The Crystal Ball 2013 I'm Coming Out

This NFL off season marked a tremendous push to open a major professional sports closet door and welcome to the world the first active gay NFL player.

Former Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo, who became the center of a story last year by supporting gay marriage then getting into a war of words with Maryland representative Emmert C. Burns, has led the charge in welcoming a gay NFL player by writing articles of encouragement for these players to not be afraid anymore and come out and be themselves. Jason Whitlock of Fox Sports has hypothesized that the issue is not in the locker room why these gentlemen remain in the closet, but in the stands and the fans would have trouble accepting it. I tend to think Whitlock has a valid point, although I would hope fans would be a bit better behaved.

Claims that anywhere from one to a group of players will come out simultaneously have crossed our media consciousness over the past months. And everyone is lining up to roll out the red carpet. From the NFL ready to show how tolerant it is to advertisers and Madison Avenue ready to pounce and promote the first active gay NFL player. The party is all set, the band is ready to play, the candles on the cake are lit, we’re all ready to celebrate this momentous moment in history and show how tolerant and forward thinking we are as a society. Well, almost all set. There seems to be one tiny problem.

No one has come out, so to speak.

Mind you I’m not saying there are no current gay NFL players, and therefore no one to come forth. The societal percentages of the gay population tell us that yes; we already have gay players in the NFL. And there have already been players that came out after their careers were over, although what we seem to want now is active players to say, yes I’m gay. What I am saying is none of those players seem eager, or perhaps ready, to come forward.

And can you blame them? For all the progress our society has made in the acceptance of homosexuality, there still remains a large amount of baffling, hostile and sometimes deadly obstacles to overcome. Plus, we’ve all been to sporting events. We know how vicious, mean and downright ignorant some fans can be when they get a few drinks in them. Heck some of the more ignorant throw out gay slurs now as a means to insult a player as a way to question their masculinity. Never mind that a person's sexuality has nothing to do with their masculinity. Imagine what they would do if the player were actually gay. It’s no wonder that gay players are not falling head over heels to be the first one out of the closet.

You know what? The active gay players in the NFL are already known. They’re known by their families, by their friends, their lovers and I’d bet by at least some of their teammates, coaches and team personnel. To who they are not known is to the media and the fans. And so what?

Why are we obsessed about what other people do in the privacy of their own homes or with their own private life? Who cares? It makes no difference to me if a player on the Steelers would date men and not women. What makes a difference to me is can he do the job? And personally, I care not who he dates. If he’s found love, no matter with whom, and he's happy, then bless him. Finding someone to love who makes you happy is a key to a fulfilling life in my opinion and we all struggle finding that someone special. But who this hypothetical player dates does not affect my day one way or another, as who I chose as my mate does not affect his. It’s immaterial to me and I find myself continually confounded with our obsession regarding the relationships of the rich and famous. But that is a discussion for another day.

What I do not understand this hell bent attitude to yank a gay NFL player out of the closet. And let’s be honest, for all the good Brendon and others are trying to put forth by creating an open, accepting and tolerant atmosphere for this prospective player to come out into, they are also being pretty darn pushy about it.

Perhaps the players in the NFL who are gay do not want to be singled out as gay men, but just as football players. Perhaps they do not want to be a standard bearer for homosexuality, but just want to earn a living playing the sport they love. Sure, by being brave and stepping up, they would do a tremendous amount of good for many others. But not everyone is equipped with the necessary tools to be able to handle the potential criticism and hatred that would come with being such a trailblazer. Just watch “42”, and you’ll get a better understanding of what I mean and just how truly special Jackie Robinson was as not a baseball player, but as a man.

Take Jason Collins as an example. Earlier this year Collins, a 12 year NBA veteran, came out as a gay man, and became the first active gay athlete in the 4 major pro sports. He has been everything you could ask for as a trailblazer and I applaud his bravery, honesty and openness. But casual fans who never appreciated his gritty game before now don't think of him as a vital piece to an NBA roster, they think of him as a gay basketball player. And worse, Collins came out as a free agent. And while he has been the toast of the sports and gay worlds, being a tremendous ambassador to both, he still remains a free agent. Will that change as NBA training camp approaches? I certainly hope so, but thus far no team has been brave enough, and ironically open enough, to add an openly gay man to their roster.

Do I believe there is a gay man strong, brave and tough enough to be a trailblazer and come out of the closet while playing in the NFL? You bet I do. And I have no doubt it will happen sooner rather than later. But I also believe he will come forward when he is ready, when the time is right for him and for his family, not just because the league, advertisers and the media are ready.

It will take an incredibly resilient, patient and strong man to come forth and open this particular door. One who knows that from that point forward, no matter how athletically gifted or decorated he is at his chosen profession, that will all be secondary. Each week, people will watch him closer than anyone else not for his skills or talent, but because he’s a gay man in the NFL. There will, unfortunately, be a bit of sideshow to his games, at least at first. I hope when this happens we can all be mature enough for that to pass rapidly, but I’ve seen how nonsensical humans can operate so I do have some doubts.

Regardless, as I stated it will take a remarkable individual to fulfill this tall order. I think we, as a society, the NFL and its fans, have made it clear we’re on board. So until this yet unnamed player is ready, how about we all relax, step back, take a breath and let him come out when he’s ready, instead of trying to pry him out kicking and screaming. After all, there's no need for us to be so aggressively accepting that we frighten everyone back into the closet.