The Crystal Ball 2011 Week 4

The Miami Dolphins have stated they are “100 percent” not firing head coach Tony Sparano, despite the listless Dolphins 0-3 start. Kiss of death, kiss of death! Dang and I was sure Todd Haley would go first.

Opening Kickoff

Early reports from the Eagles game stated Michael Vick broke his non throwing hand. These reports were corrected the next day, with Vick only suffering from a badly bruised and swollen hand and Andy Reid saying Vick could play with the swelling. Do you get the impression that Reid is trying to kill Vick?

The Way It Was

Oh oh oh, I could not have enjoyed the Buffalo/New England tussle more! What an exciting, thrill packed roller coaster ride. Multiple lead changes, highlight reel plays, fans in a frenzy and in the end, David defeated Goliath. Who could ask for anything more?

Oh I know! Tom Brady not only looking bad throwing 4 interceptions, but looking foolish with his half hearted hand swipe of a tackle at Drayton Florence as he scored a touchdown after picking off Brady. The last time I saw a hand swipe that pathetic, it involved Alex Rodriguez.

Congratulations Minnesota for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. It takes tremendous effort of will to pull off that kind of stunt.

Ok, perhaps the Lions may not ever come back down to Earth. I should have guessed as much, since they are imported from Detroit.

Hmmm, did I put a reverse jinx on the Bears? I give them one compliment and they look increasingly crappy each successive week.

Well brace yourselves Chicago fans, because I’m about to do it again because that psyche out punt return performed by Johnny Knox and Devin Hester was a thing of beauty. It’s a shame it was nullified by a phantom holding call.

What is the definition of stupidity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. As an example, see Eagles head coach Andy Reid call 4 plays on the 1 yard line that involve either a full back up the middle or a quarterback sneak and all 4 fail. And then, near the end game, see Reid call the exact same play at mid field on 4^th and 1 and the play surprisingly failed again!

Ok Falcon fans, how's that bandwagon holding up?

And now for the weirdest quarterback controversy of the year; who starts for Indianapolis, Kerry Collins or Curtis Painter? Somewhere Jeff George is screaming, oh come on!

News outlets reported that Peyton Manning would be out for the season, with the Colts quick to rebuff that news, stating Manning could return in December. That would be perfect, Manning would show up to lead the Colts on a 4 game winning streak to finish the season a sterling 4-12.

Mark Sanchez suffered injury to insult when he received a broken nose during the Jets loss to the Raiders. Well, perhaps he could be a hand model instead.

The Steel Pit

Steelers 23 – Colts 20

Yes, the boys from the Steel City won in a Sunday night thriller. And a win, no matter how sloppy or uneven, is still a win. As Mike Tomlin once said, there are no style points in the NFL. And I agree so I’ll happily take this win.

And we’ll try not to think of the nonexistent running game, the sieve of an offensive line that were owned by Dwight Freeney and Robert Mathis, Big Groom playing unevenly and turning over the ball as if he were playing a high stakes game of hot potato, Jonathon Scott doing his best impression of a merry go round and a defense that gave up a late game, 80 yard touchdown drive led by Curtis Painter. Yes, it’s best not to think of those things.

Instead, we’ll focus on a win is a win, and James Harrison is looking more like his old trouble making self which is exactly what this team needs, even more than a way to clone Maurice Pouncey.

Plus, let’s focus on the play of cornerback Ike Taylor, who it should be pointed out, is playing lights out as a shutdown corner and yet gets almost zero press.

He’s been so far this season nothing short of a super star, which is even more amazing since his counterparts in the other cornerback positions always seem so overwhelmed. Wrap your head around this, Taylor this season has allowed, while covering the opposing team’s number one receiver, a total of three catches for 18 yards. That’s super star numbers and yet no one talks about Ike Taylor. Nnamdi Asomugha and Darrelle Revis should eat their hearts out.

In other Steeler news, the team and City of Pittsburgh dedicated a street this week and named it after former head coach and Hall of Famer Chuck Noll. If you ask me, this was long overdue, but better late than never.

Ward Watch – A quiet week for Hines, with only 3 receptions. But it does lower his remaining total to 34, and a few steps closer to the 1000 catch plateau.

Miller Time – Heath did get more opportunities this week, catching 5 passes and raising his total to 295 career receptions. His performance receiving was magnified even more since Miller often had to help save Jonathon Scott’s bacon time and again. Heath, wait two weeks to break the record so I can see it in person!

