The Crystal Ball 2011 Week 14

John Elway took the time to set the record straight regarding his feelings toward Tim Tebow. I knew John liked winning too much to really be against TEEEEEBOOOOOWWWWW!

Opening Kickoff

I have it, the official page where I can purchase Packer stock! I’m just a few small clicks away from NFL ownership now! Let’s just agree to these terms and conditions for purchase….

…..Whoa, wait a minute, by agreeing to the terms I agree to be held to the same standards as other NFL owners. Which means amongst other things I can’t criticize the NFL, its management, coaches or officials and can’t bet on the outcome of any NFL game in any way and I could be subject to a fine by the commissioner for up to $500,000 for violations of the rules? Oh nuts to this!

You know what; keep your stock Green Bay. I prefer to remain a private citizen and retain my right to foolishly pick the Bills on the road and point out when Goodell is being an idiot. And if I need to spend money on something NFL, I saw a sweet Mean Joe Greene autographed Steelers helmet yesterday that would look great in my house.

The Way It Was

Ok, the Bears lose Matt Forte for weeks with a knee injury? Did someone give Chicago the stink eye?

And speaking of snake bit, the now injury ravaged Texans lost Andre Johnson, who injured his other hamstring. At least T.J. Yates looked pretty good in his first NFL start so that’s something.

Tampa Bay broke out the sweet creamcicle uniforms, which I dig, unlike most people. But considering the history of those uniforms, which must be why they got destroyed at home.

Oh Carolina you so infuriate me! Please, give me a schedule of when you’re going to play lights out.

And Miami, thank you for giving me yours it has helped, but I just forgot last week. Nice game, though.

Apparently Oakland didn’t take that threat of Denver charging up the division standings seriously considering their performance against the Dolphins. Hue Jackson obviously doesn’t take serious Tebow!

And speaking of which Tim Tebow threw two touchdown passes against Minnesota. If I listened to the naysayers, I wouldn’t think he was capable of such things! And yes, I laid on that sarcasm quite thick.

Oh come on Rex Ryan, its Washington! And don’t act like you blew them out, you got lucky at the end and nothing more. I guess after that game we can expect more post season blustering.

Rob Gronkowski had another outrageous performance, scoring three touchdowns for New England. Note to future Patriot opponents, you might want to cover this guy, maybe with two people.

Shouldn’t Brian Urlacher get an assist on McCluster’s touchdown that ended up winning KC the game? Oh wait, this isn’t hockey

Hmm Dallas could have really staked their claim to the NFC East, except Kevin Kolb is apparently too hot to handle. Seriously Jason Garrett? Oh you know where you land this week, see below.

Have you ever seen a team that backed by so much public goodwill, with so many casual fans rooting for them, burn through it so fast with such by being a group of undisciplined, dirty miscreants than Detroit? It’s like they’re an out of control, drunk, jackpot winner left unsupervised on the Vegas strip!

Ok, I’m not justifying Richard Seymour throwing a punch in the Dolphins game, but when Matt Moore is shredding your defense, I can see how frustrations will mount.

Poor Buffalo, just when it looked like they were about to get back on track, the real Chris Johnson showed up. Maybe next year Bills fans, maybe next year.

I know, many of the stats were accumulated in garbage time, but with his performance against New England, it’s a good thing Dan Orlovsky didn't start playing sooner or the Colts might be screwing up their Suck for Luck campaign.

Ok, I know the Texans defense is good, even without Mario Williams, but really Atlanta? Maybe you should have called the Oprah play.

The Steel Pit

Steelers 35 – Bungles 7

What a tremendous game. Pittsburgh weathered a few first quarter mistakes, and a big pass to A.J. Green, but after that, the rout was on.

The Bungles started making mistakes left and right, and the Steelers capitalized on every one, rushing out to a 21 point lead.

James Harrison had three monster sacks and the third one injured Dalton enough that the Bungles felt that it would be best to rest their rookie franchise quarterback.

Just a thorough destruction of a Bungle team that looked increasingly bungle-y as the game progressed.

The Steelers set a few records as well. Hines Ward crossed the 12,000 receiving yard mark; Ben Roethlisberger has the most completions of any quarterback in team history and also has been sacked more times than any other quarterback in Steeler history. That last one will provide some foreshadowing to our bonus coverage.

Although not all was perfect on a beautiful afternoon in the ‘Burgh; LaMarr Woodley aggravated his hamstring again. Good thing Jason Worilds has been coming on strong lately.

Steelers 14 – Browns 3 Thursday Night Football

Bonus coverage! Although obviously a short week was working against the team. Let’s just cover the good stuff. They won; they’re 10-3 and have 10 days to rest and game plan for San Francisco. Ok, let’s get to the bad.

