The Crystal Ball 2013 The Super Bowl

Happy Groundhog Day everyone! Did you get up early to see the hog predict more winter? That goofy rodent. Seems like there's something else big going on today. Let me think, oh yeah, the Super Bowl! I got all excited about Phil making his yearly appearance I almost forgot!

Perhaps it's the best offense vs. the best defense, perhaps it's that I have no emotional investment in either team, perhaps its something in the weather. I have no idea, but for some reason I am fired up for Super Bowl XLVIII! The pageantry, the silliness, the game itself. And we have a packed offering for you today! So sit back, start snacking early and tuck into a heaping helping of The Crystal Ball, Super Bowl Edition.

Opening Kickoff

For Shakespearean trained thespians, Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian McKellen are two wacky chaps. So does this make them the 13th and 14th men?

The Way Some Things Were

Hey, the Pro Bowl was mildly competitive this year. The commish must be so pleased. However, I missed the faux football festivities by choice. I'm sorry, but I need 35% less Deion Sanders in my life, and since the NFL is not helping make that a reality, I must do my part.

Did anyone else think Marshawn Lynch spent media day looking like the Unibomber? And good gravy, when did Deion Sanders become the go to guy for everything NFL? Let me up that to 50% less Sanders in my life.

Maybe it's just me, but it would seem this "all star" referee crews for the playoffs is working less than the established crews during the regular season. Perhaps if these guys, as a group, could work together, in say the off season as full time employees, then maybe it wouldn't be so awkward being thrown together with two team's seasons on the line. Just a thought.

Here's some interesting Brady vs. Manning numbers

Head to Head:

Regular season: Brady 8 - Manning 3

Post season: Brady 2 - Manning 2

That's very interesting. Do we have a new metric on which to base the greatness of these two quarterbacks? One that flips a script that's been read from for the last 13 years?

The Cowboys demoted Monte Kiffin from defensive coordinator and added Scott Linehan as the passing offense coordinator and play caller. I bet the results will be yet another playoff-less season.

Congratulations to Michael Strahan, Aeneas Williams, Derrick Brooks, Andre Reed, Walter Jones, Claude Humphrey and Ray Guy, the latest editions to the NFL Hall of Fame. I was hoping Jerome Bettis would also be a member of this class, but he, amongst other worthy candidates, did not make the cut. Some years, there's just too many good choices. And this is one of those years. Congratulations to all.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

According to a poll of NFL players, most players trust Tom Brady in the clutch. That's funny, since Peyton Manning has more comeback victories in his career than Brady. What's funny is that while other players trust Brady at crunch time, his own teammates won't even give him a high five. Can't someone help this man?

Dolphins tackle Jonathan Martin spoke recently, stating he felt trapped in the situation with Richie Incognito. That's how bullies succeed, by making the victim feel trapped and unable to escape the torture.

Former Lion Jahvid Best is suing the NFL and helmet maker Riddell over concussions sustained in the league. Keep an eye on this one, if Best's lawsuit gains traction it may lead to a complete unraveling of the NFL settlement.

The New York Giants are being accused of selling fake game used gear. Can I get a fake game worn Super Bowl XLII jersey on the cheap? It was a good game.

Were you interested in finding out what cars are being driven by NFL stars? Here's your chance. By the way, is anyone else surprised Tom Brady drives the douchiest car?

A couple named their newborn baby after Saints quarterback Drew Brees. Oh come on, he's not even playing in the Super Bowl this year. Keep the nonsense related to Denver and Seattle. At least until training camp.

49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick claimed that Richard Sherman is afraid of San Francisco's receivers and he can't wait until next season. Sorry Colin, Richard can't deal with your sour grapes right now, he's too busy getting ready for the Super Bowl, you know, that game he and his team advanced to because he was so afraid of your receivers he broke up the potential game winning pass? Hmmm, maybe you just forgot how the NFC Championship ended. Probably got lost in your own world rocking out with your Beats headphones.

Only In Faux Super Bowl Reality…

Is there anything more crazy than the build up for the Super Bowl? NO! This week is awesome for it's mix of commerce, sports, entertainment, and insanity. How many recipes for game day food have you read this week? I've seen at least a dozen. Same with ways to outfit your viewing area, tips for great parties, the commercials, and so many breakdowns and angles looking at both teams. How much do you know about the individual players now? I know! Me too! The best part is this week, the absurd IS the norm. When I see a Papa John's commercial with Papa John, Peyton Manning AND Joe Montana, and Peyton's calling Joe a legend and wants his autograph? Yeah, that doesn't seem out of the ordinary this week, just awesome! So here's some choice samples of the insanity that is Super Bowl week.

