The Crystal Ball 2012 The Super Bowl

As predicted, the media frenzy surrounding the Harbaugh story was more painful to endure than the Manning story. But I did love this snippet from a Harbaugh story from Mark Emmons and Daniel Brown of the San Jose Mercury News:

John was supposed to be the quarterback his senior year -- until the coaches got a good look at sophomore Jim. "John was so gracious about it," said [teammate Greg] Yarrington, now a health care company vice president. "I remember the rest of the team wasn't receptive because let's just say Jim had a heightened sense of self-confidence. But John rationalized it and made sure the rest of us were OK with it, too."

Well, that sure explains a whooooole bunch, don't you think?

Opening Kickoff

This Super Bowl Sunday, as you cheer on one of your favorite teams, or lament your team is not making yet another appearance in the Big Game, think of those less fortunate than you. Think of Browns, Lions and Jaguar fans.

The Way It Was

Ok, let's cover the few things that happened in the NFL that was not Super Bowl related. Even though nothing else really matters right now.

Well, there was that Pro Bowl thing people talk about. But until they move it back where it belongs, after the Super Bowl, I refuse to acknowledge it.

A bit of a fan brawl occurred at the Pro Bowl. Not sure how anyone could get worked up and angry at A) the Pro Bowl and B) in Hawaii.

And more from Hawaii, former Ravens, Colts and Packers center Jeff Saturday called it a career. Saturday capped things with a tremendous feel good moment, moving from the NFC to the AFC team for one play and taking one last snap from Peyton Manning, his long time quarterback. That is how you end a career with class. Happy trails Jeff.

Speaking of retirements, longtime Packer Donald Driver is also calling it a career. I know I made the joke about it after he won Dancing With The Stars, but Driver really is Hines Ward one year later. Weird.

49ers quarterback Alex Smith wants his release from the team. If heaven forbid Colin Kaepernick should get hurt, I hope Smith refuses to go in just to stick it to Jim Harbaugh. That would be awesome.

The Jets, already embroiled in an odd trade drama with Darrelle Revis, are considering signing JaMarcus Russell to challenge Mark Sanchez for the starting quarterback position. Ok, enough. I know people hate on Tim Tebow for irrational reasons, but there is no way you can convince me Russell is better than Tebow.

Randy Moss proclaimed himself the greatest receiver of all time. Jerry Rice, the consensus choice for greatest receiver of all time, was understandably surprised. Especially considering Rice never quit on a team during the season or demanded Straight Cash Homey.

Whoops, starting to creep into some Super Bowl stuff. Let's move on before the flood gates open prematurely.

The Steel Pit

GM for a day is coming, I have some very fun ideas of things to do with the team if given access to the big chair. But right now, I need to address something rotten in Steeler Nation.

In the last two weeks, Ryan Clark has been joined by Maurkice Pouncey and LaMarr Woodley in his love fest for Ray Lewis, Ed Reed and the Baltimore Ravens. To say I'm disappointed by this would be an understatement.

Look, I'm no fool and we've covered this ground before. The viewing public knows that  players, while on different teams, are friends off the field and in the off season. We know they hang out together, train together and have mutual interests away from the NFL. We're not dumb.

All we ask is help maintain the illusion. As fans, we hate our rival teams and want to see them fail. Bears fans are not rooting for the Packers. Jets fans do not root for New England. Its called schadenfreude. We expect the players of those teams to follow suit. Or at least put on a show for our benefit.

It bugs me so much that such prominent Steeler leaders as Clark, Pouncey and Woodley would pull for players and a team that has nothing but disdain and loathing for their team and their teammates. Have these guys forgetten that Baltimore and its defensive personnel has spent years taking cheap shots at Roethlisberger, Ward, Miller, Parker, Bettis, Holmes and every other offensive player that has suited up for the Black and Gold? Does loyalty to your own team and teammates mean so little anymore? It still seems to mean something in Baltimore, where that team is doing everything under the sun to send Ray Ray out on top. Why is the Pittsburgh locker room so fractured comparatively?

Guys, listen up. I know you like those guys and are friends with them, but think about this. Ray Ray and Ed Reed certainly were not going out of their way to say they were pulling for Pittsburgh in any of the three Super Bowls in which we have played in the last 10 years. As a matter of fact, I bet they enjoyed viewing Super Bowl XLV and watching us lose.

And I can guarantee you that Mean Joe Greene and Jack Lambert were never sitting at home cheering on Jack Tatum and the Oakland Raiders.

