The Crystal Ball 2011 The Super Bust

Wait, the season isn’t over after the Pro Bowl? That’s how it used to be. Huh, and here I just kicked back last weekend and relaxed. Woof, I best get on the stick.

Opening Kickoff

So the Patriots and Giants both won to advance to Super Bowl XLVI. Come on Goodell, this is just a repackaged rerun from 4 years ago. Now you won’t even give us original programming at these prices?

The Way It Was

Patriots 23 – Ravens 20

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Well, I guess Baltimore can lose the AFC championship game to teams other than Pittsburgh.

The Patriots brought back Drew Bledsoe to be the honorary captain before the game. You know Tom Brady was talking with him and saying stuff like, remember when I took your job, and then we won a Super Bowl, that was awesome

I watched the game from the perspective of the enemy of my enemy is my friend. With a completely detached emotional chip, I must say the Patriot offense can be fun to watch at times. Why do I suddenly feel so dirty?

Ravens fans were so obnoxious in the lead up to this game that I wasn’t just picking the Patriots to win, I was enthusiastically rooting for New England to win. Self loathing, here I am.

It wasn’t mentioned much, but the Patriot running game grabbed sizable chunks of yardage often on the vaunted Ravens defense. Despite that, Ray Lewis still showed there’s no one better in the NFL at jumping on the pile after the tackle.

Vince Wilfork owned the Ravens offensive line. Giants’ line, take note.

Did you see Tom Brady jump over the line to grab a 1 yard touchdown? That never used to happen against Baltimore. If Warren Sapp won’t say it, then I will; Ray Lewis is old, slow and done.

The best was as Cundiff lined up for the kick, I said aloud, wouldn’t it be funny if he shanked it. Wish granted. Wouldn’t it be funny if I won a million dollars? Hey it couldn’t hurt.

Everyone wants to put the goat horns on Billy Cundiff for shanking that field goal, but it should be Lee Evans. He had enough time to secure that ball before Sterling Moore knocked it away.

Giants 20 – 49ers 17 OT

Help me Eli Manning, you’re my only hope!

Don’t you just love Ed Hochuli’s overly detailed descriptions when it comes to penalties? He’s the best.

Oh look, New York went into overtime and won the game and a trip to the Super Bowl with a field goal from Lawrence Tynes. I’m telling you, I’ve seen this program before.

Jay Glazer reported before the game that Giants’ players had a sham-wow like cloth inside of their hand warmers to keep their hands dry. Ok then.

I’m so impressed, the 49ers managed to keep the power on at Candlestick for two games, one into overtime! I didn’t think it was possible.

So a defensive slugfest was bested by Eli Manning, who once again lit it up in the 4^th quarter to come out victorious. I’m starting to sense a pattern emerging from the younger Manning. I wonder if it will continue for one more game.

Unless you have zero emotions, you have to feel for Kyle Williams. There’s no one who probably felt worse as the teams’ walked off the field Sunday evening. Keep your head up Kyle, everyone has a bad day.

The Steel Pit

Well, to the joy of many old school Steeler fans (read people who think passing is just a fad, will go away and we need to run on three of every four downs), the Steelers announced the retirement of offensive coordinator Bruce Arians.

So, Bruce rides off into the sunset, having a ring and another Super Bowl appearance to bask in during his golden years and all is well. Not so fast, kiddies.

Arians spoke to his local newspaper, saying he retired because the Steelers didn’t offer him a contract. In essence, that sounds like he was fired.

Art Rooney II, who seems to be not nearly as shy with the media as his father, then spoke that a change was necessary for long term stability. He based this on Arians’ indecision regarding returning to the team after last season. I suppose that cup can hold some water, but it smells a bit fishy to me. Especially when Rooney stated at the season’s conclusion that all coaching staff decisions would be the decision of Mike Tomlin, and Tomlin stated he wanted Arians to return.

This sent the Pittsburgh rumor mill into overdrive, with the most major being that the change was brought on by ownership that wants to see a stronger commitment to and more prominent role from the running game. I’m thinking right now there are some philosophical issues the organization is dealing with, and Tomlin seems to not be a part of any of it. Hey, Mikey, let’s step up and be in charge my man. And Art II, when you have a 100 million dollar quarterback, you let him throw the ball, not go back to a three yards and a cloud of dust offense.

