The Crystal Ball 2010 The Super Bust

Same old Jets, losing the AFC Championship game.

Opening Kickoff

Ok, yes we’re a little late this week. But when you have a weekend with no football, you tend to start catching up on the chores you missed for the last few months. That, and boy it’s nice just to revel in the Super Bowl build up no? Hmmm, I guess Browns fans just wouldn’t understand.

The Way It Was

I knew the Bears were frauds. Although they took until the NFC championship game to finally show me they were who I thought they were.

Green Bay came out swinging, and staked themselves to a decent first half lead. And despite Chicago’s quarterbacks falling apart, the Bear defense managed to stifle Rodgers, something they have done all season.

This caused the Packer offense to pucker up in the second half, but the team held together throughout a tense second half and held off a Chicago rally late to win and grab their first Super Bowl trip in 14 years. This theme of a second half collapse would repeat itself again on Championship Sunday, and cause yet another confident fan base some consternation. But we’ll cover that later.

The Bear defense fought tooth and nail all day, even landing a completely illegal shot on Aaron Rodgers, for which offender Julius Peppers was fined $10,000. But while their fight was valiant, it was far from the story of the game.

That belongs to Jay Cutler, who injured his knee on an unidentified play and sat out most of the second half. Cutler gave way to Todd Collins, who was beyond ineffectual and eventually gave way to Caleb Hanie who sparked the Bear offense and gave the Packer defense a game.

Unfortunately for Chicago fans, Hanie is a third string quarterback for a reason, and his end of the game interception sealed the Bear fate and led Green Bay to the doorstep of claiming the Lombardi trophy. But give Hanie this much, he showed more heart than Cutler has yet in his career, and I’ll bet sparked more than a few talk radio conversations regarding his ascension to starting quarterback over Jay.

Despite the stilted game, congratulations to Green Bay for rising to the occasion, defeating a division foe and punching their ticket to Dallas.

The Steel Pit

Steelers 24 – Jets 19

See, I told you Roethlisberger could figure out the vaunted Rex Ryan defense.

And what else did I tell you? I said that Jets fans made a fatal error desecrating the Terrible Towel on Myron Cope’s birthday. See, never mess with the Terrible Towel. And while this does not necessarily apply, I found this a sweet and touching story of Steeler fans honoring Cope with a toast before the game. Yoi and Double Yoi indeed!

Once again, the Steelers played 2 quarters of exquisite football and 2 quarters of putrid football. To the cardiac detriment of Pittsburgh fans, the putrid quarters were the third and fourth. Let’s look at a few highlights and lowlights.

The Steeler defense treated Mark Sanchez like the second year quarterback he was, creating turnovers, stuffing the run and disrupting pass plays. The defense held the Jet offense to 1 yard rushing in the first half. 1 yard. Astounding.

The team built a 24-0 lead before halftime, only giving up a field goal before the buzzer sounded.

The Steeler offense put together a long, sustained drive to start the game, keeping the Jet offense on the tarmac through most of the first quarter and establishing a powerful, punishing running game.

The only horrible flaw the Steelers suffered in the first half was losing rookie center Maurkice Pouncey to a high ankle sprain that may keep him out of the Super Bowl. But even that did not hamper the offensive line, which plowed the way for Rashard Mendenhall time and again.

However, in the second half, things fell apart. The offense stalled time and again, and the defense gave up small play after small play, allowing the Jets to climb back into the game.

The offense didn’t help either, giving up a safety on a bad quarterback/center exchange and giving the Jets hope that they might pull off a win again.

Thankfully, Roethlisberger and the offense made two timely first downs in the waning moments of the game to secure the victory and book their flights to Dallas.

Now, Brett Keisel’s poor wife has to deal with his overgrown shrub of a beard for two more weeks. She must be a saint.

Now Steeler fans can revel in just one more game to go. Let’s all hope that after two playoff games; the team learns to put 4 good quarters together in one game instead of spreading them out over two.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

Pittsburgh defeated the blowhard, loudmouth Jets in exciting fashion, but all anyone could talk about the next day was Mark Sanchez picking his nose and wiping it on Mark Brunell. Now that’s classy.

