The Crystal Ball 2011 Week 12

I’m so upset that the 49ers lost the Har-Bowl. I was really hoping to see if Jim Harbaugh would be as dismissive with his post game handshake in victory with his brother as he was with Jim Schwartz.

Opening Kickoff

Ok, I just want to remind everyone that I said it before the season even began that Ndamukong Suh would do something this season that would cause even his apologists to admit he is a dirty player. Did you see how fast his bandwagon emptied after he was ejected from the game for stomping on Evan Dietrich-Smith?

The Way It Was

Oh Buffalo, we almost had something didn’t we?

I’m getting real sick of Baltimore’s long yardage strategy, throw it deep and try to draw a pass interference penalty.

I’m assuming at this point Miami is comfortable going forward with the Matt Moore era? Who need someone called Luck, huh?

When Jack Del Rio is sitting at home in February, working on his resume, he’ll be haunted by the thought that with 4 tries he couldn’t move the ball 2 yards against Cleveland. Pathetic

Ok, I can understand the Packers having some struggles against Tampa Bay. They’ve played so lights out for so long; a game where the team looks out of sorts is to be expected. But Dallas, struggling against Rex Grossman and the Redskins? Come on Romo, give me a break. Inexcusable

The Chiefs placed Matt Cassel on injured reserve. I think they are going for the record for starters on IR.

And speaking of injured quarterbacks, Jay Cutler broke his thumb attempting to make a tackle on an interception and now will be out until the playoffs. Now you see why Antonio Cromartie didn’t want to take on Tim Tebow.

Ok, perhaps we need to look at St. Louis from a different angle. Last year the Rams finished a surprising 7-9 and almost won their division. This year, they have flat lined hard, with their previously exciting young quarterback looking overwhelmed and underprepared. What has changed? The team added Josh McDaniels as their offensive coordinator. Perhaps it’s time we consider that McDaniels is not the offensive guru everyone makes him out to be.

Referee Ron Winter was swept under a mad scramble for a loose ball and consumed by the pile. Poor Ron, it happened so fast I didn’t even see him get swallowed up until they dug him out shaken, bleeding and sobbing. Ok, he didn’t sob but I’m sure he saw things he can’t forget.

The Steel Pit

The team spent their bye week relaxing, resting, letting Big Ben’s thumb heal and, well, not playing football. Not exciting, but hey what do you want, tabloid headlines?

In actual football moves, left guard Chris Kemoeatu has been benched in place of Doug Legursky, who is younger, faster, thinner and, well, better. And it couldn’t come soon enough because I’m sick of Big Juicy’s stupid penalties. Come on Chris, if you slam into a defensive player after the whistle, they always flag that you idiot.

Kemoeatu joins Hines Ward, now the 5^th receiver, and Chris Hoke, now third string nose tackle behind Steve McLendon, as starters and team stalwarts who have moved to more ancillary roles with the team. The times, they are a changin.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

Jay Cutler may be healing a broken thumb, but it would seem his broken heart is mended. Boy, it’s nice to see two crazy kids like Jay and Kristin find a way to make it in this topsy turvy world, huh?

Denver gave the team officially to Tebow by cutting Kyle Orton. Oh, I know the Neckbeard can still be the man, someone just has to believe!

Ok Tim Tebow haters, this should make you feel better. Tebow agrees with John Elway that he needs to get much better as an NFL quarterback. Bronco fans would agree, since 4-1 as a starter so far this season is not good enough.

The Bills placed Fred Jackson on injured reserve. Well, thanks for playing Buffalo, it’s been real.

Dolphins safety Yeremiah Bell boasted that the Bills laid down in the face of Miami’s punishing defense. Bell, you know your punishing record is 3-8 right?

Despite having a 5-5 team that just lost to the Broncos, Rex Ryan is still backing up his claim to be Super Bowl bound. Rex, sometimes it’s good to be quiet.

Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis is not setting a timetable for his return due to a toe injury. You know he’s fine to play, he just can’t do his stupid pregame dance with his injured toe and he won’t play unless he can have his pregame convulsions.