With this year's game being outdoors in a cold weather city, Fox Sports will be breaking out a phalanx of weather gadgets for the game. Too bad they forgot a roof.

Hey, New Jersey loves the NFL. So much, it's paying for security and giving the NFL tax breaks to the tune of $8 Million. Now there's no way Chris Christie would give sweetheart deals for favors in the future, would he?

Speaking of security the plans in place are nothing short of impressive. But I think snipers are a bit much. It's still just a football game.

Are you unsure what to watch concerning the Super Bowl, you know, other than the actual game? Here's a handy broadcast guide to prep you for the game.

Are you like most fans, and have little to no knowledge of either team other than knowing the one team in orange employs that dude who sells pizza? Well worry not, just use this handy infographic to glean enough knowledge to wow anyone at your Super Bowl party!

We can't have a Super Bowl without a PUPPY BOWL!!!! Meet this year's contestants! Awwww, how darn cute are these little ones! I know I'll tune in before the Super Bowl!

And you can't have a Super Bowl or Puppy Bowl without a party. Here's a bunch of ways to make your game day get together the greatest ever, until next year...

You also cannot have a Super Bowl without reminders of the previous editions of the game. That is, if you haven't been watching the marathons on NFL Network. But how about this for something different, a list of the best teams to not win the big game? My favorite is number 1 on the list. Hee hee, it never gets old.

But how about the nuttiness specific to the teams? No problem, there's plenty of that. How about Broncos safety Mike Adams, who says if the team wins, he'll stay in uniform and walk home to Paterson New Jersey.

Good start, but that doesn't seem committed enough. Oooh, this looks promising, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie claims hey may retire if the Broncos win. He's 27.

How is Seattle coping? Pretty well it would seem. Their fans, however are going completely overboard with their 12th Man celebrations. I'm wondering if they let a fan suit up during games with how invested they are in this construct.

Bronco fans however are fighting back, and are up to the challenge of combating the 12th Man.

What neither fan base can predict though, is New York fans, who had fun mocking Wes Welker at a Knicks game.

But nothing beats the stupidity of a doctor on a news segment who stated he was rooting for Tom Brady and the Patriots in the Super Bowl, and even insisted they were playing in the game when the reporter gently tried to correct him. You know what they call the person who graduated last from medical school? Doctor.

In Back to the Future news, making the rounds has been the tale of how John Elway ripped his team a new one when they lost to the Seahawks 40-10, in the preseason. Will that tirade have an impact today?

To throw everyone for a loop, Fox assigned reporter Pam Oliver to cover Richard Sherman during the game. I wonder if there will be any outrage if he loses his marbles this time.

It appears Roger Goodell avoided the Polar Vortex, and outright disaster, with the weather warming up and no projected blizzard. Goodell benefited again with ticket buyers swarming supplies due to the weather uptick.

All those in attendance will enjoy the musical stylings of Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, who were added to appeal to the older crowd. Disturbingly, I find myself in that crowd. Yikes. Back in my day, we rocked out to Up With People....

Seattle quarterback Russell Wilson is in his 2nd year in the pros. Ever wondered about how 2nd year quarterbacks fare in the Super Bowl? Wonder no more. Hmmm, that's a good time to segue into.....

Upon Further Review

At first blush Super Bowl XLVIII would look like a fresh, new Super pairing. Two teams that have never met in the big game, and Seattle making only it's second ever appearance. But in truth, this is merely a reenactment of Super Bowl XL, with Denver playing the part of the Pittsburgh Steelers. What, you say I’m crazy? That may be true, but let’s look at the tale of the tape, and you tell me if we’re watching something new or just a well made docudrama.

Similarity	Super Bowl XL	Super Bowl XLVIII
AFC Champion won deciding  game to advance to the Super Bowl in Denver	Yes	Yes
NFC Champion won deciding  game to advance to the Super Bowl in Seattle	Yes	Yes
New England’s season ended in Denver	Yes	Yes
In the Super Bowl, the AFC Champion will play the Seattle Seahawks	Yes	Yes
Both Super Bowl teams will have little to no Super Bowl experience, save for a few veterans	Yes	Yes
The Super Bowl will be played in a northern, cold weather city	Yes (Detroit)	Yes (New York)
AFC team has an affable, and formidable, defensive lineman with silly food related nickname	Yes (Casey “Big Snack” Hampton)	Yes (Terrance “Pot Roast” Knighton)
One team is led by a 2nd year quarterback bolstered by a strong running game	Yes (Ben Roethlisberger)	Yes (Russell Wilson)
One team employs a brash, polarizing defensive player known for speaking his mind, self promotion, big hits and hard play	Yes (Joey Porter)	Yes (Richard Sherman – sorry Richard, the comparison was too easy. Don’t worry, you’re way smarter)
An well loved veteran, hobbled by injuries in recent years and nearing the end of a long and successful  career, will be making his first ever Super Bowl appearance	Yes (Jerome Bettis)	Yes (Champ Bailey)
The AFC head coach has significant Pittsburgh connections	Yes (Bill Cowher is from the Pittsburgh area, coached the Steelers)	Yes (John Fox once was a member of Chuck Noll’s coaching staff)