50 year old former running back Herschel Walker feels he can still play, and hopes to help out a willing team next season. Either he’s been talking to Brett Favre too much, or he’s had one too many concussions in his career. But hey, when the owners hire replacement players in August, then perhaps Herschel will find some work joining Shane Falco in the Washington backfield.

Bungle quarterback Carson Palmer is tired of being a Bungle and wants out of Cincinnati. However, Bungle brass said no way, and are willing to call Palmer on his bluff of being traded or retire. For Palmer’s self respect, I hope he follows the Jake Plummer route.

As if things weren’t bad enough in the jungle, Chad Ochocinco and head coach Marvin Lewis have been engaged in an infantile war of words that got to the point where Ochocinco challenge Lewis to a steel cage match, and TNA Wrestling wants to make it a reality. Maybe Carson Palmer can officiate.

Wes Welker apparently regrets his comments in his press conference before the Patriots/Jets game. I bet he wouldn’t if New England had won.

Mark Sanchez and Braylon Edwards hit the club scene early Monday after arriving back from the AFC Championship game. Edwards grabbed the mic and stated the Jets would go to the Super Bowl next year while Sanchez hit on a bartender and got her number at the end of the night. I hope those boys are able to get over this loss and not carry it with them through the off season.

A Chicago area car salesman was fired from his job for refusing to remove his Green Bay Packer tie the day after Green Bay defeated the Bears. His manager felt it would aggravate customers. Personally I figure if he really wanted to aggravate customers, he should wear a Cutler jersey. Don’t fear gentle readers, he managed to procure new employment.

Eagle quarterback Michael Vick inked his first post prison endorsement contract for Unequal Technologies, a provider of the football pads. Is it wrong that I wanted his first endorsement contract to be for Purina?

Chad Ochocinco has decided to change his name and become once again Chad Johnson. Awwww come on Ochocinco, that’s no fun!

Troy Polamalu has the best selling jersey among women, and in the NFL, this season. He is such a great guy, I’m sure there are more accolades to follow.

Aaron Rodgers thanked a helmet switch to helping him avoid a third concussion this season after taking a shot to the head from Julius Peppers. Ok Goodell, the ball is in your court. If this helmet did help, then you need to publicize the make and model and mandate it throughout the NFL. If you really want public opinion on your side for the upcoming labor fight, show you give a damn about player safety.

Upon Further Review

I have found as I watch professional football, that unlike the NFL I enjoy on field celebrations. I enjoy the unbridled ecstasy expressed by players in a moment of triumph. Mind you, I do not like all of them. The ones that feel forced or seemed preordained turn me and many others off. If it feels like you’ve taken as much time to plan your celebration as it did to learn the game plan, then I tend to feel you are working harder to humiliate than show genuine enthusiasm.

Now with that being said, I must point out the biggest, and most uncomfortable, unreported story of Championship weekend, what has become known as the Mendenhump.

Anyone who watched the Steelers/Jets clash surely saw it. But in case you didn’t, allow me to give you a brief refresher with a visual. As the Steelers hiked the ball in victory formation to run out the clock, Roethlisberger went to the ground with the ball, and in covering the quarterback to assure no Jet would try to harm him or strip the ball, running back Rashard Mendenhall promptly covered Roethlisberger, then briefly dry humped him.

Yes, you read that correctly, Mendenhall dry humped Roethlisberger.

The sight alone left those at Crystal Ball headquarters slack jawed, stunned and wondering aloud, what the heck was that? The most shocking part of the scene was that no one broadcasting the game or the post game said anything about it, and no one in the national media said anything about it afterward short of Jason Whitlock of Foxsports.com, who only said this:

I’ve participated in and seen a lot of football celebrations. None included dry-humping a quarterback in the victory formation. The Mendenhump, quite frankly, is the weirdest thing I’ve seen on a football field.

I couldn’t agree more, even if I tried. It makes Terrell Owens’ popcorn celebration look downright tame by comparison. Even locally in Pittsburgh, Mark Sanchez’s booger got more airplay than Mendenhall’s doggie style celebration.