And most importantly, come next season, should the Ravens win today, I guarantee they'll shove that trophy in your face every chance they get. That sounds fun, doesn't it? Still feel good about rooting for them? Come on, let's start showing some Steeler Pride. Someone get me Joey Porter ASAP.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

President Obama announced this week that while he enjoys football, if he had a son he would have serious reservations about letting him play the sport. The 49ers and Ravens of course disagreed with the President's assessment of their profession. Ummm, Mr. President, if I may. Stop concerning yourself with the risks of playing professional sports. Each league will succeed or fail based upon fan demand and participant willingness. How about you just concentrate on getting us as a nation out of the poor house and stop the reckless spending. Man, some people are too easily distracted. Oh, look, an article deriding Ray Lewis, be right back.........

HA HA HA!!!! Finally! Someone else sees it too! I've been saying for years that Ray Ray has padded his stats and increased his legend by jumping on the pile after the play. Now someone else is saying it too. This article makes me feel so validated, I want to cry.

Proud papa Deion Sanders is fine with his daughter Deiondra joining a bikini basketball league. Wait, her name is Deiondra? I knew Deion has a huge ego, but I didn't realize it was that big.

Speaking of papas, this week the story broke that Dan Marino paid millions to keep his love child with a CBS staffer a secret. This, honestly, is such a mind blowing story, that I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.

Ok, enough vitriol, weirdness, selfishness and downright bad behavior. How about a fun, happy, heartwarming story? How about J.J. Watt, who saw a video of a little 6 year old girl upset she wasn't old enough to marry Watt, finding her and having her be his pretend wife for the day? This girl is so adorable, Watt is so sweet and this story is so cute that there is no way this will not make your day.

Only In Faux Super Bowl Reality…

Did you manage to survive the lead up to the Harbowl? Neither did I. But at least it's over. Ok, let's get into the weirdness of the Super Bowl. It is that time of year, after all.

49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick trademarked the term "Kaepernicking." This is a thing? I miss Tebowing. Apparently "Kaepernicking" is the act of kissing your biceps after a touchdown. Ray Lewis was going to trademark "Ray Raying", but apparently that's already trademarked and called "O.J.ing". Bazinga.

Joe Flacco has cashed in on his stellar post season play by garnering an endorsement deal. Joe Flacco is the new face of Haribo Gummy Bears. I know there's a unibrow joke in there somewhere.

Apparently, ticket prices for the Super Bowl are dropping rapidly, with some possibly selling for no more than face value. While this article goes through myriad reasons why this is occurring, I say let's look at the most obvious reason. Perhaps the general public is not willing to pay exorbitant prices to watch these teams in person.

A cheerleader for the Ravens is upset she was not picked for the select unit that will perform at the Super Bowl. She has taken her case to the public, protesting the team's assumption that she gained weight and is leading a campaign to get reinstated to the squad in time for the game. Look, I get it, it would be awesome to be on the sidelines for the Super Bowl. But something tells me that bitching about getting snubbed on Good Morning America isn't going to change things.

You know what's fun about the Super Bowl? The side action. And the Super Bowl has no shortage of fun, weird, strange and downright crazy prop bets. Anything you want to bet on, it's available. Even though I'm not a gambling man, I do love me some prop bets.

Hey, no Super Bowl party is complete without some tasty treats. Having trouble deciding what to make? Well, here's a few dozen recipes to sort through if you're stuck creating a menu.

Ok, I am a football fan, and the Super Bowl is the crowning jewel of every season. But if the NFL's premier game is truly causing a chicken wing shortage, then I say, no more football! I need two dozen, hot with a side of ranch and celery before it's too late!!!

This cat wants to make the Monday after the Super Bowl a national holiday. That's a great idea, except the NFL would just move the game to Monday night to capitalize on an extra day of hype and sales.

Upon Further Review

Ladies and gentlemen, please buckle up. The Ray Lewis retirement ride has hit some turbulence.

Squirm you big phony! Boy, I don't know if anyone has enjoyed watching Ray Ray twist in the wind this week more than I. Every day is yet another delicious news story where people  wonder aloud about his role in the 2000 double murder case. Sure, he still has his apologists, Alex Marvez I'm looking in your direction, but there were less and less willing to give Ray Ray a break as the week went on.

This would have been fun enough, but then the ridiculous deer antler spray performance enhancing drug story hit. At that moment, it was obvious that Ray Ray's ride into the sunset would be spoiled.

Now to be fair, the sheer absurdity of this story even made me go, wait, what? I mean, holographic stickers? You cannot be serious.

And I will give Lewis this much. If the NFL has banned this substance, yet does not test for it, what's the point of banning said substance? Just for show? Is this the same lip service the NFL gives to its player safety campaign? If the league will not or cannot test for such a substance, what result do they expect to happen other than wide spread usage? The last time people went on the honor system was kindergarten. Heck, hearing that knowledge, I imagine everyone is using this.

