The Crystal Ball 2013 Week 17

In 2013, so far, Peyton Manning has recaptured the single season touchdown crown, is within easy striking distance of the single season passing yardage record, had an awesomely hilarious commercial with his brother and been named the Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year. This year, it most certainly does not suck to be Peyton Manning.

Opening Kickoff

Records falling, seeding up for grabs, divisions to be decided, Week 17 will be, apparently, the greatest football Sunday of all time! Or it could just be a sweet day of football. Either way.

The Way It Was

Yes, the Cowboys did win the game, but not for lack of trying to lose. Dallas had a 1st and goal from the Washington 4 yard line with a chance to win the game, and I said out loud, I wonder how Romo and Garrett can screw this up. Honestly, even I was impressed with the level of idiocy when they ended up at 4th and 10. And I was more shocked than most when they managed to convert 4th and 10 for a touchdown.

Yes, the feting of Candlestick Park was a wonderful time. But seriously 49ers, you couldn't pick up the phone and call Joe Montana to come down and say goodbye? Has anyone short of Bill Walsh done more in that stadium or for that team? Of course the self promotion kings Steve Young and Terrell Owens were on hand, but not arguably the greatest player in team history. You stay classy 49ers.

Speaking of 49er class, I was glad to see Colin Kaepernick had the presence of mind to take off his gigantic headphones before his post game press conference. Oh wait, no he didn't.

So as it turns out, Tony Romo finished the game playing with a herniated disk in his back. Is it just me or does Romo have a story like this at least once a season? The manly legend of Tony Romo continues, as does the Cowboy playoff drought.

I wonder if Romo's injury gives Jason Garrett a pass from getting fired.

With no animosity, I was sad to see Clay Matthews' season end with a crappy injury. It looked rather innocuous when he sacked Roethlisberger, but sometimes those are the ones that get you the most. Let's hope he heals fully in case he runs into any burglar cats. Hee hee, I love that commercial.

I was also sorry to hear about Von Miller's season ending injury. But on the plus side, it gives Denver and their faithful something else to blame other than Peyton Manning when they lose in the divisional round. so there's that. Bazinga.

The Steel Pit

Steelers 38 - Packers 31

Obviously, I am of two minds regarding this game. One mind says the win and keeping playoff hope alive is bad, it stunts needed changes in personnel and staff and hinders rebuilding and restocking by lowering the team's future draft position.

But damn that was a fun and entertaining game. A few years ago when I did the

math, I really wanted to go to Green Bay for this game, to not only see my Steelers in person but to also soak in the history, tradition and lore that is Green Bay football. After witnessing this game, damn I should have made this happen. What fun, especially in the snow!

But you cannot bring up this game without pointing out how horrifically terrible the officiating was throughout the day. Green Bay specifically was upset with the officiating at the end of the game, that cost them potentially a play in the red zone that could have tied the game in the final seconds. While I think they have a point, I'd like to point out that the Green Bay sideline was awfully mum when it came to the horribly botched officiating job that occurred during the botched Packer field goal sequence when the Steelers claimed possession, but were refused possession, refused a review of the play, and penalized thus giving Green Bay a fresh set of downs, and ultimately a touchdown. Yeah, pretty quiet about that travesty of justice. But yeah, the 3 second delay was the real issue from the zebras there Mike McCarthy.

While the officiating, and Green Bay's whining, bugged me, what ultimately got my ire in a lather was Pittsburgh's play calling during it's final offensive possession.

I maintain that the horrible play calling and clock management should have resulted in Mike Tomlin and Todd Haley's firing immediately after the game. Pittsburgh had a 2nd and 1 from the Green Bay 1 yard line with 1:30 left on the clock and the Packers holding no time outs while Pittsburgh held 1. The logical solution at this point would have been to kneel on the ball twice, milk the clock down to 5 seconds remaining, kick the field goal and at worst leave 2 seconds left on the clock for the field goal.

Instead, Tomlin and Haley ran a normal play, and to the surprise of no one except maybe those two, Green Bay allowed Pittsburgh to score a touchdown to preserve time.

Logic dictated that Pittsburgh was going to score, either with a touchdown or a field goal. Green Bay's only hope was to allow the score and get the ball back. History shows this team is willing to take that chance. Look back to Super Bowl XXXII. Mike Holmgren did the exact same thing, and it almost worked for the world championship. That Mike McCarthy would follow a similar script should be surprising to no one.

McCarthy knew Pittsburgh's defense and special teams are mediocre. He decided to take his chances with those units rather than trying to stop Pittsburgh's offense. Tomlin and Haley should have realized this and planned accordingly. They did not. What happened next should have been predictable. Green Bay ran the ensuing kickoff back to Pittsburgh's 30 yard line, and then were knocking on the door of scoring from Pittsburgh's 1 yard line before anyone realized what was happening. And if it weren't for another Green Bay mistake, this time a false start penalty, this game may have ended in a very different way.

