The Crystal Ball 2013 Tattoo You

Colin Kaepernick doesn't care what people think of his tattoos. The 49ers quarterback intimated during an interview his quite profound take on body art, and his own growing collection of tattoos. Kaepernick seems to be a kid with a solid head on his shoulders and a strong connection to family and faith. If he feels the need and desire to adorn his body with tattoos, hey more power to him. But I just do not get it.

Despite understanding Kapernick’s logic, and similar explanations from friends who also adorn themselves with body art, I must be honest and state I don’t understand the tattoo culture. It seems odd to me that so many people would want to permanently mark their body and, in some cases, shrink their job prospects, merely to engage in a form of self expression. Considering how fickle tastes and culture are, and how rapidly they change, something that may be popular now could be shunned upon in a few years. Tattoos seem to be a rather permanent form of expression, and far more difficult to change than say a hair style or clothing choices.

And the choices people make with what to adorn themselves with often confound me as well. Yes, tattoos that honor specific life milestones, meaningful events or provide inspiration, motivation and devotion are understandable. But some are just ridiculous. I mean really, barbed wire around a bicep? Is that supposed to illustrate a toughness and/or manliness? Hey, wrap real barbed wire around there and I’ll be impressed. Or tribal bands and symbols? These irritate me since those sporting such tattoos are rarely from a tribe for whom the tattoos are significant. If I’ve learned anything about different tribes that use tattoos in their culture, it’s that these tribes ornament their bodies as signs of honor and to show the growth of members of their tribe as warriors, hunters, gatherers and leaders. They place these tattoos upon themselves because they have earned such recognition and respect. Not because they thought it would make them look totally cool.

And I know, people say it’s a great way to honor their children. But kids do not always grasp the vagaries of popular culture and symbolic gestures such as a tattoo. I would hate to have to answer the question, why did you do that to yourself from my child? What if my explanation did not make sense so such a young mind? Or what if the story behind the tattoo was that one night daddy got really drunk and did something dumb on a dare? Yeah that doesn’t wash off with some Lava. And what if I had a tattoo in honor of my child, the kid didn’t like it, or it scared them and they didn’t want to be near me or they just thought it was dumb? Then there I would be stuck with a tattoo meant as a tribute my child who hated and was repulsed by it. Oh, sweet irony! Or worse, what if my child wanted one too? What do you say to a 5 year old that wants a tattoo just like daddy’s?

In addition, unless you’re getting tattooed on your forearms or the tops of your feet, you cannot enjoy your body art properly without the aid of mirrors. Any major sleeves, back pieces, chest pieces, neck, facial or leg tattoos can only be seen and appreciated by others. The tattooed cannot enjoy them except by pictures and by the knowledge of their existence. Perhaps I’m cheap or just not a very tough guy, but I do not see the point of spending big bucks, and going through the torture of being repeatedly poked by needles, just for the visual benefit of strangers. Hey, if it was a way to provide meals to the needy or cure cancer, count me on board. But getting a full back tattoo of Troy Polamalu in mid tackle just to impress other jagoff fans at the next pregame tailgate, yeah I’ll pass.

I wonder sometimes if the proliferation of tattoos in our current culture and society is not an end result of the powers that be encouraging this form of personal self expression to get people accustomed to having identifying markings adhered to their bodies at all times in preparation for some disturbing dystopian tracking system. Or maybe I just have read 1984 and Brave New World a few too many times and a healthy distrust of said power brokers have combined to make me apprehensive of the explosion and rapid acceptance of a practice that was held in disdain and met with disgust and suspicion during the preceding decades.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against tattoos at all. I work hard to be a live and let live type of guy in all aspects of life. If it makes you happy and doesn’t harm anyone, then who am I to say it’s wrong? In fact, I have seen more than a few in my day that just blew me away with the design, artistry and overall composition. Personally, I am open to the concept of personal body art, but I have yet to find something I love so much I would want it adhered to my body for the rest of my life. Maybe that will one day change, and maybe the time will come where I do understand the need to get inked better.

Times, tastes and ideals change all the time. And perhaps one day mine will too. So good for you Colin Kaepernick. Don’t let anyone, including this rapidly aging fuddy duddy, give you any grief for your ink. If you want to look like a human doodle pad, more power to you. I’ll just go to my corner, confusedly wonder what everyone’s attraction to Instagram is and practice the phrase, “back in my day…”