Ok, has anyone seen this rant from a Browns fan? If not watch it; it kind of sums up things for these poor cats. But this guy is right; the Browns are playing another sport than football. And it would seem the Steelers devolved into the Browns brand of "football".

Injuries: Maurkice Pouncey left with a high ankle strain, Ziggy Hood left with a groin pull, Troy Polamalu must have popped his shoulder out since Ryan Clark was tugging on it like a madman on the sidelines, and Ben Roethlisberger made almost every member of Steeler nation throw up in their mouths with what looked like at first a sure broken ankle or leg. Mercifully, it was only a very painful high ankle sprain. We’ll get to more of this in a moment.

The Browns had a tremendous goal line stand, stuffing the Steelers on 4 tries from the Cleveland 2 yard line.

Ok, I’m fine with going for it on 4^th down, especially from inside the 1 yard line. But don’t run a play you already ran that DID NOT SUCCEED. That’s just poor play calling. Try some misdirection, fool the defense, and make them think you’re doing something else. If they can see, and know, you’re just going to run it up the middle well obviously they’ll stack that area and stuff the run. And what did Cleveland do? Hmm, let me think…..OH YEAH!

Ok, let’s get into Ben’s ankle. Everyone relax. By coming back into the game super hero style he's shown he can play on it to himself. So guess what he'll do? He’ll play on it. Unless a doctor tells him specifically no he'll be out there next Monday night.

But watching the replays over and over again did not help anyone think anything but the worst. It reminded me with the same sick feeling of Matt Ryan's horribly contorted ankle earlier in the season. How those guys got back up is still a wonder to me.

And not to pile a bit of insult onto a painful injury, but Ben, sometimes it's ok to throw the ball away or just scramble and slide for a few yards to end a play. Not everything has to be a home run.

And yes, while Ben's injury was scary and bad, mercifully he could still play even though he could barely walk. But at this point I think the more troubling injury may be to Pouncey, because if he’s out for any period of time, then Legursky is playing center and Chris Kemoeatu is back at left guard. I can only imagine how many holding calls will come from this.

Ward Watch – Ok, we know Hines is now the 19^th player in NFL history to reach the 12,000 receiving yard milestone. Oh that’s fun to say isn’t it? And between the two games, Hines had 6 receptions and only needs 9 more over the next three games to reach 1000 career receptions. We’re almost there!

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

Redskins Fred Davis and Trent Williams have been suspended by the league for the remainder of the season due to violating the NFL’s substance abuse policy. I guess Mike Shanahan’s plan for having high character guys on his team is going swimmingly.

While Goodell prepares his record level fine for James Harrison, and I’m sure it’s coming, perhaps he should tear his attention away from his loathing of Harrison for just a few minutes to address the Browns and how they handled Colt McCoy. Despite the NFL’s paranoia about quarterback head injuries (never mind backs, receivers, linemen, special teamers or kickers) Cleveland let McCoy play with an obvious concussion. Hey Roger, you think that behavior might be a tad worse than James’ hit?

Last season, Jerry Jones stated the Cowboys would be the first NFL team to play host for the Super Bowl. That didn’t happen. Now, Jerry Jones thinks the Cowboys, through the remainder of this season can go on a run and emulate the 2010 Green Bay Packers. Jerry saw last week’s game right?

Considering the overwhelming lack of interest in his services, Mark Kriegel is wondering if Donovan McNabb has lost his passion for football. Does this mean Donovan’s being sent to the island of misfit toys?

The Texans cut Kellen Clemens and signed Jeff Garcia in their strange quarterback merry go round.

Giants’ defensive back Antrel Rolle, who doesn’t know when to stop talking, is now guaranteeing the team will make the playoffs. You know, if you make enough guarantees, eventually one will come true! Here watch. I guarantee Rolle will make another dumb guarantee before the season ends. Ta da!

During the Monday Night Chargers/Jaguars snoozefest, ESPN recycled stadium and skyline shots during its broadcast, even accidently using a shot of the skyline of another city. I’d make a snarky comment about laziness, being too cheap to hire a blimp or the arrogance of ESPN in general, but hey I don’t blame them. I’m surprised there was anyone even watching the game to notice.

Upon Further Review

Bronco fan Tebow haters, a strange subset of Tebow haters, are now finally giving the Denver quarterback some credit for his winning ways. But of course, each grudgingly given compliment is backhanded in some way. Some of the favorite comments have included “finally starting to look like a real quarterback”, “he’s finally starting to not give up on a play and start scrambling and running around” or even this good one from last week when Tebow actually did well in the pocket, “they barely beat a 2-9 team”.