Jags kicker Josh Scobee got into a war of words through Twitter with Eagles receiver DeSean Jackson. Remember when players’ trash talked on the field, before and during games, when retribution was swift if your butt couldn’t back up your mouth? *Sigh* I miss Joey Porter.

Upon Further Review

So far in 2011, there has been a run on quarterback injuries. The signal callers that have spent more than two games sitting on the sidelines due to some game-caused malady could fill several all star rosters. These include:

Peyton Manning, Kerry Collins, Chad Henne, Jason Campbell, Matt Cassel, Matt Schaub, Michael Vick, Jay Cutler, Donovan McNabb, Tarvaris Jackson, Kevin Kolb, Sam Bradford, Byron Leftwich.

Ok, not ALL of them are all stars. As for the walking wounded, those include:

Ben Roethlisberger, Tom Brady, Matt Hasselbeck, Matt Ryan.

Ok, that’s an all star roster.

Regardless, there are more than a few teams out there who could use either a viable starter or a decent insurance policy and as luck, or Luck, would have it, this year there are a few viable candidates on the market that could bolster a team and their post season hopes. So let’s take a gander at the available field generals and their potential ability to lead men to victory at this point in the season.

David Garrard – Well, Garrard, who was cut by the Jaguars before the beginning of the season, had surgery and is out for 2011. So he is a non choice this year. But perhaps next season he will be able to begin a Kerry Collins like sojourn through the NFL.

Brett Favre – Brett, despite his retirement status, is wholly available. After all, the only thing he has going on right now is Wrangler commercials with Dale Earnhardt Jr. Yeah, that’ll keep you in game shape.

Marc Bulger – the former Ram and Raven, who is supposedly retired, is being linked to Chicago, mainly because of his relationship with current Chicago offensive coordinator and former Ram head coach Mike Martz. This would be ideal for Martz since he could go whole hog with his pass first ask questions later offense and totally submarine Chicago’s season and make Matt Forte a footnote in an epic late season collapse. Whether this happens or not is dependent on the performance of Caleb Hanie. In that case, welcome new Chicago Bear Marc Bulger!

Jeff Garcia – The off traveled foil to Terrell Owens has been spotted working out for the desperate to make the playoffs Houston Texans. Garcia is scrappy, determined and can add value to any team at least every other season, even in his 40s. Just call him the generic version of Drew Brees.

Jeff George – Hey, if Favre and Garcia can be considered viable candidates to start in the NFL, why not Jeff George? Just ask Jason Whitlock.

Kurt Warner – Kurt has already stated in no uncertain terms he is retired. And I believe him. If he had any inkling of returning to action, he’d come back and save poor Larry Fitzgerald from the hell of crappy quarterbacks he currently lives in.

Kyle Orton – The recently released Broncos quarterback could have been a life saver in Chicago, as he was during the 2005 season. I was rooting for that. Unfortunately, they were low on the waiver wire list, and the Chiefs beat them to the punch. Oh well.

Ok, so there’s a reason these gentlemen have been sitting on the couch since August. But hey, perhaps a few desperate teams will take a chance, roll the dice and see what happens. If Jeff Hostettler and Frank Reich can have permanent places in playoff lore, then why cannot any of the above gentlemen? Ok some already to, but so far, not this season.

He Said He Said

“I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m pleased. I’d be pleased if we were 10-0, but we’re not. We are what we are.” – Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin and his assessment of the team at their bye week.

I like how Coach T thinks, but I’m not complaining.

"I'm extremely confident. We'll go out there and play tomorrow. That's how I feel about Mark. This is our quarterback, he's going to be our quarterback for as long as I'm here, which I hope is a long, long time." – Jets head coach Rex Ryan on Mark Sanchez

The funny part is not long after Ryan said that, he gave backup Mark Brunell reps with the first team offense in practice, claiming it was to motivate Sanchez. Who else smells manure?