But as the story became bigger, and more athletes became embroiled in it, the more I enjoyed watching Lewis forced to face tough questions and have people openly wonder how this impacts his legacy and his career.

Since the beginning of the playoffs, Ray Ray has courted the media and every camera he could find like a man in love with his own reflection. And the camera, media, public and the NFL have bought right into it, all so happy to be a part of the feel good story. However, once media week hit, the spotlight ramped up exponentially. And unfortunately for Lewis, it has devolved from a love fest to an inquisition. Instead of the potential for retiring as a champion story and softball questions about his life and career, now Ray Ray has spent the last week dodging the likes of:

So Ray, what exactly did happen that night in Atlanta 13 years ago?

Ray, why did you reach a financial settlement with the families of the murdered if you had nothing to do with their deaths?

Ray, you are a very religious man, yet you seem to have trouble accurately quoting bible verses. Why is this?

Ray, in the same vein, shouldn't one as religious and pious of you be more humble?

Ray, you have touted for weeks now how you were able to come back from a season ending injury that every doctor who examined you said was impossible to overcome and heal in the allotted time frame. Now you're linked to usage of a performance enhancing drug that claims it can aid healing. Said drug is banned by the NFL and you have denied using it. Doesn't this all sound fishy? Isn't this the type of thing you have blasted the Patriots about? Cheating?

Ray, isn't part of being a good Christian doing good things and following the rules when no one is looking? Wouldn't using a banned substance the NFL doesn't test for go against that ideology?

Ray, if you are lying about using a performance enhancer, and by the way you seem to be caught in an obvious lie, what else are you lying about?

Ray, how does it feel to watch your carefully constructed feel good story, starting with your own episode of A Football Life earlier in the season, to your run through the playoffs, unravel in front of your own eyes just days away from the ultimate prize?

Ok, a few of those questions are what I would ask him if I had the opportunity.

So many people in power are desperate to keep the constructed narrative. Lewis has denied the PED claims, and tried to dismiss the deer antler spray story saying it is two years old and nonsense, even though there is audio evidence to prove otherwise. Even the NFL, which banned the substance, says it doesn't test for it and will not do anything about this case. Good precedent you're setting there Roger. How much you wanna bet that comes back to bite you sometime in the future? I'll bet a Super Bowl in Green Bay on it.

Look, I'm not trivializing or mineralizing how Lewis turned his life around. The facts are that since the night of the murders, Lewis has worked very hard to rehabilitate his life, his image and improve the lives of others in his profession as well as the community at large. His advice, charity work and donations of money and time are considerable and something many players should aspire to emulate. Since the end of his court case, Lewis has never even once been connected with any sort of seemly behavior, nothing even as innocuous as going out to clubs, with the exception of this PED story. And by all accounts, he is very devoted to his children.

But here's what bothers me about him and why I find his story disingenuous. I know all about this stuff. Anyone can find information on many of his charitable works, efforts, mentoring of young players and other great deeds that are mentioned in interview after interview. Lewis is a born again Christian, and he wears this on his sleeve, announces it in the press and to every camera he can find. He tries so hard to show us how much he's changed, I wonder if he's trying to convince, us or himself.

Where's the humility? Why do I know so much about all the good works he performs? If he really was concerned about how much he changed his life, he would do all these things without a press agent notifying the world of them. He would go out and do his speaking engagements to encourage others to change their lives for free, not for fee. I mean, what's more important Ray, that others change their lives for the better like you did, or that you monetize your life story for every dime you can make?

And yes, you can make an argument that I only bring these things to the spotlight because I am a Steeler fan and have issues with Lewis and the Ravens, and that would be fair. But I'm not the only one who is tired of Lewis' shtick. Others have tired of his act, and of this force fed narrative. Even players, most of whom seem to have a man crush on Ray Ray lately, are turning on him. Amani Toomer in particular has had enough of Lewis' act.

"It's definitely all about him. Once a guy goes to the center of the field, goes into the victory formation on the last play of his last home game. ... I just don't think the Giants or any organization I've ever been a part of, even growing up, would allow somebody to single themselves out like that."

And Toomer isn't the only one. Former Steeler and Seahawk Chad Brown called out Lewis for his on field antics, called him self serving and openly questioned Lewis' career statistics.

“I would say 10-15 percent of his tackles he wasn’t actually involved in, and I’d say another 10 percent he was the last guy in and got credit for them. There were folks behind Ray trying to make him seem bigger and better than he actually is.”