Now said quarterback wants some answers from Rooney regarding exactly how the owner would like to see the offense perform and in what function. This should make for an interesting, drama filled offseason. When did we turn into the Cowboys?

In other Steeler news, longtime backup nose tackle Chris Hoke called it a career after 11 seasons. Hoke felt his long term health and family were more important that trying to give it another go after dealing with major injuries for the first time in his career. In a show of solidarity, line mates Casey Hampton, Brett Keisel and Aaron Smith all attended Hoke’s retirement press conference. I wonder if Aaron Smith’s retirement is far behind. The times, they are a changin’.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

Get your Twitter feeds ready, we have Chad Ochocinco is in the Super Bowl. This should be fun.

I wonder if there’s any chance the Giants could sign David Tyree before February 5^th. Wouldn’t be weird if the Patriots signed him instead? Whoops, I think I just gave Belichick an idea.

Bungle Jerome Simpson plead not guilty to federal drug charges this week. I bet he can’t stick the landing on this one.

Those classy Baltimore fans were at it again, burning Billy Cundiff jerseys out anger and frustration in the aftermath of yet another playoff collapse. I still have the same question as everyone else. Who owns a kicker’s jersey?

After the NFC Championship game, in the winner’s locker room owner Ann Mara let Terry Bradshaw have it for picking against her Giants. Don’t you just love sassy older ladies? They kick the most butt.

I know with only one game next weekend, and hours and hours to fill before it happens, this kind of nonsense will only get worse. But I felt disturbed watching James Brown interview the e-trade baby. Ok, let’s just get this out now. That CG manipulated baby is not cute, it’s creepy and disturbing. Please, I beg of you Madison Avenue enough is enough!

It took about two minutes after Cundiff’s kick for me to start hearing the laces out jokes, equating the kick to Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. These guys took it one hilarious step further.

Hey, Kyle Williams had a bad day. It happens. But there’s no need to rain down venom and threats on the guy. Yeesh, you’d think these people never made a mistake in their life. Thank goodness for the kindness of little kids. That’s your Awww moment of the week, brought to you by Kleenex.

Ok, let me get this straight, Billy Cundiff said the scoreboard showed 3rd down and not 4^th down, and that’s why he had to rush onto the field? So Billy, you’re blaming a scoreboard for you not paying attention to the game, is that correct? Come on, just man up and say you botched an easy kick. I can respect you for that, instead of making lame excuses.

Peyton Manning gave an interview recently, commenting on the massive changes occurring within the organization and stating he’s unsure of the future. Ummm Peyton, we’re all unsure of the future. If we knew what it held, what would be the point? I thought he was smart.

Peyton’s comments triggered a hissy fit of words in the press between him and Colts owner Jim Irsay. Sure, they worked it out, but I’m guessing it will only last to say March 5^th, if that.

The NFL granted Commissioner Roger Goodell a contract extension through the 2018 season. Early reports are that James Harrison is so thrilled; he’s planning a follow up interview with Men’s Health.

Upon Further Review

Penn State and college football spent last week saying goodbye to Joe Paterno. Much has been said and written about JoePa over the past week as former players and alumni came from far and wide to pay their respects. We will here as well, but I want to wait a few weeks until the NFL season winds down to give our own goodbye to Joe its proper due. Until then, I’ll just say thank you Joe.

The Super Bust

Welcome one and all to this year’s Super Bust! I still await the official inception of this great game, but alas Commissioner Goodell seems too busy screwing up the Pro Bowl, getting contract extensions and fining James Harrison to be bothered with this gem of a game. No matter, the game will go on, if only in the twinkling lights of our imagination! And perhaps one day, we can all sit in a stadium far off and witness this beautiful game in actuality.

As stated upon its inception, The Super Bust would match the two consensus pre season favorites to play in the Super Bowl, yet failed to get there, against each other. This game allows a great many good things to happen. As we detailed in the past, here is a partial list of everything the Super Bust would provide.

