The Crystal Ball 2010 The Divisionals

With all the talking Baltimore and New York have been doing at their respective opponents, you would think they're filming another new HBO special, 24/7 Jets Ravens: The Road to AFC Divisional Oblivion.

Opening Kickoff

Goddag and welcome to this week’s addition to The Crystal Ball, where we will focus on the AFC as they prepare for their divisional round games. Wait, what was that? The NFC is also playing their divisional games this week? Huh, I had no idea. I had not even heard a peep from either team and just assumed they must have the week off.

The Way It Was

The Seahawks shocked the NFL world and defeated the defending Super Bowl Champion Saints. You know when teams play the disrespect card and tout that nobody believed in us? Well Seattle actually means it.

When the Saints punted with 4:28 left, I looked to the Lady K and said game over the Saints blew it. Two plays later, Marshawn Lynch broke off one of the most electrifying playoff runs of all time, breaking out of tackles, making Saint players give up and literally shaking the Earth. Quite the statement win from a team that according to most had no reason being there.

Ok Andy Reid, a new opportunity in the playoffs but this time with a different quarterback yet it’s still same result. I wonder if someone else, perhaps someone with a penchant for bad clock management, could be at fault.

And in his first playoff start in years, Michael Vick tasted defeat. You got the first half of your wish Roger Goodell.

Two things surprised me from the Baltimore/Kansas City collision. The first was that Baltimore didn’t start pounding the Chiefs into the ground until the second half. And the second was that Todd Haley didn’t lecture John Harbaugh after the game about running up the score.

The Colts blew a chance to win and move on in the playoffs, despite having 935 players on injured reserve and Peyton Manning finally looking human.

Jim Caldwell easily blew the game, calling a time out with 30 seconds left which allowed the Jets to conserve their final time out and take time to plan their next play, on which they completed an 18 yard pass and moved into easy field goal range and then won the game on a Nick Folk kick. Peyton Manning was furious on the sideline, openly wondering why his coach gave the Jets such a gift. I’m surprised at this point that Peyton hasn’t had Caldwell fired yet.

Meanwhile, Reggie Wayne was ticked off after only being targeted once by Manning all game. Maybe Manning should let Reggie be in his next commercial to help soothe those hurt feelings.

The Steel Pit

The team relaxed, practiced, got healthy and started working up a nice bile for the upcoming Ravens throw down.

This should be a slobber knocker of a game and personally I cannot wait. If recent history holds, I see Pittsburgh in the AFC Championship game.

Since 2007, the Ravens have never beaten the Steelers when Ben Roethlisberger is under center. All time Baltimore has never beaten Pittsburgh in the playoffs. Yes, I know there is always a first time for everything, and some people seem to think that time is now.

On ESPN’s ridiculous argument show Around the Horn, the desperate for airtime talking heads made fools of themselves by saying that Ray Rice would run all over the Steeler defense, a unit that stifled every running back that faced them this season and had the third best yards against average in NFL history. Yeah, Ray Rice who’s battling illness will suddenly do what no one, including himself in two opportunities, could do all season.

Then ESPN’s Sunday Countdown crew made their picks for the game, with the majority of them picking Baltimore to win in Pittsburgh twice in one season. Even Mike Ditka, who’s from the Burgh, picked the Ravens. I’m sure that will put a serious dent in sales at the restaurant in Pittsburgh that bears his name.

I don’t know if the players pay any attention to this nonsense or use it for motivation, but I can tell you I’ve been working up myself up into a nice lather as I sit in anticipation for kick off. And no, the lather did not come from Old Spice body wash.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

A 13 year old kid in Tacoma Washington was sent home from school for wearing a Steelers jersey on a day the school encouraged people to wear Seahawks apparel and colors to support the team. Jeez Seattle, get over it, you lost the Super Bowl and it was five years ago now.

Speaking of Seattle, the fans at Qwest Field jumped, rollicked and celebrated so hard during Marshawn Lynch’s electrifying touchdown run; the ground literally shook and registered seismic activity. Ok, that is very impressive but I’m still not buying t hat 12th man nonsense.

