The Crystal Ball 2013 And Then He Said.....

So far this preseason, NFL players just cannot keep their traps shut. It started with new Vikings wide receiver Greg Jennings, who decided camp was the perfect time to blast his former team and quarterback. Now, maybe since he came to a division rival, he’s trying to ingratiate himself with Minnesota fans by cutting up Green Bay and Aaron Rodgers. But one or two jabs would have done it. He kept going to the point where his new head coach had to step in and tell him to cool it.

So he did, and apologized, long enough to find a way to continue the assault. Then he went so far to say he was brainwashed in Green Bay. I’m still not sure what that even means.

I would have let it go if it were just this incident. Sometimes a player leaves a team and airs some dirty laundry, it happens. We all do not like each other, that’s just how the world works. Some people just get along like oil and water and nothing can be done to change it.

But Jennings was not a lone disgruntled wolf. Others started complaining aloud about former coaches and teammates as though they were part of a gossip circle during 7^th period study hall.

Wes Welker, newly minted as Peyton’s favorite receiver, complained about mean ol’ Bill Belichick, and how he didn’t have to endure his former coach anymore and that it’s nice to stick it in his face once in a while. Ouch.

Former Cleveland Brown Bernie Kosar, during a game telecast of between his old team and the St. Louis Rams, ripped the Ram receivers, receiving coach Ray Sherman and third string quarterback Kellen Clemens. Rams head coach Jeff Fisher responded by saying he has lost a lot of respect for Kosar after hearing about his vicious assessment of Fisher’s team.

Former Cowboy defensive lineman Travis Johnson had harsh words for his old quarterback Tony Romo, claiming the Dallas QB is a loser, a thief and killing the franchise.

Is this how we settle beefs now in the NFL, we sit back on radio and in interviews and trash another guy? We Tweet our displeasure rather than hash it out like adults? What happened to sports figures? When did the sports world turn into Page 6 of the New York Post? I mean between the arguing, fighting, sniping, Twitter wars and trash talking, I’m not sure if I’m watching adults play games or little kids posturing on the playground.

And that’s the big issue, the posturing. It’s all seems to be some elaborate stance to look bigger, badder and tougher. But none of these cats are truly tough and terrifying. They’re all overpaid children. I might respect one of them if they actually backed up their talk by throwing a punch. But the second someone did, the puncher would be vilified in the media, by the fans and lose tons of money in endorsements. So you know no one will actually step to the plate.

No, everyone wants to just sit back on their couch, face firmly shoved into their phones and start a flame war with someone else. Then both parties get press, the public gets a “feud” about which to wag our gums and we all die a little inside for participating in such ridiculous nonsense.

But what’s the solution? How do we stem the tide of this nonsense? I would suggest disbanding Twitter, but I think the world would go into such a heavy withdrawal you would think Starbucks closed its doors. No, what we need is an Official Party Pooper.

The Official Party Pooper will be tasked with monitoring social media, including Twitter, Facebook, blogs, vlogs, Instagram, Tumblr  and more, as well as traditional media outlets to put a stop to this nonsense before it becomes a story. If an athlete posts something inflammatory, antagonistic or just downright dumb, the Official Party Pooper will comment over the offending piece, bringing common sense to the situation and shut down any viral sharing or commentary before things get out of hand.

The Official Party Pooper will also award demerits to journalists, columnists, bloggers and other legitimate news and entertainment purveyors for spreading any of the above nonsense. When an individual, show, network or website accrue enough demerits, the Official Party Pooper will then be granted authority to shut their services down. They will be allowed to resume normal business activities once they atone for their nonsensical ways by funding actual educational endeavors, complete a 20 hour course created to instruct on the power of the media and why it must lead in positive ways and a 3 day seminar on how things that are good and enjoyable are not necessarily good for you. This seminar will also include the fast food industry, providing a cross educational platform.

What, you don’t like it? That’s the point. It’s about bringing an end to the most useless form of pseudo entertainment since reality television. Here, using the above examples, is how the Official Party Pooper will operate. Observe:

For all the above parties:

If you have such a problem with your former team/teammate/coach/opponent, perhaps you need to engage in some dialogue with them to work out your differences. If that is not possible, then seeing a qualified counselor to overcome these feelings of hostility and anger would be recommended. If counseling is not an option, then get over it and shut up.

For Greg Jennings:

We get it, you’re trying to look all in with the Vikings, since you came over from the Packers. You want the Minnesota fans your loyalties lie fully in the Purple and Gold. It totally makes sense. But I need you to do two things. One, look at your new contract; do you see all the numbers? It goes up pretty high, right? Yeah, you got all that dough because Rodgers helped make you look good. And two, look at your new quarterback, Christian Ponder. You think he’s going to be throwing the ball 50 times a game? I’d be surprised if he averages 20 throws a game. And all 20 are not coming to you. Get ready to play, “Run around for three hours and watch Adrian Peterson run the ball”.

For Wes Welker:

Wow, what a shocker. Belichick was not a warm and fuzzy guy, but merely a stern manager who had a specific vision on how he wanted to run his team and who he expected each team member to perform their job duties. Poor Wes Welker had to endure a boss that sounds like EVERY OTHER BOSS IN EVERY OTHER PROFESSION IN THE WORLD. I guess he must have grown up in a fairy tale.

Ok Wes, you made your point, Ol’ Bill was mean, wouldn’t let you go outside to play or talk to the other kids who weren’t on the team. You had a problem with how he ran the team. Except you obviously didn’t have a problem with enduring Belichick when the coach took a chance on an undrafted nobody that had already bounced around two teams and turned you into a star. A star that commanded some big money not only from the Patriots, but the Broncos as well. Check your bank account Wes; it wouldn’t look like that without Bill Belichick.

For Bernie Kosar:

Bernie, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. So Clemens isn’t Tom Brady, he does the best he can. And the receivers, who knows what they’ll be yet, they’re all young and just trying to get a chance. You were there once too, and you didn’t like some old washed up former player busting your chops. And what’s with coach bashing, you don’t even know the guy so how could you know whether he’s good at his job or not? And NFL coaches being unknown below the coordinator level, that’s no surprise there. I wonder if you could name the receivers coach on the Browns.

Listen Bernie, you may have had a few good points to make, or just trying to be funny, but you failed at both. And if you’re going to take pot shots at opposing teams, make sure people know who you are outside the borders of Cleveland.

For Jeff Fisher:

Jeff, settle down. One, people are allowed to have opinions and express them, even if they’re contrary to yours. Two, you lost respect for Bernie Kosar? Is this going to affect your life now? How much respect did you have for him in the first place? And three, look at your roster, look at Clemens closely. Kosar was not wrong.

For Travis Johnson:

And you are?

For Tony Romo:

I know you get saddled with too much being the quarterback of the Cowboys, and you don’t have enough talent around you and crappy coaches. But you are the quarterback of the Cowboys, you wanted that job badly and now you have to perform. And that starts with when you have a playoff opportunity, you win that game period. I know, well those are few and far between and maybe you’d have more playoff seasons if you had better quality players on the team. True. You know what would help get better talent? Not having the salary cap under crisis because a giant chunk of it was being taken up by a mid-level quarterback who wants paid like he’s Brady or Manning!

Do you feel let down, like someone sucked all the joy out of the room? Then the job of the Official Party Pooper and his daring team of media watchdogs have done their job. But take solace in the fact that now you won’t have to waste time following inane arguments and manufactured rivalries. Think of all you could accomplish with the extra time now available to you. Come on Roger Goodell, create the position of Official Party Pooper. Everyone already calls it the No Fun League anyway, make it so.