The Crystal Ball 2011 Week 5

Condolences go out to the Davis family and the Oakland Raiders on the loss of legendary owner Al Davis yesterday. I will eschew any wise acre comments and recommend Chuck Klosterman's tremendous piece for a great snapshot of Al Davis. While Davis was always a thorn in the side of the NFL, and the Steelers and Pete Rozelle in particular, he was a revolutionary coach, GM and commissioner for the AFL, was unafraid to do things his own way and stick it to those who disagreed with him, and without a doubt was one of the most colorful, influential and unique personalities to shape the NFL. Just rest in peace, baby.

Opening Kickoff

Rolex recently signed an endorsement deal with Tiger Woods. If I may, I’d like to offer Ben Roethlisberger, Jay Cutler and Michael Vick as the new spokesmen for Timex. At least for as long as they keep ticking.

The Way It Was

Oh Buffalo no…….Losing to Cincinnati must be a sign that the dream could be over.

So Arizona fans are already turning on Kevin Kolb. Really, they’re regretting their purchase of a quarterback from the Eagles? Well now they know how Redskins fans felt last year.

Ok, I understand the going to the ground rule, and it makes sense. But honestly, Victor Cruz didn't go to the ground, he fell down and just got up and went back to the huddle. This is the NFL and the officials should have ruled that a fumble on general principle. Come on guys, let’s stop rewarding stupidity. If you keep it up, next thing we know Matt Millen will get credit for the Lions resurgence.

Wow, look, Kansas City won a game. Think it will ever happen again?

Mark Sanchez and Joe Flacco combined to go 21-for-66 in passing. Wow, that must have been a fun game to watch. With numbers like that, it’s unfair that neither should get to lose.

So, the boastful Jets got pummeled by the Ravens. Hmmm so maybe Joe Namath had a point about overconfidence.

Let me get this straight, Ronnie Brown fumbled the ball at the goal line because he was trying to lateral the football as he was being tackled. Huh, ok.

Hmmm, hey Andy Reid, did you forget to snag a kicker in assembling your dream team? I bet you miss David Akers right now huh?

And by the way Andy, you’ve been a head coach for over 10 years now, will you please learn to manage the clock? A helpful tip: when you're up by 20, maybe the best move would be to start running the ball more, thereby eating up time and leaving little time left for your opponent to stage a comeback. Feel free to use that one, it’s a freebie.

The Cowboys led the Lions at one point by the score of 27-3 and went on to lose the game 34-30. In the losing effort, quarterback Tony Romo threw three interceptions, two of which were returned for touchdowns. Tony, you know what you have to do after your bye week. That's right, break another bone and play through the pain. It's the only way the fickle Dallas fans will love you again.

Dolphins quarterback Chad Henne injured his shoulder and will be out for the season. Miami will try to move forward with backup Matt Moore and, um, no one? That’s right; Miami went into the season with just Henne and Moore on the roster and now have to shop for a quarterback. Something tells me Jeff Ireland will be in the same unemployment line as Tony Sparano.

Rams receiver Danny Amendola was injured last week and will now be out for the season. This latest injury to a key offensive member will set up St. Louis to be the surprise NFC west division champions of 2012

The Steel Pit

Steelers 10 – Texans 17

Can we all see now why it’s important to have good players on your offensive line?

Yes, we all know Roethlisberger holds onto the ball too long sometimes. But come on, it’s hard to complete a pass, or make a handoff, when you have less than 2 seconds with which to work.

And no running back will be any good if he’s constantly stopped in his own backfield by penetrating defensive linemen. Good offensive linemen are important and you need 5 of them. Pittsburgh has 1 and a half.

I give the team some credit though. If they hadn’t kept fighting and Houston hadn’t kept shooting themselves in the foot the score would have been 24 -0 at halftime.

But something has to be done to fix this quagmire. I mean things cannot continue like this. If they do, not to put too fine a point on it, Big Groom will get killed in that pocket. I don’t mean figuratively nor am I exaggerating for effect, he will literally get killed. Body bag and hearse rolling onto the field killed. Did you see Danieal Manning plow into Ben’s blind side untouched last Sunday? Imagine if someone bigger, say Terrell Suggs or Bart Scott or Patrick Willis did that. Disturbing thought isn’t it?

