The Crystal Ball 2011 The Divisionals

If Denver faces New Orleans in the Super Bowl, and Tebow tops the Saints, is that the kind of theological paradox that would bring forth the rapture?

Opening Kickoff

I must ask referee Carl Sheffers, is there any time it’s necessary to throw a player to the ground?

The Way It Was

The Steelers, Lions and Bungles had too many men in the huddle penalties. I know it’s hard to play on the road against a loud and feverish fan base, but you can’t remember to count to 11? And as a surprise to no one, all three teams lost.

Take spinal tap advice, it goes to 11. Not 12.

Texans 31 – Bengals 10

Houston was primed and pumped for their first ever Texans playoff game. The team did it up right, even bringing out ol’ Bum Phillips, the legendary Oilers coach and father of defensive coordinator Wade Phillips. It was good to see Bum again complete with his trademark cowboy hat. And Arian Foster had the Texans logo shaved into the side of his head. You think he was ready for his first playoff game ever? You betcha. And I must give credit to his barber, that logo was great work and even in the same position the logo is on the Texans helmets. His barber does tremendous work.

Now, I know that Houston has not seen a playoff game since the early 1990s, but the crowd should know it’s 2012. What was with the crowd chanting Whoop There It Is? Honestly? Did the stadium PR crew have to use the same music cues from the last time Houston made the playoffs?

With two rookie quarterbacks facing off against each other for the first time in playoff history, the question was who would screw up first. Thank goodness for T.J. Yates he has Andre Johnson, who can make any quarterback look good.

Pacman Jones was scorched so badly on Andre Johnson’s touchdown; he’s still peeling a week later. I wonder if Johnson smack talked him and asked him if he would make it rain to put out that fire from the burn.

The Red Rifle however misfired badly. Dalton threw three interceptions, one that was returned for a touchdown by J.J. Watt and one that led directly to an Arian Foster touchdown run. It was not a good day for the Bungle quarterback.

But it was a good day for Houstonians, and now their team is off to Baltimore.

Saints 45 - Lions 28

Detroit played well in their first playoff appearance this millennium, and hung in there for most of the game. But once the Saints started pulling away, the lions couldn’t keep up.

The Lions’ defense just could not stop the Saints offense no matter what they tried. Even when they had the Saints in third and long situations, New Orleans always found ways to convert. Detroit defensive coordinator Gunther Cunningham could not find the proper alignment to put his charges in to flummox Drew Brees.

Finally, in the 4^th quarter, the Saints just exploded and left the Lions in the dust. And now, the Lions still have yet to win a playoff game this century. But at least they’ve played one. It’s an important first step.

You knew the Lions would lose, when Jim Schwartz was actively berating his team on the sidelines at the beginning of the 4^th quarter. Is it just me or does Jim Schwartz have the look of a bitter vindictive type of person? I think he only wanted to win so he could stick it to Harbaugh later in the playoffs.

On the plus side for Detroit, you cannot stop Calvin Johnson. You can’t even hope to contain him. Unfortunately the Lions’ offense needed one or two more of him.

From the Saints, I loved Sean Payton going for it on fourth down. He showed tremendous faith in his offense and put the onus on them to go out and win the game. And not once did they let him down. Not once. The team went the entire game without punting one time.

And it’s been said repeatedly, but it should be said again, Darren Sproles is awesome. Dean Spanos, were you watching this game? Can you still defend keeping A.J. Smith and Norv Turner in charge of your team after they let Sproles walk?

Giants 24 – Falcons 2

The Giants were making first playoff appearance since 2008, and at first it showed. Did they prepare at all? The offense looked atrocious and bogged down and could not keep the Atlanta pass rushers out of Manning’s face.

The Falcon defensive pressure resulted in an early safety, which unfortunately for Atlanta fans translated into the only points the team would score all afternoon.

Going for the conversion on 4^th and short can be tricky and set the tone for future play calling in a football game. When a 4^th and short call fails early in the game, a coach will tend to be more conservative on a future call and just punt in order to avoid criticism later. In the first quarter Atlanta attempted to convert a 4^th and 1 but was stopped short. When head coach Mike Smith was faced with a 4^th and inches situation inside Giant territory again in the second quarter, Smith opted to punt the ball and try to pin a sputtering giant offense deep.

