The Crystal Ball 2013 Week 2

Here we go, we're finally on board, on track and on point! Welcome to a full fledged, bona fide, official week of The Crystal Ball! Dang, took long enough right? Enjoy buffet of NFL fun, and look for next Thursday, when we finally get our Super Bust picks out to one and all. By the time I get caught up, hockey will have started!

Opening Kickoff

By definition, I thought defensive pass interference was impeding the receiver’s ability to complete a catch. Yet every game I watch, I see this very penalty happen no less than 6 times a game, often blatantly in front of an official. I bet out there somewhere is a 15 year old kid who could write a smart phone app that would scan NFL game footage and based upon the NFL rule book, would call a cleaner, more accurate game penalty wise than the numbskulls currently charged with officiating NFL contests. And I say this knowing what a disastrous fiasco we had last year with the “replacement” referees. Sorry Ed Hochuli, but your colleagues suck.

The Way It Was

I had the chance to enjoy the Red Zone Channel last weekend, thanks to a free preview from DirecTV and an ultra crappy Steelers game. I have to agree, it is fun. But from 3:45 PM Eastern Time to about 4:15 PM is really is ADD viewing time. My head is still swimming.

Ok, during the NFL opener, when they showed the teams heading to the field, did anyone else notice the Ravens players getting patted down as they left the locker room? I did! I've said for years they were criminals, and apparently Broncos security feels the same way.

Ok, I'm watching Broncos games all season just so I can hear the name Duke Ihenacho. I want one of his jerseys!

Terrelle Pryor performed a yeoman’s effort in Indianapolis. Funny, the kid gets in trouble for selling memorabilia for tattoos at Ohio State, gets drafted in the supplemental draft and then disappears from the public eye. Gets humble, seemingly, and now is getting a chance to show his talent. I think I'm rooting for him, but we'll see. The Raiders have a bare cupboard right now.

I saw multiple predictions that show the AFC North putting 3 teams into the playoffs. Since the division is 0-4 after Week 1, I’m guessing all the wins that get teams into the playoffs will come later in the season. Well, at least two of them will come in Week 2.

Jacksonville's helmets look like someone forgot to finish painting them before the game. With such a pathetic helmet, and uniform, attempt to draw attention to the team, sad efforts to procure a “sell out” by covering up seats and embarrassing quarterback play from Blaine Gabbert AND Chad Henne, tell me again how Tim Tebow could not help this team?

Darrelle Revis had his faux revenge on the evil Rex Ryan. Well, at least until the last minute.

I didn’t think anyone could be a worse starting quarterback than Mark Sanchez, and I’m including Tim Tebow in that assessment. But the first week of the season sure made me wonder about the current crop of NFL starting quarterbacks.

Speaking of Sanchez, he was placed on the IR/Designated to return list. That means, Rex Ryan won't be tempted to go to Sanchez for the next few weeks, but if Geno Smith really sucks, they have a slightly less crappy option.

Color me unsurprised that Alex Smith thrived in his first game in Andy Reid’s short pass West Coast offense. And color me unsurprised in January when Kansas City makes the playoffs.

Let me just say I find Michele Tafoya one of the most insightful, interesting and talented reporters in NFL broadcasts. Can we give her something better to do than social media reports?

Nice try Burger King, but everyone knows french fries on a sandwich is nothing new and totally a Pittsburgh thing.

Well, the season is in full swing since I got to watch Jim Harbaugh bitch and whine to anyone within earshot about Clay Matthews' late hit on Colin Kaepernick. I just love it when dirty coaches act like the arbiters of morality when events conspire against them.

Unfortunately, punter Chris Kluwe did not make the cut in Oakland. What's really odd is that considering the state of kicking for some teams in the NFL, no one has picked him up yet. I wonder how much of that is based on the fact that he's unafraid to speak his mind on social issues that scare advertisers?

The Steel Pit

Steelers 9 - Titans 16

I had planned a big analysis of the 2013 Steelers, highlighting the positives, negatives and challenges facing the team. But the season opener kind of took care of that for me.

That was 3 painful hours of terrible football that culminated in the confirmation of every fear Steeler fans hand before the season and 3 starters sitting on the bench for the rest of the season.

Let's start on offense, which looked terrible for a majority of the game save the first series. Everyone seemed to blame the poor offensive performance on the loss of Maurkice Pouncey. But Pouncey’s loss had nothing to do with the unimaginative play calling, the lack of sure hands by receivers, the pathetic ability of the running backs and worst of all, the overall sad effort by the offensive unit as a whole.