Think about this, in 116 career starts, including playoffs, Big Groom has been sacked 319 times, with 100 of them coming in the first for weeks of this season. At least it feels like it. I know he’s big and all, but how much punishment can one person take?

So what can be done? Well, here are a few ideas I had that just may help turn the tide.

On Defense - Stop the run. Everything hinges on this. It keeps the defense off the field, time on the clock and gives the offense more possessions.

If you stop the run, then your opponent must pass. When they pass, the outside linebackers can crash in and force sacks, incompletions and turnovers. The secondary can blitz occasionally and force turnovers. I know, easier said than done, but perhaps we need more Heyward and Hood in the lineup, some young blood up front. And this weekend they’ll get that chance with Hampton and Aaron Smith out for this game and James Harrison out for a while with a broken orbital bone. Woof.

On Offense – Ok, this will take a few fixes, so let’s go down the list.

Better protection from the line – The coaching staff rectified a mistake they made in training camp and resigned Max Starks who may be starting as soon as today. That’s a good start, but additional measures would improve the odds of success.

Keep a tight end and/or running back in to assist in blocking, keep the pocket clear and provide a quick pass outlet for Ben.

I know that injuries do not help a line congeal into something special. But the coaching staff overestimated the ability of the linemen they chose to go into the season with. They had success over the last few years with a few also rans and never weres. At this point, there’s not much that can be done about that until the off season and the draft. But giving the guys some help from tight ends and backs would go a long way.

Smarter play calling – I know Arians badly wants a splash play passing offense. I know that now that he has the receivers for it, he wants to turn Ben into another Brady, Brees or Rivers. I’m fine with that. But right now, there isn't time behind this line to run deep route pass plays, let alone slow developing reverses or screens. Quick fast paced plays must be called; think west coast offense short yardage plays. Run the ball and keep the defense honest; if Mendenhall can't do it, I have a feeling Redman would love the job, and he's not afraid to stick his nose in there. And for Pete's sake run the hurry up offense. Keep the defense on their heels and from substituting. Tire them out so they have no energy to assault Big Groom.

Get rid of the ball - this one is on Ben. Yes, I know he holds onto the ball to try to make something out of nothing, but now is not the time. If nothing's there, get rid of it. It's about self preservation at this point.

In other news, believe it or not once upon a time the Steelers did have cheerleaders. And they’re having a reunion.

Ward Watch – A very quiet week for Hines, with only 1 reception. His remaining total is now 33, and the 1000 catch plateau seems further away than ever. Although if he does get 67 yards receiving, he will pass Michael Irvin for 19^th on the career receiving yards list. Hines, try to do it today.

Miller Time – Heath caught 3 passes against Houston, raising his total to 298 career receptions. With two receptions today, he will break the 300 reception mark, and I hope he does, since I’ll be there!

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

The NFL announced this week that it will sell tickets to allow fans into media day for the Super Bowl. That should change it from a three ring circus to a full out freak show pretty fast.

With nothing to do during the NBA lockout, LeBron James decided to go and play football with his old high school team. You know where this will lead, right? A press conference in November with Jim Gray and LeBron announcing he’s taking his talents to South Philly.

Raiders head coach Hue Jackson declared this week that Oakland would win the AFC West. Apparently he’s decided to take a page out of Rex Ryan’s book of pompous overconfidence.

While the fans want Tebow, the Broncos are proclaiming Kyle Orton the starter. Sounds like the kiss of death for the Neck Beard.

Colts defensive tackle Eric Foster broke his leg during the Monday Night Football game in such a horrific way, ESPN showed the replay only once. And once was more than enough. I’m shocked the man didn’t pass out from pain and shock.

ESPN pulled the Hank Williams Jr. intro from Monday Night Football after Williams made remarks comparing President Obama to Hitler. Later, ESPN formally fired Williams, who then claimed they couldn’t fire him because he quit. Does this make Faith Hill the default winner of the over produced, cheesy football intro segments?

Here’s a great high school football story, where the homecoming queen kicks winning field goal. Helen Hunt must be so proud. What don’t tell me you never saw The Quarterback Princess?

Upon Further Review

As everyone knows, during the months long NFL season there are plenty of opportunities for weirdness and bizarre behavior to manifest amongst those who make their living from football. But this week, the bizarreness turned a strange corner and ventured into Jerry Springer territory with smack talk of epic proportions.