Now I can understand if in the moment, Mendenhall ,being so excited that he’s a vital part of a Super Bowl team got the best of him, just decided to do something wacky that he thought it would make Roethlisberger laugh. That makes sense, no? But considering the year Ben has had, and his own off the field actions in the not very distant past, does anyone think that a dry hump in the middle of the field during a nationally televised football game is a good idea?

Yes, I’m sure it was celebratory and all in joyous fun, two guys goofing around. But considering that the world watches the Super Bowl, I shudder to think how Mendenhall may celebrate if the Steelers find themselves in the victory formation at the end of the game. Perhaps Issac Redman should be the running back on the field, just in case.

Super Hype

Can I just say I love Super Bowl hype? The two weeks between the conference championships and the actual game provide some of the most entertaining nonsense in the world of sports. Why? Because of all the absurdity that goes along with such a highly publicized event of course. No matter the participants, I love the desperate attempts at a fresh angle, the human interest stories, the crazed fandom and column after column that give XLXVI reasons why the game will be awesome, or suck eggs. At this point, we’ve had a week plus of nonsense, not counting media day, as we build up toward the actual game. So, what stories out there have enthralled us with the absurd? Let’s find out.

Packer defensive lineman B.J. Raji became the biggest man to score a post season touchdown, eclipsing William “The Refrigerator” Perry. Raji is calling himself “The Freezer”. I love his style, but I wonder how comfortable Packer fans are at having their budding star defensive lineman being compared to a Bear.

President Obama during a trip to Wisconsin, lauded the Packers in their victory over his hometown Bears and accepted jerseys from the team. Oh how soon our President forgets. Hey Barack, remember one of the key people who helped you during your campaign, specifically your ambassador to Ireland?

Now, we all know the Super Bowl is the biggest sporting event in North America, and arguably the world. Yes I know the World Cup may be bigger, so don’t even try that angle with me. And any large spectacular this size is due to be on the expensive side, but $900 for parking? I now have trouble buying any owner argument that they’re running their team in the red. Well, except for maybe the Jaguars, no one watches that team.

The Packers were installed at the early favorites to win the Super Bowl by Las Vegas odds makers. I’m not surprised, the Pack Attack is potent and the team is quite good. But hey, Hines Ward loves having a chip on his shoulder, so thanks Vegas!

Packer Clay Matthews and Steeler Troy Polamalu are tied at the hair band, both battling for NFL defensive player of the year and both key components to their teams’ defense. But now they face off in a new arena, the shampoo aisle, as Matthews signed a deal with Suave, which will compete with Troy’s deal with Head and Shoulders.

The company that makes Pittsburgh’s famed Terrible Towel, which is based in Wisconsin, will also start manufacturing a Green Bay based towel for Packer fans called the Titletown Towel. My only suggestion would be to make it green, since if it were gold everyone would think it were just a Terrible Towel. The company has announced the new towel will be green and white. Let the towel waving begin.

The Dallas area is facing a shortage before the Super Bowl of epic proportions. While most rational people would think it were salt and plow trucks considering the weather the real shortage is in strippers. The NFL, its family friendly!

Ever wonder about the how, when, where and what regarding the footballs used in the Super Bowl? ESPN columnist Paul Lukas did, and logged this oddly fascinating story in response. I love the photo of the stamping dies that never came to be.

Flavor of the moment Justin Bieber and inadvertent DARE spokesman Ozzy Osbourne will team up for a Super Bowl advertisement. Well, Ozzy thinks its Justin, but in reality it’s actually Tom Brady.

The EA Sports Super Bowl simulation, done annually to predict Super Bowl winners using the latest gaming technology, has predicted a 24-20 Steelers victory over the Packers. Since it has accurately predicted the winners of 6 out of the last 7 Super Bowl winners, let’s just say that tight feeling in my chest has loosened just a bit.

Boy, I cannot wait until Sunday to find out the celebrity picks for the game and the rest of the nonsense still to come this week. I wonder who Charlie Sheen picks. I bet its Rashard Mendenhall.