What I don’t understand is why Bronco fan Tebow haters, or BFTH, hate so much on a quarterback who has been the catalyst that has completely turned their team around. I mean look around the league at some of the quarterback wastelands that exist, and I guarantee you every single one of those teams would love to have Tebow on their team. Why do BFTH seem so unhappy about winning with an unconventional quarterback? Let’s break this down a bit.

First of all, Tebow looked much better last week, and has been looking better each week. His play at the quarterback position, and with traditional quarterback passing, has obviously improved. Why would the BFTH throw this back in Tebow’s face? Isn’t that what you want from him, to improve, get better, and become an even more dangerous weapon? And why is it such a surprise he would be improving week to week? Who would have figured that regular practice and playing time would allow a quarterback to grow into the position and improve? What a novel concept. Of course he’s getting better, you should be happy.

Second of all, when did scrambling and running around when a play breaks down become a bad thing? You know what current quarterback has made his bread and butter doing just that? Two time Super Bowl champion Ben Roethlisberger, that’s who. Roethlisberger wears number 7 after his football hero, two time Super Bowl champion Denver Bronco John Elway. Elway, like Roethlisberger, also made his bones SCRAMBLING AND RUNNING AROUND WHEN A PLAY BROKE DOWN! Someone please explain to me why Bronco fans are complaining about having a scrambling, running quarterback, when they thrived on just that sort of thing for 16 years and have been desperate to get it back since Elway retired? Someone, please explain this to me.

And third of all, yes, Denver had trouble putting away a 2-9 team on the road. For the first time in weeks, the Denver defense looked terrible. Tebow could not lean on the defense to keep it close until the 4^th quarter. Tebow had to get the offense scoring early and often, which is exactly what he did. Tebow and the offense won this one. How come the BFTH conveniently ignore that part? Oh because then they can’t hate!

I just don’t understand why a fan base would be so vehemently against having a quarterback who has gone 6-1 since taking over the job and pulled his team from an early round draft position to leading their division and in position for the playoffs.

And yes, I know he didn’t do it all himself. The defense has been playing lights out, the running game has been spectacular, the coaching staff has done a fantastic job in tailoring the offense to Tebow’s skills, working on his development and making smart in game calls. Everybody on the Broncos team and in their organization has been a vital part of this tremendous turnaround. But Tebow has inspired and he has been the leader we all look at quarterbacks to be, so he will get all the press.

So BFTH, it’s time to let it go, relax, get behind your quarterback and enjoy the ride. Even John Elway is on board, why aren’t you?

He Said He Said

"I was glad that they iced their kicker at the end, so I didn't have to do it."

-- Cardinals head coach Ken Whisenhunt referring to counterpart Jason Garrett’s late game gaffe

Worst timeout ever.

“The result of the play is a better result, first down” – Referee Ed Hochuli during a penalty call during the Steelers/Browns game

Don’t you just love it when Ed goes off script? Did anyone else enjoy Ed demonstrating with his giant pythons how Colt McCoy’s arm did not reach the goal line? He should have taken off his shirt for that gun show!

"I know that I had a lot of help. Offensive line did a great job, and receivers stepped up and made me look a lot better than I really am." – Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow after yet another Denver victory

See BFTH, even Tebow acknowledges he doesn’t do it all himself.

“I mean, the dude lit us up. I would have bet my paycheck that he would not have beat us passing the ball.’’ – Vikings defensive end Jared Allen on Tim Tebow

I think a bunch of people did.

“I think we're going to have an interesting call in Canton one day as one of the most interesting careers of this era is moving toward a significant landmark. Hines Ward's five catches in the rout of Cincinnati left him 10 receptions shy of 1,000 for his career. He'd be the eighth player in history to catch 1,000 balls." – SI.com’s Peter King

Interesting call? No, it’s a no brainer call Peter. Ward will accomplish this milestone, as well as 12,000 receiving yards and grabbing almost every Steelers receiving record, with a rotating cast of jokers at quarterback and for a team who during most of his career was run first pass if we must. The call you're looking for is, Mr. Ward, welcome to the HOF.

"We cannot let Josh Cribbs do to what he's done to us time and time again in the past. We've been dead Indians in his cowboy movie enough." - Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin

Boy he’s a fun quote isn’t he?

"He was a slappy?" – Texans head coach Gary Kubiak on finding out his rookie quarterback T.J. Yates was invited to the combine to help with passing drills instead of showcase his own talents

They call those quarterbacks slappys? That’s just mean, and sounds kind of naughty.

"I'm glad he scored because I wouldn't have made it down there if we had to run another play" - Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger on Antonio Brown's 79 yard touchdown and his injured ankle

I don't believe that for one second.