So what happened next? The Giants woke up and drove the length of the field, which included a 4^th and inches conversion of their own, for a touchdown, their first score of the game and the lead they never relinquished. After that, the Giants’ defense continued their domination of the Falcons offense and the Giant offense methodically worked the field and scored a total of 24 unanswered points.

Mike Smith should have gone for it on his second 4^th and inches. Instead he played scared and conservative and paid the price by losing his lead and his advantage when he had the home team out of sorts and struggling mightily. While he did attempt other 4^th and short attempts later, with no success, this particular attempt was the key turning point of the game, and the last point at which his team was truly in the game.

The Steel Pit

Steelers 23 – Broncos 29 OT

Ok, like many Pittsburgh fans, we were under no delusion we were winning the Super Bowl this year. We saw the injury list, we knew the defense had pressure issues, we saw the offense that sputtered as of late. We have seen enough football, both good and bad, in the Steel City to know the look of a team that is not going far in the playoffs. But we figured, hey, at least we can smack out one more win before the season ends, right?

WRONG!

And I’ll be honest, I would have thoroughly enjoyed watching Tebow put together another thrilling win and cheering him on if it was not against Pittsburgh. Yeesh. You know, you stick up for a guy all season, defend him and support him, even when fans of his own team turn on him, and this is how he repays you? Thanks a ton Tebow! Awww, I can’t stay mad, because I know you’re continued presence in the playoffs hacks off too many people and I enjoy that almost as much as your unconventional style of winning games.

After the game, people made a ton of religious connections with the final results of the game. Here are some of the ones I found.

·         Denver is the stadium closest to heaven – Mile High

·         Tebow threw for 316 yards

·         Roethlisberger’s interception came on a 3^rd and 16 play

·         Pittsburgh’s time of possession was 31 minutes and 6 seconds

·         Tebow’s average yards per completion was 31.6

·         Demaryius Thomas, who scored the winning touchdown, was born on Christmas

·         A halo appeared in the sky above the stadium during the game

There’s just no way we were winning this game, was there?

Well, in the first quarter it didn’t seem that way, as the defense dominated the Bronco offense. But the Steeler offense could not convert in Denver territory and settled for field goals. And I felt tremendously uneasy after the second field goal, as it turned out with good reason.

In the second quarter, Tim Tebow channeled his inner John Elway and let loose, completing big passes, driving the offense and running up a 20-6 lead before halftime. So much for the second quarter being a nightmare for the Broncos, it looked like a magical dream.

Poor Ike Taylor got schooled in this game. He had such a tremendous regular season, regularly shutting down top flight receivers and top flight quarterbacks, but today, he couldn’t stop Tebow or Thomas. Thomas had 100 yards receiving on 2 plays.

Now, his job was not made any easier by a pass rush suddenly disappeared giving Tebow plenty of time to find a receiver. It also did not help when Brett Keisel left with groin injury and Casey Hampton left with a knee injury. Keisel will require surgery in the offseason, as will Maurkice Pouncey, Rashard Mendenhall and Max Starks.

The two biggest problems of this year’s Steelers on display; anemic red zone offense and a defense unable to produce turnovers.

Finally late in the 3^rd quarter, the offense put together a successful touchdown drive, with a bit of help by a fast whistle that ruled a pass incomplete when it was a backward pass that should have been recovered by Denver. For the love of all that is holy Bruce Arians, if you do return as offensive coordinator next season stop with the ridiculous receiver bubble screens!

The team kept fighting back in 4^th quarter and successfully tied the game. But their offense just could not get it done and in position for a final chance at a field goal to win.

Which brings us to the first over time playoff game under new rules format, where we have to be fair and give everyone a chance to win, but it mattered not. Pittsburgh lost the toss, and then Denver scored a touchdown on an excellent catch and run by Thomas with the safeties selling out for the run and Thomas only needing to get past Ike Taylor for the touchdown. A job Thomas showed all game he was more than capable of handling.

