The Crystal Ball 2009 Week 6

I looked at the scores of all the games throughout the day last Sunday. I noticed that at 3:15 remaining in the 1st quarter of the Giants/Raiders debacle the score was already Giants 14 – Raiders 0. I wrote down at that moment game over. I think I probably could have called that at 15:00 remaining in the 1st quarter, though. Perhaps the NFL should consider a mercy rule for future Raider games; you know to save some face for the remaining Raider fans.


Opening Kickoff

A 7 year old boy playing backyard football was tackled by a deer. The deer was immediately given a three year contract by the Raiders because Al Davis loved his speed.


The Way It Was

Ice Cube may be the most courageous man on planet Earth. To go on a nationally televised NFL pregame show and openly admit to being the worlds #1 Raiders fan? Courage at it’s finest my friends.

Just when I thought Atlanta had no defense, suddenly they find one. And Matt Ryan found his touch. Man, never underestimate a team coming off the bye. Shame on me.

I do like what Singletary is doing in San Francisco, but he just doesn’t have the horses quite yet. When he does, look out.

Gregg Easterbrook’s cold coach theory holds true again. In a freezing Denver, Josh McDaniels sported a sweatshirt, while Bill Belichick bundled up in a thick parka. The results were a predictable Bronco win.

Ok, it would seem that McDaniels might actually know what he’s doing. Interesting theory, I wonder if it will last.

My favorite part of this game, one I liked almost as much as Denver’s throwback uniforms made me want to vomit, was the Broncos beautiful 98 yard drive to tie the game and send the contest into overtime. Just fabulous execution and effort. They may not have Cutler’s big arm, but they have the Neck Beard.

Now I’ve wondered from the beginning why everyone has to hate on Kyle Orton. People spoke as though the Broncos traded John Elway for Joe Pisarcik. But look at their career records. While Cutler has this big arm and all this “potential”, all Orton has ever done, on an offensively challenged team before this year, is win football games.

Career Record (through week 5 of 2009)

Kyle Orton 26 - 12

Jay Cutler 20 - 22

Now, I bet I can think of no less than 10 teams that would give an eye tooth to have a smart, efficient quarterback that can inspire his teammates and make a few big plays while consistently winning games on their team. Heck, half of the AFC West would give more than that. All you doubters of the Neck Beard, never ever doubt its power again. Remember, I’ve touted it here for years, because I believe.

So the Broncos unleashed their new offensive package based on the Wildcat, called of course the Wild Horses. Yeesh. What’s next, the Ravens unleashing the wild bird droppings or the Cowboys revealing the wild cow pies?

You know why people do not respect kickers? Because they flop to draw a flag at any hint of contact and it causes real players who take real punishment to bristle greatly. I’m looking in your general direction Chris Hanson.

Oh no, Tom Terrific is now only 7-1 in overtime as a starter! The world will soon end!

I forgot one important thing when picking the Baltimore/Bungle game. The Ravens were way too hung up on the officials last week and bitched way too long to be truly focused this week. Oops. But hey, can you blame me? They were playing the Bungles.

Speaking of parolees, Ravens lead moron Ray Lewis was fined $25,000 for two separate hits in that game, including a helmet-to-helmet hit on Chad Ochocinco. It’s a shame he cannot be fined for just being an egotistical ass.

Did anyone else enjoy re-tread running back Cedric Benson snapping the Raven’s streak of not allowing a 100 yard rusher? I know I did.

And our condolences go out to Bungle defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer, who coached a beauty of a game while mourning the unexpected passing of his wife Vicki. I have nothing new to add to this story, as I’m sure if you follow the NFL you have heard it already. But I will say the Bungles, actually for this they will be the Bengals, coming together to help this man and perform like superstars may be the best story of the NFL season so far and may be the best of the year. Our thoughts and prayers are with you Mike.

The Browns finally won a game, thanks to the ineptness of the Bills coaching and team play. The Buffalo faithful booed their team at the end of that travesty called a game, and rightfully so. The Bills walked off the field leaving a steaming pile as large as Lake Erie.

