The Crystal Ball 2011 Week 17

All football games were wrapped up before 8pm Saturday night and didn’t commence again until after 8pm Sunday evening. Even the NFL knew it couldn’t compete with 24 hours of A Christmas Story.

Opening Kickoff

Hey, Prime Time, what’s the deal with the beard? Will someone tell Deion Sanders that A) the only NFL player that grows a playoff beard is Brett Keisel and B) Just For Men isn’t just for Emmitt Smith and Keith Hernandez?

The Way It Was

On his last pass of the evening, a touchdown to Darren Sproles, Saints quarterback Drew Brees broke Dan Marino’s 27 year old single season passing yardage record on Monday night, a record many thought may not be broken. And while I agree it was a more difficult time for quarterbacks and receivers when Marino set the record, defenses pounded Dan in ways that if they tried it now on quarterbacks, suspensions would be flying out of the NFL offices left and right.

Dan had to do it the hard way, but if anyone was going to break this record, I’m personally glad that Drew Brees was the one to accomplish the feat. When San Diego shoved him out the door in favor of Phillip Rivers, Brees spoke with the Dolphins first for a job. He liked the team, but Nick Saban didn’t want to take a chance on the rehabbing Brees. So Drew spoke with Sean Payton and the Saints. Payton did want to take that chance, and more importantly Brees wanted to take a chance on the team and the rebuilding city. Brees threw himself into his new team and his new city, becoming a visible and tireless worker, investing his time and money, to help with rebuilding the hurricane ravaged city and its citizens. He gave the fans someone and something to believe in, and the team a leader it desperately needed. Since that moment, both the franchise and city have advanced by leaps and bounds. For Brees to break such a vaunted record seems fitting. He is a classy man who deserves such accolades.

And let’s give a round of applause to Dan Marino himself, who set this seemingly unbreakable record in an era when quarterbacks were afforded no protection by the rules or officials and throwing for 4,000 yards was thought to be a monumental achievement. When Brett Favre was breaking Marino’s records a few years ago, Dan always congratulated Favre through gritted teeth. But with Brees, he’s been nothing but congratulatory and effusing of praise as Drew mounted his assault of Marino’s record. It would seem that Marino is a classy guy who knows how to identify other classy guys and just hates to see his records broken by douche bags. I’d bet secretly Marino was rooting for Brees and not Tom Brady.

In the Saints locker room after the game head coach Sean Payton gave major props to Dan Marino. Men who are successful in the NFL understand the history of the sport and where it came from to get to where it is today. Payton and Brees understand that, and that’s why they are so successful together. Here’s hoping they continue to be successful together for many years to come.

Well, so much for the vaunted Jets secondary containing Victor Cruz.

Is there a better touchdown leap this season than the Bungles Jerome Simpson leaping over a defender and then sticking the landing? If this football thing does not work out, perhaps the U.S. men’s gymnastics team should offer Simpson a spot.

I found it kind of disturbing that the Bronco defense is now baring all its weaknesses right when the team needs them the most. They aren’t going anywhere without a fierce, turnover producing defense.

Seriously, Ravens, haven’t you learned anything? You never punt directly to Josh Cribbs; it’s like punting to Devin Hester, just inviting disaster.

The Detroit Lions clinched first playoff spot since 1999 when Charlie Batch was their quarterback. Go Charlie!

Ok, so much for that Norv Turner December magic. There’s nothing like getting blown out of the water when you have a chance to win your division. Perhaps now he’ll finally find himself unemployed

Wow, the tuck rule reared its ugly head in New York, this time benefiting the Jets. Can we please change this ridiculous rule now?

Tony Romo’s hand injury puts a severe crimp in Dallas’ chances to claim the division tonight. It also may affect his golf game, which may become a priority much sooner than anticipated.

Well, Rex Ryan began last week guaranteeing a victory over the Giants, and that didn’t happen at all. I think it’s time Ryan learned when to shut up.

Awww, how cute was it for Rex Ryan to send Plaxico Burress out as the only captain against his former team? Super cute! Did it work as a psyche out tactic? Of course not.

Ain’t nothing wrong with the Packers laying a little smack down on the Bears. Without even playing the entire game Aaron Rodgers scored 5 touchdowns. That’s more than Al Bundy!

