The Crystal Ball 2011 Week 11

TEBOW!!! Boy he’s fun to watch isn’t he? Ok, mostly only in the 4^th quarter, but still!

Opening Kickoff

Well, congratulations to Baltimore, who indeed seem to have discovered how to finally beat Pittsburgh, at least in the regular season. Unfortunately for Ravens fans, in gaining this new ability the team has completely forgotten how to win any other game.

The Way It Was

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Eli is the best quarterback named Manning playing in the NFL this season.

I still believe in the Bills, kinda, maybe…

Miami, what are you doing? That team cannot even fail right!

Neither Tim Tebow nor Matt Cassel could muster 100 yards of passing, but Tebow won the game. Now, who would you rather have on your team?

Of course, perhaps Cassel had an excuse with his season ending injury.

But you have to give it up to Jonathon Baldwin, how wicked was his behind the back catch around Brian Dawkins?

Oh good gravy Cleveland give me a break, you can’t win at home against a one win team? I’d hate to see how bad the score would be if they went up against a winning juggernaut like the Dolphins? I mean really, a 22 yard field goal missed?

Hey Seattle thanks that helps immensely.

Does anyone feel good about this Baltimore team that has played 6 good quarters out of the last 16 and lost to two crappy teams?

Detroit, oh how do you let the Bears run two interceptions back for a touchdown? Something tells me the Lions may be in trouble.

Wow, did you see the mass exodus from the Texans’ band wagon when Schaub got injured and the season was put into Matt Leinart’s hands? I thought the springs on the wagon would break from such a rapid weight loss.

I loved Vernon Davis leaping into the end zone. There is no defensive back that is going to be able to stop that bulk flying through the air.

It seems that Dream Team leader Michael Vick has a few broken ribs. Now, tell me again why you lost to the John Skelton led Cardinals? Tell me you’re not going to bat with the broken rib excuse?

The Steel Pit

Steelers 24 – Bengals 17

The game started out great with the defense providing an excellent 3 and out stand and the offense contributing with an opening drive for a touchdown.

I loved Jericho Cotchery catching his first touchdown as a Steeler. Love me some Hines Ward Light.

Unfortunately, Heath miller had worst game of season, with a deflected pass that was picked off bouncing off his hands and an interference penalty that called back a touchdown. That’s ok; everyone has a bad one once in a while.

While Rashard Mendenhall didn’t get the yards, he got in the end zone twice. Keep that up and I’ll be a happy camper.

And then there is the prerequisite injury to Roethlisberger, this time with a fractured thumb. Nothing is easy for the Steelers it would seem.

In other news Art Rooney and Mike Tomlin have had an ass full of the constant targeting by the league on Steelers for hitting and fining and met with Heir Goodell to clear the air. I hope they specifically pointed out how Ryan Clark gets flagged and fined $40,000 for a clean hit while Ray “on parole” Lewis did not get flagged and fined only $20,000 for a helmet to helmet hit on Hines Ward. I’m still waiting for an explanation on that double standard.

Ward Watch – Hines had only one catch, and at this pace may not make 1000 catches by the end of the season. But I think the dancing machine has at least one or two big games left in him, so stay tuned.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

For those Green Bay fans that still remember the good times with ol’ Brent.

Gee, I wonder why the Jets have plummeted to a 5-5 record. Perhaps it’s because Rex is too busy concentrating on his movie career?

Lions’ fans started a petition to stop Nickelback from playing halftime of Lions/Packers Thanksgiving game. I’m all for this, most of us will still be digesting dinner, why show something that could bring stuffing and turkey back up??

Ok, considering how Cleveland has tired of the antics of the injured Peyton Hillis, does anyone doubt the power of the Madden Curse now?

In celebration of his touchdown catch in Dallas, Bills wide receiver David Nelson ran the ball down the field and presented it to his girlfriend, who is a Cowboys cheerleader. And who says romance is dead.

Colts quarterback Peyton Manning stated he’s in favor of the team drafting Andrew Luck as his successor. Of course he is, any head coach would be ok with drafting a franchise quarterback

Poor Fred Jackson. Not only did he suffer the humiliation of his team getting pasted by Dallas, but it had to happen on his boyhood home, which was razed to build Jerry Jones’ monument to his ego.

Wait, what? Rex Ryan cursed at Jets fans? That seems completely unlike a loudmouthed blowhard such as Rex.