The game was fun and exciting, and the outcome enjoyable. But if not for dumb luck, things should have been very different.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

A Seattle car dealership promised 12 people $35,000 if the Seahawks managed to shut out the New York Giants. Oops.

Apparently, the St. Louis Rams are still irked by the method Rob Ryan quit the team. Ryan, who was with the Rams barely long enough to form an ass groove in his office chair, walked in one morning, quit, then left the team facility and celebrated by hitting up the McDonald's across the street from the team facilities. Even Morgan Spurlock was unsurprised by this.

A study proves what I've been saying for years; Oakland has the most unstable fans in the NFL. Ignore the fan base in second place.

I give Peyton Manning a bit of grief regarding his Super Bowl and playoff record, but in all honesty I totally dig the guy. And this is reason #478, Peyton Manning respectfully declines a wedding invitation.

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has gone on record stating he'll clean house if Dallas misses the playoffs. Here's hoping he starts with firing the general manager.

Rex Ryan is attempting to inspire his team by informing them he expects to be fired at the conclusion of the season. Hey Rex, just so you know, the rest of us expect you to be fired as well.

Lions fans, fully fed up by the team's inexplicable collapse, booed their team lustily when Detroit chose to play for overtime rather than play for a potential win in regulation. Lions head coach Jim "I'm two seconds and an eyelash away from being fired" Schwartz was unhappy by the fan reaction, and responded as any adult working a professional position in the public eye would, by flipping off and cursing at said fans. It'll be fun seeing what team hires Schwartz as it's defensive coordinator for 2014.

Cowboys head coach Jason Garrett shoved a team employee while running off the field after Dallas' last second win against Washington. Jeez Jason, way to be a gigantic douchebag. What the heck, was they guy trying to hand you a pink slip or something?

And finally, injured Bengals punter Kevin Huber made light of his injury by tweeting a photo of his current dilemma, specifically what kind of crazy straw to rock with his broken jaw. At least he's got a wicked good sense of humor.

Upon Further Review

Was it just me, or did this week feel like a poorly coached, completely sucky week? Perhaps it's just me, but lately it seems that every supposedly superior team has failed miserably, and every team that holds its future in its hands continues to screw it up by going against it's own best interest.

To emphasize my point, consider:

.....despite his team's recent winning ways, Bears quarterback Jay Cutler returned from injury, and instead of letting his backup continue to shine, grabbed his job back and proceeded to stink worse than a burning diaper in a dumpster. Chicago could have claimed the NFC North. Instead, it claimed the title of biggest dump taken during game time.

.....The "defending world champion" Ravens continue to live on reputation, with the entire CBS crew predicting the team to win in their home game showdown against New England based upon the myth of the Baltimore defense and the elite status of Joe Flacco. Yet in the reality that everyone ignores, Baltimore's defense reveals itself, again, to be the sieve it is and Flacco again illustrates his late season and post season performance from last year were more fluke than realizing potential and the team loses at home 41-7. Steeler fans everywhere rejoice and scream "I TOLD YOU SO!"

.....Lions head coach Jim Schwartz responds to the disgruntled Bronx cheers of his fan base by cursing out and flipping off the fans in attendance at Ford Field.

.....Miami, who had a chance to claim a playoff spot thanks to season defining wins against Pittsburgh and New England, completely crapped the bed by getting shut out by the Bills in Buffalo.

These are just a few examples from last week. For over a month now, teams that should be asserting themselves have collapsed in the moment of truth. On the flip side, teams that should be preparing for the future have screwed themselves and their draft position by winning meaningless, and ridiculous, games.

As fans, we complain often about teams and coaches that show little to no intelligence when it comes to clock management. Cannot we finally do the same regarding teams and their coaches that cannot operate within the bounds of basic common sense?

The Coaching Carousel

One of our favorite features has returned once again to brighten our doorstep! With the season ending today, and most assuredly the firings to commence tomorrow, the revolving door that is head coach employment in the NFL will begin spinning wildly. Although there is only one team actively looking for a head coach, we'll utilize them to kick off this year's installment of this segment.

Houston: - The Texans have been sans head coach since the dismissal of Gary Kubiak. Wade Phillips has filled in on an interim basis, but to no success. The team has announced it plans to hire their new head coach by Tuesday. Names linked to the job include Chargers offensive coordinator Ken Whisenhunt, former Bears head coach Lovie Smith, interim head coach Wade Phillips and Penn State head coach Bill O'Brien. Of course, the O'Brien angle has been reported by Ian Rapoport, so take that news with a gigantic grain of salt (see Roethlisberger demanding trade story.)