Ray Lewis is as much a football player as a myth created to appease a story line. While he was a great player, and will be a Hall of Fame member one day, the sum of his parts and career do not add up to the whole of the legend created by the Ravens P.R. department and NFL Films.

His story and behavior smack of a pre-packaged plan and to an increasing number of people feel phony. While it's obvious Lewis has changed his life from the reckless youth he once was and has done a lot of good with this new life, it feels as though he's done these things as much for the endorsements, the attention, the awards and the money as for the soothing of the soul. To me, that just sounds like a typical self serving business man and not an inspirational feel good tale of redemption. Nothing special at all.

Super Bust Recap

Packers 65 - Patriots 54

Since Green Bay forgot to play defense in the divisional round, and Tom Brady decided why bother, each team went full on Division II college with outrageous scoring.

This game broke records for yardage gained both through passing and rushing, points scored by quarter and half and candid close ups of handsome quarterbacks. And while Tom Brady was at his best, and his receivers actually caught the ball on occasion, Rodgers and company were playing on sentiment and inspiration. They wanted to send Jeff Saturday and Donald Driver out as pseudo champions.

So ultimately, the squad from Wisconsin walked away with the coveted Super Bust trophy, or as we like to call it the Grant/Levy Memorial Trophy. Once again, I pick New England, and once again they let me down. Perhaps their championship window has indeed closed.

He Said He Said

"No Harbaugh Bowl – woof, how insufferable would the last two weeks have been if it had been the Harbaugh show, especially when one of them had to win." - The Crystal Ball, January 2012

I wasn't wrong either. The last two weeks have been insufferable. Did you see the joint press conference?

“I’ve said this before. Pressure, I feel like, comes from lack of preparation." - 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick

Has he been reading old press clippings of Chuck Noll? I'm starting to like this kid.

"....it’s sad to even entertain it on this type of stage.” - Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis on the accusations of his usage of performance enhancing drugs

Why is it sad Ray Ray, because the truth spoils your carefully crafted happy ending?

"The Super Bowl winners will wear those stupid, just-out-of-the-box world champion hats, without taking just a moment to work the brim, and an entire generation of young men will continue to think its cool to sport man bonnets. It’s not." - ESPN.com's David Fleming

Cool people don't like broken in hats.

"It sucks, to put it frankly. Tough pill to swallow." - 49ers quarterback Alex Smith, to Peter King, on his demotion

It's hard to feel bad for a professional athlete, since they do make great money and have a level of fame and popularity most of us will never attain. But Smith has been jerked around since his first day in the league, and you can't help but feel bad for the guy.

“Very rarely is a reporter or any analyst spending any time with a player so y’all do not know us at all.” - Ravens linebacker Terrell Suggs

That is one of the most keen statements ever from a professional athlete. That ranks right up there with Charles Barkley defiantly stating that he is not a role model. Oh no, now I'm finding positive attributes from Ravens players!

“I think people have put too much focus on me." - 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick

Sorry son, you're a starting quarterback in the Super Bowl. All of the focus is on you. That's part of the deal.

“I don’t know nobody that’s ever lived a perfect life.” - Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis

Ladies and gentlemen the understatement, and double negative, of 2013.

"I think it's retarded.” - Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco when asked about next year's Super Bowl in New York

People had a fit about this,but here's the real question. Were people upset because he used the word retarded, or because he dared talk negatively about New York City. Even though the Super Bowl next year will actually be played in New Jersey.

Idiot of the Week

Ray Ray and deer spray? Too easy. Culliver and anti-gay? That's been covered. Marino and his secret baby? Woof.

It's Super Bowl week. The idiots are running amok. Finding an idiot is the equivalent of shooting fish in a barrel. So I'll just go with the obscure, because I can.

This week, I don the crown of idiot on sports writer Richard Rothschild and his editor or editors.

Rothschild penned an article for Sports Illustrated analyzing Super Bowls played in New Orleans. Where Rothschild earns his award can be found in the third entry when he talks about Super Bowl IX.

In case they corrected their error, which had not happened since I last checked it earlier today, here's the original text posted on 1/29/2013.

• The coldest Super Bowl on record, 39 degrees on Jan. 12, 1975, in New Orleans' last outdoor Super Bowl. The Pittsburgh Steelers' Iron Curtain defense held Minnesota to a Super Bowl-low 119 yards and kicked off their 1970s dynasty with a 16-6 victory, the second-lowest scoring Super Bowl ever.

Does everyone see the stupidity now? The Iron Curtain the nickname for the Soviet Union. The Steel Curtain was a nickname for the Pittsburgh Steelers that played on the name Iron Curtain and Pittsburgh's reputation as a steel producing city. Good gravy, does anyone who gets paid to write ever check their work anymore? So Richard Rothschild, for screwing up such an obvious piece of NFL trivia that even school children in western Pennsylvania know by heart, you are an idiot.

