The Crystal Ball 2013 Preseason Games

Well, we’ve managed to navigate training camps and most of the preseason. Did you miss anything? We got only the best NFL related baloney covered right here for ya. Scoot in your chair and grab a napkin, time to dig in!

And yes, before you say anything I know as soon as you take a bite you'll be all "hold on man this is leftovers!" I know, this should have been posted a week and a half ago. But cut me some slack. I'm in the middle of a pennant race for the first time in, literally, 20 years and I've been a bit distracted.

Opening Kickoff

So the Manning boys are up to their old product shilling tricks again, this time incorporating their first rap. I do not see a Grammy in their future.

The Way it Was

Hall of Fame defensive lineman, and late night television stalwart Art Donovan passed away recently. Donovan had a great second career weaving tales in his own distinct manner that thrilled and always kept the attention of David Letterman, who frequently brought Donovan on his show. I read Art's book, titled Fatso, and it read like he talked and was a fun book. Unfortunately there are no characters in the NFL like Donovan anymore. Everyone is too polished and media savvy, making sure to put forth the correct image and say and do the right things to get the maximum number of endorsements and have the highest Q rating. No one is willing to just tell it like it is, and possibly look silly doing it. I already miss you Fatso.

Apparently, the defending world champions just love the ice cream man. I guess when Ray Ray retired, he took the intimidation factor with him.

Former Jets guard Brandon Moore, of Mark Sanchez' butt fumble fame, decided he'd rather call it a career than try a season in Big D. I can't say I blame him. Once you are part of a butt fumble, it's all downhill from there.

Broncos linebacker Von Miller was suspended for the first six games of the season for violating the league's drug policy. The odd part to me with all of this story is that what exactly Miller did has been cloaked in mystery. I keep wondering why Miller, the Broncos and the NFL have not told the whole story here. It's rather confusing to me.

Antonio Smith has been suspended for the first game of the season after getting into a fight with Richie Incognito. Boy when these two cats get together, the bad blood just boils over. I know Incognito didn't swing a helmet at Smith, but he should have got a game on the bench too. You know he instigated the situation.

Baltimore, desperate for experience at receiver and tight end, signed Brandon Stokley and Dallas Clark to help the offense. I wonder if John Harbaugh's thinking long and hard about gifting his brother Anquan Boldin now.

The Colts and the NFL will not allow defensive end Robert Mathis to wear a facemask that covers everything but his eyes as it falls outside the league's facemask guidelines. Good to know the NFL is focused on only the most important challenges facing professional football in 2013.

Ok, I have to admit Peter King and his new The MMQB website bothers me slightly because a) its an obvious rip off of Bill Simmons' Grantland at ESPN.com and b) now I get a whole website filled with King's passive aggressive humble bragging as opposed to just a couple of articles a week.

With that being said, they do have some really interesting content. A couple of recommendations of stories they featured this preseason: Chris Kluwe writing about fighting for his job, juxtaposing his rookie year with this season with a new team and he being the experienced hand. And this great piece about what it's like to be cut from a team. Which is very apropos this time of year. Great work and fascinating perspectives of the NFL we rarely see.

The Steel Pit

Well, what's happened so far....

·         Cortez Allen had to have surgery, and the cornerback corps looks thinner than ever

·         So does the depth behind the offensive line starters

·         And said starters are looking very, very green and uncoordinated

·         The special teams are anything but special

·         Le'Veon Bell is hurt, and his impact this season may be minimal

·         And on top of all of this, Plaxico Burress suffered a season ending injury that could be career ending.

We'll get more into the Steelers for 2013 in the coming week, but I will tease you with this. Thank goodness for once, the Pirates are good in September.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

Forbes released its annual list of the most valuable NFL franchises, and sitting comfortably at number one is America's Team, your Dallas Cowboys. Thank goodness Jones sold the naming rights for the stadium to AT&T, or he might have slipped under $2 Billion and into second place. Hey, if the man can't win on the field, at least he can win in the accounting ledger.

