The Crystal Ball 2011 Week 9

Strange. Even something as momentous as the To Brady Toppling, which it came to be known, was pushed out of Steeler Fans minds as we struggled to come up with a way out of the impenetrable Baltimore web, in which the Week 1 beatdown had us trapped.

Opening Kickoff

Ok, we’re at the halfway point of the season this week. I’ve seen Matt Moore, A.J. Feeley, Donovan McNabb, Tarvaris Jackson, Charlie Whitehurst, Kevin Kolb, Curtis Painter, Luke McCown, Kyle Orton, Tim Tebow, Kyle Boller, Carson Palmer, John Beck and Rex Grossman make cringingly bad starts or moments of relief at quarterback this season. Honestly, will no one call Brett Favre?

The Way It Was

I’d say it looks like Joe Flacco is regressing, but that would imply at some point he was good.

Cam Newton can start kissing the fattest part of my behind. Oh I’m soooo done with them. How do you blow that game? Steve Smith garners a holding penalty on a vital third down at the end of the game? And then the team shanks a 31 yard field goal? Does no one know how to close out a game anymore?

Speaking of which, did New Orleans have such confusion regarding who’s calling the plays that no one called any decent play? Are you kidding me? Did the team even make the trip?

The Denver offensive line gave up 7 sacks and the defense allowed 48 points on Sunday. It’s a shame Tebow plays only one position, there’s a few more holes that need filled on that team.

Congratulations to the Giants for squeaking one out at home against the winless Dolphins. Ok, that's about it for them. It's time for the Giants annual second half swoon. Come on Giants fans, you know how this dance goes, join in.

Boy I feel bad for whoever plays New England this week. Whoops that would be those same Giants.

Stephen Ross is just mean. Come on, put poor Tony Sparano out of his misery

And a hearty congratulations to Baltimore, who successfully pulled off the largest comeback in team history. You know you were playing the one win Cardinals led by the immortal Kevin Kolb, right?

Look, I'll call a duck a duck when I see one. So let’s just be honest, Tebow was atrocious and overmatched. But maybe if he had more than 1.5 seconds to do something before three defenders were in his face, we might find out if he can cut the mustard. He doesn't play offensive line or defense, although at this point it might help if he tried.

The dream police arrested the Cowboys on Sunday night and charged them with aggravated offensive performance. Yikes was that painful. Al and Cris were already looking forward to next week by the third quarter.

I liked San Francisco throwing passes to two different offensive linemen. I always find it nice to give the big guys some positive attention, since usually when people are talking about them it’s because they screwed up.

The Steel Pit

Steelers 25 – Patriots 17

Do not let that score fool you. The actual game was never that close. The Steelers owned the Patriot defense for almost 40 full minutes of actual game time, passing on them at will and showing why their secondary is ranked 32^nd in the league. It was a tremendous offensive performance.

Pittsburgh converted 10 of 16 third down opportunities and had the ball for all of 90 seconds in the first quarter.

The defense was as equally wicked, stifling Wes Welker into a subpar performance and harassing Brady, sacking him three times including Brett Keisel’s beard stripping Brady of the ball at the end of the game that led to a safety for Pittsburgh and provided the icing on a most delicious cake.

Even the few mistakes that were made did not overly impact the game. In the past, against this team, one mistake would lead to many more, but this time, the team rallied and overcame each error. The line gave up 5 sacks, but it never felt like that many, and two of them were Ben making sure the clock never stopped at the end of the game. And even when Roethlisberger threw a potentially devastating interception that led to the Patriots first score, the team girded up and marched down the field to score again.

Like I said last week, Manning eventually got over the Patriots hump; perhaps Pittsburgh’s taken that step now as well.

In the aftermath, Roethlisberger was named AFC offensive player of the week and LaMarr Woodley was named AFC defensive player of the month for October. If your players are garnering awards like that, things are going well.

In a seemingly annual seasonal happenstance, the team placed punter Daniel Sepulveda on injured reserve and signed punter Jeremy Kapinos to take over punting duties for the remainder of the season. While Sepulveda going on IR usually means a Super Bowl trip, I say sign Mitch Berger. We won a Super Bowl with Mitch, we lost one with Jeremy. No, I’m not superstitious.

Ward Watch – Due to injury, we just watched Hines watch the destruction of the Patriots. But something tells me we’ll have a nice update after tonight’s game in Hines’ stats.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

With Bill Cowher putting the kibosh on rumors of him taking his talents to South Beach, the Dolphins are reportedly looking in the general direction of Jeff Fisher. Yeesh, does anyone else find this so rude to Tony Sparano? It’s like asking someone out while your significant other is standing right there.