The offense did not score a single point until less than two minutes left in the game against a team that almost every NFL pundit and prognosticator tabbed as one of the worst in the league for the 2013 season.

The worst performance, obviously, comes from Todd Haley, now in his hopefully last season as offensive coordinator for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Haley started off the initial Pittsburgh drive with an imaginative play calling set, mixing the run and pass well, and not afraid to throw short, intermediate or deep. The defense was kept off balance, and the offense, despite a questionable running back corps, marched the length of the field. The score should have been 9-0 after that drive. But Haley sent in the wrong offensive package, confused the offense with the play call, did not call a time out to correct it and the Titans defense sniffed it out and forced a turnover. After that it was a very different ball game. After that first possession, Haley’s play calling became stagnant, predictable and worst of all, just plain bad.

However, I’d be remiss if I did not bring the defense to task for this debacle. As much as I’d love to hang the entirety of the blame on Haley’s shoulders, and he deserves it, the defense and Dick LeBeau must take their share of the blame. And I know what you’re thinking. How can you blame the defense? They only yielded 16 points! They played tremendous! No, no they did not.

The defense, as they did for 16 games last year, performed adequately and nothing more. They allowed 10+ play drives to the opposition, and while those drives typically led to field goals, those drives also wasted precious time off the clock, kept the defense on the field and tired them out for future work, and most importantly kept the offense off the field and away from any attempt to find a rhythm and consistency.

The worst defensive issue is the same one that plagued them for the entirety of the 2012 season. They did not force or nab one single turnover the entire game. At one point, 5 Steeler defenders had an opportunity at a fumbled pass reception with only 1 Titan in the vicinity. Not one of those defenders managed to get even a finger on the ball. I know this defense finished last season rated statistically as the #1 defense in the league. But considering their record was a playoff less 8-8 and the same defense looked so ineffectual, and similar, to last year in game 1 of this season, it’s obvious the NFL needs to change how they rank defense in their statistical analysis.

But I guess things aren’t all bad. Right now Pittsburgh sits in a 4 way tie for first place in the AFC North. Maybe I’m just being just too much of a Negative Nancy.

One other thing. With Pouncey gone, our offensive line depth just went from questionable to outright panic. Perhaps it’s time to go back to the future. Perhaps it’s time, for the umpteenth year in a row, to resign Max Starks. But I doubt even Big Max could turn this ship around. It's gonna be a long season.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

According to Brian Urlacher, the Bears used to have someone that would fake injury to slow down the game. It was Cutler, right?

Urlacher wasn't done there. He's got some issues with Johnny Manziel, but Joe Flacco considers himself a fan. Oh forever at odds, will offense and defense ever see eye to eye?

Man, ex-players really have a forum lately. Darrell Green cautioned RGIII to not run so much to avoid injury. Well duh.

Former Patriot Zoltan Mesko showed some real class after being cut by the team. Here's hoping some of that class rubs off in the Steeler locker room.

Rex Ryan decided that on his team's cut down day, when the NFL dreams of dozens would be dashed, his attention was better spent elsewhere rather than wishing these men success. Here's hoping the Jets GM skips out on the day the team cuts Ryan.

According to the Farmer's Almanac, our first New York Super Bowl will be a bitterly cold one. I think Heir Goodell should be forced to sit outside.

Upon Further Review

Anquan Boldin made his triumphant debut with the San Francisco 49ers, to the tune of 13 receptions for 208 yards and a touchdown. Unbelievable. You cannot tell me any coach in his right mind would think that level of production, with the veteran and leadership intangibles, is worth only a sixth round draft pick. I know the prevailing storyline is that Baltimore was salary cap strapped, but give me a break.

Personally, I maintain there was collusion between the brothers Harbaugh, and I am flabbergasted that no one is saying anything about it. It's just too convenient that Jim gets the gritty, reliable veteran receiver that can go over the middle and make the tough catches he needed last year in the playoffs. Even more convenient that he got that receiver from his brother for nothing more than a song.

I just imagine Jim sitting in the family homestead in the off season, whining about losing the game, and the trade came about something like this.....

Jim: We totally would have won if WE had an Anquan!

John: Well you didn't, so shut your pie hole.

Mama Harbaugh: John! Watch your language!

John: Sorry mom.

Jim: Well, it's not fair! I wanna win a Super Bowl too! (starts to pout)

Mama Harbaugh: John, be nice to your little brother and let him have Anquan so he can win one too, then you'll both be big winners.

John: But I don't wanna!