Andrew Perloff, no no no! Please I beg you and all other bored NFL writers, please let’s pause on mock drafts until after the Super Bowl! Preferably let’s hold off on them until we know there will be a season next fall.

At a recent event hosting owners of Washington area sports teams, Redskins owner Dan Snyder stated that he has changed and that the Redskins are, “the fans’ team.” Yes, I choked on my cereal once I realized I was reading ESPN and not The Onion and this actually happened.

The NFLPA stated they find the NFL and owners 18 game proposal unacceptable. I do too; especially since I cannot stand the argument for this is that fans want more regular season games and less preseason games. No we don’t, we just do not want to pay full price for exhibition games.

Are you concerned that an expanded schedule could lead to more injuries? Fear not trepid fan, the NFL has launched a health and safety site to show how they are working to increase player safety. Don’t you just love obvious public relation moves.

The Crystal Ball was sent this gem this week from a great friend and special contributor. As it turns out, the Philadelphia Eagles have never won an undisputed NFL championship. That’s just the balm Philadelphia fans need after watching another horrid Andy Reid performance.

Blah Blah Blah

The talk this week has been, well, all about talk. With the AFC games both pitting division rivals against each other, teams and players have been yapping back and forth like feuding teenagers with unlimited texting. And some of it has been actually entertaining.

The talk started immediately as soon as the matchups were set, with Baltimore and Pittsburgh both salivating at going at each other again and stating this is the game people will want to see and this is how the game should be played. I wholeheartedly agree. Then the talk really started.

The Ravens’ Terrell Suggs, who I imagine is working hard to be Baltimore’s version of Joey Porter, called the Steelers/Ravens rematch Armageddon and stated quite bluntly that the winner of this game would win the Super Bowl. Since I’m feeling pretty good about Pittsburgh’s chances, I’m hoping that Suggs may be a bit psychic. But I’ll bet the Patriots would like to differ first.

Not to be outdone, Dawan Landry stated that this would be World War III, and nary and argument was heard from either locker room.

Ravens head coach John Harbaugh got into the act, stating he was glad his team broke Big Ben’s schnozz, which I’m sure, elicited much bile from Steeler Nation, but barely a peep from Ben or his schnozz.

Not to be outdone, Suggs showed up for practice this week wearing a t-shirt that depicted a raven flipping the bird with the caption, Hey Pittsburgh. He claimed he did not wear that on purpose, it was just a shirt he had lying around and didn’t even notice. So he’s telling me he wears inflammatory t-shirts directed at Pittsburgh all the time? He really is into the rivalry.

But not to be outdone, the Jets, who are known to occasionally put forth a juicy sound bite, jumped in with both feet.

Rex Ryan kicked it off by calling this game personal, much like last week, and that this was about Bill Belichick versus Rex Ryan. I bet Mr. Hoodie likes that matchup.

Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie then let loose with a profanity laced tirade directed at Tom Brady.

Tom, to his credit, responded rather magnanimously and hilariously, stating he’s been called worse and that he’s sure there are many who feel the same way. Agree with you there Tom.

Meanwhile, while most Patriots were following the company line of shutting up and letting the Jets talk themselves hoarse, Patriots receiver unleashed a devastating salvo from Wes Welker, who managed to find a new way to humiliate Rex Ryan and his alleged foot fetish.

Jets center Nick Mangold responded to Welker in kind with a not as subtle but still funny jab at the Patriots and Spy gate.

While over in the NFC, the airwaves have been torn up by, no one. No one! There were no great comments, smack talk, opponent baiting or insults. Nothing. NFC fans has best be glad the Super Bowl isn’t won with smack talk; otherwise the game would be a laughable blowout. Come on NFC, start running your mouths and entertain us.

Duck Duck Coach

Let’s check in and find out who got a J-O-B in the NFL

Carolina – the Panthers hired San Diego defensive coordinator Ron Rivera. Considering the Chargers finished the season ranked in the top five offensively and defensively, Carolina should be statistically excellent next season.