Honestly, the comparisons are eerie. Although if I were a Bronco fan, I’d feel good about potentially achieving one last similarity, the final result with an AFC victor.

Dave's not here, man

Super Bowl XLVIII provides a very interesting side dynamic due to the home states of the participants. Colorado and Washington are the first two states in the nation to legalize marijuana. This fact has not gone unnoticed during Super Bowl week. Recipes for Super Bowl snack food that utilize the drug have been put forth.

Former player Brendon Ayanbadejo, who went to the Super Bowl as a member of the Bears and Ravens, has claimed that players have smoked weed before kickoff of the big game. Even the commissioner has had to address the marijuana connection and the league's current and future policies on the drug. Heck, a couple of forward thinking fans registered the domain name stoner bowl and are now selling commemorative t-shirts.

Well, we here at The Crystal Ball are certainly not above some goofy humor. In that spirit, please enjoy "Smoke-A-Bowl"......

Woody - The National Football League and Fox Sports welcome you to Super Bowl XLVIII, sponsored by Taco Bell and Doritos. I'm your host, Woody Harrelson. With me as always is Matthew McConaughey. Matt are you ready for today's game?

Matt - After a bit of this sticky I'll be right as rain.

Woody - Good deal, hurry up with it. It goes puff puff pass, not puff puff bogart.

Matt - Alright, alright, alright hold your horses....

Woody - While I wait for Matt, let's outline the fantastic day we have in store for you. Pre-game entertainment will include music from Redman and Wiz Khalifa on the outdoor stages. In various areas throughout the concourses, the cast members of That 70's Show will perform selected scenes from their long running show.

Matt - I want to see the basement table scene!

Woody - You're living it right now. Pass!

Matt - Hold on.....

Woody - Anyway, that's not all. The National Anthem will be performed by Willie Nelson, who will then be an honorary official for the coin toss. Scooby Doo and Shaggy will deliver the official Funyuns Game Ball via a cloud of smoke prior to kickoff.

Matt - I'm providing the cloud...

Woody - Yeah, but not the blunt. PASS!

Matt - Just a second....

Woody:  Halftime will consist of a stirring performance from a reunited Dr. Dre and Snoop Lion, who will rock selected tracks from Dre's seminal album, The Chronic. During the game, we'll receive regular updates from our guest sideline reporters Seth Rogan and James Franco.

Matt: I could go for some Franco American SpaghettiO's.

Woody - And I could go for a hit off of that J. PASS IT!

Matt - Sorry bro, I finished it.

Woody - *grumbles*

Matt - No worries my man, I know a guy, and he's en route to the game with reinforcements. But he had to stop with his buddy at White Castle on the way.

Woody - Ok, well while we check on their progress this looks like the perfect time for a break. When we come back, our game broadcasting crew Cheech and Chong will have a very special interview with Toronto mayor Rob Ford. Stay tuned for that unforgettable interview, coming up after these words from Tostitos Pizza Rolls.

He Said He Said

“To this day I have no idea why Mr. Hess fired Pete after one season. He was brilliant. He was the Chip Kelly of his time. I wish he’d have stayed our coach.” - CBS analyst Boomer Esiason on his one season with Pete Carroll with the New York Jets

After the disaster of Rich Kotite that followed, I'm sure Mr. Hess was wondering why he fired Carroll too.

“I’m just glad I ordered the pot roast, not the shrimp alfredo.” - Broncos defensive tackle Terrance “Pot Roast” Knighton to Peter King

Also a good thing he didn't order a Quinoa.

"Race played a major part in how my behavior was received, but I think it went beyond that. Would the reaction have been the same if I was clean-cut, without the dreadlocks? Maybe if I looked more acceptable in conservative circles, my rant would have been understood as passion. These prejudices still play a factor in our views because it’s human nature to quickly stereotype and label someone. We all have that." - Seahawks corner back Richard Sherman

He's right we do all have that. And it's only going to change for the better if we recognize it, be honest and open and learn from it. Otherwise, we're doomed to repeat the same mistakes.