"We haven't had a home playoff game since I've been here. It would really be beneficial to get one." – Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco

Wow, good to see that Joe Flacco has a firm grasp of the obvious.

"I have great confidence in Tyler. I really believe that he will continue to get better and give us a chance to win a big game this week. We had confidence in Tyler." – Chiefs head coach Todd Haley

That confidence translates into adding Kyle Orton, sooooo I wouldn’t get too comfortable Tyler.

“Don't get me wrong. I'm not doubting Tim Tebow's skills. He's a great football player. We felt like we had him where we wanted him. Those legs he's got brought the Denver Broncos home. He did it. Tim Tebow did it." – Jets cornerback Darrelle Revis

I’m sure he stopped doubting Tebow at the exact instant Tebow plowed over him for a few more yards.

Idiot of the Week

Oh please, is there any other choice than Ndamukong Suh?

Look, perhaps all those who claim to know Suh personally and how he was in college are correct and he is a genuinely good guy and is not a dirty player. But when you see a player with less than two full seasons in the NFL racking up over $50,000 in fines, multiple personal fouls and meeting with the commissioner shows a pattern.

Perhaps this is also a result of bad coaching, with those charged with shaping Suh into a relentless defensive force not harnessing his energy properly and allowing his destructive tendencies to run rampant.

Regardless, Suh is a grown man and should be in control of himself on and off the football field. I understand that football is an emotion fueled sport, but there is a fine line between playing with emotion and having your emotion play you. Suh is played by his emotions.

So for finally going too far and pulling an Albert Haynesworth, Ndamukong Suh, you are an idiot.

On Tap This Week

Well, no triumphant championship week but…

Last week: 11-3

Thanksgiving: 2-1

Season to Date: 108-56

…not bad. Hey, a few more weeks like this, and we might be on to something.

Sunday

Minnesota (2-8) at Atlanta (6-4)

Oh boy, this most likely won’t be pretty.

Falcons over Vikings

Carolina (2-8) at Indianapolis (0-10)

Does anyone have any doubt at this point that Indy will stumble in their quest for the number one pick in next year’s draft? No? Good, let’s move on.

Panthers over Colts

Cleveland (4-6) at Cincinnati (6-4)

The poor Bungles have finally hit the hard part of their schedule and so far, the fight has not gone well. And while Cleveland has a rocking defense, their offense is not so much.

Bengals over Browns

Houston (7-3) at Jacksonville (3-7)

Even Matt Leinart can’t screw this one up.

Texans over Jaguars

Tampa Bay (4-6) at Tennessee (5-5)

I know I’ll regret this, but….

Titans over Buccaneers

Arizona (3-7) at St. Louis (2-8)

Welcome to the Poo bowl! Who’s ready to back John Skelton on the road?

Rams over Cardinals

Buffalo (5-5) at New York Jets (5-5)

Buffalo, you know I love you. But come on you have to give me something, and C.J. Spiller is not it.

Jets over Bills

Washington (3-7) at Seattle (4-6)

Yeah right, like Rex Grossman is succeeding 3,000 miles from home in one of the loudest stadiums in the NFL.

Seahawks over Redskins

Chicago (7-3) at Oakland (6-4)

Yes, I know Matt Forte is in action, but do you feel confident in Hanie on the road in the Black Hole? Me either.

Raiders over Bears

New England (7-3) at Philadelphia (4-6)

Bwha ha ha! Yeah right. Welcome to the Nightmare on South Darien Street.

Patriots over Eagles

Denver (5-5) at San Diego (4-6)

I know it seems improbable for San Diego to lose 6 straight games, but if you doubt, I have two words for you. Norv Turner.

Broncos over Chargers

Pittsburgh (7-3) at Kansas City (4-6)

Let’s just say the mystique that Arrowhead is a tough venue for road teams to play in is, at the moment, vastly overrated.

Steelers over Chiefs

Monday

New York Giants (6-4) at New Orleans (7-3)

Here’s where we see the first chink in the armor of the New York Giants and the first evidence of sportswriters leaping from their bandwagon.

Saints over Giants