Adrian Peterson, he of the goal of 2,500 yards this season, has fulfilled what he calls a lifelong dream and has been featured on the front of Wheaties cereal. No teasing here, good for Peterson. While most older traditions seem to have lost meaning and gravitas, the Wheaties box still holds some meaning, and congratulations to him for achieving a personal goal. Now, if Ponder could just morph into an average quarterback....

Tim Tebow made a funny joke involving Jesus with a reporter in the locker room during preseason. A pretty good one too, by my estimation. I hope he keeps his sense of humor about him.

You know what I find fascinating about seeing players after they retire? Looking at them as they return to normal human sizes. Exhibit A for the 2013 season, former Colts center Jeff Saturday.

Apparently, former NFL coach Mike Tice is a pretty good handicapper and won big at the horse track recently. Glad he found something he could handle, since the ability to coach a winning team seems to abandoned him.

Lions linebacker DeAndre Levy spent his summer vacationing in the jungle, where to survive he had to, amongst other things, catch and eat rats. Obviously DeAndre and I are very different people, because when I hear jungle and vacation used in the same sentence, I think Jungle Ride at Disney World, and the only rat I'm catching there is a photo op with Mickey.

Upon Further Review

What's the most important position in the NFL? Why quarterback of course! Every first grader in America could tell you that! Despite the fact that everyone and their mother, and especially me, touts football as a team sport, reality dictates the position is more important than just 1 of 11, or 1 of 53 for that matter.

A good quarterback can elevate the play, and win totals, of mediocre and average teams. Conversely, a bad one can drag down a team with everything else in line. More coaching and front office jobs are kept, and lost, based upon the management team's ability to procure and keep franchise quarterbacks.

With so much focus on the game's premier position, it's no wonder that everyone would be interested in what's happening this summer with the offensive centerpiece position throughout the league.

We'll start in Jacksonville, where the team that went out of their way to denounce Tim Tebow named incumbent Blaine Gabbert as their 2013 starter, and then immediately sat him down for the rest of the preseason due to an injured thumb. Poor Chad Henne couldn't even beat out a broken Blaine for job.

Continuing the incumbent trend, Brandon Weeden was officially named the starter for the Cleveland Browns and their 2013 campaign. Not too much of a surprise there. After all, can you even name another Cleveland Brown quarterback?

And finally, Chip Kelly and his new high flying offense in Philadelphia has named Michael Vick as the head man of the offense, giving Vick the job over Nick "Napoleon Dynamite" Foles. After the announcement, a loud "GOSH" could be heard ringing through the halls of Lincoln Financial Field.

But it hasn't been all triumphs in the NFL. Mark Sanchez, who has been battling rookie Geno Smith for the Jets job, was booed by Jets fans. To add injury to ignominy, head coach Rex Ryan inserted Sanchez in the 4th quarter during mop up duty, and the Sanchize promptly got injured. Now with the underwhelming Smith looking shaky, Ryan is working on his resume, which will hit Monster.com around mid-October.

In Green Bay, the Packers with a dearth of good backups for Aaron Rodgers went out and grabbed former star Vince Young off the scrap heap to attempt to resurrect Young's career and give themselves much needed depth. It did not work, and Young is back playing canasta with Matt Leinart and JaMarcus Russell.

Speaking of Leinart, he got to take a break from the card table himself and put on a Bills uniform for about 5 seconds. The Bills, with an injury to rookie E.J. Manual, and Kevin Kolb concussed and now placed on injured reserve, needed a quarterback badly, so bad they called Matt Leinart. After 5 amazing days, they parted ways. Oh, those fleeting summer romances.

And then there is the ultimate summer romance, Matt Flynn. Flynn with one game in Green Bay got himself a big ol' contract from Seattle, who drafted Russell Wilson, who relegated Flynn to the bench. So this off season the Raiders dumped the washed up Carson Palmer and grabbed Flynn, who now may be replaced by Terrelle Pryor. Some guys just cannot cut a break.

