The Crystal Ball 2010 Week 14

So after his facial rearranging Sunday night, Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger had to undergo surgery to repair his broken nose, described by doctors as reminiscent of corn flakes. I for one cannot wait to see Big Douche’s new nose. Will he get a Michael Jackson/Diana Ross special or a big honking Jimmy Durante? I suppose he’ll just get it repaired. How boring.

Opening Kickoff

Hold on, I just checked the calendar. Shouldn’t Randy Moss have changed teams by now? Five games with one team seems a bit excessive for this season.

The Way It Was

Brett Favre hurt! Alert the national media! Is anyone else surprised that after Brett left the game, the Viking offense suddenly came to life? No? I didn’t think so. Memo to all remaining Brett Favre lovers/apologists out there: If Favre starts this week, it’s not for the benefit of the team but merely to continue his consecutive games started streak and personal glory. And Viking fans remember, you asked for this.

What a fantastic touchdown catch and run by Donald Driver. It was all the more amazing since he was battling food poisoning due to some bad spicy chicken wings from the night before. Awwww chicken wings, why?

Will the real Miami Dolphins please stand up? It would make my life that much easier. Seriously, how do you smack around the Raiders on their own field then fall apart one week later against Jake Delhomme at home? I mean come on, it was JAKE DELHOMME!

Dolphin quarterback Chad Henne keeps insisting he’s a starting caliber quarterback. Chad, if that’s true then you should be able to win a close game at home instead of giving up the game changing interception.

Maurice Jones-Drew ran all over the Titans. He did such a thorough job; you could still see his cleat marks on the Titans uniforms during Tennessee’s Thursday night game against Indianapolis.

Wait, Josh McDaniels and Todd Haley hugged after the Broncos/Chiefs game? Where’s the fun in that?

Now I know it’s a time of transition and uncertainty my Bronco fan brethren, but don’t you feel better knowing Josh McDaniels is out the door? Tell the truth, I know you do. Oh, and aren’t you glad I told you this would happen last week? Eased the blow didn’t it?

I think Atlanta/Tampa Bay may be one of the most underrated rivalries in the NFL. That was one of the best and most exciting, hard hitting games I’ve seen in a while, and thanks to NFL broadcasting, I only got to see about three minutes worth.

And count me a Josh Freeman fan. Boy that guy can lay a hit. It’s not often you see a quarterback get called for unnecessary roughness.

I don't care what anyone says I dig the Tampa Bay throwback Creamcicle uniforms. In my book, they’re as sweet as San Diego’s power blues.

New Bungle kicker Clint Stitser nailed a line-drive 29-yard field goal against the Saints, just days after being signed to the team and leaving his job as a high school football coach in Nevada. I smell a heartwarming Disney movie! But I bet they change the ending to Stitser playing for a good team.

San Diego lost a December game for the first time since 2005. Let’s hope that’s the beginning of the end of the Norv Turner era, for the sake of Charger fans everywhere.

Question, are Miami’s woes on their home turf caused by lack of focus, lack of fans in the stadium or the players distracted by gawking at their celebrity owners?

Yeesh and I thought Pittsburgh’s throwback uniforms were awful, those Packer unis were atrocious.

The Steel Pit

Steelers 13 – Ravens 10

“One time I looked at (Suggs) and he was bleeding from the mouth. I was bleeding from the nose. That’s what this game is about, really.” – Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger

That accurately describes this slugfest in a nutshell. In a departure from my usual breakdown, I’d like to look at this particular game in likes and dislikes. So without further preamble….

What I didn’t like about the Ravens/Steelers bloodfest was…

…Haloti Ngata giving all remaining and future opponents the blueprint and excuse to assault Ben Roethlisberger without fear of penalty and only garner a semi-minor fine.

…Or for that matter any Steeler receiver.

…And the NFL coping out and issuing far lower fines for the offending Ravens than what they slapped on James Harrison for much less.

…Losing Daniel Sepulveda to a torn ACL, again. I did dig the team signing former Penn Stater Jeremy Kapinos.

… That I now start out watching every Steeler game with the question, ok do I have any problem with the clowns officiating this game and typically I end each game with, well I do now.

…On national television without any competing games I got to see a franchise quarterback blatantly punched in the face under the guise of tackling, smacked in the helmet and hit late on three different plays, a defenseless receiver hit helmet to helmet and a lineman turned running back horse collar tackled, and not one of those offenses, very illegal under current NFL regulations, was flagged.