If they keep up this kind of performance, Dallas will soon be dead to me much like the Titans. Seriously Wade Phillips, use your brain. If Mike Vrabel is in on offense, the pass is going to him. The man has 11 career receptions and 11 career receiving touchdowns, after you blew it Sunday. Was anyone but your team surprised this happened yet again? The Patriots used him in the Super Bowl in this fashion to great success. How, oh how, did you not see this coming?

With all the new blood on the Colt offense to reenergize Manning, how long do you think Peyton’s career will last? Honestly, I think he could play effectively for 10 more years with at least six of those years at the same level or higher than he is right now. And tack on another 5 after that 10 playing decently with a strong running game. Seriously.


The Steel Pit

Ahhh, nothing like a little winning streak to make things all better, no? Of course, that got a touch dicey there at the end. But give the defense credit; they only gave up 7 points in the fourth quarter last week, so obviously they’re improving. And it would not have been nearly as close if Big Ben didn’t have one really bad throw. But no worries, the team overall played well, and despite a few mistakes, still managed a nice win on the road.

Ok, sure, there were still some obvious question marks. Why the defense seems to fade in the fourth quarter. Why the defense cannot seem to get off the field on third down which is a major issue if you ask me. And why the play calling went conservative in the 4th quarter on offense. I mean come on Arians; I know you wanted that one last home run ball, but focus on scoring instead of ESPN highlights. Control the game and that home run will come to you. But why split hairs?

There were tons of good things, like Harrison and Woodley finally both showing up and the defense racking up seven sacks. Now that’s finally getting to the quarterback. And yeah, it was the Lions, but I think we can all agree they are improved, and some, including myself, would argue not even in the bottom 10 teams in the league. Plus, everyone forgets but once upon a time Culpepper was a top tier quarterback, and he showed that presence Sunday. So goo d things happened, the most important being a big fat W.

But even a nice victory must be tempered, and Steelers fans got that with learning defensive end Aaron Smith tore his rotator cuff in the game and is gone for the season. Smith’s presence on the defensive line is highly underrated and if you question his importance on that defense think back to 2007. Smith tore his bicep in that season, and missed the last 4 games. The Steelers lost 3 of those 4 games and were scorched on the ground.

The only salve the fans have is the heralded return of Troy Polamalu. Perhaps the addition of Troy can inspire the team, and Smith’s replacement, to play at new heights. One can hope.

As all the talking heads and pundits’ state each season, it’s difficult to repeat as champions. The mettle of this team will be measured in how they overcome the obstacles that stack their path. I for one am curious and excited to see how they respond.


Only In Faux NFL Reality…

The Patriots, in a stab for experience and leadership, coaxed Junior Seau out of retirement this week to suit up again. Is Seau afflicted by the same disease as Favre?

The NFL is investigating an injury to Browns rookie James Davis. Allegedly Davis obtained a season ending shoulder surgery by going up against another player in pads while Davis was not in pads. Suffice to say, this would be a massive no no. I guess Mangini needed to up the ante with Tom Cable for worst coach in the league.

Browns fallen star Brady Quinn has put his house up for sale. But don’t read anything into it he’s selling just to move closer to the Browns facility to lessen his commute. Sure Brady. Hey, people of Cleveland, if you believe that, I have a bridge in Pittsburgh for sale if you’re interested.

Apparently, John Fox expects to be fired after the season, with rumors swirling he could be replaced by Bill Cowher. Sorry John, I don’t think it’s anything personal. I think this has been in the works for a while.

Question of the week. Has Tony Dungy ever gotten upset or raised his voice ever?

In lieu of the negative publicity, the ownership group looking to purchase the Rams led by Dave Checketts has dropped Rush Limbaugh from their ranks. Limbaugh predictably lashed out at the players union, stating he was made an example of and of course used the situation spew more divisive talk regarding our country and its politics in general. See Rush, it’s talk like that, constantly pitting people, religions and races against each other and the general mindset of if you are not with me you are against me is why today you still sit on the outside looking in. Yes, you may have 21 million listeners, but there are over 300 million people in this country. So perhaps you are not as universally believed and loved as you like. And one last note to Rush; excellent publicity stunt. People have been talking about you for over two weeks. Obviously the price for that is the unspent share of money needed to purchase the Rams. Good show.