I’m still stunned, that our pass defense, which had been one of the best all season, and Ike Taylor in particular, who had played lights out all season, got burned repeatedly by Tim Tebow, the quarterback everyone said could not throw the ball. It’s shocking to me. Tim Tebow strafed our secondary. You know Ryan Clark is going to blame himself for this one.

What bugs me the most is the team went into the game thinking there’s no way Tebow can make big throws in big games, so just stop the run and dare him to make those throws. Tebow turned that train of thought on its ear throughout the first half, and we still didn’t stop the run. Now in the second half, when you know he can make those throws, why not respect that aspect of the offense and adjust accordingly, maybe keep the safety back over the top, have Taylor more aggressive on Thomas or get him some corner help? Nope, that didn’t happen, the Steelers stubbornly held onto their prescribed game plan and Tebow continued to burn them with the pass, all the way to the last play of the game. That last play of the game which was the first play of overtime and was the longest touchdown pass in playoff history, in the shortest overtime period in playoff history. I’m so proud.

Regardless, the season was successful for the most part. If you look at it from a pure numbers standpoint, there’s no way a team ranked next to last in takeaways and with so many injuries had any business being in the playoffs, let alone 12-4. There were plenty of good spots and good moments. Heck I’m still enjoying the win over Tennessee, which was one of the best sporting events I went to last season.

And at least I won’t have to watch the indignity of seeing Pittsburgh lose to the Patriots in New England next week, so that’s a plus. I certainly wouldn’t want to end the season seeing and hearing all those smug Patriot fans cheering after beating Pittsburgh in the playoffs, again. And now the team has plenty of time to get healthy and start making some hard choices on expensive, aging veterans. Plus, everyone gets another week of TEBOW! So I guess things didn’t turn out too badly after all. Plus, there’s always next year.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

Hall of Fame running back Barry Sanders’ son has committed to Stanford for next season. Wait a minute; Barry Sanders has a son going to college? Yikes, starting to feel a little old over here.

The always classy Chad Ochocinco twitted tweeted about his fiancé’s gas problem on a flight. Chad, you should not have to be told to not tell the world about your significant other’s bodily functions. Ladies do NOT like that. They do not find fart humor as funny as guys.

Apparently, this Packer fan received his stock certificate to show his ownership stake in the Green Boy Packers. Now if you received this certificate, would you still have to follow NFL ownership rules?

Wait, Aaron Rodgers has a record label? How did I miss this one? Ok Packer fans, now is the time for fear and concern, as this is where distraction starts, when players start focusing on outside interests. If you don’t believe me, just ask Patriot fans who are nursing a 3 game playoff losing streak led by their Ugg booted quarterback.

Ok, just one more from Packer land. Apparently, defensive tackle B.J. Raji felt it necessary to taunt the Giants in the lead up to Sunday’s game. Oh Raji, history should tell you such things never end well.

In the continued fallout of the Jets season, players are coming forth to defend Mark Sanchez as the quarterback continues to be assailed by criticism both from within and outside the locker room. Now owner Woody Johnson has jumped into the fray to defend Sanchez as well. Is Mark not a big enough boy to stand up for himself? Even Eli Manning grew up and stuck up for himself when Tiki Barber started slinging barbs at him. And that’s why New York is a Giants town and the Jets will always be second place.

And I’ve been saying it, so why can’t everyone else just start saying it too. Perhaps Mark Sanchez is just not a very good quarterback. It’s ok to admit it.

Pittsburgh mayor Luke Ravenstahl settled his bet with Denver mayor Michael Hancock and donned a number 15 jersey and Tebowed. It’s not the first non Pittsburgh jersey Ravenstahl’s worn this year. See him in his other jersey this summer as he makes a cameo in The Dark Knight Rises! Hey, Pittsburgh’s out of the playoffs, so I’m cheering myself up by reminding myself, and everyone, that Pittsburgh is the new Gotham, so there.

Did you watch Saturday Night Live last weekend? Did you see the advertisement for the Charles Barkley Post Game Translator? I have only one question. Why doesn’t this actually exist? You know how much I’d be willing to pay for an app like this?

Former professional wrestler “Stone Cold” Steve Austin announced that if Tim Tebow can put on a repeat performance this weekend against New England, he’ll hand over the sports ownership of the numbers “3:16”. Ummm, that’s just weird.