But with the bad comes good. And with that said…


What I loved about the Ravens/Steelers bloodfest was…

…Raven all everything tight end Todd Heap came up lame early in the game with a pulled hamstring which deprived their quarterback of a viable weapon and safety valve.

…After such a gutty and inspiring game, I am considering changing Ben’s 2010 nickname from Big Douche to Big Schnozz. He took a wicked shot to the face and the blood just poured from his rearranged honker. Yet he didn’t miss a play and really got the team behind him. You watch, seeing him gut it out will keep everyone else playing even harder the rest of the season.

…Even former Bungle and subtle Steeler hater Cris Collinsworth was calling shenanigans on the poor officiating the Steelers suffered during the game.

…Shaun Suisham, who was signed but a mere three weeks ago, has had a successful whirlwind introduction to Steeler Nation, this time by admirably taking over punting duties when Sepulveda went down with injury. Suisham does not flinch when asked to do more and he never seems overwhelmed. I must ask why this guy was sitting on his couch for 10 weeks.

…Once again watching Troy Polamalu making the play of the game. I must ask this, though. How was Troy, one of the most disruptive playmakers in the game, completely unblocked? Not that I'm complaining, mind you but you would think the offense would automatically account for such a player. Also, does anyone else find it funny/ironic that Troy came at Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco from the blind side, running past blind side poster child Michael Oher?

...That Baltimore spent all week second guessing protection and play calling decision making and wondering if they'll make the playoffs as a 6th seed wild card when they could have owned the division and dealing with the distraction of their head coach blasting nay saying fans. Har har.

Only In Faux NFL Reality…

Former Cowboy quarterback and Monday Night Football pioneer Dandy Don Meredith passed away this week. Personally I loved his guest starring role as himself on King of the Hill, one of the many underrated things Don did in his fascinating life. We’ll miss you Don you were a true original. Let's all have a tall glass of Lipton iced tea in Don's honor.

Could the Chargers move to LA? It seems to be a possibility. Hmmm, Norv Turner in Hollywood, no I don’t like it.

Chiefs tackle Barry Richardson got into a heated shoving match with special teams coach Steve Hoffman. Do I sense signs of trouble in Kansas City, or players just acting like jackasses in the mold of Todd Haley? Probably just the latter.

The Redskins suspended Albert Haynesworth for the remainder of the season without pay for conduct detrimental to the team. Ok, Haynesworth is a lazy, selfish player we get that and I see no issue with his suspension. But how about also suspending Mike Shanahan for acting like a two bit despot and going toe to toe with Haynesworth in public and owner Dan Snyder for being dumb enough to back up a truckload of cash to Haynesworth’s front door without thinking, will this guy get lazy with all this money now?

Hey, how about big kudos to Keith Fitzhugh, for bypassing a long shot at making the Jets team and keeping his current job in order to help out his family. This is a kid who loves his family and has his head on straight regarding priorities. Good for him, we need more young men like him.

It would seem the biggest sticking point for the new collective bargaining agreement will indeed be an 18 game schedule. These two sides are gonna screw this up, I can just feel it.

Michael Vick, Andy Reid and the Eagles organization have all complained that Vick has been hit in the helmet, speared and face masked repeatedly and referees have not been calling the appropriate penalty. Philly, are you kidding me? You’re complaining about a facemask grab? Ben Roethlisberger got his nose smashed without a single flag and you don’t hear Tomlin whining to the media. Suck it up Vick, you’re last name isn’t Brady or Manning so you’re not getting those calls. Deal with it.

Upon Further Review

With the third head coach dismissed mid season now in the books, it seems about time to start prepping the coaching carousel for the off season. But let’s be honest, after a dog and pony show, Dallas will hire Jason Garrett and Minnesota will hire Leslie Frazier. But what about Denver? They did not have a head coach in waiting like the other teams. As a matter of fact you win a cookie if you can even name their interim head coach without looking it up.

So for a bit of fun and since I know my Bronco friends out there could use something positive in a negative season, I thought I’d check the pros and cons of a few of the biggest available names and see what future hope may be coming to Denver.

Jim Harbaugh – the Stanford coach, and brother of Ravens coach John Harbaugh, has turned the Cardinal into a powerhouse and has had his name bandied about already regarding NFL positions. He could be a good choice, but then Bronco fans would have to constantly hear comparisons to the Ravens and that would just suck.