Ok, can we all finally admit that Mark Sanchez, with two more years of experience, is no better of a starting quarterback than Tim Tebow? And honestly, he’s worse because unlike Tebow, he can’t even run the ball as effectively. Who would have thought that one season of starting experience in college wasn’t enough to A) be enough to properly judge Sanchez’s ability as a starting quarterback in the NFL and B) give him enough seasoning or practice to even have a chance as being a successful starting quarterback in the NFL? Just everyone with any sense of how professional football works.

Cam Newton clinched the rookie passing yardage record, set by Peyton Manning in 1998, with a game yet to play. I know Andy Dalton has his team one win away from a playoff berth which is tremendous, but is there any way Cam Newton doesn’t win offensive rookie of the year? Heck I say he should be in the running for MVP, because name me a more important person on the Panther team?

David Akers set an NFL record with his 42^nd field goal of the season, the most field goals ever successfully completed in a season. That’s an amazing accomplishment by a great kicker. But just goes to show how anemic the 49ers offense is. Not that I’m bitter a certain team couldn’t exploit that.

The Steel Pit

Steelers 27 – Rams 0

Well, no Big Ben, no Pouncey, no Woodley, so the deck was stacked. And then before the game, the team announced that rookie right tackle Marcus Gilbert was benched for disciplinary reasons. Look I like that kid, but if he doesn’t get his head on straight, no matter his talent the team will cut him. If he doubts that, he should have a conversation with Jeff Reed.

Couple these missing players with Doug Legursky getting hurt early and forcing Trai Essex to move to center and Chris Kemoeatu the penalty machine entering the game, there was much opportunity for the lowly Rams to force an upset.

But disaster was not in the mix, as the defense pitched a shutout, the offense put together their best running effort of the season and Kemoeatu had a zero penalty game as the Steelers bestowed a satisfying Christmas present upon their fans.

Plus, good ol’ reliable Charlie Batch put in a workman like effort. Even his interception wasn’t his fault since Antonio Brown lost his footing. And he had a couple of nice Roethlisberger-esque moments evading pressure to make a play and continuing drives. Although he had a few head scratching passes that make you realize, yeah this team needs a healthy Roethlisberger for the playoffs, Charlie did all you could hope for and a bit more.

In other team news, Antonio Brown set the Steelers record for most all purpose yards with 2,048 and went over 1,000 yards receiving, joining Mike Wallace as dual receivers with 1,000 yards. Pretty darned good for a second year receiver.

Ward Watch – Hines tallied four catches, thrilling the home crowd and bringing his total to 995 career receptions and only 5 from 1000. While considering his recent output puts doubt he may not make the milestone against the Browns, as long as he’s on the field, there’s a chance. I sure hope the coaches and Ben give this man his due and give him the opportunity to grab this record, he has earned it.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

The Bengals, who have sold out only one game this season, begged fans to come out for their home finale today. The begging helped, since fans responded to see the team attempt to make the playoffs. Weird, as a fan I can’t imagine a team having to beg fans to come to the park. Oh wait, yes I can, I’m a Pittsburgh Pirate fan.

Adrian Peterson tore his ACL and MCL, leaving him done for the season and questionable for the start of 2012, although the Vikings say he will be ready by then. He may be, but he will not be the AP we know and love. Just what Viking fans needed to get excited about next year.

Well this was interesting, a Packer fan getting sweet revenge on her ex-boyfriend thanks go to a well placed sign on a nationally broadcast game. Who says signage at a football game is a waste of time?

According to this report, over half of the NFL players interviewed stated that they would hide a concussion so they could continue playing. Who’s surprised by this report other than Roger Goodell?

Steelers’ defensive end Brett Keisel, known for his tremendous play and prodigious beard, is also a tireless worker for multiple charities and the community. I love stories like this of athletes giving back; it gives me hope especially this time of year.

And speaking of great heartwarming stories, Steelers’ quarterback Charlie Batch spent last Saturday orchestrating a satisfying win for the home team, and then a beautiful moment for families all over the Pittsburgh region by delivering toys to needy families. Sorry, it’s getting a bit misty in here.

Dolphins’ defensive end Jason Taylor is set to retire after this season. Jason, are you sure you want to retire or rather sign with the Patriots for a season then sign yet again with the Dolphins?