And finally, Washington fans were rejoicing when the team announced that RGIII, despite not playing once in the preseason, and barely practicing with his teammates, will be ready for the season opener. Like anyone doubted that Mike Shanahan would trot Griffin out there come hell or high water. I mean, did you see him leave RGIII in that playoff game about 2 quarters too long?

So what does all of this information tell us? That none of these teams will win the Super Bowl this year. You can't have this much question around your quarterback and expect to be taken seriously. Just ask Miami, who's still looking for Dan Marino's replacement, 14 years later.

He Said He Said

“Most roller coasters, you get off and you say, ‘Let’s go again! Let’s do it again!’ That was us last year. Right away this year, Chuck gave us our motivation: ‘Hoist that Lombardi Trophy.’ “ - Colts safety Antoine Bethea, on being motivated by head coach Chuck Pagano

Wow, what unique motivation. I’ve never heard of any NFL coach motivating their team during training camp with the goal of winning the Super Bowl. That Chuck Pagano; he’s a special cat.

Football is a game that’s continually evolving, and we acknowledge that. But the physicality of the game will never go anywhere. – Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin

Hold that thought, coach, and let’s compare notes in a few years.

“I’d like to semi-disappear. The game’s been incredible to me. But disappearing’s good too. Disappearing to me is not being on TV, not being on the radio. I’d like to coach somewhere at a high school, trying to help the next generation, trying to help the next kid overcome the odds and be the best he can be.” – Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers to The MMQB’s Peter King

Until he reappears about 15 years after he retired schlepping Sketchers sneakers.

“d. Some teams can pass this off by saying, “It’s just the preseason.” Not Dallas. Not six turnovers Saturday in Arizona.

e. Neither can Arizona and new coach Bruce Arians, getting in the red zone four times in the first half and scoring zero touchdowns.” – The MMQB’s Peter King

The Cardinals were in the red zone 4 times and no touchdowns. I’m stunned to hear this news. I mean, every time Arians’ offense in Pittsburgh hit the red zone, it was an automatic touchdown and the team never had to settle for field goals because of screwball play calling.

 “When Dumervil came free, unexpected of course, we weren’t looking to spend that kind of money (five years, $27 million), but Steve’s point was, ‘We’re going to be winning, and we’ll never be able to get a pass rusher like that in the draft where we’ll be picking.’ That’s really beneficial for a GM like me, to have an owner who can see down the road and see the big picture.” – Ravens general manager Ozzie Newsome on his relationship with team owner Steve Biscotti

Anyone else pick up on how Newsome conspicuously pointed out Dumervil’s free agency was unexpected? Anyone else beginning to wonder if Dumervil and his agent really had a fax snafu with Denver, or something else in mind? Anyone else wondering if the defensively depleted Ravens might have been operating, shall we say, not as honorably as teams are expected? Yeah, me too.

"I think there are [gay players] right now, and if they're looking for a window to just come out, I mean, now is the window.” – Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III

This isn’t a team’s post season chances, Robert. If no one comes forth right now, it will still be possible for someone to come out say, next off season, next season or even later if they so choose. See, this is what I meant by pushy. Just because RGIII wants the world to know he’s cool with gay NFL players doesn’t mean they are ready for everyone to know who they are.

 “The more I think about what I did, the more disgusted I get. The organization and my teammates have been extremely supportive, but I also realize that there are people who will have a tough time forgiving me for what I’ve done … As long as it takes, and whatever I have to do, I’m going to try to make this right.” - Philadelphia wide receiver Riley Cooper.

I have no idea what kind of person Cooper is, but I do have a touch of naiveté and optimism in me, so I want to believe he’s a good guy, he’s not the person with hate in his heart and that he is sincere. Don’t let me down Riley.

