The Crystal Ball 2011 Week 3

See, that’s why you should never take too much stock in Week 1. Pittsburgh wasn’t as bad as they looked. And conversely, Baltimore was not as good as they looked, since they could not handle Tennessee, who couldn’t eek out a win in Week 1 against a Jacksonville team that were annihilated by the Jets, who squeaked past Dallas, who then squeezed past San Francisco who managed with some special teams work to just beat a Seattle team in Week 1 that Pittsburgh, who old, slow and done in Week 1, shut down in Week 2. One week does not a season make.

Opening Kickoff

Former NFL, and Colts, quarterback Jeff George wants to come back and help his hometown team through their Peyton-less nightmare. Sure, why not it can’t get any worse could it?

The Way It Was

Baltimore for the second week in a row can kiss the fattest part of my butt. Seriously, it’s the Titans. What, did you blow your wad last week?

I don’t know and I don’t care if Buffalo is for real, but I’m gonna enjoy the ride. And you do the same, good people of Buffalo. You have earned this.

Hmmm, with Detroit finally playing like a real football team, perhaps that means their Thanksgiving game will be meaningful for once in a long time. Boy, with this resurgence, it would have been a bad choice to take away that traditional game now that they’re getting good wouldn’t it? Hello, revisionists, I want an apology.

Seriously, when should we start the job watch for Todd Haley? I’m thinking about the third quarter of last week.

It’s funny, to get off of the media's hit list, silence grousing fans and lose the moniker of choker in big moments, all Tony Romo had to do was beat a questionable 49er team with a fractured rib and a collapsed lung. Maybe

Donovan McNabb should consider this strategy.

See Jay Cutler, that’s why people vilified you after last year’s NFC championship game. You had a partially torn MCL and would not play. Romo had a punctured lung and lobbied until he got back in the game. Perception of desire matters. Make sense yet?

Running back Jamaal Charles tore his ACL and is done for season. Thanks for playing KC, see you next year.

If the Redskins stay atop the NFC East after 8 games, I'm changing Rex Grossman’s name to Rex Namath.

Lions kicker Jason Hanson set the NFL record for playing the most games with one team with his 297^th last week. Immediately, Brett Favre called Green Bay looking for work.

For the second week in a row I heard that the Lions won despite Matthew Stafford not playing his best game. No offense intended, especially since Detroit is a great story, but isn’t it possible he is playing his best game and we’ve reached his ceiling?

I heard with Michael Vick's status questionable for Monday’s game, Andy Reid put the Wilson Phillips single “The Dream Is Still Alive” on his iPod and into heavy rotation.

The Steel Pit

Steelers 24 – Seahawk 0

Warren Sapp can also kiss the fattest part of my butt. Especially when you take into account Titans 23 – Ravens 13.

It was exactly the type of performance the team needed after their Week 1 beat down. Efficient offense, stifling defense and effective special teams all working in tandem to bring in the first win of the season.

Now you see why the Steelers were happy to part ways with Santonio Holmes when they knew they had Mike Wallace waiting in the wings. And I swear that man has the softest hands in the NFL.

How about Emmanuel Sanders throwing the big pass to Hines Ward? You think Seattle fans might have recognized that play, as one from their nightmares?

And speaking of Hines, did everyone see his sweet toe tap catch at the sidelines? I guess that dancing did pay off. I wonder why it didn’t pay off for Chad Ochocinco.

In the games only terrifying moment, Big Groom had his leg crunched before the end of the 1^st half, and Steeler Nation collectively vomited.

A quick aside, Steeler fans, I knew you threw up a bit there near the end of the first half with Big Groom rolling on the ground in pain clutching his leg. But it could be worse; you could have Chicago’s offensive line. If I were Cutler and had to stand behind that sieve, I'd find a way to pull myself out of every game, even if I had to make up a case of shell shock.

Usually Tony Siragusa annoys me with his sideline nonsense. But I liked his stance against legal chop blocking, calling it unethical, dangerous, and if the NFL is going to harp about player safety, they should eliminate that particular block as well. It’s nice to see in this constant call for safety in the NFL someone step up for linemen, who over the course of the game take more punishment than any other position player.

All in all, a good building block into the season and one that helps bury the Baltimore debacle.

Ward Watch – With 4 grabs on Sunday, Hines reduced his total needed to 37 catches to hit 1000.

Miller Time – Heath managed to snag one pass, lowering his need catches to an even ten. Here’s hoping he gets more opportunities than this, otherwise this will take all season.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

Heir Goodell issued a memo to all teams, informing them that if players are found to be faking injuries the players and teams will be issued fines, suspensions and loss of draft picks. Good luck trying to enforce that one Goodell.