Jets running back LaDainian Tomlinson stated this could be his final NFL campaign as well. Awww come on guys, I’m sure you both have enough left in the tank for a season or two in Oakland.

NFL analyst and massive blowhard Deion Sanders let his wife know he wants a divorce by allowing her to read it online instead of telling her privately and like a man. You stay classy there, Prime Time.

Dolphins’ receiver Brandon Marshall claims Jets cornerback Darrelle Revis gets preferential treatment and generous calls from officials, in sports lingo known as the Jordan Rule, which came about from basketball players claiming the same thing happened to Michael Jordan. Ummm, Brandon, don’t you think the true beneficiary of the Jordan rule would be Tom Brady?

The NFL this week released its list of Pro Bowl players for 2011. And oh look, there are worthy candidates left off the list and players on the list that are only there because of their name and not this season’s accomplishments! What a travesty! Just like EVERY YEAR. Come on people, and that includes fans sportswriters commentators and assorted talking heads, save the mock indignity for another time. This happens every season, let’s move on.

Upon Further Review

Considering his on-field transgressions this season, the media has been piling on Lions defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh pretty hard and frequently, with yours truly no exception. But hey, when you dribble a man’s head off the turf and then stomp on him, you earn that negative press.

But those who claim to know him personally have stated over and over that the raging Hulk-like behavior he has exhibited is not the man they know. And you know what, it turns out they’re right, and I didn’t see something in Suh that should have been as terribly obvious to me as a Steeler fan and historian. I was wrong about Suh, and he should get to plow into me like a tackling dummy because of it.

I offer this mea culpa for three reasons.

1)    In the days following his stomping incident, when everyone in the free world was jumping on Suh’s case and decrying his violent behavior and his seemingly insincere apology, Suh called stomping victim Evan Dietrich-Smith and personally apologized for his behavior. It takes a big man to not only admit you’re wrong, but to apologize to someone like a man. Suh did that and no one knew except Smith, the way it should have been. But no one noticed because we were too busy raking him over the coals.

2)    In a list compiled by The Giving Back Fund, it was revealed that Suh, with his $2.6 Million donation to the University of Nebraska, is the most generous athlete in all U.S. sports. And before we get all cynical, he made his donations long before he fell out of public favor and not to get back into the good graces of the fans and media. While I could quibble about his donation, since I’m sure there are dozens of great charities where such a large donation could go much further than a wealthy university, I won’t. He didn’t have to do anything with that money, but because of his generosity, many professors and students will benefit from Suh’s kindness. It would be nice to see more celebrities, athletes and stars giving back to their communities.

3)    Suh is a talented tackle that has a fierce competitive streak, a dominating force on the field and natural gifts that most players will never have and cannot stop on the field. He hates to lose, not just games but on individual plays and cannot stand getting beaten in any sense. He is still young and raw and has not yet mastered control of his gifts, intellect and competitive nature, which is understandable since he’s in only his second season. If you combine these factors together, you see an instant comparison come to mind, one I cannot believe I missed. He plays like a young Joe Greene. I know, it’s far too early to compare a second year man to a Hall of Fame tackle that was the cornerstone for a multiple Super Bowl winning franchise, but the evidence is there. Greene had all of the above, plus a gentle, giving nature off the field that was often overshadowed by his fierce play on it. And like Suh, Greene had a lot of trouble keeping his emotions and competitive nature in check his first few seasons before the Steelers started to win games and become a powerful force in the league. Suh is going through the same growing pains, and instead of demonizing him, we should be recognizing the potential for greatness and give him some slack to not only grow, but learn as well.

Suh is a good man, and a good athlete, and I personally apologize for suggesting he may be just an out of control idiot and implying a comparison to Albert Haynesworth. Like everyone, I jumped in too quick to judge without knowing the whole story. If it’s good enough for Suh to apologize, it’s good enough for me. Good luck in the playoffs young man, and considering what kind of once in a generation talent Greene was, I personally hope this comparison I make is accurate because it would be a treat to see another such player in the league again.

Duck Duck Coach

Black Monday rapidly approaches, are you prepared for someone taking a foolish chance on the soon to be unemployed Norv Turner?