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

Fox Sports were thoroughly embarrassed when it was revealed they used fake insulting headlines in a piece about Bears quarterback Jay Cutler. Yeesh, between that and Cutler getting disturbingly pounded each week, by mid season he may actually have people sympathizing for him.

Raiders head coach Hue “Wormtongue” Jackson used footage of Mark Sanchez eating a hotdog on the sidelines of the Jets/Raiders collision from 2009 to inspire Oakland. I guess it’s a more original motivational tool than the typical “Nobody believes in us” angle.

In the wake of New England’s upset loss, quarterback Tom Brady cut his luxurious locks. Seriously, this is newsworthy? Come on you know he only cut it because he needed something to make him look less wussy, and he can't go back in time and actually attempt a tackle.

The San Diego Chargers are now marketing their own vintage of wine for their more discerning fans. If you’re curious what Charger wine tastes like, early reports state it starts out slow, then gives a lively, entertaining burst but always ends with a bitter finish

A Browns fan, and member of their infamous Dawg Pound, was kicked out of the stadium Sunday for standing too much. I’m all for fan codes of conduct and a modicum of civilized behavior. But perhaps Cleveland team personnel could focus more on say, fighting, dangerous drunken behavior, theft or assault rather than going after one guy who likes to stand up and cheer for such a moribund team.

Chargers defensive tackle Antonio Garay just digs driving around in his Hello Kitty convertible Smart Car. And I thought Norv Turner was reason enough to not take San Diego seriously.

Joe Namath and Rex Ryan had a scuffle of words this week, with Broadway Joe stating he thinks Ryan is making the Jets overconfident and subsequently underprepared, and Ryan blustering back that Namath is an outsider and Rex will not change just because Joe has an opinion. It’s funny when man-children fight.

Upon Further Review

Writer Jeff Pearlman unveiled his new book “The Hero No One Knew” in which he peels away the layers of the life of Walter Payton. In the book, Pearlman reveals the heretofore unknown darker side of the Hall of Fame running back, which include problems with addiction, adultery and depression that led to suicidal thoughts. Sports Illustrated published several excerpts from the book this week, of course focusing on the tawdry aspects that contain all the prerequisite dirt our society feasts upon. I know no one is perfect and we all have embarrassing and troubling tales from our past, but why must we as a society go the extra mile to tear down celebrities? I never understand why we seem so fixated on building up someone only to tear them down the next instant. But that is a topic for another day.

Pearlman revealed in an interview on The Dan Patrick Show that he has faced some tremendous backlash to his new tome.

"It's been pretty fierce. I've never had a backlash like this in my life.”

Not surprising, since Payton's former coach and media personality himself Mike Ditka stated how he feels about Pearlman in no uncertain terms.

"I'd spit on him. I have no respect for him."

But I would like to clarify something for Mr. Pearlman, who seems perplexed as to why there is so much negative backlash directed at him.

The reason for the backlash is because many people and fans really looked up to Payton. The way he carried himself on the field and in the public eye was, I'd say, classy, especially considering the brutality and vulgarity of his profession. To have all his flaws revealed before the world comes off as mean and spiteful.

Look, people are no longer naive or foolish enough to believe that sports figures are hallowed icons among men, pure of body mind and spirit and capable of achieving heights mere mortals only dare dream to reach. With a 24 hour news cycle and access between fans and players at an all time high, there's no way we cannot know the sordid details of players’ lives. We know everything of their misdeeds and foibles, and know them almost instantaneously. Everyone recognizes sports stars are but mere men, harbored with the same flaws and weaknesses as everyone else. The unfortunate side effect of their profession is their transgressions are magnified due to the public nature of professional sports.

The backlash comes because we hear plenty of dirt almost daily about everyone who plays sports now, so why would an author go out of his way to get reveal tawdry tidbits about someone who not only left the public eye long ago, but also left this mortal coil?

People see someone tarnishing the memory of a deceased football great and find it disrespectful and distasteful. It’s not just people tiring of seeing another fallen hero; it's also writing something about a man who has no way to defend himself in this plane of existence. How could he refute or clarify his actions? How can he talk about why he thought and did such things?

Yes, the cynical realist in me does keep saying if Walter Payton were alive he might use his failings and battles with addiction and depression to make a few bucks on talk shows and by publishing seamy tell alls. After all, it seems most people in the public eye nowadays cannot wait to wrap up whatever scandal they become embroiled in just so they can start the story selling process. So yes, Payton may have gone that route. But wouldn't it be nice to think he wouldn't, and perhaps if given more time he may have found peace and purpose in his life and put the bad elements of his life behind him? Yes, I'd like to think that.