Cleveland – Shockingly to me, Mike Holmgren did not hire himself. Instead he hired St. Louis offensive coordinator Pat Shurmur to be the next head coach of the Browns. Although this isn’t out of the blue, since Shurmur’s uncle Fritz was Holmgren’s defensive coordinator in Green Bay. It always pays to know someone.

Denver – John Elway went with an experienced hand and hired former Panthers head coach John Fox to helm the Broncos this season. I guess they decided that Carolina’s horrific season was all due to a cheap ownership group and not poor coaching or personnel decisions.

San Francisco – With much fanfare, the 49ers hired Stanford coach Jim Harbaugh to finally bring some luster back to the team. And guess what, next season the 49ers play the Ravens and John Harbaugh. Brother against brother, who will survive? Sorry, just steeling you now for the cheesy story lines to come.

Oakland – Nothing. They did nothing except stew in their own crapulence. At the very least, Al Davis driving this team off a cliff again will give me many hours of entertainment and notebooks full of jokes. Thanks Al!

He Said He Said

“[We're] really moving forward and we're going out there being good little foot soldiers.” – Patriots wide receiver Wes Welker making a subtle reference to Jets head coach Rex Ryan’s alleged foot fetish by referring to feet 11 times in a 9 minute press conference

BURN! Actually, I loved his whole interview. The best, most subtle, creative and devastatingly effective trash talk I have heard in a long time. Kudos to Welker

“Jim Caldwell needs to go to clock management school.” – SI.com’s Peter King

Peter, just make sure it’s an accredited institution. He’s obviously been to the Andy Reid School of Clock Management and that is not working out well.

"There's no TV stars here. We have one guy in here with a commercial (Polamalu), and that's just because he has nice hair. This organization is about winning championships." – Steelers safety Ryan Clark on the team first attitude present in the Pittsburgh locker room

Yeah, Troy DOES have nice hair.

“There were good things and there were bad things, and the bad things clearly outweighed the good things." – Chiefs head coach Todd Haley after Kansas City’s loss to the Ravens

Well at least Todd still has a firm grasp of the obvious.

"This is the NFL at its best. This is what the world wants to see. This is Armageddon for all four teams, and there can only be one winner at the end." – Ravens linebacker Terrell Suggs

I’m excited too but I certainly hope these games to do not bring about the end of the world.

“Thank you, Jim Caldwell!” – Jets tackle Damien Woody after the Jets victory over the Colts

With how Caldwell thinks I’m sure Woody will soon receive your welcome gift.

"I think it's going to be world war III. The last one left a bad taste in our mouths." - Dawan Landry on the Steelers/Ravens

Sorry, but I don’t think you’ll like the taste of this one any better Dawan.

“Adam Vinatieri. I look forward to debating his candidacy for Canton one day." – SI.com’s Peter King

What debate? There should be zero debate this man is a Hall of Famer. Let put it to you this way Peter: How many Super Bowls has Brady won without Vinatieri?

"This is about Bill Belichick vs. Rex Ryan. No question. It's personal. It's about him against myself, and that's what it's going to come down to." – Jets head coach Rex Ryan on this weekend’s game against New England

Does Rex honestly believe he even registers as a blip on Belichick’s radar?

"The Jets and the Patriots are just getting started. This has been going on for years." – Steelers receiver Hines Ward on comparing the Jets/Patriots rivalry to the Steelers/Ravens

Well put.

Idiot of the week

Deciding this week’s winner was the easiest slam dunk all season.

To the surprise of I’m sure no one; this week’s winner of the Idiot of the Week award goes to Indianapolis head coach Jim Caldwell.

Caldwell, who has shown a penchant for clock management usually reserved for Andy Reid, pulled the biggest boner yet in his soon to be short head coaching career when he called a time out with 30 seconds left, giving the Jets time to regroup, call a well planned play and win the game on a short field goal as time expired.

Caldwell’s own team was stunned, openly wondering why their head coach would make such a boneheaded call. Caldwell tried to explain his decision process after the game.