For O'Brien's sake I hope it's not true, as many have put much faith and trust in his work to help the Penn State program, a job that he has been tremendous at. For Houston, I hope they know that if they lure O'Brien away from Penn State, a university and fan base to which he gave his word, they will be getting only a head coach that looks out for himself. And I think the esteemed Mr. Gregg Easterbrook has pointed out numerous times this type of hire never works out well in the end.

Keep an eye on the following teams, as I predict these will be the squads shopping for a new head coach within the next few days.

Washington, Dallas, Detroit, Minnesota, Tampa Bay, New York Jets and potentially Miami, Tennessee and Atlanta. Stay tuned....

He Said He Said

"Quarterback Joe Flacco wasn’t up to the task this week." - nationalfootballpost.com's Jason Cole

As compared to what, his magical 8 game run last year? The only time in his career Flacco has been up to the task?

“Trent Richardson looks like he’s gonna get the first down, and that certainly doesn’t look like a horse-collar. It looks to … well, wait a minute. On that angle, he may have his hand inside his shoulder pad. When I first looked at that, I thought he had nothing but shoulder pad on the outside, but he may … did … you’re right. At that angle, it looked like [Johnson's hand] might have slipped inside the shoulder pad, and that’s what you’re really not allowed to do. To pull the ball carrier backwards like that.” - CBS' Dan Dierdorf changing his mind from what was correct to what matched the terrible penalty called on the field.

After that awful broadcasting performance, it's probably a good thing Dan's calling it a career. It's one thing to make a mistake like the officials, but it's a much worse thing to change your observation to fit the bad call.

“I stopped worrying about that crap about three weeks ago. Once I learned we could get to 11-5 and we might still not make it, I said, ‘Screw it. Let’s just get to 11-5 and let the chips fall where they may.’ Whatever happens, we’re letting everyone in our division know we’re a team to be reckoned with.” - Cardinals head coach Bruce Arians

Maybe if he went with that attitude from Week 1, his team might be 15-0 right now.

"Candlestick’s a dump. But it’s our dump.” —Former 49ers receiver Dwight Clark

That doesn't make it Yankee Stadium.

“You know you can’t control destiny? Destiny is predetermined set of events. Therefore, if it’s predetermined, you can’t control it.” - Eagles head coach Chip Kelly

Look at the Chipper dropping some English lessons on the press corps. Now, if only he could get a handle on that whole defense thing.

"I still thought that was a touchdown, but I don't pay much mind to all that stuff because it doesn't change anything. I don't really put much stock in all that." - Broncos head coach John Fox on whether or not Peyton Manning's record tying 50th touchdown pass was bobbled.

Do you ever get the feeling, from watching Denver games or the post game interviews and footage, that Peyton Manning is the man truly in charge of the Denver franchise and John Fox is just along for the ride? Yeah, me too. Creepy, isn't it?

"Tell me which safety has better numbers and made more game changing plays than me this year???? I'll wait!!!! This probowl shit is a joke."

"That's why I play for myself, teammates, organization, family& fans. Nothing else matters. All this has done is added more fuel to my fire!" - Giants safety Antrel Rolle having a royal hissy fit about not being selected to the Pro Bowl.

You nailed it Antrel. Obviously you do play for everyone else since you seem to be so concerned and upset that YOU yourself were not given a meaningless honor. One you obviously deserve since your team is 6-9 heading into the final week of the season. It should be apparent you've had a Pro Bowl season since your team has only lost 9 games.

Idiot of the Week

Boy, this has been a difficult season for handing out the award of idiot.

This week, I don the crown of idiot upon Steelers coaches Mike Tomlin and Todd Haley.

Seriously, I won't rehash it again, see The Steel Pit earlier in the column. But how can you not utilize your best asset, your offense, to win the game but instead leave the game in the hands of your special teams and defense, two units that are mediocre at best? All you had to do was have Big Ben sit on the ball for two plays and let Shaun "Dead Eye" Suisham nail another game winner. How can you leave the game in the hands of a defense that had already given up 31 points to an offense led by a quarterback that was on his third team......THIS SEASON????

For that obvious stupidity, Mike Tomlin and Todd Haley you are both idiots.

On Tap This Week

Wow, the end of the regular season. How did we get here so fast? I know as a Pittsburgh fan there were weeks I wish the season was over, but for it to actually be here is, well, surprising and melancholy. But at least we're finishing strong.

Last week: 12-4

Season to Date: 151-89

On top of having a tremendous week, I also won this week's pool. As they say, all good things must come to an end. By tomorrow, that will hold true for the 2013 season. As for today, one final time this season, into the breach we go.