§  A chance for two fan bases to see their team in action one more time before next season

§  An added opportunity for one team to end their season with a win.

§  Some extra earnings for players

§  A chance for each organization to strengthen their team monetarily and physically with added income as well as additional draft choices

§  An opportunity to show how futile picking Super Bowl winners before the season really is

§  An extra football game when we really need one

§  A weekend of football and fun in Las Vegas

§  A perfect excuse to go to Las Vegas (like you need one anyway)

§  An excuse to have another big game party, this one where the game really does not matter

§  A chance to use the game as a warm up to your real party the next week for the Super Bowl. Try out those far out recipes you think may not work on the real game day.  Almost like a Party Pre Season.

§  Staving off football withdraw for another two weeks

§  Another game for the NFL Network to air, giving more practice to both their broadcast crews and technical crews as well as increasing demand for the network itself

§  Something for the sports media to talk about during the dead time when all other Super Bowl stories and angles have been beaten to death

§  food and service industries seeing a bigger bump in production and sales, thus adding more stimulus to the economy

§  Businesses around the world that have a stake in football seeing an increased profit, adding even more stimulus to the economy

§  The advertising industry having another forum to debut killer commercials, almost like an exhibition commercial season

§  Better play from the preseason favorites during the regular season, since none of them would want to play in the Super Bust

Just to refresh everyone’s memory, since it is a long season, here were our preseason picks to make it to our big game.

2011 Preseason Consensus Super Bowl Favorites

NFC – Green Bay Packers

AFC – New England Patriots

Alternates

NFC – New Orleans Saints

AFC – San Diego Chargers

So this year, the NFC entrant will be Green Bay Packers, who went through the season like a buzz saw, but came up with a dull blade when they met the Giants in the Divisional round.

The AFC entrant will need to be filled by our alternate, as New England is going to the Super Bowl despite an atrocious defense. So this year welcome the San Diego Chargers, who were slated to run away with the AFC West, but as it turned out they were just Tebowed. Boy I know how that feels.

My Super Bust pick this year will be….Green Bay! I cannot wait to see how it turns out!

The “actual” results will be revealed in our big Super Bowl blowout. Stay tuned.

Duck Duck Coach

Chicago – For Da Bears, Phil Emery will now be at the helm as the team’s new general manager.

Indianapolis – The Colts hired Baltimore defensive coordinator Chuck Pagano as their new head coach. I hate to rain on anyone’s parade, but former Raven defensive coordinators have not had a stellar track record of championship football. See Lewis, Marvin and Ryan, Rex. Indianapolis also hired the “retired” Bruce Arians as their new offensive coordinator. I think I’m going to retire for 8 days too.

Oakland – Oakland hired Denver defensive coordinator Dennis Allen as their new head coach, their first defensive hire at head coach since John Madden. I don’t think this will end quite as good, but time will tell.

Pittsburgh – Mike Tomlin is dealing with his first major coaching change of his tenure in Pittsburgh. Quarterback coach Randy Fichtner so far is the frontrunner, with rumors of Tomlin speaking with Jim Caldwell about the position. Considering Baltimore hired Caldwell for their quarterbacks coach, I think that one is debunked. But a new rumor is swirling of the team looking at Todd Haley as their new offensive coordinator. Haley is an ass, but I could talk myself into that one. Linebackers coach Keith Butler was rumored to be interviewing with Indianapolis for their defensive coordinator position, but then did not interview. I wonder if a future promotion was promised to Butler. Intrigue abounds.

Tampa Bay – Tampa Bay grabbed Rutgers head coach Greg Schiano as their new head man. This is a great hire, impressive for a team that seemed such a mess by season’s end.

He Said He Said

''What's Joe's legacy? The answer is his legacy is us. Generations of these young people from coal mines and steel towns who he gave a foundation to. It's not 409 wins, it's not two national championships, and it's not five-time coach of the year. It's us.'' - Former NFL and Nittany Lions receiver Jimmy Cefalo at Paterno’s memorial service

That is but one reason you cannot truly quantify Joe’s legacy and impact, but that’s for another day.

"I sucked bad today." – Patriots quarterback Tom Brady after New England’s victory over Baltimore

Yeah, it was just that day you sucked.

