The Crystal Ball 2013 Training Camp Primer

Teams are reporting left and right, training camps are beginning, football is upon us. Welcome to The Crystal Ball ; come in and join us as we rest and recuperate from dehydration while we contemplate the question, does Carlos Danger hang out with Ron Mexico?

Opening Kickoff

Tom Brady, in his first public comments regarding former teammate and accused murderer Aaron Hernandez, stated he has moved on. Thank goodness, I was worried about how Brady was taking this situation.

Training Camp Primer

This time of year, the media world is overrun with stories, segments, shows and I’m sure other s-related words regarding the upcoming season. Everyone has an angle regarding storylines for each team, the league and the big questions on everyone’s lips. I say pishaw to that.

Oh, these questions are being asked, but they’re not what people really want to know. I have those questions. And I’m asking them today about each team in the First Annual The Crystal Ball Training Camp Primer. Sounds fancy, no?

Arizona Cardinals:

Obvious Question: Will the addition of Carson Palmer allow the team to finally have competent quarterback play and compete in the ultra-competitive NFC West?

Real Question: Will the addition of Carson Palmer, and the realization by Week 4 that he's washed up, cause Larry Fitzgerald to finally lose his mind?

Atlanta Falcons:

Obvious Question: Will this be the year Mike Smith finds a way to get Matt Ryan and Company over the hump and to Super Bowl?

Real Question: Will this be the year Mike Smith becomes an official member of the Marty Schottenheimer All-Stars?

Baltimore Ravens:

Obvious Question: How will the revamped Raven defense look and perform, with the unit taking the field for the first time in team history without Ray Lewis?

Real Question: What will the Raven offense, and salary cap, do when Joe Flacco crashes back down to earth?

Buffalo Bills:

Obvious Question: Can the additions of Kevin Kolb and E.J. Manual change the quarterbacking fortunes in Orchard Park?

Real Question: Is Jim Kelly still retired? How about Doug Flutie

Carolina Panthers:

Obvious Question: Will Cam Newton find a new level of maturity and become the leader his team desperately needs?

Real Question: Will the little kid from the Play 60 commercial supplant Cam and become Newton's mom's favorite player?

Chicago Bears:

Obvious Question: Will new head coach Marc Trestman's offense unleash the big arm of Jay Cutler and ignite the Bear offense?

Real Question: When will the team run this ad in the Chicago Tribune - "Wanted. Iconic middle linebacker for local pro football team. Must have mean demeanor, high energy, be willing to waste entire career on mostly bad teams, and live up to names such as Butkus, Singletary and Urlacher. Shaved head/flat top haircut optional."

Cincinnati Bengals:

Obvious Question: Will the maturing tandem of Andy Dalton and A.J. Green take the NFL by storm?

Real Question: How will the tandem of Mike Brown and Marvin Lewis screw up two consecutive winning seasons?

Cleveland Browns:

Obvious Question: Could Trent Richardson become Cleveland’s version of Adrian Peterson?

Real Question: If the team gives any kind of rebate offer to fans, will they actually honor said rebate or will the team follow the practices of Pilot Flying J, owner Jimmy Haslam’s other business?

Dallas Cowboys:

Obvious Question: Will relieving Jason Garrett of play calling duties, and bringing in Monte Kiffin to steward the defense, fix what ails the Cowboys and lead them to the playoffs, and more importantly long lost playoff wins?

Real Question: Will owner Jerry Jones ever realize that what ails the Cowboys is general manager Jerry Jones, or will he spend the remainder of his time as owner in the same delusional trap as Al Davis did?

Denver Broncos:

Obvious Question: Will the Broncos rebound from their disappointing playoff loss, and the loss of Elvis Dumervil, and make a march to the Super Bowl and try to take advantage of the Peyton Manning era?

Real Question: Will John Elway realize Peyton Manning is a terrible post season quarterback, and start hitting the sauce to cope like his team executives?

Detroit Lions:

Obvious Question: Can the team ride Calvin Johnson and his otherworldly skills to recover from a disappointing 4-12 season?

Real Question: Will the team ride Calvin Johnson to so many losing seasons that he eventually retires in frustration just like Barry Sanders?

Green Bay Packers:

Obvious Question: Will Mike McCarthy be able to re-assert his team as a contender in the increasingly competitive NFC?

Real Question: If Brett Favre should come back to be honored by the Packers this season, will Aaron Rodgers pout and sulk while pointing out that Brett is not being about the team?

Houston Texans:

Obvious Question: Will the addition of Ed Reed be the essential player/leader/locker room presence that gives Houston the intangibles it has been lacking for post season success?

Real Question: Did watching the Ravens win the Super Bowl with Joe Flacco damage the team for the foreseeable future, as they believe they can also win with a milquetoast quarterback as long as he catches fire at just the right time?

Indianapolis Colts:

Obvious Question: What will the Colt offense look without offensive coordinator Bruce Arians?

Real Question: If the team gets off to a poor start, will anyone have the cajones to say Chuck Pagano might be a bad head coach?

Jacksonville Jaguars:

Obvious Question: Who will emerge from training camp as the starting quarterback, incumbent Blaine Gabbert or Chad Henne?