Unfortunately I have to think in those terms, since thanks to Pearlman, I can no longer think of Payton as an upstanding, classy, unassuming individual who played hard for the team and never for himself. I can no longer think of him as above the failings of the common man, because now I know his failings made him just as troubled as the next person.

Jeff Pearlman wrote a book that showed all sides in the public and private life of a sports star tore him down and revealed him to be human. He debunked a modern day sports hero for everyone. And like every kid knows, the day you find out your sports hero is just a man and not a very special man at that, it’s one step closer to adulthood, one step further from childhood, and one more dose of reality that makes the world stark and grey and turns us cynical and realistic while leaving the young, wide-eyed, hopeful and naive versions of ourselves behind.

 Jeff Pearlman's book, while truthful and brutally honest, took that youthful, hopeful naiveté we felt toward Sweetness, away from countless fans, fans who look to sports to escape the grim realities of the world and want to believe in heroes, if only for a few hours on Sunday. But now, one more hero is revealed to be nothing more than a troubled man, and that Jeff is why you get backlash.

He Said He Said

“I will be out there on Sunday, regardless. There is a 100 percent chance I'm playing.” – Eagles quarterback Michael Vick

Of course you will Michael, Reid would send you out there in a body cast if it were necessary.

“Feels like Pittsburgh is headed for one of those "everyone writes them off, they do just enough to sneak into the playoffs, only as that's happening, they're getting everyone healthy and quietly righting the ship, and then the playoffs start and everyone realizes that we should be scared of Pittsburgh" seasons?” – Grantland.com’s Bill Simmons

Agreeing, hoping, praying…Where is there a rabbit’s foot for me to rub?

"He didn't come here to retire quietly. He came here to win.'' – Titans head coach Mike Munchak on quarterback Matt Hasselbeck

No, if you wanted someone to retire quietly, you should have kept Kerry Collins, who I’m sure, wishes he’d stayed retired.

"I feel sick right now." – Vikings running back Adrian Peterson after Minnesota blew another double digit lead in the second half of their third straight game to drop to 0-3.

I’d say that’s the appropriate response.

“Not to pick on Steeler left tackle Jonathan Scott, because Dwight Freeney has abused many an NFL tackle. But the Steelers need help on the line -- or they need to keep a tight end in consistently to help” – SI.com’s Peter King

Please Peter, pick away. The only difference between Scott on Sunday and a turnstile is turnstiles usually do not stop working.

"We were not perfect by any stretch. We're very much a team in development.” – Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin

Mike Tomlin, king of the understatements!

"I know one thing about these guys: They're not going to stop quitting." -- Dolphins quarterback Chad Henne

He makes it just too easy.

Idiot of the Week

Redskins’ defensive back DeAngelo Hall blasted the Washington coaching staff after their loss to Dallas, openly questioning why Jim Haslett blitzed 8 men on a 3^rd and 21 play, which Tony Romo easily exploited and led directly to Dallas’ last second winning field goal.

Hall was dead on the money for questioning the call, since it was beyond foolish to rush 8 men when the Cowboys had so far to go just to get a first down, and a conventional defensive alignment would have produced better results. I do which though he hadn’t reconsidered his comments after being brainwashed, I mean talking to, the coaching staff.

Now, I found this entire play calling and dissention in the ranks extremely funny, especially considering that before the game, commentator Jon Gruden did a comparison between the current Redskins defense and the current Steelers defense, even going so far as to compare Jim Haslett, he who openly accused the 70’s Steelers of rampant steroid use, to Hall of Fame player and coach extraordinaire Dick LeBeau.

It goes to show how little homework or football knowledge Gruden actually possesses because if you knew anything about LeBeau’s defense you would know he rarely sends blitz packages, despite popular opinion (most of those quarterback pressures and sacks come from the front three pressing the line and a linebacker or defensive back coming off the edge) and the odds of LeBeau sending 8 men on a blitz are about the same as getting hit by lightning and winning the lottery on the same day.

This brings me through a long and roundabout way to my Idiot for this week former head coach and current blathering dope Jon Gruden.

To be honest, I find Gruden’s shtick in the announcer’s booth to be rather vanilla and pedestrian. He never gives any strong opinions of players unless it’s complimentary and you never hear him rip a player badly, no matter how much a player may deserve it. Plus, he seems unable to enjoy the silence, and works extra hard to fill any moments when Tirico and Jaworski are not talking with as much verbal diarrhea as possible. Oftentimes, his ramblings go on to the point where Jaws just stops trying to interject salient points and lets Gruden just babble on.