Heir Goodell suspended Bungle running back Cedric Benson three games for his off season shenanigans. I guess he realized it would probably be beneficial to show some kind of uniformity in punishment for a change.

In more Cincinnati news, Bungles Jerome Simpson and Anthony Collins were detained for having 2 ½ pounds of marijuana delivered to Simpson’s home. Police also found during a search of the residence paraphernalia and six more pounds of weed. Really, is anyone surprised to hear Bungles involved in this?

In weird news even for this section, a registered sex offender in Washington DC has been impersonating Vince Young, going so far as to take fees for appearances and visiting sick kids in hospitals. Come on, people should have known this wasn’t Young the instant he started a hospital visit and didn’t walk out after the first quarter.

Dallas defensive coordinator Rob Ryan has a cheesecake picture of a model on his play call sheet and a camera caught the inspirational material in a photograph. It’s cool; his brother keeps an ad for Dr. Scholls handy for inspiration too.

Apparently, Giants fans are getting fed up with the poor play of Eli Brady. Why would they feel that way, since Eli is easily a top five quarterback in the league?

Fox Sports reporter/workout fiend Jay Glazer reported Sunday that Peyton Manning attempted stem cell therapy in Europe before submitting to a third operation on his neck. I cannot wait to see Peyton’s commercials for these procedures.

While attempting to leave for Indianapolis last Saturday, Cleveland’s team plane got stuck in the mud. Wasn’t this a gag they left on the cutting room floor for the final cut of Major League?

Jay Cutler, in getting pummeled in New Orleans, actually had his throat stepped on. Jay, use that, it’ll keep people from saying you’re weak. It’s working for Romo.

In his triumphant return to Atlanta as a starter, Michael Vick took such a hard hit, it concussed him and had him spitting up blood. Do you think that maybe there were a few Falcon fans happy about that outcome? That’s called schadenfreude kids.

Upon Further Review

After getting demolished by Baltimore in week one, Pittsburgh’s daunting defense was called old, slow and over by former player Warren Sapp. And while one commentator with a personal vendetta toward Pittsburgh could easily be dismissed, Sapp’s opinion that the vaunted Steeler defense was finally showing its age was a common theme from all corners of NFL commentary. Although, there were a few that came to Pittsburgh’s defense, no pun intended.

While the defense did look quite pedestrian, the question remains. Is Pittsburgh’s defense getting old or just the most visible of examples of the beginning of a paradigm shift in NFL defensive play?

With the season only two games old, there have been some rather interesting examples that while Pittsburgh may employ more than a few seasoned veterans on defense, it’s not age that will bring the end of stout defensive performance.

Through the first two weeks, offensive output is on a stratospheric rise. In Week 1 the Patriots and Dolphins combined for over 900 yards of total offense. In Week 2, the Bills and Raiders achieved the same feat. Carolina rookie quarterback Cam Newton has amassed over 800 yards in passing offense through the first two weeks of the season, his first two weeks as a pro quarterback. And Tom Brady is on a pace in passing yardage to completely annihilate Dan Marino’s long held single season yardage record, and he may not be the only quarterback to surpass Marino’s long standing record. So what’s going on?

Several factors are in play this season to cause defenses all over the league to look slow and old, when in fact they are just handicapped and handcuffed.

1)    The truncated offseason – without off season workouts, mini camps, regular instruction from coaches and practices, defensive units have not had the proper time to work on coverage schemes, go over game plans and gel as units. This has left defenses at a distinct disadvantage in trying to stop offensive units

2)    Player movement – with the nonexistent off season, free agents had but a week to find new employment and get acquainted with their new team, teammates and new playbooks. This has led to a serious learning curve that has left more than a few players behind said curve and working out the kinks and details into the first few weeks of the regular season, to the chagrin of many defensive coaches

3)    NFL rule changes – with Heir Goodell’s mandate toward increasing player safety mainly for quarterbacks and receivers, the recent rule changes heavily favor offensive players. With defenses limited in how and where they can hit offensive players, many defenses are still working out how they can attack offenses within the rules and it is a definite work in progress.

While right now all NFL defenses are at a distinct disadvantage, as the season progresses things will even out. Units will gel, regular instruction from coaches will take hold and teams will find ways to work within the latest rule changes. Adapt or die will be the motto of 32 defensive units throughout the National Football League.

As an example of the balancing out of these factors, just look to last week when Pittsburgh redeemed themselves and shook off, at least temporarily, the albatross of aging defense. They shut out the Seahawks, keeping them from even crossing midfield until the fourth quarter and forcing Seattle to punt on most possessions. Yes, while the Seahawks are in a transition and do not have a top ten team, they still are professionals and it’s difficult no matter the circumstances to hold an opponent to zero points.