Real Question: They still have a team in Jacksonville; I thought they were moving to Los Angeles or London?

Kansas City Chiefs:

Obvious Question: What will the influx of Andy Reid and Alex Smith mean for the fortunes of the long suffering franchise and its loyal fan base?

Real Question: With the proliferation of delicious barbeque throughout the Kansas City region, will Andy Reid need an intervention for food addiction by mid season?

Miami Dolphins:

Obvious Question: What kind of impact will Mike Wallace have on the moribund Dolphin offense?

Real Question: What kind of impact will Mike Wallace have on South Beach?

Minnesota Vikings:

Obvious Question: Can Adrian Peterson replicate his stellar 2012 season and claim the single season rushing record?

Real Question: Will Adrian Peterson "accidentally" run over and injure Christian Ponder when the quarterback short hops his 100th pass by Week 5?

New England Patriots:

Obvious Question: – How will the New England offense cope with the lost of Wes Welker, Aaron Hernandez, Danny Woodhead, Brandon Lloyd and a banged up Rob Gronkowski?

Real Question: Which opposing fan base will be the first to display a tasteless dig about Aaron Hernandez at the Patriots’ expense and get it shown on TV during a game?

New Orleans Saints:

Obvious Question: Will the return of Sean Payton help the Saints rebound from a terrible 2012 season?

Real Question: How long until a new bounty program is put into place to get the team fired up and winning again?

New York Giants:

Obvious Question: How will New York overtake the relevant Redskins while holding off the Cowboys and Eagles for supremacy of the NFC East?

Real Question: At this Manning Football Camp, do you think Eli where’s both Super Bowl rings around Peyton, pointing out how both were victories over his nemesis, Tom Brady?

New York Jets:

Obvious Question: Will Geno Smith supplant Mark Sanchez as the starting quarterback and bring life to the Jet offense?

Real Question: Is there anything Rex Ryan can do to remain employed by the Jets into January short of winning a Super Bowl or having compromising pictures of Jets upper management and ownership?

Oakland Raiders:

Obvious Question: As general manager Reggie McKenzie works to rebuild and restructure a financially and talent hamstrung franchise, will there be any significant glimmers of hope this season?

Real Question: Are the Raiders past the halfway point of catching the Pittsburgh Pirates epic two decades of futility?

Philadelphia Eagles:

Obvious Question – How will Chip Kelly’s offense and college coaching experience translate to the NFL, especially considering how many previous college head coaches flamed out?

Real Question – Does Chip Kelly really think it’s an advantage to have privileged, pampered professional athletes go through Navy SEAL training, and did he not see the ridicule the Pittsburgh Pirates went through when they tried to do the same thing?

Pittsburgh Steelers:

Obvious Question: Will a full season in the Todd Haley offense, an influx of youth, exodus of aging veterans and exorcising of troublesome players help Pittsburgh rebound from a disappointing 8-8 campaign?

Real Question: Does the team have to pay Brett Keisel's beard separately from Brett, or are they both on the same check?

St. Louis Rams:

Obvious Question: Can a young, raw Rams squad compete in the now cutthroat NFC West?

Real Question: How many people in St. Louis are terrified the Rams may be one of the two teams Jerry Jones alluded to potentially moving to Los Angeles?

San Diego Chargers:

Obvious Question: Can a new coaching staff resurrect the career of Phillip Rivers and bring back San Diego from the disappointing Norv Turner era?

Real Question: How many dates with imaginary women has Manti Teo been set up with by his new teammates under the guise of rookie hazing?

San Francisco 49ers:

Obvious Question: Will the addition of Anquan Boldin, and a full season as a starter for Colin Kaepernick, give the 49ers enough of an edge to not only return to the Super Bowl, but win as well?

Real Question: Should Kaepernick falter, or opposing defensives figure out how to stop the read option offense, how fast will 49er fans start pining for Alex Smith?

Seattle Seahawks:

Obvious Question: Will the young, brash Seahawks, led by Russell Wilson, challenge San Francisco for the NFC West again and perhaps the NFC Conference title?

Real Question: Is Richard Sherman the prototype for the new, loud, diva defensive back that will fill the void of the loud, diva wide receiver once epitomized by Terrell Owens, Randy Moss and Chad Johnson?

Tampa Bay Buccaneers:

Obvious Question: What impact will Darrelle Revis have in the locker room, on the field and within the division for Tampa Bay?

Real Question: Never mind Revis, did the team finally land the last piece of the puzzle by signing Madden Football cover boy Peyton Hillis?

Tennessee Titans:

Obvious Question: What will Mike Munchak do to improve his 6-10 squad to compete with Indianapolis and Houston?

Real Question: Another crappy season last year and the biggest news about the team before training camp is Chris Johnson racing a cheetah on TV?

Washington Redskins:

Obvious Question: Will the reconstructed and rehabbed knee of RGIII be healed properly, in time for the season and with no effect on his dynamic game?

Real Question: Does Dan Snyder really think anyone thinks the term "redskin" honors Native Americans, and if not, did he really think hiring a fake "chief" to talk up the term was a good way of convincing the public otherwise?

On Tap This Week

Coming next week, perhaps we’ll actually look at what’s going on in NFL Summer Camp 2013.