"They say he's a smart player, and I don't think that's a real reach what he's saying there. I do throw ducks. I've thrown a lot of yards and touchdown ducks, so I'm actually quite proud of it." - Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning responding to comments from Richard Sherman that Manning throws ducks on the field

I know he'll never do it, but I could see Manning having a career in entertainment, some sort of comedy variety program, after his playing career. He' is awesome with the one liners.

"He's a good corner, but to say he's the best corner, you've got to humble yourself just a little bit by saying that." - Steelers cornerback Ike Taylor on Sherman

Ike would know about humble, since he's spent his career stating he spent his collegiate years attending Swaggin' U.

"The NFL always wins. Every time a game ends on a controversial call or somebody loses it on camera, it’s free advertising for the NFL. It’s not just my name being talked about on all the shows; it’s the NFL’s logo on all the shows. That means more eyes on the Super Bowl, more clicks for their websites, and potentially more sales of my jersey, for which I don’t see a kickback. Even when they’re taking money out of my pockets with fines, the league is constantly winning." - Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman in his column for The MMQB

You can dislike his antics, but never call him stupid or ignorant. He's far smarter than I'm sure Roger Goodell would care to have in his employees.

"Probably very important. If it had been my decision, I would have gone back in the game. I tried to get my helmet back." - Seahawks wide receiver Percy Harvin to Peter King on his concussion

See Goodell? You have to change the mindset of the players if you ever want real safety enacted. But of course, you don't you just want more revenue streams.

"My experience has been, whether it's been one of these or any game or in any big spot, obviously your star players have to be great in championship games, and not very many championships are won in any sport where your big players didn't play big, but there always seems to be an unknown guy who makes a critical play. Whether it's in the kicking game, Lord knows where it's going to come from, but my experience has been that there's been one of those events." - Broncos head coach John Fox

Boy is that the gospel truth. If Denver wins, I'm hoping its Duke Ihenacho!

Idiot of the Week

It's difficult to identify a proper idiot this week, since there's always a certain level of stupidity during Super Bowl week. But then someone opens their mouth and boom, idiocy.

At first I thought it would be Warren Sapp, who shot his ignorant mouth off claiming Michael Strahan doesn't belong in the Hall of Fame. Strahan shot back at Sapp, and the Hall of Fame voting committee took care of the rest by voting Strahan in, and Sapp just looks like an even bigger fool than normal.

Then I thought it would be the NFL in general. The league was having a hissy fit about Marshawn Lynch and his very brief interviews throughout the week and thumbing his nose at the leagues media policy. But that's not really idiocy, more of an inability to see a changed landscape. Originally, when the league set about requiring its stars to speak with the media, it was in an effort to help promote and grow the game. At the time the NFL was behind baseball and in direct competition with college football for viewers. Now, the league has no real competition and it's unnecessary, and in a lot of cases, counter intuitive to have players speak to the media. Not so much idiocy as outdated policies.

Ahhh but then came Friday, and the commissioner's interview with the media. Amongst the many interesting tidbits discussed was Goodell claiming that 9 out of 10 Native Americans approve of the current nickname of the Washington franchise. I have no idea where Goodell obtained this information. Honestly, who was doing a poll of Native Americans and their feelings on professional sports team nicknames? I would like to see the results, as I believe they would be different than what Goodell is reporting. But where the idiocy comes in is when a reporter asked Goodell if he would use that term directly to a Native American. Goodell sidestepped the question and moved on to other points in defending Snyder and his insistence in using a racial slur as a team nickname.

If you would refuse to refer to a human being by that name, you know it's wrong. So why do you allow it to continue being used in your league? For defending something you know in your heart is indefensible, Roger Goodell, you are, yet again, an idiot.

Prognosticating the Future

One of the most entertaining parts of Super Bowl week is watching numerous talking heads trying to figure out who will win before actually playing the game. Polls, predictions and simulations abound with desperate souls trying to prognosticate the outcome of the game, usually with the same accuracy as Punxsutawney Phil and his yearly weather forecast.

EA Sports each year runs a simulation of the two Super Bowl teams in an attempt to determine the winner. This year their game reproduction forecasts a Broncos victory. While EA is fairly accurate, I know ultimately it means nothing.

One of my favorite predictors, the Scripps Howard News Service used to have an  annual gleaning of Super Bowl picks from celebrities. However, Scripps Howard is no longer in business. But that doesn't mean there aren't people asking celebrities their winners. Newsday has a fun selection this year, filled with athletes of other sports. The Sporting News also has a great selection. I recommend Kevin Costner's input, just darned unintentionally hilarious.