But even with teams getting up to speed and adapting, offenses will continue to rule the roost, so to speak. As the old saying goes, offense puts people in seats, defense wins championships. And right now, the NFL has stepped up their game in printing money so changes will continue that allow almost any offense to score seemingly at will. After all, there’s no money to make if there is no people in the seats.

No matter the talent level of the opponent, we likely will see a defensively dominant performance like last Sunday in Pittsburgh less frequently. If you enjoy watching stifling defensive play, then revel in what will increasingly become a rare treat. If you enjoy high flying offensive football, well then welcome to the golden age of the NFL. Either way, it will be a money making extravaganza.

He Said He Said

"The season will not be canceled as far as I know." - Chiefs head coach Todd Haley

What a shame, Kansas City could really use the mercy rule right now.

"I'm a well-conditioned athlete. I don't need oxygen." – Patriots nose tackle Vince Wilfork referring to his run after his interception against San Diego

No, he just needs gravy.

"I would love to stay. I don't get caught up in any of the contract stuff, but I love the city and I love the team, and I love coach Gailey.'' – Bills quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick

Seriously Bills, get this guy under contract and now. You know how hard it is to get people to want to play there.

“But the good thing was I didn't feel anything pop. And the doctors examined it and moved the knee around and everything was stable.'' – Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger

There were plenty of lunches popping out of stomachs in Western Pennsylvania when his knee was crunched.

"I am still chewing on last week. That's just the nature of this thing. It's not going to be just one performance to take that stench off of us.''- Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin on the reverberations of the Baltimore game

No, you’ll need a few more air fresheners.

"It's baffling to me. I don't have any answers.'' – Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano on his team’s dismal start.

And that's why you'll be looking for work soon Tony.

"I'm just in shock with the offense. We just didn't play well at all. We couldn't put two third-down conversions back-to-back. That's embarrassing." – Seahawks quarterback Tarvaris Jackson

I know, I watched the whole thing, you should be embarrassed.

“…the overreaction to Brady joking about fans getting "lubed up'' for the Pats-Chargers game. As I said on our Friday night Versus show, watching Brady on video, he was clearly joking. To me, it's the PC police gone wild.” – SI.com’s Peter King

First, while I agree with Peter, is anyone surprised he's the first one to run to Brady’s defense? Plus, its 2011 Peter, people overreact to EVERYTHING. That’s how the world works nowadays. And someone who works to craft a media friendly image and grow his brand, like Brady, and someone who works in the media, like King, should know that by now. And second, Peter King has a Friday night show on Versus? Good gravy his media whore act has almost reached Dr. Drew levels

“None of those guys (has) any clue what they're talking about. They’re outside. They’re outside of the locker room. They don't know what we're trying to accomplish.” – Patriot quarterback Tom Brady on former Patriots criticizing Chad Ochocinco

Seems to me things might be a bit awkward at the next Patriots alumni picnic.

Idiot of the Week

Oh goodness gravy, this week we had idiots crawling out of the woodwork desperate for attention.

The Falcons/Eagles fest had two great nominees. First is the infamous Dunta Robinson, who did a bit of head hunting on Eagle reciever Jeremy Maclin and laid Maclin out with a wicked helmet to helmet hit, the exact same type of hit he laid on DeSean Jackson last year. The league smacked Robinson with the predictable fine, but no suspension despite the fact this is the type of hit Heir Goodell is trying to eliminate and Robinson is a repeat offender. Hmm, that makes Goodell a nominee too. Sweet, three nominees from one game.

In the same game, nominee Mike Smith had his Falcons kneel down trying to eliminate the clock, but could not kill the entire clock and was forced to punt the ball to the Eagles and Jackson, who won a game last year against the Giants in exactly the same fashion. Even if Jackson did not return the punt for a touchdown, the punt still gave Philadelphia a slim chance at pulling out a last second victory. Hey, Mike, maybe next time be bold and try for one more first down by running the ball. I bet that would have worked better. Alas, the Falcon special teams and defense held and let Mike off the hook.

And speaking of dumb late game management, please welcome nominee Mike Shanahan. Mike, explain to me why your Redskins called their time outs in the last three minutes of the game? Shouldn’t they have been sucking time off the clock? They missed on a third down pass play (which should have been a running play) and stopped the clock, leaving the Cardinals plenty of time and one time out to try to get another field goal and win in the closing seconds. By eliminating their own time outs your team left time on the clock and eliminated any chance they had to come back if Arizona should score. If not for a good defensive play forcing a turnover that left you off the hook as well, this could have ended as a last second loss.