Ndamukong Suh requested to meet with Roger Goodell and the NFL this week to find out why he's being fined and penalized. Bwha ha ha! Yeah, like they have some formula or template they go by. It's because they notice you now Suh. So get your checkbook ready!

Patriots’ receiver Julian Edleman was arrested on assault charges stemming from an incident at a night club. Is that why he was deactivated for the Steelers game?

And former defensive lineman Chad Eaton claims that Belichick paid him on the side to start fights in practice to get the starters fired up. I’m sure this comes as a surprise to exactly no one. Boy when it rains it pours crap in Foxboro.

A mere two days after getting humiliated on national television, Rob Ryan decided the time to mourn was over and the time to boast was again upon us. Ryan, in politicking for a head coaching job, said he would be better than Rex as a head coach. Perhaps less searching for a new job and more focus on your current job would be helpful there, Rob.

Speaking of the Ryan boys, brother Rex recently shot a scene for a future Adam Sandler movie in which Ryan plays a Patriots fan. Wow, there’s so much I find revolting about that previous sentence I cannot even calculate it. Do you think Rob and Rex have an ongoing contest to see who can be the most obnoxious? What does the winner get a gift certificate to Golden Corral?

Oh look, Peyton “Pay Me” Hillis is hurt again and will not play this week. Cleveland, please call anyone in Tennessee regarding giving big bucks to running backs before you write one check.

And on the subject of underpaid running backs, Bears back Matt Forte finally opened up about his contract situation, ripping the Bears for grinding him "into a pulp" without giving him a new contract. Congratulations Matt, you finally understand the economics of the world, get the most for the least amount.

The Raiders this week signed unemployed receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh to bolster their receiving core. Ok, first Palmer, now T.J., what’s next, trading for Ochocinco? Is Hue Jackson trying to bring about the return of the glory year of the Bungles in Oakland?

Remember last week when I said:

And as a quick aside, I find it sad that our society looks at a public display of personal faith as an opportunity to mock and ridicule rather than admire or even emulate, but that is a topic for another day.

Well Jen Engel of Fox Sports felt it was a good day to bring that topic to light in a great and insightful article that I think probably sheds more light on us as fans than we would care to have shining down. Great article Jen and thank you.

Upon Further Review

Whatever happened to the advantage of the bye week? This season we’ve seen teams go into their bye week, spend two weeks presumably game planning for their next opponent and then coming out of said bye week only to be destroyed by their next opponent. Didn’t the idea of an extra week off to rest and prepare once theoretically give teams an advantage?

So far, the three biggest offenders have been:

Washington versus Philadelphia – The Redskins had two weeks to prepare to take down an Eagle team that was hanging by a thread attached to their bloated preseason expectations. Instead they were destroyed and have been self imploding ever since. Yes, Washington has been dealing with a litany of devastating injuries, but this is the NFL and as a wise man often says, the standard is the standard.

Tennessee versus Houston – The Titans faced the Texans without Andre Johnson and Mario Williams, and with two weeks to prepare was blown off their own field. It was not just a loss, but an embarrassing humiliation in front of their own fans that may have cost them a suddenly wide open division thanks to the Colts epic collapse.

New England versus Pittsburgh – Bill Belichick is the master of finding every advantage possible, by any and all means available both legal and otherwise. And even when he released Leigh Bodden less than 48 hours before the game, Steeler fans still recoiled in horror wondering what Belichick knew. Yet when game time came about, the Patriot secondary was exposed for the terrible unit it was, and Patriot fans were left wondering what exactly happened. This would have never happened if the sinister Bill Belichick were still alive.

So far, the breakdown of this season of teams and how they are faring after their in season rest period breaks down like this.

Wins after bye: 7

Losses after bye: 11

By comparison, here’s how the previous four seasons stack up.

2010

Wins after bye - 19

Losses after bye – 13

2009

Wins after bye – 16

Losses after bye – 16

2008

Wins after bye – 18

Losses after bye – 13

Ties – 1

2007

Wins after bye – 20

Losses after bye – 12

With 2009 being an aberration, teams shown on average to be twice as likely to post a victory after their bye week. But this year, the teams are on track to have an overall losing record after the bye. Why did this built in advantage of rest and research turn to a disadvantage this season?

Now, I know that the NFL now mandates that players get more time off during the bye week than in previous years. But that mandate does not restrict coaches. Are they taking off time too, not concerning themselves with their next opponent when they have the best opportunity to study an opponent at length since Week 1?

Perhaps this drop in bye week success comes from the lack of an off season. Teams did not have the typical off season preparation this season as they have in the past, and it has shown in results on the fields. Defenses have looked out of position and been exploited during the first half of the season. Only in the past few weeks have defensive units, with regular practice and time together, started to gel and the astronomical passing numbers that defined the first part of the season have begun to revert to normal.