Idiot of the Week

We bestow the honor if Idiot on Cowboys head coach Jason Garrett his epic end of the game meltdown against Arizona.

With the game tied in the waning seconds, the Cowboys moved the ball to Arizona’s 31 yard line and in position to go for the win. The team held two time outs with 26 seconds of game time remaining. No problem, right?

The first problem is instead of using one of his timeouts, Garrett let the clock run down to 8 seconds as the offense scrambled to get down the field and spike the ball. If he had just used a time out, he could have ran a few plays, even just running plays to get the ball a bit closer for their rookie kicker. Garrett showed off his advanced degree from the Andy Reid School of Clock Management.

Then to compound matters, as the team lined up for the game winning field goal, Garrett inexplicably called a timeout, and iced his own kicker. Let me repeat that, he iced his own kicker. I know there are plenty of people out there who argue that icing a kicker doesn’t work. But if you really believe that, just ask any Cowboy fan you know if they feel the same way. When kicker Dan Bailey lined up for his second attempt for long range, the kick was unsuccessful and Dallas lost the game in overtime.

Garrett then tried, very unsuccessfully, to justify his boneheaded decisions by claiming something about the kicking unit wasn’t set or some such gibberish. To be honest, I was laughing too hard to even understand his lame excuses.

Look, I realize the job of NFL head coach is high pressure, high expectations with little margin for error. And often coaches must make decisions in a split second, and when there is time to think about it, so many rapid fire decisions can lead to second guessing. So I can get it that Garrett may have been second guessing something, or saw something that needed to be accounted for before Bailey tried his kick. But for the love of all that’s holy, don’t ever ice your own kicker!

So, for making Andy Reid look like a clock management genius, scarring his rookie kicker, dropping a winnable game and failing to stake a claim on the NFC East division crown, Jason Garrett you are an idiot.

On Tap This Week

Last week was not nearly as close as it looks.

Last week: 9-6

Thursday: 1-0

Season to Date: 129-65

You know it’s a bad week when every game that could go either way turns out to be the wrong pick. Still, I’m making better last second decisions than Jason Garrett.

Sunday

Indianapolis (0-12) at Baltimore (9-3)

Oh I’m picking Baltimore, but I’m rooting for Indianapolis.

Ravens over Colts

Atlanta (7-5) at Carolina (4-8)

How does that saying go, the definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results? Just call me stupid.

Panthers over Falcons

Houston (9-3) at Cincinnati (7-5)

The Bungles have to win a big game against a good opponent at some point, especially if they want to take the next step. Houston, on the road, with no Williams, Schaub, Leinart or Johnson sounds like a good place to start.

Bengals over Texans

Minnesota (2-10) at Detroit (7-5)

Well, I suppose this will get the Detroit playoff talk worked up again.

Lions over Vikings

Tampa Bay (4-8) at Jacksonville (3-9)

Ugh.

Buccaneers over Jaguars

Philadelphia (4-8) at Miami (4-8)

Nope, I’m not getting suckered into the Dream Team, and marginalizing Miami, again.

Dolphins over Eagles

Kansas City (5-7) at New York Jets (7-5)

Oh, another Jet win, another blowhard Rex Ryan proclamation. I cannot even wait.

Jets over Chiefs

New Orleans (9-3) at Tennessee (7-5)

Yes Chris Johnson is back! But Drew Brees has been here since week 1.

Saints over Titans

New England (9-3) at Washington (4-8)

Yeah right.

Patriots over Redskins

San Francisco (10-2) at Arizona (5-7)

Let’s see if San Francisco can accomplish what Dallas could not.

49ers over Cardinals

Chicago (7-5) at Denver (7-5)

No Jay Cutler, no Matt Forte, no prayer in Tebowland.

Broncos over Bears

Oakland (7-5) at Green Bay (12-0)

If Oakland couldn’t handle a road trip to South Beach, does anyone really feel good about them handling one in Wisconsin?

Packers over Raiders

Buffalo (5-7) at San Diego (5-7)

It’s time for one of those patented Norv Turner save my job late season winning streaks.

Chargers over Bills

New York Giants (6-6) at Dallas (7-5)

Ok, which team will live up to its late season swoon first? New York looked good for a change last week took the Packers to the limit. But Dallas is no Green Bay, and Tony Romo is no Aaron Rodgers. Let’s say if New York should win today that makes the season finale between these two teams will be muy interesante.

Giants over Cowboys

Monday

St. Louis (2-10) at Seattle (5-7)

Who cares, I’m watching Rudolph and the Grinch from my DVR Monday night.

Seahawks over Rams