforts have been all for naught. So Davis has been publicly courted by San Antonio, and even brought up a potential return to Los Angeles. I figured both were just ridiculous ploys, but San Antonio is taking it seriously. The city has enlisted former Vikings owner Red McCombs to assist in the wooing of Davis, and while all involved acknowledge it’s a long shot, that hasn’t stopped San Antonio from working on making this a reality.

While you’re letting all of that sink in, guess what you haven’t done? Thought about how horrible the team is, how poorly it’s run and what a bad product San Antonio is attempting to purchase. Mark Davis, super genius.

Projected outcome – Last. Dead last. So far last that even Cleveland fans will feel good about themselves.

San Diego Chargers

2013 – Finished 9-7 3^rd in Division

San Diego still looks like an up and down team, some weeks looking unstoppable, and some, well you’ve watched them at the beginning of every season.

I guess Charger management must think the team is closer to real success than I do. They spent some free agent money on former Colt Dwight Freeney in the hopes the defensive end can improve their defense. Not sure what an aging, undersized defensive end can do to help, but I suppose we’ll see eventually.

Projected outcome –I see The Super Chargers improving on last year, but at least for the moment this is Denver’s division. So second place it will be.

The Crystal Ball 2014 Preseason Preview - NFC South

“When you go out there, and I would just encourage people, the politicians that have fun with our football team’s name, I would encourage them to go out there and learn and listen to really what’s happening in Indian Country so they can help Indian Country. This is not PR. We do not have PR people doing this stuff. This is really genuine.” – Snyders owner Dan Snyder using his charitable acts as yet another flimsy defense of his team continuing to use a term derogatory to Native Americans as a nickname

I love the part where, in trying to brag about his charitable acts and justify his teams’ racist nickname, he cannot even be bothered to refer to them as Native Americans. What a jackass.

How’s about some installment 6?

NFC South

Atlanta Falcons

2013 – Finished 4-12 3^rd in Division

Well, 2013 happened.

Did anyone see that coming? Obviously not Mike Smith. That was just a bad season from start to finish, and the injury to Julio Jones did nothing to help things in any way. It was a lackluster ending to the career of Tony Gonzalez, but that turned out ok. Seems he managed to get a gig on CBS, some prime spot formerly held by some ex Dolphin quarterback.

Roddy White had an interesting off season. He made a foolish bet on Twitter regarding the NCAA tournament with a random fan, and lost. White bet the fan season tickets on the 50 yard line. The fan, to his credit, didn’t seem to care. But social media wouldn’t leave White alone, and he did pay up. White gave the fan the tickets, a sideline pass for a game and a day at training camp. White said he learned a lesson,

"Never bet anything unless you're willing to pay up."

That’s a good lesson. I think there’s a better one in there for all professional athletes. You have nothing to gain by being on social media, and more to lose than you think.

But don’t feel too bad for Roddy. He also inked a fat extension with the team, so it’s not like he can’t spring for those tickets.

In other news, the Georgia Dome this season will offer alcohol infused cupcakes for sale. No way could this turn into a bad idea, not with normally reserved and respectful NFL fans.

If you think about it, this is a great idea; comfort sweets with intoxicating affects would help fans cope with and forget about bad play and losing football. Although it should probably be an idea employed by the Texans, Jaguars, Raiders, Cowboys, Vikings and Browns.

Projected outcome –I see improvement, but still a third place finish. Mike Smith finds himself on the unemployment line, and Arthur Blank starts morphing into another power mad, super impatient owner in the same vein as Jerry Jones and Dan Snyder.

Carolina Panthers

2013 – Finished 12-4 1^st in Division

Well, what a season for Ron Rivera and his Panthers. They had a great season and fought tooth and nail for the division. Now, the media is abuzz about this team for 2014, and everyone is falling all over themselves discussing the newly mature leader that Cam Newton has become. Never mind how they had almost thrown him onto the scrap heap with Vince Young and JaMarcus Russell.

Projected outcome –Cam does look to be prepped for a better season, however with flux surrounding his offensive line, and his receiving corps being almost completely rebuilt, I don’t see them repeating the dominant season they had last year. With their defense they’ll surely put up a fierce fight, but in the end, it will only be enough for second place.

New Orleans Saints

2013 – Finished 11-5 2^nd in Division

Sure, we could go over so much about the Saints, Drew Brees’ health, the reshuffled skill position players, the defense, but sometimes, there’s something much more interesting.