And before you ask, yes the Jets were involved although not as you would imagine. Rex Ryan, apparently finally heeding the advice of Joe Namath, tore into the New York offense for their poor performance. Ok, so that’s not that bizarre and considering what the Jet offense has produced lately, most likely a necessity.

But fear not, the real weirdness is to come. Brett Favre, who most likely was sitting by the phone waiting for a call from Miami, did an interview where he threw a few digs and backhanded compliments at Aaron Rodgers. Maybe that doesn’t qualify as bizarre, but it does qualify as catty and bitchy, so we’re on the right path to Springerville.

But to get us all the way to the Springer studio with an audience chanting “Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!” we have to look no further than everyone’s favorite whipping boy Tony Romo.

First we had Deion “DirecTV” Sanders, who took valuable time from sporting fairy wings to rip Romo as not the man to lead the Cowboys. At first, I thought that perhaps Deion’s Romo slam coupled with Favre’s and perhaps there is a new trend where retired players bad mouth their former teams. I figured it was merely a few days until Jerome Bettis and Tiki Barber teamed up to blast the Steelers and Giants just like the first season of Football Night in America. But I was wrong.

No, the Springer special continued with Redskins tight end Chris Cooley not just smack talking Romo, but saying how he wants to fight the Cowboy quarterback in a cage fight. I found this to be big words from a man whose team lost to Romo just a few weeks ago.

Then Joe Theismann jumped on the kick Romo while he’s down bandwagon and lambasted him for making Pop Warner mistakes. That’s an effective zing, but it made me think oh well maybe it’s just players from the Cowboy’s arch rival ganging up on the beleaguered Dallas signal caller.

And it may have been, if not for the weirdest, strangest smack talk of them all. That came in the form of Cowboy legend Drew Pearson ripping Dallas Maverick star Dirk Nowitzki for sticking up for Tony Romo.

When you chastise someone from another sport just because they give public backing to a player you’ve never played with, then we’re just thrown chair and a hair pull from complete daytime talk pandemonium.

I’m not sure what’s got under everyone’s skin so early in the season. Perhaps the long off season without actual football news has everyone clamoring to get their name back out into the news. Or perhaps the tensions from the protracted CBA negotiations are still high. Or maybe the infantile behavior found on daytime talk shows, Jersey Shore and the Real Housewives has finally spilled over into the NFL. Either way, everyone needs to relax. Otherwise, I’m gonna send Steve Wilkos out to break it up.

He Said He Said

“We played like garbage. Period.” - Steelers linebacker James Harrison

That’s not true James; garbage at least would have gotten in the way of Houston’s running game and defense.

“I don’t know if we’ve had a bigger one.” - Texans owner Bob McNair on Houston’s win over Pittsburgh

That’s what she said.

"We work against better receivers in Miles Austin and Dez Bryant.” – Cowboys defensive coordinator Rob Ryan and his assessment of Detroit wide receiver Calvin Johnson

"I'm glad the third-best wide receiver on the Cowboys is on our team.'' -- Lions head coach Jim Schwartz zinging Ryan.

"I'm going to be honest, I was not surprised. The biggest surprise to me would be that he didn't do it sooner." - Surprisingly retired quarterback Brett Favre giving backhanded complements to Aaron Rodgers

What Brett, worried Rodgers may actually win more Super Bowls than you were ever able to do?

"I hate losing. I feel like crying right now. This is not a good feeling." – Vikings running back Adrian Peterson

Can some decent team trade for Peterson before he has a breakdown?

"I think the 'Dream Team' -- that word is dead now. You can't talk 'Dream Team' anymore. Maybe it put pressure on some players, maybe it didn't. But I think just the fact that it was lingering around and people were talking about it creates a sense of pressure." – Eagles quarterback Michael Vick

Gee, Mike, what tipped you off, the relentless pounding you take or the 1-3 record?

"If you write a good article, do you surprise yourself?" – Panthers quarterback Cam Newton when asked by a reporter if he was surprised by his early success in his first NFL season

“With the lockout, it’s much easier to throw it than it is to run it.” - Steelers offensive coordinator Bruce Arians

That’s a tough argument to make when a guy who sat for most of training camp and the first three games rolls over your defense for 155 yards and a touchdown, Bruce. Wanna change your BS statement?