In The Merry Old Land Of Oz

Bye weeks can be a major pain in the fanny. One spends ample time planning their pretend football team, who they want, what moves they will make as a pretend owner. But then a bye week comes along and your fake star player is sitting at home eating Cheetos and kicking back. So now what? You find a replacement on the waiver wire.

I learned this week you must be careful in picking your replacements. I needed a wide receiver, and as it turns out so did my opponent, due to the bye. I chose the Colts’ Austin Collie. I figured he might do ok since Peyton is, well, Peyton. My opponent chose Jerricho Cotchery. Suffice to say, I chose wisely. But I might have had a touch of luck as well. And luck, seems to be a part of it.

This week, luck may leave me. I’ve resigned myself to a loss. Why so soon you may ask? A game has not even been played, why give up before the go? Because my opponent has Big Ben Roethlisberger, and he’s facing the Browns this week. That cannot end well for me in faux football. In real football? Jackpot!


Upon Further Review

When Michael Vick was reinstated to the NFL and the Eagles signed him, I supported the move. I felt that a man, if he has paid for his crimes, should be allowed a second chance to make a life for himself. After all, is this not one of the basic tenets of our society?

And let’s be honest, Vick has paid for his crimes, in ways far beyond a mere jail sentence. After all, most people convicted of dog fighting do not get two years in the pokey. Vick lost the respect of fans everywhere, the league, players, his family and friends. He lost millions in endorsements, millions in earnings, over 2 years of his athletic prime and 2 years of freedom. Forever he will be labeled an ex-con and in many circles a pariah. Some people will protest him until he retires into seclusion.

I spoke to many people about this very subject, with all of them vehemently stating the man should never have been allowed to return. They did not care about redemption, or that he supposedly changed, only that the man committed horrendous crimes and should never be allowed to resume such the privileged life he once led. I had trouble with this stance, as while I agreed with everything they said, especially being a dog owner, but felt it is important for us as a society to still hold true to the ideals upon which our justice system is based. If we cannot allow a man a second chance at life after being punished for his crimes, what does that say about us as a whole?

This is not so much about football, but about a man learning to be a better person. And on the surface, since his return he has said and done all the right things. Seemingly, he is taking this second chance with the seriousness and gravity it deserves. Wouldn’t that be great? Seeing someone turn their life around? It would be inspirational for everyone, to see that one person can use the opportunities presented to them to become something so much more than he was before.

But after seeing him surrounded by the cameras that are filming his reality show, something tells me he’s not serious. He’s serious about being famous and rich. He may recognize killing dogs for entertainment is wrong, but the gravity of why has not touched him. Only that people don’t like it and that it can get him in trouble. His sincerity to change may not be pure, and if it is that purity is only to help him regain the material wealth and fame he lost.

Perhaps I am merely naïve, or just it’s another example of the triumph of hope over experience. But I had hoped that for once, we’d see someone truly repent his crimes and strive to become something more. However, Vick has shown me he is not that person. Perhaps there is still hope yet. After all, I do think Tony Dungy is a wonderful person and can be one to help guide a wayward soul. And if Vick should be truly rehabilitated and remorseful, that would give people some faith back in our society, of which there seems to be less and less as time rolls on. But so far, the only thing Vick seems concerned with doing what is necessary to collect fame and money. And that may be the real mark of what we hold true in our society. And a more damning statement to the state of our world there may not be.


He Said He Said

"People see what I do and forget who I am and they really don't know who I am. Working with kids is what I do. I have over 100 kids in the NFL, I called them kids, but they're young adults, that I text every morning, Monday through Friday.'' - Deion Sanders, in an interview on NFL Network Sunday.

Yes, I always make sure to contact them during normal business hours, when it matters to me most how they are doing. In the off hours, when they might need the most guidance? I’m busy then. Deion can sell it all he wants, but I’m not buying it. I still think his biggest concern for these guys is how it keeps him connected and relevant to the game. Especially after watching him get defensive during this interview.