In this case, the more interesting is Kriste Lewis. This year, Kriste achieved a dream of becoming an NFL cheerleader by becoming one of the news members of the Saintsations, the New Orleans cheer squad.

Yeah, I know, that happens every year. But what makes Kriste unique is that not only does she suffer from kidney disease that she has refused to allow to hold her back, she is also a 40 year old married mother of two. See, I told you it was a good year for 40.

See kids; don’t ever be afraid to chase your dreams, even if you think it might be too late. You might be surprised to find those dreams just may come true.

She’s also from Hattiesburg, Mississippi. I wonder if her family is friends with the Favres’.

Projected outcome –Ok, back to football. Good team, good players, good coach, good quarterback, I say they retake the division from Carolina, but it’ll be a fight for both.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

2013 – Finished 4-12 4^th in Division

Well, I hope Greg Schiano finally convinced everyone what an awful, awful football player Josh Freeman was. It cost him his job to do so.

But that is the past, as are those too, and the Darrelle Revis experiment, and more than a few other issues in Tampa. The team is starting fresh this season, with a younger defense, a new attitude and a rejuvenated Lovie Smith at the helm.

Unfortunately, they will be taking the field wearing these ridiculously designed, atrociously colored, reflective jerseys that look like they were made for a backyard league that plays in the evenings. The font is terrible, like something used in the title credits of a bad movie. And I’m not sure what they were going for with the numbering, did they want the numbers to look like they came from the display of a scientific calculator from 1986?

I know moving fresh merchandise is Goal #1 in the NFL, but there are very few people who would feel comfortable being seen in public in these ludicrous uniforms unless they were getting paid $1.2 Million a season or blackout drunk. If you’re going to throw tradition and iconic looks on the altar of the latest ridiculous trends, which seems to be the trend du jour, at least give the fans something they want to buy. I blame Seattle, Nike and the University of Oregon for these monstrosities. Seriously, you can’t tell me these are better than the creamcicle specials.

Projected outcome – I’m sure Lovie will have the team improved, but until the trifecta of Josh McCown, Mike Glennon and Mike Kafka can somehow morph into a competent NFL quarterback, and someone gets this team a change of clothes, I cannot see them yet leaving the basement of the division. At least it’ll never get to scary dark in the basement with those reflective numbers.

The Crystal Ball 2014 Preseason Preview - AFC South

What is happening in Big D?

Last week, it came out that Cowboys executive vice president Stephen Jones, son of owner and incompetent general manager Jerry Jones, was seen rolling through the Sunset Strip in a party bus accompanied by many, including former journalist, professional work out partner to the NFL stars and current Fox talking head Jay Glazer and NFL head of officiating Dean Blandino.

This is a major issue for the NFL, as it brings into question the integrity of every game yet to be played this season. Remember what a scandal it was when former NBA referee Tim Donaghy was caught betting on basketball games? He was just one referee. This is much bigger. For someone who often seems overly zealous regarding upholding the integrity of the NFL, and often has a curious way of doing it, I’m shocked that this story is 5 days old and I can find no reaction from Roger Goodell.

Other owners and front office personnel are understandably angered by this situation and openly questioning the NFL and Blandino for participating in what looks from the outside to be collusion. They are reacting with the expected confusion and shock one would when they find out they’re getting played. But only one thing about this growing mess surprises me, and no, it’s not Goodell’s non-reaction.

I’m not surprised in the least Jerry Jones is trying to curry favor and influence future officiating decisions by wining and dining the head of officiating. Jones has shown through the years he is willing to do anything, short of hiring a competent general manager and a strong willed talented head coach, to win football games.

Nor am I surprised Jones does not see what’s wrong with this situation. As he stated, it’s Blandino’s job to network with teams during the offseason. Yeah, network means meeting with teams, getting together and discussing issues, communicating rule changes and other league business. Not peddling influence by dropping big money partying in LA. But what other reaction would you expect from a man who thinks it’s a good idea to get drunk and party with women young enough to be his granddaughters.

I’m not even surprised that his method of influence was to send his son out with a tricked out party bus to treat Blandino to a booze fueled night of food and night clubs. Considering that over the top obnoxious monstrosity the Cowboys call a stadium, Jones has never been called classy or subtle.