“We got a break on that one” - Giants quarterback Eli Manning on Victor Cruz being ruled down when he let go of the ball untouched.

Eli Brady assumes the mantle of Captain Obvious.

Idiot of the Week

Well once again there are more than a few great candidates. I considered Giants receiver Victor Cruz for his boneheaded fumble/non fumble. But he is a young player without the benefit of an off season program and may have just had a brain fart. We’ve all had those.

And of course there’s always Andy Reid and his horrific clock management. But that most likely will happen several times more this weekend, so no need to waste the crown on his brow.

No, this week we bestow the award of idiot on Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland. It’s bad enough that Ireland thought that Chad Henne would be a viable option as a starter and that Matt Moore would be a serviceable back up. But to go into the season with so many questions about the team without a third option at quarterback in case of emergency? That’s downright dumb. But then he compounded the problem by signing journeyman Sage Rosenfels as the competition for Moore behind center. Really? What Jeff, you didn’t have David Garrard’s number? At least he’s a proven commodity unlike Rosenfels and Moore. With that move, we’ve ventured into idiotic territory.

So for hamstringing your team with bad choices at quarterback, foolishly not having the proper number of backups and compounding the error by signing a perpetual backup instead of a proven starter to try to change the fortunes of a moribund franchise sinking rapidly, Jeff Ireland you are an idiot.

On Tap This Week

I should be happy, since I’m still knocking it out.

Last week: 12-4

Season to Date: 45-19

But that blasted Arizona kept me from winning the week. Come on Joey, three touchdowns in one quarter? What the hey!

Sitting at home, thinking of new ways to put down Tony Romo:

Baltimore, Cleveland, Dallas, Miami, St. Louis and Washington

Sunday

New Orleans (3-1) at Carolina (1-3)

Oh this game will be nothing but a bunch of the same old same old. Cam Newton has a tremendous game, New Orleans wins.

Saints over Panthers

Kansas City (1-3) at Indianapolis (0-4)

I’d say it’s about time Curtis Painter gets a win, no?

Colts over Chiefs

Philadelphia (1-3) at Buffalo (3-1)

Oh I hate to pick against them, but my doubts were raised about Buffalo last week. And the nightmare should end at some point for Philadelphia.

Eagles over Bills

Seattle (1-3) at New York Giants (3-1)

I’m still not sure how New York is 3-1. Oh yes I am, they have Eli Brady at the controls. Then this should be a piece of cake.

Giants over Seahawks

Cincinnati (2-2) at Jacksonville (1-3)

Boy this is putrid. I guess we could call this another step closer to the Los Angeles Jaguars with star quarterback Andrew Luck.

Bungles over Jaguars

Tennessee (3-1) at Pittsburgh (2-2)

I will personally be in attendance to make sure this ship gets righted and back on track. So this is an easy pick.

Steelers over Titans

Oakland (2-2) at Houston (3-1)

Considering Houston’s performance last week, I figured this an easy pick even taking into account the loss of Andre Johnson. But now, I think win one for Al Davis will turn the tide.

Raiders over Texans

Arizona (1-3) at Minnesota (0-4)

Nope, you will not sucker me in again Arizona you chokers.

Vikings over Cardinals

Tampa Bay (3-1) at San Francisco (3-1)

Loved Tampa’s big win in prime time, but I think I’m gonna go with the Niners and their Jim Harbaugh revolution.

49ers over Buccaneers

New York Jets (2-2) at New England (3-1)

Don’t you get the impression that Belichick has been waiting for this game and an opportunity to stick it to Rex Ryan and the Jets, especially when their down? I do.

Patriots over Jets

San Diego (3-1) at Denver (1-3)

San Diego should roll over Denver, unless Norv finds a way to screw it up. And I fear he might.

Chargers over Broncos

Green Bay (4-0) at Atlanta (2-2)

I’m personally hoping Aaron Rodgers scores even more touchdowns this week than he did last week and then after the game sarcastically ask Brett Favre through the media if that meets his expectations.

Packers over Falcons

Monday

Chicago (2-2) at Detroit (4-0)

Prime time for Detroit! Between the Tigers ousting the Yankees in the playoffs and the Lions undefeated, it’s a renaissance for all things Detroit. I think I’ll blast some KISS while watching Dr. Detroit as a lead up to the game.

Lions over Bears