"I was going to make sure they couldn't take the clock down. Make them snap the ball. They were in field goal range. So we wanted to make them snap the ball as many times as they could."

If you can find reason in that statement, then you must work with derivatives. The part that confuses me the most is why would you want to give your opponent who is trying to win the game as many snaps as possible? That means you’re giving them multiple opportunities to make a play and win the game.

If Caldwell had just done nothing but continue to stand on the sidelines and look comatose, the Jets would have either run a fast play that may not have worked and wasted time trying to get a bit closer for a field goal attempt or wasted their last time out and hurt their chances getting off a good kick. At best for New York, they would have had to attempt a long field goal, which was not guaranteed since Folk had been shaky all game and even the game winner he did kick would have been wide if the ball was 10 yards further back.

So for making Andy Reid’s end game management look intelligent by comparison, giving your opponent a chance to plan how they will win the game, cheesing off your super star quarterback, confounding your entire team and killing your post season, Jim Caldwell you are an idiot.

Runners up awards this week go to Terrell Suggs and Antonio Cromartie for their endless trash talking all week long. Has no one told these dolts that when you smack talk before the game it only fires up your opponent more?

On Tap This Week

What an exciting wild card weekend we had. Well I found it exciting, except for the Baltimore game. Snoozer! So how’d we do?

Last week: 2-2
Season to date: 161 – 99

Yeah, those darn Seahawks really scuffed things up. But no matter a new week dawns before us.

The one thing I did notice is that no game went into overtime and thus we were not subjected to the NFL’s convoluted new playoff overtime format. But something tells me it’s going to come into play before this post season is done. And this new format will negatively affect one team. Just watch, one team is going to get screwed somehow by the more confusing parts of the new overtime rules and there is going to be one irate fan base. Boy, I sure hope its New England that gets the shaft.

Saturday

Baltimore (13-4) at Pittsburgh (12-4)

And here we are again, Pittsburgh and Baltimore meeting for the third time in a season. Baltimore beat the Steelers in their previous trip to Pittsburgh in Week 4, but that was against a Steeler team minus Roethlisberger. To really show they are the better team, Baltimore would now need to beat Big Ben in hostile Heinz Field. If they could beat their most heated rival and move on to the AFC Championship game that would be a great story for them. But it won’t happen that way.

Steelers over Ravens

Green Bay (11-6) at Atlanta (13-3)

Oh call me a big fan of the Pack attack! What an excellent job they did in taking down the Eagles and Aaron Rodgers finally getting his first playoff victory. Plus, they have a running game, who would have thought? I am big time rooting for the Packers in this game, and love tons of talking heads are picking them to win. But I don’t think t hey will. Atlanta is a solid team built for playoff action and playing at home, where they rarely lose. Plus, they may be a bit ticked off since everyone seems to be writing them off before the game has even started. Yeah, Green Bay could win this game, but I think Atlanta will.

Falcons over Packers

Sunday

Seattle (8-9) at Chicago (11-5)

Now here’s an interesting game, believe it or not. Seattle’s only road win outside the NFC West was against Chicago. Can they do it again? You bet. And I think they will. Why you ask? Am I just jumping on a hot bandwagon? Do I secretly want the Seahawks to keep winning so those who scream Seattle shouldn’t be in the post season will have to shut up? Yes and an emphatic yes plus one more thing swayed me. Who would you trust more at quarterback, Matt Hasselbeck who has actual post season experience and played the game of his life last week or Jay Cutler who has a losing career record in the NFL and college and has never once played a high pressure playoff game in college or the NFL? I thought so.

Seahawks over Bears

New York Jets (12-5) at New England (14-2)

Rex Ryan and company have really stepped it up trying to turn Jets/Patriots into a hot blooded rivalry. But for that to work, both teams have to be fully engaged. And I think Belichick looks at Ryan and the Jets as nothing more than a minor irritant rather than a legitimate rival. On Sunday Belichick will swat way this particular irritant.

Patriots over Jets