He Said He Said

"It's all right. It seems like everybody is going to find a nickname with 'red' or something for my hair. So, the 'Red Rifle' is all right.” – Bengals quarterback Andy Dalton on his nickname

Don’t worry Andy, you start playing like a true Bungle, more colorful nicknames will be generated.

“This time it’s wrong, not that I respected Roger before this.” – Steelers safety Ryan Clark on Roger Goodell and his latest fine against the Steelers

Yeah, like it was so right the previous half dozen times he fined Pittsburgh players.

"You can't spell 'elite' without Eli.'' - Giants defensive lineman Justin Tuck

And that’s today’s lesson from the Reading Rainbow.

“We don’t know how to lose.” – Bengals tight end Jermaine Gresham

How about now?

"The longer we can keep the players from knowing they're good, the better.'' – 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh

Contrary to popular opinion, football players can read and comprehend ideas. So if they have read any information source, they know their record and the talk on the street about them. So they know they’re good already, dip wad.

Idiot of the Week

This week we grant the award of idiot to Falcons head coach Mike Smith.

Now, just to clarify I loved Smith going for the first down on fourth and inches. The odds favor success in this situation and it puts the onus to win on the players and the blame for failure on the coach, where they should be.

Why Smith is an idiot is the play call. There was absolutely no deception or misdirection in his call, a standard heavy package with a run straight up the middle. The Saints knew exactly where the ball was going and who was getting it just by the Falcons formation and reacted accordingly.

So, for taking control of the game against a fierce division rival and going for it, but then using such a transparent play call that a JV coach could have defended it, Mike Smith you are an idiot.

I was toying this week with creating a Douchebag of the week segment when I heard Jon Gruden calling Aaron Rodgers A-Rod, but then I realized that Gruden most likely would win every week so what’s the point? And on that note, is Ron Jaworski alive anymore? Can anyone shut Gruden up? He babbles incessantly during and after every single play. I swear the only way to watch Monday Night Football enjoyably anymore is on mute.

On Tap This Week

Well, what a middling week we had.

Last week: 8-7

Thursday: 1-0

Season to Date: 95-52

Thank goodness for some Tebow to start off this week right!

Sitting at home contemplating yet another find from Heir Goodell:

Houston, Indianapolis, New Orleans and Pittsburgh

Sunday

Carolina (2-7) at Detroit (6-3)

I don’t care that Detroit is showing a ton of red flags, I am not getting suckered into the Panthers again!

Lions over Panthers

Oakland (5-4) at Minnesota (2-7)

If Oakland doesn’t take care of business today, they will be fighting to keep Tim Tebow from taking the AFC West. Luckily, they get Minnesota!

Raiders over Vikings

Dallas (5-4) at Washington (3-6)

Dallas, do that thing you did last week against Buffalo that would be nice.

Cowboys over Redskins

Buffalo (5-4) at Miami (2-7)

Come on Buffalo, you can bury the Jets! And Miami, you need some Luck!

Bills over Dolphins

Jacksonville (3-6) at Cleveland (3-6)

Yuck, this is the game you get stuck watching when you’ve been bad.

Jaguars over Browns

Cincinnati (6-3) at Baltimore (6-3)

Oh I’ll be rooting for Cincinnati because that helps me. But knowing Baltimore, they’ll find a way to win because they can only win games now that somehow relate to screwing Pittsburgh.

Ravens over Bungles

Tampa Bay (4-5) at Green Bay (9-0)

Just give me one reason to pick against Green Bay right now.

Packers over Buccaneers

Seattle (3-6) at St. Louis (2-7)

Ewwww.

Seahawks over Rams

Arizona (3-6) at San Francisco (8-1)

You think John Skelton can pull off another big win on the road? Me either.

49ers over Cardinals

Tennessee (5-4) at Atlanta (5-4)

Hmmm, I’m gonna go with the ticked off Atlanta squad. Although I will be keeping an eye on Tennessee, since they now have an opportunity to steal the south.

Falcons over Titans

San Diego (4-5) at Chicago (6-3)

If San Diego loses today, that will be 5 straight losses. I believe Norv Turner can find a way to make it happen.

Bears over Chargers

Philadelphia (3-6) at New York Giants (6-3)

Do you think Andy Reid will even bother to look interested if there is not a menu taped to his play call sheet?

Giants over Eagles

Monday

Kansas City (4-5) at New England (6-3)

The Tyler Palko era in Kansas City begins! I think it will be off to a rough start.

Patriots over Chiefs