Sunday

Carolina (11-4) at Atlanta (4-11)

Cam Newton and his teammates have a shot at claiming the NFC South if they can pull out a win. Unfortunately for Atlanta, this game represents Tony Gonzalez' last stand. I give Tony a tremendous amount of credit, as he has conducted himself during this lost season with the utmost of class and dignity. Even though we all know he's been thinking the same thought since Week 3; "I came back for this crap?"

Panthers over Falcons

Detroit (7-8) at Minnesota (4-10-1)

In the last hurrah for the ol' Metrodome, Minnesota will be without the services of their one true star, Adrian Peterson. Despite that, I believe the old building will go out with a bang, Detroit will complete its collapse, Jim Schwartz will lose his job, and most likely blame it all on Scut Farkis while screaming "Uncle!".

Vikings over Lions

Washington (3-12) at New York Giants (6-9)

Boy, how hard will St. Louis be rooting for New York this week? That draft trade is looking better and better for the Rams as time goes on.

Giants over Snyders

Baltimore (8-7) at Cincinnati (10-5)

I cannot even quantify how happy I was last week when New England finally exposed that questionable Baltimore defense. Yes, I know most likely Pittsburgh is going nowhere after this week. But I'm just as happy knowing that most likely, neither is that overrated Baltimore squad.

Bungles over Ravens

Cleveland (4-11) at Pittsburgh (7-8)

If Pittsburgh wins, and Baltimore, San Diego and Miami all lose, then despite an 0-4 start, the Steelers will be in the playoffs. I know, beyond bizarre. I have so many conflicting thoughts about this, as well as an immense amount of nervousness, that I'm going to the movies to watch Anchorman 2 and will DVR the game. I'm serious. I'm too nervous and unsure to watch this in real time. Thank goodness for technology.

Steelers over Browns

Houston (2-13) at Tennessee (6-9)

Houston's epic collapse is complete. Hello number one pick and Teddy Bridgewater. Goodbye Matt Schaub and Case Keenum.

Titans over Texans

New York Jets (7-8) at Miami (8-7)

I know they're at home, and Rex Ryan is prominently involved. But after last week in upstate New York, there's no way I can trust Miami. Just no way. Plus, it would be proper karmic payback for the Dolphins, after the nonsense of this season, to lose the playoffs on the final day of the season.

Jets over Dolphins

Jacksonville (4-11) at Indianapolis (10-5)

If the cards fall correctly, Indianapolis could be the number 2 seed with a bye week by the end of the day. They won't be, but they'll play like they could be, and that's sometimes all you need.

Colts over Jaguars

Denver (12-3) at Oakland (4-11)

Peyton Manning needs 66 receptions to break the single season reception mark. As absurd as it would be, how much you want to bet he tries for that record as well?

Broncos over Raiders

Kansas City (11-4) at San Diego (8-7)

KC has already announced it has nothing for which to play, and will be taking their chances with their second string. Go KC second string!

Chiefs over Chargers

San Francisco (11-4) at Arizona (10-5)

I'm so rooting for Arizona, especially since a win today would really make Jim Harbaugh look stupid, and possibly knock him out of the playoffs.

Cardinals over 49ers

St. Louis (7-8) at Seattle (12-3)

Home field advantage is still up for grabs, and I think Seattle needs to wipe the taste of last week's disappointing loss out of their mouths. And despite as feisty as St. Louis has been, this could be just the end of season tonic Seattle needs.

Seahawks over Rams

Tampa Bay (4-11) at New Orleans (10-5)

Just what New Orleans needs, a home game. Hopefully it'll be what Tampa Bay needs, another loss and a fired head coach.

Saints over Buccaneers

Green Bay (7-7-1) at Chicago (8-7)

Despite a ridiculous role of injuries, Green Bay can win the division today. I'm banking on Chicago doing the dumb thing and starting Jay Cutler, thus assuring Green Bay glory.

Packers over Bears

Buffalo (6-9) at New England (11-4)

There's a chance New England could still get the number one seed, and outside chance considering Denver will be going all out. But I have a feeling even if there would be nothing for which to play Bill Belichick would beat up on the lowly Bills just out of habit.

Patriots over Bills

Philadelphia (9-6) at Dallas (8-7)

Thanks to the east coast favoritism of the NFL, this "battle" for the NFC East division was given priority over any other potentially intriguing game this week. Never mind the fact that whoever should come out triumphant will be only slightly better than mediocre and most likely lose in the Wild Card Round. NFC East football rules! That being said, Tony Romo has had back surgery, so his season is done. And by default, so is the season of the Cowboys. Sorry haters, but while it's easy to blame Romo for all of Dallas' faults, he's also the biggest reason this team is typically in contention. Without him, despite my affection for the neck beard, this team is going nowhere.

Eagles over Cowboys