Upon Further Review

Let’s just get this out right from the start. I do not want 4 of the 8 teams remaining winning the Super Bowl under any circumstances. There I said it. That felt better. Yes, I know its bad karma to root against teams and perhaps I have a bitter bird on my shoulder after getting ousted, but so what. Everyone has at least one team they dislike so much they’d rather play goalie with no pads than watch said team win a championship. Now, my four teams this year I’m rooting against it’s not dislike. Actually in two cases I like the teams and the fan bases. But I just do not want their team to win. Not ever, just until Pittsburgh has two more Super Bowl trophies. Here they are, in no particular order, and the reasons why.

San Francisco – Pittsburgh initiated the 4 Super Bowl Club, which was joined and surpassed by the 49ers and Cowboys. Finally, the Steelers joined those teams with 5 wins and then surpassed it, becoming the only team to win six. I do not want company in this club. Call me the championship Mercury Morris.

New England – if the Belichick/Brady combo should win, that would give them 4 Super Bowls, joining the ranks of Joe Montana, Terry Bradshaw, and Chuck Noll as the only quarterbacks/head coach to win 4 Super Bowls. It still bugs me that Noll is consistently forgotten and underappreciated for his accomplishment and rarely mentioned in the ranks of all time coaches when the subject comes up. With how the media cycle works now, I know this would not be the case with Beli-cheat, and I could not stand that. And trust me, neither could any of you.

Green Bay – I do like the Packers and have said that often, and find them imminently rootable, but come on. There are already too many teams in the 5 Super Bowl club, there’s no need for additional company. It gets this already stacked team too close to 6, which they could do with how this team is built in a few years. Yikes.

Baltimore – I’m a Pittsburgh Steeler fan, is there any other reason needed? Yes, this one is about dislike.

Duck Duck Coach

Chicago – There is no word on a new offensive coordinator or a general manager, although it takes time to get these things right.

Indianapolis – The team hired Ryan Grigson, formerly of the Eagles, as their new general manager. Ok, should I make an Eagles playoff collapse joke here, or wait until they decide the fate of Jim Caldwell when I could include some clock management jokes too….

Jacksonville – In order to help the development of Blaine Gabbert, and their offense in general, the Jaguars hired Falcon offensive coordinator Mike Mularkey as their new head coach. Ummm, Jaguar management, you did see what his offense did last week in New York before you hired Mularkey, right?

Kansas City – The Chiefs made it official and hired Romeo Crennel as their head coach. I wonder if Scott Pioli will question this decision in three years when both himself and Crennel are fired.

Miami – The only news of note is they lost the Jeff Fisher sweepstakes. I’m sensing some no name hire and more crappy football coming from the South Florida region.

New York Jets – New York shook things up by letting go of offensive coordinator Brian Schottenheimer and replacing him with former Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano. Yeah that'll fix the Mark Sanchez problem, because Sparano had such success developing quarterbacks in Miami.

Oakland – Mark Davis hired his first general manager, former Raider and longtime Packer front office fixture Reggie McKenzie, who promptly fired Hue Jackson. I told you Jackson overstepped his bounds trying to accumulate power after Al Davis’ death.

St. Louis – The Rams got their man and hired Jeff Fisher as their new head coach. I think this has the potential to be a great hire and I’m intrigued to see how it turns out.

Tampa Bay – The team is looking at multiple coaches, including retread Marty Schottenheimer. I guess once you win a UFL championship, you become in demand.

He Said He Said

"When a man tells you his reasoning for not letting you play is because if that was his son, he wouldn't want him out there, it shows you he cares about you more than just as a football player, that you're not just an asset to a football team. He understands you have a family and people that depend on you." – Steelers safety Ryan Clark on his conversation with Mike Tomlin when Tomlin told Clark he would not be playing in Denver

Despite the results of the game, and Mundy getting suckered in on that last play, it was still the right call.