"From my blindside, Tom Cable threw me from my chair and into a piece of furniture ... He was screaming, 'I'll f------ kill you! I'll f------ kill you!' And I have no reason to believe he wouldn't have killed me if they hadn't pulled him away.'' – Former Raiders assistant coach Randy Hanson in his first extensive public comments regarding his claims of being attacked by Raiders coach Tom Cable.

Read the rest of the story by Michael Silver here. I certainly encourage it. I’m still not sure what the strangest part of this whole melodrama is yet. Is it that it involves a head coach on a steaming pile of an NFL team headed by the crypt keeper, or that Hanson did not want this publicized, wanted to stay with the team, is still getting paid by the team, and still roots for the Raiders after detailing tons of demeaning treatment even before getting clocked by Cable. I think the whole situation is karma for being a Raider fan.

''Man, they traveled awesome. It was spectacular to stand on the visiting sideline and see the fan support that we had today in this building.'' – Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin.

We do what we can.

''I don't feel like I'm playing well. 'm disappointed in my performance.'' – Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger

Oh, yeah, Ben you are playing horrendous. In case you haven’t noticed I’m being sarcastic.

“It’s a great challenge coaching against bill and his staff.” – Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels

I should say so. Especially knowing that everything you know and all the plans you’ve made, he knows.

''I'd be lying if I said I thought I'd still be playing at 40 and not miss a game at this point. I just hope I can lead this team to bigger and better things.'' – Vikings quarterback Brett Favre

I bet he’s thinking of playing at 50.

''We think we're a good football team. The worst we can finish now is 5-11.'' – Vikings defensive end Jared Allen

Now that’s funny. I want to get behind Jared and his monster season, but that mullet. Seriously, cannot someone talk to him? I think an intervention might be needed to take away his Flowbee.

“From a talent level, this is the best team I’ve ever been on.” – Vikings quarterback Brett Favre

Honestly, what’s next for Favre? How further can he demean and alienate Packer fans? At this point, all that seems left is to just go door to door through Wisconsin and shat on every porch with a cheese head in the window. It would be easier on everyone and more to the point.

"We couldn't stop the run or pass today. Other than that, we played great.” – Jets head coach Rex Ryan

Boy he’s a good quote.

"Perhaps we should all give Terrell Owens a round of applause. Can you imagine how much effort it's taking for him to stay quiet? Even if he were to talk out about Buffalo's woes, people would probably take his side. When have you ever been able to say that in the past?" – SI.com’s Jerome Bettis

Oh, he’s just saving it up for a truly memorable outburst. And I cannot wait.


Idiot of the week

This week’s idiot is the Buffalo Bills, for being amazingly unable to beat the hapless Browns, at home in front of a fired up crowd. How does that even happen? I know they have some talent on that team, how can you not win? I could find five random people on the street who could outcoach Mangini, how does Dick Jauron blow this game?

Plus, a special idiotic commendation goes to Bill Roscoe Parrish, whose muffed punt and turnover led directly to the Browns field goal that lost Buffalo the game. Roscoe, if you cannot corral the punt, just let it go. By trying to go for some hair brained idea of scooping and running onto a Sports Center highlight, you cost your team the game. Now, combine Roscoe’s horrendous crash with Leodis McKelvin’s un-special teams error and we have two games the Bills have lost because of dumb special teams errors. I thought Bobby April had these cats playing at the top of their game?

So Bills, for disappointing your fan base yet again, this time with a very humiliating home loss, bad coaching, dumb mental errors by your “top” players and being outcoached by a guy who was fired for his inability to win, you and Roscoe Parrish, for committing the same errors a Pop Warner team does, are idiots.


Taking the Week Off

Cowboys – If I were Wade Phillips, I’d spend this weekend tightening up my resume. A public vote of confidence from the team owner is as good as the kiss of death. Let the countdown begin.

Colts – I’m sure Peyton will produce a new game plan with Tom Moore, conjure another fabulous receiver out of bat wings, a piece of turf and liniment oil all the while taping three dozen new commercials for the stretch run. You know, his usual day off stuff.