Wade Phillips – Wait a minute, we found out years ago this dog won’t hunt in Mile High. Moving on…

Jon Gruden – I know, most Bronco faithful spit bile thinking of Gruden prowling their sidelines. But before you hate on the idea too much, think of it this way. Gruden has coached a team to a Super Bowl win, has had success in rebuilding a team fallen on hard times and has shown acumen for offensive football. Now if that’s not enough let me add one more selling point. Much like Mike Shanahan, another former Raider coach who migrated to Denver, Gruden would take pleasure in sticking it to Al Davis twice a year. See, doesn’t seem so bad now does it?

Urban Meyer – Yes he says he’s retired but everyone wonders about that now after last year’s retirement/unretirement. Plus, I think Urban just misses coaching Tim Tebow.

John Fox/Marvin Lewis – It’s possible. Both coaches are at the end of their current contracts, and neither is expected to return to their current teams. While it may seem like just another retread hire perhaps all either gentleman needs is a fresh start and new surroundings. At least they’d have more experience than the previous head coach.

John Elway – no, he’s not a candidate or even a coach. I just wanted to get Bronco fans all misty-eyed and nostalgic.

Bill Cowher – Yes The Chin is now ready to resume coaching. And while he does live in North Carolina and the Panthers may be enticing Denver could be a good fit. They do have good pieces in place, they have a winning tradition, and they have an owner who works well with coaches and is much like the Rooney family in the relationship he builds with coaches. Cowher’s price tag may be a deterrent, but if the two sides can find a good number, I think this could be a great fit. Well, until they play Pittsburgh.

He Said He Said

"We know the NFL is going to protect quarterbacks — all of them except ours." – Steelers safety Ryan Clark

Michael Vick might have a contradictory argument to that.

"A hand came through my facemask and, the next thing I knew, blood was running down my face. I said to him, 'He hit me in the head.' He said, 'He was just trying to tackle you.’” – Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger on his comments to referee Terry McAulay after having his nose rearranged

Perhaps James Harrison should use the same excuse the next time he draws a flag or fine.

“Did you see Browns receiver Mohamed Massaquoi get turned upside down by that hit put on him by Miami cornerback Sean Smith? It was almost the exact kind of play that Massaquoi got leveled on by Steelers linebacker James Harrison earlier this season, prompting a big fine for Harrison. Only this time, Smith hit him legally, and so low that it flipped Massaquoi up in the air, and somersaulted him around, before he landed on his head. Is that really a safer outcome than Harrison's hit, NFL?” – SI.com’s Don Banks

Well NFL? We're waiting for an answer.

“Next time, I'm just gonna pull a Forrest Gump and run clean through the stadium." – Seahawks punt returner Leon Washington on getting tackled on the way to the end zone while celebrating early.

Hey Leon, even Forrest knew that premature showboating only led to bad things. From now on, if you’re going somewhere you should be RUNNING.

"It hurt a lot. But that broken nose took some of the pain away." – Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger commenting on his broken/not broken foot.

Zing!

"Looks like they're the best team in football. That's what all the experts say. Except me.'' - Jets head coach Rex Ryan on the Patriots before New England beat the tar out of New York 45-3

Care to revise your statement, Rex?

Idiot of the week

This week, we had more than a few great entries for Idiot. The runners up include:

Referee Terry McAulay for not calling helmet to helmet penalties as currently dictated by the NFL and ticking off Steeler Nation.

The Baltimore Ravens, for blatantly cheating and STILL losing at home. Sorry, had to take a break to laugh uproariously.

Me for backing off my previous stance that the NFL was targeting the Steelers, only to watch the Ravens commit flagrant penalties against Pittsburgh without in game repercussions. While I may not be able to find a logical reason the NFL would allow such egregious behavior against Pittsburgh doesn’t mean it does not occur.

But the real winner is Bungles defensive lineman Pat Sims.

The Bungles were one down and two yards from upsetting the Saints at home. Yet on a now widely reported bogus play on 4th and 2 from the Bungle 3 yard line, the Saints managed to fake out Sims, draw him offside to garner a defensive offside penalty and grab a new set of downs which they used to score the game winning touchdown. Sims should have known what was coming, his fellow defensive players certainly did. His gaff cost Cincinnati a signature win in a wasted season and continued the Bungles current losing streak.