But more than that, after listening to Gruden this week, I have to ask a question I doubt anyone has asked yet. Does anyone get the feeling that Jon Gruden does not know nearly as much about football as he proclaims to? I mean, he does not give any real insights, does not reveal any new angles on the game from an insider’s perspective, despite the fact that he was a coach as recently as a few years ago. Actually, I find Jaworski far more insightful and knowledgeable and he hasn’t played a down in over 20 years.

But what’s really annoying is this new media angle of his where he’s this touted quarterback guru and he does segments with quarterbacks around the league and instructional shows with draft picks and young players. But I ask you, other than squeezing a few good years out of previous journeyman Rich Gannon, and keeping Brad Johnson from screwing up Monte Kiffin’s work on defense to win a Super Bowl, name me one quarterback he's truly groomed into becoming a super star? Just one. Show me one quarterback who has become a marquee name under Gruden’s tutelage? Yeah, I couldn’t come up with anyone either.

So Gruden, for being the weakest link in the Monday Night Football booth, not knowing when to shut up, putting on display your surprising lack of football knowledge, making foolish comparisons between coaches, touting some secret quarterback knowledge that has almost no tangible evidence and hiding from the coaching ranks, knowing these things will be exposed, by becoming another vanilla talking head, you are an Idiot.

On Tap This Week

Boy I wish I had the cajones to pick Buffalo, and I will from here on out.

Last week: 11-5

Season to Date: 33-15

Even despite that wonderful loss, it was still a pretty good week.

Sunday

Carolina (1-2) at Chicago (1-2)

Eh, I have to give this one to Chicago, if only for that super sweet punt return play. Is that enough to base a pick on? I hope so.

Bears over Panthers

Buffalo (3-0) at Cincinnati (1-2)

You think I’m gonna be dumb enough to go against Buffalo now? Surely you jest.

Bills over Bungles

Tennessee (2-1) at Cleveland (2-1)

Here’s an interesting matchup; far more than I thought it would be a few weeks ago. I’m gonna go with Matt Hasselbeck, who seems to have more left in the tank than anyone thought.

Titans over Browns

Detroit (3-0) at Dallas (2-1)

See Buffalo/Cincinnati game above and replace Buffalo with Detroit.

Lions over Cowboys

Pittsburgh (2-1) at Houston (2-1)

I know who everyone else is picking, so you should know who I’m picking, no matter how nervous it makes me.

Steelers over Texans

New Orleans (2-1) at Jacksonville (1-2)

How nice of the NFL to schedule a live scrimmage game for New Orleans! They could use the practice.

Saints over Jaguars

Minnesota (0-3) at Kansas City (0-3)

Well, someone has to win.

Chiefs over Vikings

San Francisco (2-1) at Philadelphia (1-2)

Ready, Kafka?

Eagles over 49ers

Washington (2-1) at St. Louis (0-3)

Don’t worry Ram fans, it will eventually get better.

Redskins over Rams

New York Giants (2-1) at Arizona (1-2)

I don’t think Arizona is any good, but I’m still not buying into this Giants team either.

Cardinals over Giants

Atlanta (1-2) at Seattle (1-2)

Don’t give me that Qwest Field advantage crap. Seattle stinks plain and simple.

Falcons over Seahawks

Denver (1-2) at Green Bay (3-0)

I have a feeling that very soon, Denver will give up on the Neckbeard, and I will be sad.

Packers over Broncos

New England (2-1) at Oakland (2-1)

Yeah, like I’d be dumb enough to go against a ticked off Belichick. Nice try Oakland.

Patriots over Raiders

Miami (0-3) at San Diego (2-1)

Hey Norv, think you might be able to not screw this one up, like you almost did last week against Kansas City?

Chargers over Dolphins

New York Jets (2-1) at Baltimore (2-1)

The east coast will experience an unprecedented October heat wave through next week, caused by all the hot air being blown out of M&T Bank Stadium on Sunday night.

Ravens over Jets

Monday

Indianapolis (0-3) at Tampa Bay (2-1)

Curtis Painter gets his first career start in prime time against the tough and scrappy Bucs. Any chance Painter keeps Indianapolis in the game when his defense that now has lost Brackett and Bullitt for the season? I suppose there’s always a chance.

Buccaneers over Colts