Duck Duck Coach

I thought we were done with this.

Tennessee – Jeff Fisher, the longest tenured coach in the NFL, is stepping away from the Titans. While everyone thought he won the battle of wills with Vince Young, apparently it all became too much for Fisher. I’m curious as to who will be available, although I bet Dom Capers will get an interview after the Super Bowl.

He Said He Said

“When the Steelers fans take a town, they take it. They're like the Marines -- once they take a beachhead they don't give it up.” – Steelers announcer Tunch Ilkin

Get ready Dallas.

"We weren’t going to play not to lose." – Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin on calling a pass on 3rd and 6 with less than 2 minutes left against the Jets

And I for one hope that attitude continues for one more game.

"That's us. It's not always pretty, but somehow we find a way to get it done." – Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger after the Jets game

No kidding.

“In the 45-year history of Super Bowls, there's never been one with such history. Never has there been a title game with two teams more than 75 years old. And never has there been a match up of teams with as many Super Bowl titles -- Pittsburgh six, Green Bay three. Steelers-Packers. It's just cool.” – SI.com’s Peter King

I couldn’t agree more. But didn’t Peter put something out this week that caused a bit of a stir? Oh yes he did. More on that later this week.

“Nobody gets strong without fighting. Nobody stays strong without fighting. Nobody negotiates their way to strength. Nobody talks their way to a good deal. Nobody sits down and just has miraculous things happen.” – NFLPA president DeMaurice Smith

Said as he slowly wrapped his hands around the neck of the golden goose. Does anyone else get the feeling Smith may be trying to make a name for himself at the expense of the players, much like Donald Fehr and the MLB players union in the 90’s?

“See ya in the White House.” – Inscription written by Charles Woodson on his autographed jersey he sent to President Obama, who was in Wisconsin last Wednesday.

Don’t you think that may be a bit premature Charles? I think there is another team left that may want to plan their own trip to Washington D.C. as well.

Idiot of the Week

This week, we crown Jay Cutler as our idiot.

Ok, before you start in and crow that Jay has taken enough flack hear me out. I’m not questioning Cutler’s toughness or his injury. Just to play football at a professional level takes a tough person. It’s physically damaging, mentally taxing and emotionally draining. It may seem glamorous to those of us on the outside, but to those on the inside it is a tough way to make a living.

And from all reports, Cutler did have a serious enough injury to keep him out of the game, thus relegating him to spectator for the remainder of the game.

So why is Cutler here? Quite simply, because like many former players have already, I question his heart and desire.

I have had trouble with Cutler since he first came into the league, wondering why people kept touting him as such a fantastic quarterback. Yes, he obviously has the physical gifts needed to be an elite quarterback, but to me he never came across as much of a leader. He always seemed aloof and disinterested, much like his demeanor on the sidelines for the remainder of the NFC Championship game.

I have felt Cutler gives off the impression he doesn’t care. Professional football is a physically demanding game, and a player’s desire is shown in how he overcomes physical adversity. Phillip Rivers played the second half of an AFC Championship game with a torn ACL, because he knew if he didn’t he wouldn’t have a prayer for a next game. Ben Roethlisberger played most of this season with a crumpled nose and broken foot. Heck even Tom Brady, known to be a big baby, played a good portion of the season on a broken foot. Yet they all toughed it out to win. Is that smart, no probably not, but they did it anyway.

And that’s where the issue with Cutler lies. He doesn’t seem to care as much as other players or even the fans. While Bear fans were mourning the end of the season, Cutler and his knee were out on a date with a reality star. Does that sound like someone who gave everything he could to win a game?

Yes, the Bears as a team came to Cutler’s defense early and often, but in my opinion it felt forced. And to be honest, one thought came to mind with each defense, me thinks thou dost protest too much.

As with any job performed in the public eye, perception is reality. And right now, the perception is that Cutler is not a team player and does not care enough to go the extra mile, no matter how physically foolish it may be, to win. So Jay, for giving everyone the perception you don’t care and creating division within NFL players as they gird up for a labor battle with owners and the NFL, you are an idiot.