But with the bye week creating a forced break, these defenses are experiencing small setbacks by eliminating a week of practices that in the past were extraneous, but this year has become vital.

Perhaps next year with a regular off season work schedule bye week success will revert to previously seen levels and this year will just be an aberration. But with the mandated restrictions on in season practice schedules, perhaps the bye week that once held such an advantage for teams will now be just like any other week, except with more time to heal.

He Said He Said

"I've always said it, that we are the two most physical teams in the NFL, and we're the only two teams that can play each other like that." – Ravens linebacker Terrell Suggs on the Pittsburgh/Baltimore game

Honestly, this could have been the Terrell Suggs section, as the man was a quote machine this week.

''I got outcoached by Reid and their staff,'' rob Ryan said. ''It's ridiculous. I never gave our guys a chance. The whole thing was on me.'' – Cowboys defensive coordinator Rob Ryan

Huh, perhaps game planning and practice are more important than preening for reporters and touting your head coaching skills, a position you’ve never held. Who would have thought that?

“These things happen, allowing 365 passing yards, when you lose two of your four best corners in the two days before playing a passing team.” - SI.com’s Peter King on the Patriots loss

And these things are assured to happen when your formerly genius coach cuts one of those two corners for no discernible reason I understand Peter, you need to find an excuse to justify the loss. I hope you can sleep easier now.

“Ravens-Steelers gets everybody’s piss hot.” – Ravens linebacker Terrell Suggs

Honestly, I really don’t know what that means. I always thought if bodily fluids came out cold that means something is seriously wrong.

"Philip got a little anxious and came out early." – Chargers head coach Norv Turner on Phillip Rivers’s critical late game fumble

Ok, that explains his boneheaded play. Now, what’s your excuse for your boneheaded coaching Norv? Did you get a little anxious too?

“The only way that happens if Aaron Rodgers breaks his leg.” – Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger on extremely premature talk about his chances at winning the NFL MVP award

That sounds about right. I bet Rodgers could take a couple weeks off and still run away with the award. Does anyone doubt Green Bay’s decision to go with Rodgers over Favre now?

“It's pretty humbling. That's as bad a game as I've ever been involved with from the offensive side.'' – Redskins head coach Mike Shanahan

Ha ha ha, poor Mike, he still has 9 more games left this season, which are 9 more opportunities to be involved in a worse game.

"I do not plan on coaching next year. I plan on being in the same seat next year.'' - CBS analyst Bill Cowher addressing rumors connecting him to the Miami Dolphins

"The feeling is they are a divisional opponent, they're a rivalry opponent, and we know what this game means. If we win, we've swept them for the season. We don't have to worry about Pittsburgh no more the rest of the year." - Ravens running back Ray Rice

You don't have to worry about Pittsburgh no more after two games? Well that attitude explains Baltimore’s poor record against the Steelers in the playoffs.

"We're taking 53 men to the apocalypse and we ain't bringing flowers." - Ravens linebacker Terrell Suggs

Boy I miss Joey Porter. While the Steelers rightfully kept their mouths shut as they prepared for the game this week, and they should have considering the humiliation of Week 1, Joey would have matched Suggs quote for quote, regardless of how bad he'd been beaten the game before. Can we sign Joey just for pregame? Would Arizona mind if we borrowed him just for an afternoon?

Idiot of the Week

This week I bestow this hallowed award on the NFL schedule makers for scheduling both Steelers/Ravens games before Week 10 of the NFL season.

Over the past decade, this rivalry has gotten bigger, nastier and seemingly always holds tremendous sway on how the AFC playoff picture will play out. At least twice in the past three seasons, this game directly affected what team would represent the conference in the Super Bowl.

For rabid NFL fans, and even casual ones, this game also represents the best of football. The game played with a wicked, hard hitting style that gives fans the blood lust they so crave each week. These teams do not like each other and they pour it all out on the field. Players on both sides do everything they can to make sure they are on the field. This week, several Steeler players who have been nursing nagging injuries declared themselves ready before one practice had occurred. Are they healed? Who knows for sure, but they’re playing no matter what.

With two dominant teams who play superb defense and go after each other with aplomb, doesn’t it seem wrong that game two of this tremendous rivalry is being played in Week 9? Shouldn’t this game be mandated to be played in late December, with the division and playoff seeding on the line? Doesn’t seem a requirement that a game of this magnitude be played in the cold, snow and blowing wind of December, which would provide the proper backdrop for hardnosed, old school football?

