The Crystal Ball 2013 June Bloom and July Swoon

Did everyone hear about the nutty Washington fans who, upon seeing RGIII’s revealed wedding registry, swamped the happy couple with gifts? Boy fans are getting dumber. What, you weren't feeding his wallet enough by purchasing Washington gear, or RGIII gear, or game tickets and concessions, or souvenirs with his face plastered on them? No, now you had to buy him wedding presents, the man who most likely wants for nothing? No wonder Wall Street and big business keep fleecing people. Even when we finally get a taste of the pie, we just give it right back.

Opening Kickoff

Scott E. Entsminger, a life long Cleveland Browns fan, recently passed away. In his will, he requested 6 Cleveland Browns to be his pallbearers so the Browns could "let him down one last time." Now this guy, I would have loved to hang with.

The Browns, to their credit, contacted Entsminger's family to express their condolences and sent his widow a customized Browns jersey with the number of Scott's favorite player Lou Groza. At least the Browns are self aware.

The Way it Was

Football legend and originator of the term “sack” David “Deacon” Jones died last month at the age of 74. Man, I hope they find someone as equally cantankerous for interviews in the future. What am I saying, they’ll never find someone like Deacon.

Panthers quarterback Cam Newton announced he lost 12 pounds through an offseason personal challenge. Personal challenge my fat fanny. I think that little kid from the NFL Play 60 commercial rattled him.

The Gronk needs back surgery. The Gronk is falling apart fast, almost like someone who has used too many PED type substances. Not saying anything, just wondering aloud.

Tim Tebow signed with the New England Patriots. I love this signing. I really do. Do you know how many people this ticks off? I’m ecstatic. Heck I’d bet Belichick signed him just because people said ol’ Bill hated Tebow.

In all seriousness, I love the Patriots for taking this shot. It's smart. I've never bought the idea that Tebow has no value in the NFL. Tony Sparano determined that with the Jets last year in training camp, and after Tebow looked poor early in New Jersey, he never had any sort of shot to change Sparano's mind. It was a wasted year. You don't luck your way into seven wins and a playoff upset of Pittsburgh if you're talent-less. Tebow is a non-traditional quarterback, and this is a non-traditional league right now. Who saw Russell Wilson doing what he did last year? Who saw Tebow beating Dick LeBeau in the playoffs? There's little risk here for New England but a tremendous amount of upside. It's a smart play. Plus, right now, I think the Patriots could use a few good eggs around the facilities.

The new Vikings stadium is underway. No troublemakers allowed.

Speaking of troublemakers, outspoken former Vikings punter Chris Kluwe was signed by the Oakland Raiders. Somewhere, Al Davis is beaming with pride.

I’d bet he’s beaming doubly so when the team brought home former Raider and Packer Charles Woodson.

Former Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher retired ending a 13 year career. I guess he’ll just have to be remembered alongside other great Bears middle linebackers like Mike Singletary and Dick Butkus. Hey, I guess life can be pretty good in retirement.

Apparently, the New York Jets hate Mark Sanchez. Yeah, well so does everyone except Rex Ryan, so get in line.

49ers receiver Michael Crabtree is out for the 2013 season with a torn Achilles tendon. See Jim Harbaugh, this is karma striking back for getting that sweetheart deal for Anquan Boldin from your brother. Sucks, don’t it?

The Steel Pit

Things in Steeler land have been oddly quiet. The team went through the obligatory spring practices and the usual type of information and transactions have taken place, but for the most part, nary a peep from Steelers headquarters.

The only major news was tackle Mike Adams was stabbed in a carjacking attempt. The news of the manhunt for the perpetrators was treated as though it was the search for John Wilkes Booth.

So far this off season, Steeler Nation has distracted itself with the Penguins playoff run (which ended horribly) and another exciting first half season by the Pirates (it better last through October).

Here's hoping the Steelers brass have used this respite to retool, rethink offensive strategy and get some rookies, namely Jones and Bell, up to speed lickety split.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

Now here is a nice article about a now kinder, gentler Pacman Jones. My favorite part is how not long after this, he gets arrested for assault.

The Packers want Brett Favre back in the family. That sounds wonderful, but they better make sure he doesn’t want a starting quarterback job first.

Hey, speaking of Brett and Green Bay, Brett recently admitted he was at fault during the Packer/Favre falling out. Good to see he still has a firm grasp on the obvious. Could there be reunion bells ringing for these two in the future?

New Cincinnati Bungle James Harrison has revealed he spends upwards of $600,000 a year on massages and other body treatments. Umm, I guess it’s no worse than Hines Ward’s weekly manicures and pedicures.

Former receiver Chad Johnson found himself in jail acting like a fool during his probation violation hearing. Johnson smacked his lawyer’s butt, of which the judge took offense and threw the former Ochocinco in the clink for 30 days. He should have never changed his name back to Johnson, it’s been all downhill since then.

From the who gives a toot file, Broncos receiver Eric Decker (who?) married country singer Jessica James (also who?) and the two plan on putting together a reality show (for who?). Seriously, are these two even modestly popular enough to warrant their own television show, or have we just got to the point where we’ll watch anything. Considering I saw an ad for the new season of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo yesterday, I think I have my answer.

In what should come as a surprise to no one, Jets head coach Rex Ryan holds himself in high regard. It’s good that Rex Ryan thinks highly of himself, especially considering how small that group of people has become in recent years. I think the entire fan club is now down to Rex and his brother Rob.