On Tap This Week

This week, I’m almost a genius.

Last week: 2-0

Season to date: 164-102

There was only one game available this week, and it involved all the teams in the NFL. Well, all except for two.

Sitting at home dreaming of Tiffany Silver: Steelers, Packers

Sunday

AFC vs. NFC

Well, if anyone cared, you already know the NFC pounded the AFC in a game not nearly as close as the score indicated. The only real fun about this game is that Bill Belichick lost yet another game. Ha!

Honestly, I did not watch the game. I spent Sunday evening working on my taxes. That’s right, I would rather find out how many pounds of flesh I owe Uncle Sam than watch the Pro Bowl. That should tell you something about the popularity of the game. But honestly, I was hoping, yet again, to be watching a game with real appeal. So now I put forth my annual appeal to the NFL to finally push forward with my plan for……

The Super Bust

As those who are longtime readers of The Crystal Ball are aware, The Super Bust would match the two consensus pre season favorites to play in the Super Bowl, yet failed to get there, against each other. The creation of this game would fill the void between the championship games and the Super Bowl, and provide the participating teams, the fans, businesses and the NFL at large with untold benefits.

Now when this concept was first introduced, the Pro Bowl was still played at its traditional time, the week after the Super Bowl. Since then, Goodell and the NFL decided to move the Pro Bowl in between the conference championships and the Super Bowl, filling that football free void.

But like many, I feel the Pro Bowl is better after the Super Bowl. It gave fans one more taste of football before the long dark off season, or before the Arena League season began. Heck with the soft hitting and heavy passing common during the Pro Bowl it might as well be a preseason Arena League game but with better players. Plus you could revel in watching the Pro Bowl selections from the winning Super Bowl team would show up like conquering gladiators, flashing smiles only winning a Super Bowl can produce.

This season the NFL got it right by putting the game back in Hawaii, which turns its annual all star game into a posh vacation for the chosen players which they sorely deserve. But they still haven't fixed things completely, which will only happen when they move the game back to its original date after the Super Bowl and adopt the Super Bust.

Come on Goodell, think about this. You are so desperate to add games and increase profit, add one the casual fan will watch. And trust me; they would watch the Super Bust. Outlined below are some of the key points in our plan to provide additional football to the fans.

• A chance for two fan bases to see their team in action one more time before next season
• An added opportunity for one team to end their season with a win.
• Some extra earnings for players, even though many do not need it.
• A chance for each organization to strengthen their team monetarily and physically with added income as well as additional draft choices
• An opportunity to show how wrong most prognosticators really are
• An extra game of football
• A weekend of football and fun in Las Vegas, which would be selected as the permanent host of the game
• A perfect excuse to go to Las Vegas (like you need one anyway)
• An excuse to have another big game party, this one where the game does not matter
• A chance to use the game as a warm up to your real party the next week for the Super Bowl. Try out those far out recipes you think may not work on the real game day. Almost like a Pre Super Bowl Exhibition Party.
• Staving off football withdraw for another two weeks
• Another game for the NFL Network to show, giving more practice to both their broadcast crews and technical crews, both of which need some work (8 games a season just are not cutting it)
• Something for the sports media to talk about during the dead time when all other Super Bowl stories and angles have been beaten to death
• Food and service industries seeing a bigger bump in production and sales, thus adding more stimulus to the economy
• Businesses around the world that have a stake in football seeing an increased profit, adding even more stimulus to the economy
• The advertising industry having another forum to debut killer commercials, almost like an exhibition commercial season
• Better play from the preseason favorites during the regular season, since none of them would want to play in the Super Bust

The two chosen teams would be so bitter as to not be playing in the Super Bowl, but now forced to play in a sideshow exhibition game; they would totally take out their frustrations on each other. And with no next week, all caution would be thrown to the wind. You want hard hitting slobberknocking football? The Super Bust would fill that bill. Come on Roger, this may be the middle ground you need to satisfy the owners desire for more game revenue and the players desire to not add more games. The ball is once again in your court, make your move.