I understand that each season, the NFL schedule makers take on the daunting task of scheduling 256 games and making it work within the parameters that have been established years ago. But some games should be given preference, and this is one of them. This game evokes the ghosts of the NFL past in its present form, and at the very least it should be given its proper position as a late season prime time matchup. So for missing out on an opportunity to have fans salivating until December for the rematch, the NFL dropped a huge ball. And for that, you are idiots.

On Tap This Week

Crank up the Aerosmith, because I’m back in the saddle!

Last week: 11-2

Season to Date: 79-37

Apparently, there are 14 games this week, which came as a huge surprise to me. Considering the media focus, I figured there was only one game in Week 9. I suppose I should address the other flotsam as we prepare for Sunday night.

Sitting at home preparing to watch the best rivalry game outside of the SEC:

Carolina, Detroit, Jacksonville and Minnesota

Sunday

Miami (0-7) at Kansas City (4-3)

We’re two weeks away from everyone touting KC as back, righting the ship and a contender while forgetting their sloppy, penalty-laden play, horrible play calling and moronic game planning. This week, Miami gets to play their role in the play called Overhyping The Chiefs.

Chiefs over Dolphins

Seattle (2-5) at Dallas (3-4)

Isn’t it time for Romo to have one of those transcendent games that allow everyone to forget how inconsistent and horribly damaging he can be? Yeah, I thought so.

Cowboys over Seahawks

Tampa Bay (4-3) at New Orleans (5-3)

New Orleans was humiliated in St. Louis last week, and lost a nail biter to Tampa Bay just a few weeks ago. I think they’re gonna take out their frustrations in the Superdome but right quick.

Saints over Buccaneers

San Francisco (6-1) at Washington (3-4)

Washington gave up 9 sacks last week. Nine. I know Beck and Grossman suck, but nine sacks? Is there any way I can trust this train wreck again?

49ers over Redskins

New York Jets (4-3) at Buffalo (5-2)

No, there is no way you can sucker me into backing Matt Sanchez on the road against a tough divisional opponent in front of a rabid fan base that has been desperate for years to have a winning team. I see the Sanchize folding faster than Superman on laundry day. Thank you! I’ll be here all day!

Bills over Jets

Cleveland (3-4) at Houston (5-3)

Cleveland has Peyton Hillis back! Oh wait, no they don’t. It will matter not that Cleveland has a top 5 ranked defense. Because right now, that’s all they have.

Texans over Browns

Atlanta (4-3) at Indianapolis (0-8)

Can anyone right now pick Indianapolis in good conscience? I’m not sure what their plan is, is it to Suck for Luck, or suck to get Caldwell fired? Or maybe we’re seeing the Bill Polian genius at work and they’re doing both.

Falcons over Colts

Cincinnati (5-2) at Tennessee (4-3)

Making picks is based on three things: who has the better record, the better quarterback and home field advantage; the best two out of three wins. Cincinnati has a better record, a better quarterback but is playing on the road. But how good do you feel about a team that was destroyed at home by a Houston team without its two best players? Oh, and remember, Cincinnati has a top five defense.

Bengals over Titans

Denver (2-5) at Oakland (4-3)

Ok, there’s no way Carson Palmer can have a worse game than last time out, right?

Raiders over Broncos

New York Giants (5-2) at New England (5-2)

I didn’t feel good about New York’s chances when I saw they were on the road against a New England team stinging from a loss. After learning Bradshaw was out for the game, I feel even worse about their chance at victory. Honestly, who thinks Bill Belichick is losing two games in a row?

Patriots over Giants

Green Bay (7-0) at San Diego (4-3)

Yeah right, like I’d back Norv Turner and Phillip Rivers after last week’s atrocity.

Packers over Chargers

St. Louis (1-6) at Arizona (1-6)

Oh Arizona, you almost had a signature victory. It’s such a shame Kevin Kolb is even worse than Flacco. Who looks better right now, the crappy team that beat the mighty Saints and finally found a way to win or the one who has the crappy quarterback who spent last week in a walking boot? Yeah, I thought so too.

Rams over Cardinals

Baltimore (5-2) at Pittsburgh (6-2)

Welcome to the focus of the NFL universe this week. NBC has been salivating about this game since Baltimore’s destruction of Pittsburgh in Week 1. This will be a primetime example of how football should be played. And with it will come retribution for Baltimore’s Week 1 humiliation and extremely premature celebrations.

Steelers over Ravens

Monday

Chicago (4-3) at Philadelphia (3-4)

Right now, Andy Reid will rally his team to turn things around based upon their destruction of Dallas last week. This will last until the first round of the playoffs, where they will predictably self destruct.

Eagles over Bears