He Said He Said

"What's new man? The standard is the standard. We say all the time the quarterback position isn't any different than any other." – Steelers linebacker James Farrior on quarterback Charlie Batch’s performance starting in place of Ben Roethlisberger

While Charlie did a tremendous job, I think Indianapolis fans would like to raise an objection to the thought that the quarterback position isn’t different than any other.

''The man told me, `Hue, we'll win it in the end.' I believe that. I don't know how it's going to happen. I don't care how it's going to happen.” – Raiders head coach Hue Jackson referring to a conversation he had with the late Al Davis before he passed away earlier this season.

Well, technically it’s still possible. But would anyone want to put good money on it?

“I will never fire myself. We go out and you don’t go from being a Coach of the Year candidate to being the worst coach in the league to getting fired within a year.” – Buccaneers head coach Raheem Morris

Well, you do when you drop 9 straight games and have an impatient owner who needs to sell season ticket packages for 2012. Don’t worry Raheem, someone else will do the firing for you.

"I now have played every position on the line this season. Tight end and fullback, too. All I've got to do now is get in at quarterback and wide receiver." – Steelers lineman Trai Essex after filling in at center for the injured Doug Legursky

Ummm, not that I’m doubting his ability, but I do not want to see Trai at quarterback or wide receiver, because that means something terribly bad has happened.

"As far as I'm concerned, he'll be the last quarterback we ever draft high in my lifetime.'' – Panthers owner Jerry Richardson on Cam Newton

Doesn’t this fall somewhere under the heading of famous jinxes?

"It's time to shut up, fat boy." - Giants running back Brandon Jacobs to Jets head coach Rex Ryan after the Giants' victory over the Jets

It’s long past time, since the refreshing bravado long ago moved to hot air blowing buffoon.

Idiot of the Week

Mmmm, I do love me weeks that offer multiple nominees for idiot without even trying. Who’s on deck this week?

Perhaps we could give the award to Drew Brees and Sean Payton, who called a timeout to get their next play, lined up, managed to screw that up and actually attempted to call back to back time outs, which is not allowed in the NFL and incurs a penalty. But considering how they dismantled the Falcons and Brees broke the single season passing yardage record in this game, I’ll give them a pass this week.

We could also nominate Bill Maher, who raised the ire of Tebow maniacs and Christians alike by tweeting a rather insulting message as Tebow melted down against Buffalo. But Maher isn’t an idiot, just your typical celebrity attention seeking whore. Like most attention whores, Maher’s only fear is irrelevance which he managed to stave off and at the same time glean some free publicity by jumping on a topical subject and ticking off two large groups of people. That’s not being an idiot. In Hollywood terms, that’s called maximizing your Q rating by becoming a part of current events and popular culture.

I thought about nominating Jon Gruden and his disturbing lack of knowledge about NFL rules, but Mike Pereira, who seems to be unable to stand Gruden and his blowhard act, already took care of publicly bashing the former coach. By the way, nice call Mr. Pereira.

No, this week let’s go with Jets head coach Rex Ryan, who spent the week guaranteeing a Jets victory over the Giants, smack talking the other New York team and seemingly forgetting to game plan as the Giants annihilated the Jets in the battle for New York and the battle for a playoff position. Rex just doesn’t seem to know when to shut his massive piehole, and Brandon Jacobs gave him a recommendation as to when and how to do such. Rex, you are an idiot.

I’ll also give out a second place award to his brother Rob, who runs his own mouth almost as much as his twin despite the fact he’s not a head coach, keeps politicking for a head coaching job while his Cowboy defense keeps leaking more severely than a submarine with a screen door installed. Perhaps Buddy Ryan should sit his boys down and teach them that silence indeed can be golden.

On Tap This Week

Ok, so I’m out of the running to take the pool this season. Hey, it’s difficult to predict how 32 squads will react week in and week out. Well, at least it is compared to those in front of me.

Last week: 10-5

Season to Date: 157-84

But there’s still a chance to at least salvage a moral victory by winning a week, right? Considering 20 teams will pack it up and go home after today, I suppose they’re all thinking the same thing too. Well this is it for the odd 2011 regular season, let’s dive in one last time and see who has it, who doesn’t and who just couldn’t give two toots.