“Much is being said about the hiring of Bill O'Brien as the next football coach at Penn State. I do not know him. I have never met him nor been coached by him. One thing I do know is that I will support him, and I call on all Penn State football lettermen to do the same. Whether you agree or disagree with his hiring, we should support him. Instead of chastising him for not being a Penn Stater, let's show him what it means to be a Penn Stater. Coach O'Brien is faced with the daunting task of resurrecting our beloved, yet bruised program. Let's support him in any way we can.” – Former Penn State quarterback Kerry Collins

Thank you Kerry for stating what I and many other fellow alumni feel, but far more eloquently and succinctly than I managed to last week.

"Quite frankly, New York doesn't like losers. And even if it's an 8-8 record, that's not good enough here. They want a winner, and there is frustration. That's what you want." – Jets owner Woody Johnson

Yes, that job is restricted to Cubs fans.

"Damn.. 2 years.. My bad want to come to the game on Saturday?" – Patriots receiver Chad Ochocinco, responding Twitter follower Victor Gonzalez and inviting him to the game Saturday night in Foxboro.

Ok, I take two things away from this. One, color me surprised that Twitter isn’t completely useless. And two, say what you will about Ochocinco, but at the very least he’s fun.

I’m going to take a hand in everything that goes on around here.” – former Raiders head coach Hue Jackson at end of season

So you say.

Idiot of the Week

While it’s tempting to deem Ike Taylor this week’s winner, that would be unfair. Everyone has a bad game once in a while. Ike just had his bad game at a very inopportune time. Plus, I’d be more apt to award Dick LeBeau and Mike Tomlin as this week’s idiot for not adjusting to compensate for Denver’s suddenly viable deep passing game. But I digress.

This week our winner is Cincinnati head coach Marvin Lewis. Lewis showed with unquestionable accuracy why he has yet to win a playoff game. Before the first half ended, Lewis had used both of his challenge flags. Both of his challenges failed, and badly. Actually it was painfully obvious both plays would stand as called, and one was to challenge the spot of the ball on the field, which is almost impossible to properly assess through replay and almost never overturned. They were horrible calls that left his team without challenges in the second half and wasted two timeouts that might have helped as halftime approached. But considering Lewis’ clock management is only rivaled by that of Andy Reid, I doubt that. So for not having the common sense to at least save one challenge for the second half, terrible clock management, dumb challenges and once again losing in the playoffs, Marvin Lewis you are an idiot.

On Tap This Week

Every home team won last weekend, what an odd occurrence.

Last week: 3-1

Season to Date: 173-88

Yeah, that’s pretty good, except I lost the one game I wanted to win! AAARRRGGH!

Sigh.

Well, let’s move on and examine the Divisional round matchups.

Sunday

Houston (11-6) at Baltimore (12-4)

I don’t think T.J. Yates has enough magic in him to win a playoff game on the road in a hostile environment such as Baltimore. Well, ok he might but he hasn’t shown me anything yet to make me believe, especially considering the Ravens have teed off against all competition at home this year. Regardless, what I hope is that Texans offensive line and defense put a royal pounding on Baltimore as a surrogate Pittsburgh.

Ravens over Texans

New Orleans (14-3) at San Francisco (13-3)

Yes, I know, New Orleans stinks outdoors, their offense is hobbled outside a dome, and they are going against a ferocious defense that has had a week of rest in a hostile environment. But if Tony Romo can win in San Francisco, with broken ribs, then a healthy Drew Brees can too.

Saints over 49ers

Denver (9-8) at New England (13-3)

Denver played its Super Bowl last week. This is their Pro Bowl, merely an exhibition where the final score means nothing; it’s just nice they got some players invited.

Patriots over Broncos

New York Giants (10-7) at Green Bay (15-1)

If I were Packer fans, I’d be concerned for three reasons. One, the Giant defense is stout and aggressive, with a tremendous pass rush that can disrupt any offense. Their running game, once stagnant, is now a force and allows Eli, the best Manning in football, to work a defense over. And three, the last time these two teams met in the playoffs, the Giants took care of business in Green Bay. Oh, I’m picking the Pack, but I will not be surprised if the G-Men pull off the upset.

No matter the outcome, the Packers will be playing for offensive coordinator Joe Philbin, who lost his son in a tragic accident this week. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the Philbin family.

Packers over Giants