“The last thing you want,’’ Michael Vick said to me after practice, “is for a man to be helpless. We should help. Some people might not understand that, but I don’t care what other people think. I’m past that point of my life now.’’ – Eagles quarterback Michael Vick on Riley Cooper

I love the leader and humanitarian that has come out of Vick during the Cooper maelstrom. This is the kind of guy people can root for, for once.

We have the potential to be the best offense ever, really.” - Redskins WR Pierre Garcon

So do the Broncos, Seahawks, potentially Chicago. I think New England has an outside chance. With Andy Reid, KC could be a dark horse. Detecting a pattern Pierre? Yes, in preseason everyone is great. Settle down.

“My time might have been short, but if you don't think I improved that Cowboys defense, you're (expletive) crazy." – Saints defensive coordinator Rob Ryan on his time with Dallas

The Cowboys defense finished last season ranked 25th in overall defense last season, which was worse than the year before when Rob took over, and the team chose 73 year old Monte Kiffin, who has not coached in the NFL since 2008, over Rex’s overconfident brother. Rob, you’re (expletive) crazy.

Idiot of the Week

Well, it would be easy to crush the young Detroit Lions rookie who thought Lambeau Field was named after the car. Yeah, that’s pretty stupid, and a potential incitement of the American education system from primary grades through collegiate life. But it doesn’t make him an idiot. Just not as learned in the history of the NFL. No crime there and we certainly will not make fun of the young man for that.

We could go with 49ers cornerback Tarell Brown, who by not bothering to read his contract, and showing his ignorance by depending on his agent for everything, missed out on a $2 Million bonus by not working out with the team in the off season. Brown then responded to his own stupidity by firing his agent. While this is rather idiotic, it's more stupid and sad than anything. This young man is a college educated man, and he's blaming others for not bothering to read his contract for him. I'm not honoring laziness, although Brown could easily be a winner at another time.

No for the award today, we bestow the crown of idiot on New York Giants receiver Victor Cruz. Cruz this off season signed a new contract with the Giants for six years and $45.9 Million. Cruz, while getting his nice pay raise, had made it a point to stay with the Giants due to his family ties in New York, his community work and his loyalty to an organization that believed in him. That sounds like a great story.

Well, until Cruz opened his mouth.

During a radio interview, Cruz intimated that it was tough to accept giving the Giants a hometown discount when signing the contract.

Cruz' point is one many professionals in all lines of work face every day. What makes for a better quality of life. What's more important, going for as much money as possible, but missing out on important milestones in life, or being a larger part of your family and community, and then missing out on professional opportunities that could bring in more money, prestige and an expanded career.

The problem is, Cruz didn't frame his decision this way, and his comments came across as spoiled and detached from reality. When you're average person reads something like this, and looks at the only number that matters, Cruz' current salary, they injure themselves rolling their eyes so hard at the receiver's comments.

Most people will never make the kind of money Cruz does, nor make the same kind of impact on their community. And they must make sacrifices for family, friends, and their neighborhood for far less money than Cruz left on the table. And the worst part of what Cruz says is the fact that no one forced him to sign the contract. If he wanted more money, he could have waited and become a free agent next season and cashed in just like Mike Wallace did. But if family, community, and the Giants are so important, then he should be just pleased as punch on how things turned out, and not moaning about his tough decision.

I'm not coming down on Cruz, nor do I think he's an arrogant self centered person, as his comments would lead one to believe. From what I have read and understand, Cruz is a good person, with a strong family and he really does care about his community and giving back. If anything the NFL could use a few more cats like him. However, Cruz should use a portion of that money to hire a publicist, because right now, he sounds like an idiot.

On Tap This Week

A few more smaller items are left, one last big extravaganza and then, boom, it’s time for some real NFL action. Oh, and don’t think we didn’t notice Goodell getting rid of the biggest thorn in his side, I mean taking care of injured former players, because we did.