What surprises me is Jay Glazer. Not that he was prominently involved, good gravy no. He lost any journalistic credibility he once had years ago. I know the popular narrative is that he was cultivating contacts, but who believes that. There’s no way you can report objectively with a team when you go out drinking and whoring with the owner’s son. What surprised me was that someone who is such a sycophant to former New York Giant Michael Strahan would hang out with a rival of Strahan’s Giants. I wonder if Michael would change who he had introduce him into the Hall of Fame if he knew Glazer would be such a fair weathered suck up.

Boy, things sure are different down south. And with that, I bring you installment 5 of the Preseason Previews.

AFC South

Houston Texans

2013 – Finished 2-14 4^th in Division

The Texans started off like gangbusters last year, going 2-0 and looking good doing it. And then proceeded to lose their last 14 games and ended the Matt Schaub and Gary Kubiak eras in Houston.

But 2014 is a new era in Texans football. They have a new quarterback, new head coach, and a new defensive end picked number one in the draft, even if he does seem to be a bit of an idiot.

And despite some rumblings of mutiny by longtime Texan and quiet leader Andre Johnson, all seems to be on the up and up in Houston. But I don’t think so. I don’t like Bill O’Brien, I think Houston hired the wrong coach, and I believe the Texans will regret hiring Bill O’Brien.

Here’s why I don’t like Bill O’Brien and why I’m openly rooting for him to fail. He took on the unenviable task of coaching a Penn State team roiled in scandal. There were so many negative things about that job at that moment in time, and even now, that I would not blame anyone if it were considered too much to handle. However, he knew these things going into the position.

O’Brien claimed upon taking the position he would be at Penn State for the long haul. Yes, I know a typical college head coach empty promise. But this situation was unique. Players could leave the team, leave the scandal and pursue their academic and athletic careers elsewhere without punishment. In order to keep players from abandoning the program and the university during its darkest hour, it would take more than typical coaching platitudes and promises. It would take honesty and vulnerability.

O’Brien told, asked, implored and begged his team to stay at Penn State. He gave impassioned pleas to his players, told them to believe in him, follow him and help him restore Penn State Pride. He sold them a bill of goods, one almost all players bought. He enlisted the help of seniors to help pull the team back together, and keep the players in school. He made them all believe he was one of them, and they were in this together for the duration.

Yet less than two years later, he was gone to greener pastures without scandal or retribution. He used Penn State as merely a stepping stone in a career path. And that by itself is no crime. After all, coaches move from job to job all the time in order to move up in their profession. Like any career path, anyone with ambition wants to move up the ladder and continue to better themselves.

But this situation was so different than just another job. These young college kids watched in the span of less than 3 months everything they once knew and understood explode and die in front of their eyes. The iconic head coach and grandfather figure went from the toast of college football and a paragon of integrity and longevity to shamed, ridiculed, shamed, scandalized, fired and ultimately dead. Their school, once considered above reproach for scandal, was now rocked and embroiled in what would become the worst and most horrific scandal in college football history. And a former coach whom most knew from his presence around the team turned out to be a monster in their midst.

These players needed a leader. They needed someone to come in and throw them a life preserver. They needed something good to once again believe in. And O’Brien gave them just that, until it was no longer convenient for his career ambitions.

Coaches do this thing all the time, so it should not be that big a deal. But by keeping the players there, convincing them to stay for a greater good, then abandoning them for his own gains, is reprehensible even by college coaching standards. That’s why I’m rooting for him to fail.

Projected outcome – Yeah, they drafted well and will no longer be saddled with the ineffective Matt Schaub. But the team hired a head coach interested only in his own career trajectory. And because of that I do not see anything better than 3^rd place for Houston.

Indianapolis Colts

2013 – Finished 11-5 1^st in Division

The team itself has been rather quiet in the off season. Their owner cannot say the same thing.

Colts owner Jim Irsay was arrested in March for driving while intoxicated. At the time of his arrest, Irsay had in his possession numerous bottles of prescription drugs and approximately $29,000 in cash. Nothing strange about that.

Irsay immediately entered rehab after his arrest, and has agreed to submit to random drug tests by local authorities. These are great measures for a man who has addictions issues, and he has been mostly forthcoming.