But this week, I think the hands down, ZING, winner is St. Louis Ram Cadillac Williams. Williams missed a lateral pass from Sam Bradford, with the ball bouncing harmlessly behind him. Williams completely missed that the ball is still live and in play on lateral passes, and stopped playing as though it were a mere incompletion. However, the entire Giants defense and Sam Bradford recognized the ball was active. Giant Michael Boley scooped the ball up, and while Bradford made a valiant effort to stop the inevitable, the Giants provided adequate blocking and it was 6 easy points for New York. Williams, why did you stop playing and not jump on that ball? You’ve been in the league long enough to know the rules, this is elementary football knowledge. As soon as it bounced off his hands, I yelled to know one in particular live ball live ball! Where were you? For not knowing simple knowledge that any casual fan knows, Cadillac Williams, you are an idiot.

On Tap This Week

Ok, we regrouped after Week 1 and the results showed.

Last week: 13-3

Season to Date: 22-10

Funny thing though, I didn’t even win. Weird huh? Guess I wasn’t the only one rallying. Well, there’s always this week.

Sunday

New England (2-0) at Buffalo (2-0)

This is the biggest game between these division rivals in years. Who won’t be rooting for the little underdog team from Buffalo today? I know I will be, but conventional wisdom tells me to pick…

Patriots over Bills

Denver (1-1) at Tennessee (1-1)

Huh, ok, maybe Tennessee isn’t in as bad a shape as I thought. I’ll be more convinced once they rack up a few more wins.

Titans over Broncos

Detroit (2-0) at Minnesota (0-2)

Yeah, it may seem nuts, and it could easily be an example of me over thinking things yet again. But it feels like the perfect time for Detroit to have a dose of reality.

Vikings over Lions

Houston (2-0) at New Orleans (1-1)

Speaking of getting a dose of reality….

Saints over Texans

New York Giants (1-1) at Philadelphia (1-1)

Does anyone else think New York looks about one more bad play from completely collapsing? I thought so.

Eagles over Giants

Miami (0-2) at Cleveland (1-1)

Tony Sparano still won’t know what’s happening after this game and may gain the edge in his competition with Todd Haley for first coach fired this season.

Browns over Dolphins

Jacksonville (1-1) at Carolina (0-2)

I think it’s about time for the NFL’s newest phenomenon to experience his first victory. This should do the trick.

Panthers over Jaguars

San Francisco (1-1) at Cincinnati (1-1)

Hmmm, seems San Francisco has some trouble winning ball games without Ted Ginn blowing up on special teams. And despite being on the road, with the Bungles now in a big world of drama I think San Francisco has more of a puncher’s chance.

49ers over Bungles

New York Jets (2-0) at Oakland (1-1)

I don’t feel particularly overwhelmed by the Jets flying across the country and playing with their backup center against a good front four in Oakland’s defense. Let’s say it’s a good game for an upset.

Raiders over Jets

Kansas City (0-2) at San Diego (1-1)

Is there any scenario to come this season where you would feel good about picking Kansas City? If there is, let me know because I can’t think of one.

Chargers over Chiefs

Baltimore (1-1) at St. Louis (0-2)

Until Steven Jackson returns, I do not feel good about St. Louis, home or away.

Ravens over Rams

Arizona (1-1) at Seattle (0-2)

How many Hasselbeck jerseys you think will be worn in Seattle this weekend in sad reminiscing of good times gone by? I’d say 10,000 and I’m taking the over on that number.

Cardinals over Seahawks

Green Bay (2-0) at Chicago (1-1)

Let’s see if Chicago’s offensive line can keep Cutler from turning into road kill this week. I have my doubts.

Packers over Bears

Atlanta (1-1) at Tampa Bay (1-1)

I was less than impressed by Atlanta in week one, and I have my doubts if they pull off that win if Vick stayed in the game. I sense a letdown game coming, warning to all.

Buccaneers over Falcons

Pittsburgh (1-1) at Indianapolis (0-2)

I know Kerry’s getting more comfortable in the Indianapolis offense, but this could be really bad. Plus with rumors swirling regarding Brett Favre, what’s a greybeard quarterback to think? Personally, I hope Jim Irsay and Bill Polian invite Favre to the game just to watch, which would ratchet up the circus-like atmosphere for a Sunday night game. I think that would be fun.

Steelers over Colts

Monday

Washington (2-0) at Dallas (1-1)

The ‘Boys home opener with Romo operating with bad ribs and lungs and Jon Kitna one snap away from taking over. Yeah, this should be entertaining.

Redskins over Cowboys