But I digress. For me, the true indicator of the Super Bowl winner comes from looking at the latest scandal sheet. To put it succinctly, I determine Super Bowl winners based on who has a scandal, started a scandal, and is embroiled in a scandal or on the cusp of one. And by my definition, a scandal is anything off the field that takes away from the team itself, puts all the focus on one player or anything that may disrupt a team from properly preparing for the game.

This year, everyone seems to have kept their mouths shut and noses clean, for the most part. But if there ever was a distraction, it had to be the aftermath that came from Richard Sherman's post game comments after the NFC Championship game. So far it doesn't seem like it's really affected Seattle, but as we all know that's to be determined on the field. We'll know later today.

On Tap Tonight

Well it comes down to one, final match up. My season is almost complete. And it'll be a rather good one I think.

Season to Date: 172-96

One day I'll crack 200. Until then, let's finish this.

Sunday

Seattle (15-3) at Denver (15-3) in New Jersey

Well, finally here we are. Number one offense versus number one defense. A match up that by all accounts was predicted before one down of football was played. It's a fantastic pairing, and that's not just my opinion, but a thought held by many.

I honestly have no idea whom to pick. I like both teams and feel both have an equal chance at winning. In addition, I find reasons for wanting to see either team to win. For Denver, it would be nice to see Peyton win a second ring, silence a ton of critics and immediately be vaulted to become arguably #1 when discussing the greatest quarterbacks of all time. It would be nice to see John Fox win one, especially since he might have been cheated out of one by the Patriots. It would allow Elway to show justification as to why he made such a dramatic quarterback shift (although like one was really needed). Wes Welker could have something to rub in Belichick's face. And who wouldn't want to say the phrase "Super Bowl Champion Duke Ihenacho"??? That's the best name in the game!!!

On the other side, it's always special to see a franchise win their first ever Super Bowl. Not one person on the Seahawks has ever played in this game, so it's a first time for everyone. It would go a long way toward shutting up the Richard Sherman detractors who still insist on speaking ill of the man. Plus his post game comments would be priceless, as well as his role in the latest addition of America's Game. And the sales of Skittles would skyrocket too. And you kind of want to see them get one, so they can let go of Super Bowl XL.

That doesn't mean each team has no reasons to root against them. Denver's mercenary cutting of Tim Tebow left a bad taste in people's mouths. Not the what, but the how. Replacing Tebow with Peyton Manning is a no brainer. But claiming to support Tebow and then jettisoning him faster than nuclear waste without so much as a thank you is rather cold and not becoming of a stand up organization. Plus, the fan's "incomplete" chant after an opponent fails on a pass attempt comes across to impartial parties as childish, immature and bad sportsmanship.

Oh, Seattle is not immune either. The 12th man nonsense is so much overblown fluff. Yeah, your stadium is loud. That's because it's been acoustically designed to amplify sound. And this just in, you're not the only dedicated and fiercely loyal fan base in the NFL. As a matter of fact, I question if you're even in the top 10. Until you regularly take over opponent's stadiums to the point where you drown out the home fans, and it's heard on the media broadcasts, you're not the greatest fans ever. Do you remember your first Super Bowl appearance? How many Terrible Towels do you remember seeing? Plus, how come no one talks about the penchant for the team's secondary to use PEDs?

But these are minor quips. For the most part, both teams and their fans are likeable, fun, and easy to support. Plus this showdown is almost predetermined, since Peyton Manning single handedly changed the direction of both teams. During his free agent search, Seattle tried to get Manning, who politely said thanks but no thanks. Instead, Seattle drafted Russell Wilson, and here we are today.

So the only thing standing between Peyton Manning and a career defining victory is the team whom he spurned during his free agent period. That couldn't come back to bite him in the fanny, could it?

With the weather looking rather mild, the potential for the elements to wreck Denver's passing game has been reduced dramatically. Peyton will be on his game, although that was never in doubt. And actually, if you think about it he won his only Super Bowl thus far in a torrential downpour. So perhaps bad weather in the Super Bowl is his milieu. I think this game will come down to three factors. How Denver's receivers match up against the "Legion of Boom" secondary of Seattle's defense, how Denver's offensive line stands up to Seattle's pressure and how Russell Wilson steps up to exploit the potentially soft Denver secondary. With their size and skill, I think Denver's receivers can neutralize Seattle's secondary. I also do not see anything that says Denver's line will suddenly have a massive drop off in performance. So this game will come down to Russell Wilson. I like Wilson, but the sample size for him is too small. I'll root for a great, entertaining and classic game, but as far as a winner, with only the slightest edge, I think we'll see.....

Broncos over Seahawks