“I think the questions of how we got here are not really relevant.” – Steelers owner Art Rooney II on the “retirement of Bruce Arians

Oh how’s that for spin kids? I’m using this line for everything now, especially when I go on a binge and eat a whole pack of cheese in one day.

"I just told him that it's going to be OK. You know, we'll move on. He is a great kicker. You know, and everyone has a tough moment. All of us do, so Billy will be fine." – Ravens head coach John Harbaugh on kicker Billy Cundiff

Translation, he’ll be fine on his new team next season.

"It's definitely tough to be as close as we were to going to Indianapolis and not having it go our way." – Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco

Nope I didn’t find it tough at all.

“Peyton's brother faces Peyton's (friendly) arch-rival in The House That Peyton Built ... with Peyton, I'm assuming, watching from a luxury suite.” SI.com’s Peter King

Hee hee hee.

“To let Ray Lewis down, you don't know how many games he has left, is pretty tough." - Ravens kicker Billy Cundiff

Sometimes you get chased by angry men.

"Clearly, when you have a team that went to back-to-back championship games, what else is there to go for? It's Super Bowl or bust. Well, we busted." – Jets head coach Rex Ryan

Is he still talking?

"I never thought 'Sodapop Curtis' would announce my retirement." – Colts quarterback Peyton Manning on Rob Lowe tweeting Manning was retiring.

If Peyton does retire, I think he has a career in comedy. Have you seen his new commercial for Papa John’s? Just tremendous work of bringing up Bettis’ famous Thanksgiving Day coin toss fiasco and poking a bit of fun at himself. If he’s back to making fun of himself and making funny commercials, maybe he’s finally feeling better.

Idiot of the Week

I’m sure the easy targets would be Kyle Williams or Billy Cundiff, since everyone is busting on them anyway. But no, those guys aren’t idiots. Everyone has a bad day at the office now and again. They just happened to have their bad days on a big day for their respective company’s in front of millions of people. Think of that the next time you forget to file your TPS report.

This week our idiots stay in the family. That’s right we put the crown of idiot onto the heads of John and Jim Harbaugh.

John garners his share of the honor for his horrible game mismanagement as time was running out on the Ravens’ season. With but seconds remaining on the play clock, the field goal unit rushed onto the field and rapidly set up for what should have been a chip shot, game tying field goal. However, due to the rushed circumstances, Cundiff was not ready and missed the kick, ending the Ravens season. Harbaugh, who was a special teams coach before taking the helm in Baltimore, should have been smart enough to see that his kicking unit was unprepared and not ready. He had a time out left that could have been used to slow things down, get his kicker prepared and ready to go. Yet he chose not to use this, and the rest is history. Harbaugh, you were a special teams coach, you should have known better you idiot.

Jim gets his award for showing that he is disrespectful, a sore loser and a big baby. In the post game, Harbaugh met Tom Coughlin for the traditional handshake, and basically just gave Coughlin’s hand a dismissive pump as he walked past the Giants coach. Somewhere I imagine Jim Schwartz was laughing gleefully. So baby didn't like losing and went about pouting. I ask who's really surprised at Harbaugh’s immature antics. Remember, this is the same guy who missed several games in 1997 due to a broken hand because Jim Kelly called him a baby in an interview and Harbaugh went after him. He was an idiot then, and since history repeats itself, he’s an idiot now.

On Tap This Week

Short of Bernard Pollard blowing up Brady’s knee again late in the 4^th quarter, I think I got everything else I wanted from last weekend.

Last week: 2-0

Season to Date: 177 - 90

Ok, well there is a “game” this weekend, so we might as well look at them. Thanks to hockey having their all star break this weekend too, we have nothing better to do.

Sunday

NFL Pro Bowl AFC vs. NFC

If you watched 5 seconds of this game, you watched more than I did. I refuse to watch until the NFL stops false advertising (it’s not all the best players in the NFL since representatives from two teams are not there as they prepare for the Super Bowl) and moves the game to where it belongs, the week after the Super Bowl so it can once again become the methadone that helps us come down from our football fix in preparation for the long, dark off season. Sigh

No one wins