So Sims, for getting fooled by one of the oldest tricks in the book and directly causing your team to lose as well as being a Bungle, you are an idiot.

On Tap This Week

Ok so I had two good weeks in a row and have now clawed my way within two points of the overall season lead.

Last week: 12-3
Thursday: 1-0
Season to date: 123-69

You know what this means don’t you? Right about now the wheels will fall off. It doesn’t help I’m not really feeling confident this week. Let’s hope I’m just queasy from some bad chip and dip.

Sunday

Oakland (6-6) at Jacksonville (7-5)

Ok, fine Oakland beat down San Diego on their own field. Let’s see them do that against a team with a real running game and I’ll believe in the silver and black.

Jaguars over Raiders

Cleveland (5-7) at Buffalo (2-10)

I know, Buffalo plays real hard but I do like Cleveland’s running game more.

Browns over Bills

Cincinnati (2-10) at Pittsburgh (9-3)

Unless T.O. and Ochocinco punch Big Schnozz in the face at the same time, I think Pittsburgh may be in a good position to win.

Steelers over Bungles

Atlanta (10-2) at Carolina (1-11)

Did anyone see Steve Smith on the bench last week at the end of Carolina’s game against Seattle with his head in his hands? I thought not, because no one is watching this train wreck.

Falcons over Panthers

Green Bay (8-4) at Detroit (2-10)

Did anyone else see that Aaron Rodgers has now surpassed Favre in current jersey sales? Another arrow slung into Favre’s ego.

Packers over Lions

Tampa Bay (7-5) at Washington (5-7)

Man, what a deflating loss for Tampa Bay last week. But don’t give up Bucs, there’s still playoff hope. Get back on track this week! I know you can.

Buccaneers over Redskins

Seattle (6-6) at San Francisco (4-8)

Yikes, is there any good choice between these two? Wait, San Francisco is thinking of starting Alex Smith? Now the choice is clear.

Seahawks over49ers

St. Louis (6-6) at New Orleans (9-3)

Oh I do like what St. Louis is doing, what a great performance for the season thus far by a young and hungry team. But they haven’t quite learned how to win on the road, and that shows up this week.

Saints over Rams

Denver (3-9) at Arizona (3-9)

Hmmm, I’ll go with Denver being a smaller mess now that McDaniels and his faux hoodie is out the door.

Broncos over Cardinals

Kansas City (8-4) at San Diego (6-6)

Kansas City will start Brodie Croyle at quarterback because starter Matt Cassel had to undergo an emergency appendectomy this week. Without Matt Cassel and his appendix, let’s just say I do not like their chances. San Diego turnaround talk will start up again fully on Monday morning. Ugh.

Chargers over Chiefs

New England (10-2) at Chicago (9-3)

The weather in Chicago is beyond atrocious and yardage could be at a premium. Teams with a good running game would do well on a day like this. I like Chicago’s just a slight bit better than New England’s running game. Ok Da Bears you finally sucked me onto your bandwagon, show me what you got.

Bears over Patriots

Miami (6-6) at New York Jets (9-3)

Poor Rex Ryan, he was so humbled after getting his fanny handed to him by Belichick. I heard he could barely snack all week. I bet he gets his appetite and his blustery gusto back real soon.

Jets over Dolphins

Philadelphia (8-4) at Dallas (4-8)

I know, everyone says Dallas will spoil Philadelphia’s season. How so? They have no Dez Bryant who is out for the season with a broken ankle and they’re still starting Jon Kitna. You think you’re winning with Jon Kitna?

Eagles over Cowboys

Monday

New York Giants (8-4) at Minnesota (5-7)

The league moved this game to Monday due to heavy snow pummeling the Midwest, and said snow has collapsed the inflatable roof of Mall of America Metrodome, tearing the roof and pouring snow onto the field. The league has now moved the venue, and this game will be played Monday night in Detroit’s Ford Field. I like New York, clearly the better team. But all this extra travel and confusion can throw off a team. So despite the threat of another Brett Favre start…

Vikings over Giants

Baltimore (8-4) at Houston (5-7)

Yeah, Baltimore has been reeling all week from such a deflating loss, injuries from such a physical game and fighting with impatient and uninformed fans. You want to see a team ready to take out their frustrations on a punching bag, just look to Baltimore.

Ravens over Texans