Now, I do not want to question or challenge Irsay, as he obviously is a man with addiction issues and is actively fighting them. But claiming he was carrying that much cash because he is “extremely generous” rings as a major falsehood told by a man still hiding something. Plus entering rehab immediately shows he was aware of what he was doing to some extent, and only sought help not when he needed it, but when he got in trouble. But at least he’s doing something.

The same cannot be said for Roger Goodell. Goodell has established through his tenure that his number one job is to protect the shield. In other words, uphold the integrity of the NFL. In reality that translates to keeping the public pacified from bad NFL behavior to keep the money flowing. Bad behavior from players is to be expected, to a certain degree. But from owners is a different story. Yet, Goodell has not, to date, punished Irsay.

It should be crystal clear that Irsay’s behavior sets a bad example and tarnishes the shield. In accordance to established precedent, his detrimental actions should be punished quickly and severely. But Goodell thus far has refused to act. His behavior in this case shows his obvious double standards to punishment and his bias toward ownership and not players who produce the actual product on the field. Goodell’s true feelings and motivations could not be clearer if he had them broadcast in Times Square.

His job now is solely to grow ownership profits. Everything else is merely a distraction from or a tool to accomplish that goal. By creating punishments for players based upon either their ability to generate profits or their infractions ability to minimize them, and allowing owners to do as they please, Goodell has tipped his hand.

He cares only for 32 millionaires and billionaires. Keep this incident in mind from now on whenever you see Goodell giving lip service to player contracts, collective bargaining, concussion research or discussing the lawsuit brought against the league by the thousands of former players who feel deceived and scorned by the league. To Goodell, they are merely white noise. He has no true interest in leading one of the most profitable sports leagues in the world. His interest lies in increasing the profits of owners who over charge fans, under pay players and fleece taxpayers and governments out of obscene amounts of money and tax revenue. Everyone else, players, coaches, front office staff and fans, can go pound sand.

Projected outcome –Look at this division and then look at the Colts. Right now, they’re doing their best Alfred E. Neumann impression, “What me worry?” Yet another division championship awaits them.

Jacksonville Jaguars

2013 – Finished 4-12 3^rd in Division

Jacksonville has yet to figure out their quarterback situation, a problem since Byron Leftwich was effective in the NFL.

They dumped Blaine Gabbert on the San Francisco 49ers for a 6^th round draft pick. And I think the team fleeced San Francisco in that trade.

But the real fun in the off season was watching the Spring of Tebow in Florida! Tebow bought a house and moved to Jacksonville. Tebow is training like he’s going to get signed. Jacksonville fans love and want Tebow! And yet, Tebow is going to be a college football analyst and commentator.

Honestly, it’s better this way. I know beleaguered Jacksonville fans think that Tebow will bring them the long desired success they so desperately crave. But the illusion of such success is much better than the reality of disappointment and unmet expectations.

Projected outcome –In the NFL, you only go so far as your quarterback. I understand it’s a team sport, but you’re quarterback is the leader, the field general, the keystone of how the offense works and how often the defense works. Without one, you go nowhere. Until you can answer who their quarterback is, 4^th place is their home.

Tennessee Titans

2013 – Finished 7-9 2^nd in Division

Although Tennessee did finish 2^nd in the division, it was only because two other teams were atrociously worse. This led to the dismissal of head coach Mike Munchak. And by the way, thank you Tennessee for that, Pittsburgh’s offensive line is now looking tremendously potent.

In his place came former Cardinals head coach Ken Whisenhunt. Well, now I know where our old players will go for one last NFL job after they get cut in Pittsburgh. At least it’s a shorter drive to Nashville than Phoenix.

One other bit of weirdness came from a night out on the town. Titans quarterback Zack Mettenberger, who played his college football at LSU, was sucker punched in a bar by an Alabama fan. Apparently, the fan said “Roll Tide” to Zach, who then responded with “Good luck with that”, which got him punched.

Two things on this. One, SEC fans are just insane. That league’s fan bases should be put on suspension until they all chill out. Two, I remember as a kid the phrase was “Roll On Tide”. It’s why Alabama fans would show up at the games with a roll of toilet paper on top of a box of Tide detergent. Could someone tell me when the word “on” made the phrase too long and complex for Alabama sports fans?

Projected outcome –Whisenhunt is a pretty good coach, and I think he learned much not only from his time in Arizona, but also his stint in San Diego. There are some good pieces on this team, but until we find out if Jake Locker can be a franchise quarterback, the team will progress no further than 2^nd place.