Mama Harbaugh: Now you trade that Anquan fellow to your brother, his team needs the help and you already won a Super Bowl.

John: Fine mom, I'll trade him Anquan.

Jim: Yes!

Mama Harbaugh: And don’t charge him much, its family so you be kind.

John: Yes mom.

Jim: YES!

Mama Harbaugh: Jim, be polite and thank your brother for helping you out. It was nice of him to do this, and nice of him to not run up the score on your poor play calling in the Super Bowl.

Jim: Yes mom, you’re right. (sarcastically) Thanks John.

John: Shut up twerp.

He Said He Said

“The factory of sadness starts to shed tears again.” - NFL Red Zone host Scott Hansen on the conclusion of the Browns/Dolphins collision.

"Big Ben has long been underrated for his regular-season play. If the Steelers surprise and take the AFC North, it’s time to give him the award." - The MMQB's Greg Bedard on Roethlisberger's MVP potential

If the Steelers make the players, then Roethlisberger should be awarded membership in The Avengers, because it will take a superhero effort to make that happen.

“You listen to our strength and conditioning guys. I asked them the other day from top to bottom if you can rank our guys, and Michael was our number one in terms of his attitude, work ethic, helping other players, everything in terms of weight room, off the field things. I’m not in the weight room every single day with those guys, but I always get input from them and what’s going on in there. Every facet of what you’ve asked him to do since he’s been here he’s been outstanding at.” - Eagles coach Chip Kelly on Michael Vick, two days after naming him the Eagles’ starting quarterback.

The proof is in the pudding, he looked amazing in Kelly's new offense.

“I don’t know how well you guys know Von, but Von’s an amazing guy. He’s not a bad guy. He made bad decisions, yes, but he’s not a bad guy or a bad person. He’ll live and he’ll learn and he’ll bounce back from it. I have no doubt it in my mind because he’s not a dumb guy. They try to peg him as being dumb, but those people don’t know him.” - Denver linebacker Shaun Phillips, on teammate Von Miller

I wouldn't call him dumb, but he sure did something dumb.

"He can do more than just run the ball. He can also run." - 49ers tight end Vernon Davis on quarterback Colin Kaepernick

But the question is, can he run.....

"It was three fulls and two halves so I'm going to call it five." - Bengals linebacker James Harrison on how many times he sacked Ben Roethlisberger in college

Let's just hope on Monday night its zero, or you will hear massive retching coming from western Pennsylvania.

Idiot of the Week

Due to delays in the season opener, this week we'll have two winners of the coveted Idiot of the Week. I know, I'm excited too.

Our first winner is commissioner Roger Goodell. Goodell's recent work has made the case for him being the most powerful man in sports.

First he crushed the spirits of the retired players spirits and quashed their lawsuits, freeing the NFL from a major litigation problem. Then he broke the spirit and journalistic integrity of a multi billion dollar news and sports organization, just because he didn't like the kind of stories about concussions and the NFL they were associated with.

But no matter what juice he supposedly had, MLB and Bud Selig emasculated him and ruined the NFL season opener.

Due to a scheduling conflict with the Baltimore Orioles, the NFL could not hold their traditional season opening game at the stadium of the Super Bowl champion Ravens. No matter what was attempted, they could not successfully move the baseball game to accommodate the NFL.

So the game was moved to Denver, where it was delayed 45 minutes due to lightning and then the defending champions were embarrassed on national TV. All because Goodell got bitch slapped in the boardroom by a commissioner and a league that once cancelled a season in progress, used steroids to bring back fans and then condemned them and the players using them. But they could pull their crap together enough to make Goodell look like an idiot.

Our second winner is Buccaneers defensive back Lavonte David. David, in the last minute of the game, hit Jets quarterback Geno Smith out of bounds, drawing a personal foul. The yardage marked off gave the Jets a field goal opportunity and ultimately, the game.

Toughness and intimidation are essential parts of football. But so are discretion and intelligence, two things you must lack to be an Idiot.

Runner up awards of idiot go to Jets quarterback Geno Smith, who was awfully full of himself after the field goal to put the Jets ahead. Geno, you only won the game because someone else was even dumber than your head coach. Slow your roll. And one goes to Buccaneers head coach Greg Schiano, who coached an undisciplined team that committed 13 penalties throughout the game. Obviously, if the coach is stupid, everyone else will follow.

On Tap This Week

Finally! The impetus of our little weekly tome is, as always, the weekly picks. I do enjoy trying to discern which team will emerge victorious, and which will slink away in defeat. And the better your season begins, the better it could end! So, how did our very first week go?