Sunday

New York Jets (8-7) at Miami (5-10)

Well, Rex Ryan needs something to crow about during the offseason, and what better way for Rex to crow than to do it after a loss that officially torpedoes his team’s chance at the playoffs and makes his preseason Super Bowl boasting even more ridiculous.

Dolphins over Jets

Buffalo (6-9) at New England (12-3)

Like Belichick would ever roll over and give a game to an opponent, let alone a divisional one, especially with a first round by and home field advantage being such prominent aspects of this game.

Patriots over Bills

Tennessee (8-7) at Houston (10-5)

Once again, who cares? The only thing Houston has to lose is another starting quarterback.

Titans over Texans

Indianapolis (2-13) at Jacksonville (4-11)

The only reason to watch this game is to make sure Indianapolis doesn’t screw up getting the number one pick in the draft.

Jaguars over Colts

Washington (5-10) at Philadelphia (7-8)

Well, so much for Rex Grossman’s prediction to win the NFC East. Although considering how atrocious the entire division has been, he wasn’t far off.

Eagles over Redskins

Chicago (7-8) at Minnesota (3-12)

Just playing out the string. Sorry Bear fans, it did look good there for a while, no?

Bears over Vikings

Carolina (6-9) at New Orleans (12-3)

New Orleans still needs to play all out for that second seed, at least until they see how fast San Francisco is demolishing the Rams, so as good as Cam Newton has been, it will not be enough.

Saints over Panthers

San Francisco (12-3) at St. Louis (2-13)

If St. Louis had any fight left in them, it disappeared long ago. San Francisco still needs to secure that second seed, and since they’re playing at the same time as New Orleans, they’ll be fighting hard to the end as well, with more demonstrative results.

49ers over Rams

Detroit (10-5) at Green Bay (14-1)

What a shame for Detroit. They finally have an exquisite season, one in which they finally turn their ship in the right direction and shuck their loser label, hit double digit wins and secure a playoff berth for the first time since the last millennium, and Green Bay has such a tremendous season there’s no way Detroit could even sniff at a division championship. Sometimes, even winning isn’t enough.

Packers over Lions

Baltimore (11-4) at Cincinnati (9-6)

If Cincinnati wins they not only get into the playoffs, but they give Pittsburgh the opening they need to claim the division, make it three teams in the AFC North with double digit wins and have the division fielding half of the AFC playoff entrants. I am a huge Bungle fan this week.

Bengals over Ravens

Pittsburgh (11-4) at Cleveland (4-11)

Despite the carnage inflicted by Cleveland in the last matchup between these two teams, I still feel good about Pittsburgh finally taking care of business. Regardless of Peyton Hillis finally showing up and deciding to play for the contract he signed before he was the Madden poster boy.

Steelers over Browns

Kansas City (6-9) at Denver (8-7)

If Denver wins, they win the AFC West and go to the playoffs. Unfortunately, their defense seems to be forgetting that Tebow needs the score close to perform a 4^th quarter miracle, and Tebow himself seems to have forgotten that turnovers kill. And now, they have to go through Kyle Orton to win. Who would have seen this showdown coming at the beginning of the season? I’d feel better about an upset if KC could have taken care of business at home last week and Romeo Crennel wasn’t prominently involved.

Broncos over Chiefs

Seattle (7-8) at Arizona (7-8)

With nothing left to play for, who cares? Well, I bet Seattle fans do, because an 8-8 record shows at least an improvement in the regular season from last year. I know, weird to think about, right?

Cardinals over Seahawks

San Diego (7-8) at Oakland (8-7)

The only thing left for Norv Turner before he’s asked to pack up his office is at least to secure a non winning season, so he doesn’t have to list a losing season on his resume.

Raiders over Chargers

Tampa Bay (4-11) at Atlanta (9-6)

Considering how the players have responded to Raheem Morris’ call to band together and fight, how do you see this game rolling?

Falcons over Buccaneers

Dallas (8-7) at New York Giants (8-7)

Winner takes all, how much fun is that? With Tony Romo playing with a bad paw on the road and no DeMarco Murray to save him on the ground, I’m giving this game to the G-Men to save Coughlin’s job for another season. Sorry Cowboy fans, but I just don’t see it short of a miracle or an Eli Manning meltdown.

Giants over Cowboys