Saints quarterback is suing ex teammate Kevin Houser over $160,000 in bad investments. That’s ridiculous. Good for Drew for standing up for himself. And shame on Houser for so capriciously handling Drew’s pocket change.

New Browns owner Jimmy Haslam is suddenly in some hot water. Two employees of his Pilot Flying J empire of truck stops pleaded guilty to withholding rebates from trucking companies. Whether Haslam was aware of the practice, and if fraud charges will come forth is yet unknown. What is known is that Cleveland sports will never catch a lucky break.

Upon Further Review

In an effort to stay relevant, and find something to do, former NFL linebacker and future ESPN talking head Ray Lewis announced recently he was going to climb Mount Kilimanjaro to raise money and awareness to help clean water projects in East Africa.

While on the surface that sounds like a noble cause, in reality it’s another ridiculous stunt by a raging egomaniac. Ray Ray could easily donate money and/or time to such a worthy cause. He could also start a public awareness campaign, doing TV and print ads, getting the word out on the streets. He could start off such a campaign by giving a fat donation, and perhaps soliciting his former NFL brethren to follow suit. That would actually be helpful with this cause.

But by announcing he’s going to climb one of the most intimidating, dangerous and tallest mountains in the world, with barely a few months of training under his belt, shows me this was less about helping a good cause and more about participating in a ridiculous, attention getting trek.

Upon hearing about Ray Ray’s amazing journey, naturally my first thought was, you don't think he's coming back down? But if he stayed in the mountain there’s no way he’d live without getting the life sustaining attention his body needs, and as a society we would be unable to view the new version of the Ten Commandments he would inevitably transport back down the mountain. Once I realized these things and knew he would return, my obvious excitement for his climb dissipated.

Unfortunately, Lewis had to end his sojourn up the mountain. While his team soldiered on, Ray Ray had to step aside. Something he never learned to do while playing at a diminished level the last few seasons in the NFL.

Ray Ray’s ascent ended due to a foot swelling and a persistent fever. Personally I’m surprised he didn’t just lay hands on himself and heal his maladies. His magical hands obviously permitted Torrey Smith to have the game of his life, why wouldn’t they help Ray Ray to the summit? But I am just quibbling on details.

Ray will continue helping the cause from a lower altitude, and should be congratulated for not only attempting a very difficult athletic feat, but also bringing some attention not just to himself, but also a very worthy cause in bringing clean water to those in need. Give a round of applause to Mr. Ray Lewis in his failed bid to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. At least he took a stab at it.

He Said He Said

“I think I just saw the Bears were planning to retire Mike Ditka's number (89) on Dec. 9 against Dallas ... and my first reaction was, "You mean, Ditka's number -- or his coaching sweater -- hasn't already been retired?'' Come on! He's the Bears.” – SI.com’s Peter King

Ditka…Bears….Ditka….Bears….Polish Sausage….Bears…

“That’s how they run their business up there; veteran guys who have been there for years and put in a lot of work get treated like rookies.” – new Jaguars defensive tackle Kyle Love on being cut from the Patriots

There’s a fine line between running a team like a business and being a douche. Belichick is unaware of any line.

“There’s a big canyon between being super intense and abuse.” - Rutgers Athletic Director Julie Hermann

Actually, there's not. That's the problem with coaches now for decades. It’s nice that many of them, including Ms. Hermann are now being classified correctly as bullies.

 “I've heard nothing about it, and I doubt it sincerely. It lends that haughty, bigger-than-life air the NFL likes.” – SI.com’s Peter King responding to a reader question if the NFL will stop using Roman numerals once the Super Bowl reaches 50

Yeah, we gotta make sure the Super Bowl stays classy. Regular numbers would cheapen it, more than advertisements for beer, hair growth products, greasy fast food and erection pills already do.

"I love the head coach. I mean, I love the head coach. He already has this team wrapped around his finger." - Cardinals quarterback Carson Palmer on new coach Bruce Arians

Did you ever think the day would come that Ben Roethlisberger was envious of Carson Palmer? Me neither, but I bet he is a little jealous right now.

Idiot of the Offseason Summer

Well, I’d like to give this to the New England Patriots and owner Robert Kraft for their handling of the Aaron Hernandez situation. But I have something else cooking for that. In the meantime, I don the crown of idiot upon…

Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots!

Belichick, always a classy man, released defensive tackle Kyle Love after Love was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. Never mind that Love probably developed Diabetes maintaining a hefty weight so he could play tackle for Bill Belichick. That’s a minor detail. Funny how ironic it is that in this new NFL world when players are encouraged to report injuries, especially concussions, that when Love does just that, he finds himself being shown the door.

What’s even dumber is that this is not something that really deters a person from playing professional football. Bears quarterback Jay Cutler has Type 1 Diabetes and he plays. The quality of his play is not based upon his diabetes, before anyone tries to make a crass joke.

So Belichick, for violating the Americans with Disabilities Act, for showing less compassion than the Grinch, and for being, well, just an overall douche bag who gets to watch is genius reputation erode with each passing failed season, you are an idiot.

On Tap

Keep checking back, we have more than a handful of interesting and insightful offerings that will hit the virtual streets before training camp starts in a few weeks. Heck, might even try to make a funny or two. Who knows?! Stay tuned….