Last week: 10-6

Thursday: 1-0

Season to Date: 11-6

Nice solid start! Ok, before I break my shoulder patting myself on the back, let's get to this week. So without further ado....

Sunday

San Diego (0-1) at Philadelphia (1-0)

San Diego fell apart last week at home in the face of a furious second half comeback against Houston. I bet they fall apart faster this week.

Eagles over Chargers

Carolina (0-1) at Buffalo (0-1)

Good for the Bills, not only did they make a game of it against their New England tormentors, their new head coach obviously gives a damn about losing. I'm gonna side with the home team, because I love the little guy.

Bills over Panthers

St. Louis (1-0) at Atlanta (0-1)

Boy, is St. Louis looking frisky. And Atlanta still cannot managed to formulate any semblance of a balanced offensive attack, especially in the red zone where it matters most, despite Mike Smith's comments otherwise. Still, the Falcons have that feel of the 1990's Braves, or Peyton Manning's Colts, great regular season team, playoff chokers.

Falcons over Rams

Washington (0-1) at Green Bay (0-1)

Neither team thrilled me in their season openers. But I'll give the home team the benefit of the doubt here, for what it's worth. Mostly because I don't think RGIII is up to his predefined standards yet.

As a side note, this season I jump on the growing bandwagon to get Washington to change its team nickname from the current racial slur to something better. I stated previously that government should not try to force a name change and that it would happen organically as we change people's minds through education. Well, for that will to work, it needs people pushing the cause so I'm in. We strive for racial equality everywhere else, why should this be any different? And considering the horrible history this franchise has with race relations, you would think Dan Snyder would work harder to be more sensitive. So from now on, I shall refer to the team by the moniker of their insensitive owner.

Packers over Snyders

Cleveland (0-1) at Baltimore (0-1)

Here's my only question for this game. Who's going to do the stupid dance now that Ray Ray's gone? Joe Flacco? He's too busy reverting back to his normal mediocre playing ability. And no, at this point, no one cares about the Old Browns versus New Browns angle, yet be prepared to hear it brought up in every article and report about this game. Yeesh.

Ravens over Browns

Miami (1-0) at Indianapolis (1-0)

You know what I love most? The Miami coaching staff won the game by using Mike Wallace as a decoy, and all he did was pout mercilessly about it. I give him by Week 6 to have a full blown, team distracting hissy fit if this keeps up.

Dolphins over Colts

Tennessee (1-0) at Houston (1-0)

If I were Tennessee management, I'd make the 2013 highlight video before Week 2. I don't think they'll do better than winning in Pittsburgh.

Texans over Titans

Minnesota (0-1) at Chicago (1-0)

I didn't watch either of these teams in Week 1, but I wasn't overwhelmed by either last season, except for Adrian Peterson keeping the Vikings from being a 3-13 team. As for this week....

Bears over Vikings

Dallas (1-0) at Kansas City (1-0)

I like the frisky Dallas defense under Monte Kiffin. Seems the ol' hat still has it. But I like Andy Reid recreating the magic from his first few years in Philadelphia more.

Chiefs over Cowboys

Detroit (1-0) at Arizona (0-1)

I have so little confidence in Detroit. But I just keep thinking, Carson Palmer is the starting quarterback in Arizona. So color me confused as to the smart choice....

Cardinals over Lions

New Orleans (1-0) at Tampa Bay (0-1)

Tampa Bay is far too undisciplined for me to trust, especially against a New Orleans team building toward a screw Goodell-esque season.

Saints over Buccaneers

Jacksonville (0-1) at Oakland (0-1)

It's the battle for next year's number one draft pick! I'm giving the edge to the road team.

Raiders over Jaguars

Denver (1-0) at New York Giants (0-1)

You think Peyton will take it easy on little Eli, or will he humiliate him like he did Joe Flacco? Yeah, I thought so too.

Broncos over Giants

San Francisco (1-0) at Seattle (1-0)

It's not that I don't like Seattle. Nor that I don't think they have the talent, skill, drive or desire to win. It's just something else. Maybe Kaepernick throwing for over 400 yards when his running options are closed off.

49ers over Seahawks

Monday

Pittsburgh (0-1) at Cincinnati (0-1)

I have gone back and forth on this. I have maintained that Pittsburgh is my team, and to pick against them, no matter the circumstances, would be tantamount to treason. I will hold true to this stance, but know this. I know how bad this team can be, and despite my Quixotic hope for something better, it hurts to make these picks. Sigh.

Steelers over Bengals