Prognosticating the Future

Every year, I come out of the woodwork to make my Super Bowl prediction, just like Punxsutawney Phil and the weather. But unlike Phil, I'm far more accurate.

Everyone has their own angle, method, system, technique or however you wish to describe it, to predict the winner of the Super Bowl I am no exception. For me, the true indicator of the Super Bowl winner comes from looking at the latest scandal sheet. To put it succinctly, I determine Super Bowl winners based on who has a scandal, started a scandal, and is embroiled in a scandal or on the cusp of one. And by my definition, a scandal is anything off the field that takes away from the team itself, puts all the focus on one player or anything that may disrupt a team from properly preparing for the game.

So, with our definition of a scandal, who has provided us with an appropriate distraction for Super Bowl XLVII?

Actually, it's terribly easy to determine that. You can easily sum it up in two words: Ray Lewis.

Lewis has made every playoff game, and every moment of Baltimore's playoff run, all about him. He was the focus of their sole home game, a victory over Indianapolis, when he did his spotlight dance and was a member of the victory formation at the end of the game. His star even outshined Peyton Manning in Denver. And in New England, he took center stage on Tom Brady's field at the end of the game. But his influence over the 2013 playoffs is not limited to the field.

As we covered previously, once media week hit everyone remembered Ray Ray was involved in a double murder case once, and started asking him about it. Then the story broke about his alleged use of PEDs, which shouldn't have been a surprise considering his miraculous return to the field, and suddenly Ray Ray was THE story of the week. Although obviously not in the way he envisioned.

Add to this Ed Reed telling the media not to count out a Ray Ray return in 2013. Although my response to that is no. No way. Uh uh. I am not going through another Brett Favre annual retirement party. No sir.

But Ed doesn't stop there. Not only is he predicting the return of Ray Ray, he also uses his big media stage to discuss how he doesn't care about concussions, how much he loves Bill Belichick, and basically doing whatever is possible to stand out in the gigantic spotlight cast by Lewis.

Not wanting to be left out of the mix, Joe Flacco ticked people off by using the word retarded, and Bernard Pollard simultaneously bitches about the NFL cracking down on tough play and then claims the league will disappear in 30 years because of said play.

Now, let's contrast that with what has been going on over in 49ers camp. The closest thing they've had to any controversy is Chris Culliver's homophobic comments during media day, Alex Smith wanting a new team and a trip to a strip club. That's it. Culliver made his ignorant statements and was immediately shut down that night by Harbaugh, and the next day had his apology ready. End of media feeding frenzy. As for Smith, he'll get a ring on his way out the door, no doubt. And I doubt the 49ers are the only ones that have hit a strip club this week.

But the Ravens just cannot shut up long enough to take their feet out of their mouths, or realize that while they're yapping about Ray Ray, deer spray and everything else, the 49ers have been focusing solely on football.

And there it is, this year's distraction. The Ravens as a whole are their own distraction. They're gonna get rolled.

On Tap This Week

It's been a while since we last visited each other. How have we been doing?

Last week: 0-2

Season to Date: 165-97

That bad, huh? Well, there's always next week. Oh wait, no there isn't! This is it! It all ends today! I shed a small tear.

The Super Bowl

Baltimore (13-6) at San Francisco (13-4-1)

Look, I think I've made it painfully obvious I do not care for this particular Super Bowl. And as a Steeler fan, it should also be obvious that for me there is no happy ending. Well, except that the game will end and eventually a new season will begin. My favorite scenario involves both teams losing, but unfortunately the rules state one team has to win, so here goes. 

I have maintained for months now that Baltimore's defense is overrated and can be exploited. Heck Charlie Batch showed that to the world. Colin Kaepernick will exploit Baltimore through the air and on the ground en route to bringing a sixth championship to the city of San Francisco. 

To be honest, I like the 49ers and their fans, they are overall a pretty good franchise. During their salad years, they featured at one cool quarterback from the Pittsburgh area, so there's always a soft spot for them in my book. If it weren't for the massive douchebag Jim Harbaugh, I'd happily root for them. Their fans have been through a few humbling seasons, and heck, the 49ers and Steelers were once tied for most Super Bowls, so nothing wrong with that happening again. At the very least, it will be worth it to see them spoil Ray Ray's magical ending.

49ers over Ravens

Tell me about the commercials tomorrow. I'm off to spend some time with friends and indulge in some tasty Mexican cuisine. I believe I've earned it.