Dolphins – Wild cat wild cat wild cat wild cat wild cat wild cat wild cat wild cat wild cat. After all, in Miami, what else is there? (Henne….)

49ers – I’m hoping Mike Singletary can keep his pants on trying to find a solution for his defense’s poor performance last week. I’m hoping.


On Tap This Week

Another exciting week in the quixotic attempt to win big. I headed into Monday night in a 5 way tie for first place. If the Jets won, it would come down to me and two others and a win on points. I’ve done it before, could I do it again? Not this time, Chad Henne had something to say about that. But not a bad week overall.

Last week: 10-4
Season to date: 56-20

The Lady K also maintained her overall lead. I’ve got my fingers crossed she continues the magic. So let’s take a look and see what chance I have to join her in the pantheon of pro pick ‘em legends.

Sunday

St. Louis (0-5) at Jacksonville (2-3)

If they do not win today, St. Louis tomorrow will observe the one year anniversary of their last victory. It’s going to be a pathetic celebration.

Jaguars over Rams

Baltimore (3-2) at Minnesota (5-0)

I’ve said for weeks Baltimore’s defense is not what it used to be. Today on a national stage that will be exposed.

Vikings over Ravens

Detroit (1-4) at Green Bay (2-2)

I think Aaron Rodgers, after a nice week off, will use Detroit to wash that Favre right out of his hair.

Packers over Lions

Houston (2-3) at Cincinnati (4-1)

At this point, I have to pick Cincinnati. They’ve won too big too often. And to think, if not for one freak play, they’d be 5-0. Frightening.

Bungles over Texans

Cleveland (1-4) at Pittsburgh (3-2)

Oh come on. Yes no Aaron Smith hurts, but the Browns? Heck I could start in Smith’s place against Cleveland and no one would see a noticeable drop off in performance.

Steelers over Browns

Kansas City (0-5) at Washington (2-3)

Yes, Washington is so bad, and folding so fast, I do not like them at home against yet another winless team. Even one as dysfunctional as Kansas City.

Chiefs over Redskins

Carolina (1-3) at Tampa Bay (0-5)

How low can Tampa Bay go? I think they want to reclaim their crown as worst team of all time from the Lions.

Panthers over Tampa Bay

New York Giants (5-0) at New Orleans (4-0)

Ok, I’ve finally figured out why Drew Brees is so good. The Saints color scheme is very similar to that of Purdue, Brees’ Alta mater. When Drew suits up each week and dons those colors his mindset changes. He doesn’t think he’s in the NFL and about to face the best competition in the world, he thinks he’s back in college facing non-conference cupcakes. Today he won’t see the New York Giants; he’ll see Miami of Ohio. And he KNOWS he can beat them. We’re through the looking glass here, people.

Saints over Giants

Arizona (2-2) at Seattle (2-3)

Ok, now this is a tough one. Arizona is coming off a bye week, but like I said, Hasselbeck is the straw that stirs Seattle. Hmmm, just a gut feeling, and they have been wrong before, but I think…..

Cardinals over Seahawks

Philadelphia (3-1) at Oakland (1-4)

This is a nice second game back for Donovan McNabb, or should I say scrimmage? Perhaps if he tees off correctly in the first half, he can take the second half off just like Eli did last week.

Eagles over Raiders

Buffalo (1-4) at New York Jets (3-2)

I bet Rex Ryan’s defense has a much better game this week.

Jets over Bills

Tennessee (0-5) at New England (3-2)

In Tennessee, things are about to go from worse to horrific.

Patriots over Titans

Chicago (3-1) at Atlanta (3-1)

Hmmm, perhaps I was too quick to judge on the Falcons. Ok, I’ll give them a shot this week. But if Matt Forte tears them a new one, I’m gonna be unhappy.

Falcons over Bears


Monday

Denver (5-0) at San Diego (2-2)

Yeah, I know, I said earlier don’t go against a team coming off their bye week. But at this point, who would you trust more, Josh McDaniels or Norv Turner? I thought so.

Broncos over Chargers