The Crystal Ball 2008 Week 10

Did ya miss me? While it’s been a wacky season in the NFL, it’s been pretty wacky off the field. Hopefully soon things will settle down.


Opening Kickoff

Brandon Marshall started a war of words with Joey Porter, maintaining Porter is weak, everyone knows it and he has popcorn muscles. Are those like spinach muscles?


Recap

The Bears came from behind to win with the stellar quarterback play of….Rex Grossman?

Good for Kansas City and Cincinnati, it’s so easy to win when all pressure of any expectation is lost.

Although I must say, once again, way to ruin your season Bungles. Everyone would care about a 0-16 team; no one cares about 1-15 or 2-14. Face it; you’re not going 8-8.

At least the Lions have a grasp at immortality. Wait, they signed Daunte Culpepper, and he could be playing this weekend? Awww, man, is there no team with the guts and fortitude to go 0-16? Tampa Bay, where have you gone?

Speaking of Culpepper, I hope he has a few good games left this season. And I hope he puts the highlights on DVD and sends it Priority Overnight to Jerry Jones. Really Jerry, you could get no one better for the team than Brad Johnson and Brooks Bollinger? You would have been better off bringing back Testaverde.

Rookie QBs Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan are a combined 10-6, both with rookie head coaches and with rookie or first time with the team running backs. It just goes to show the power of the human mind. If you do not know you are supposed to fail, you will not.

It’s widely known at this point, but still worth pointing out. The Raiders had a total of 77 yards of offense, 3 first downs and 0 points on Sunday. First, good move getting rid of Lane Kiffin, he really was the problem holding back the team. Second, I hate to let correctional institutions around the country know but it has to be said. The Raiders have yet to reach rock bottom. It is to laugh.

I just have to say it. I know Jay Cutler is a tough cat to play with diabetes and a role model for having a normal life with the disease. And I know that both he and Phillip Rivers have plenty of talent and a strong ability to lead their teams. But whenever I see them running their offenses or on the sidelines, all I think is the same thing. Douche bags. It cannot be just me, watch how they behave, barking like ill behaved dogs strolling around like the head cock of the walk. They both look like they need a serious wedgie and a smack upside the head.

Ok, I think the winner for worst clock management at the end of a half/game so far goes to Mike Shanahan for his Thursday night mess in Cleveland. Yes, the Broncos won the game, but more because of a wilting Browns defense than offensive strategy.


The Steel Pit

Despite what some might think no I did not miss last week’s column because I was upset over the Giants loss. I missed last week because I spilled my hot wings at the game and was still too distraught to talk about it. But I’m feeling better now, so things are ok. So how about some catching up?

Santonio Holmes apologized to the team and the fans for his actions and was welcomed back with open arms. He messed up, the team punished him, he took it like a man and everyone moved on. Done right? Wrong. The NFL Players Association feels that the punishment of Holmes was “improper” and may file a grievance. A coach does what he thinks is right for the team, both for a specific player and the overall group, to teach everyone the consequences of their actions. And someone comes along and punishes him, calls him into question and undermines his authority. And people wonder why you get inmate running the asylum kind of messes like Oakland and Dallas.

Wow, didn’t Willie Parker look great in his return? Wasn’t it just awesome to see him back? Wait, he hurt his shoulder, is out this week? Hmmm, Willie Parker a rarer sights than Halley’s Comet.

Yes, the team suffered with the loss of long snapper Greg Warren. But I like the moxie of Jared Retkofsky. A player who keeps going after losing his helmet, that’s a man who wants to keep his job. Not that James Harrison is going to beat him out or anything.

Good on the Redskins for a tough game, but I knew they were in trouble long before kickoff. Everyone kept touting how Jason Campbell had yet to throw an interception this season. With that much talk, something bad was bound to happen. And it did. Twice.

For the second week in a row the offense struggled with Roethlisberger, who left at halftime with an injured shoulder. Tomlin later confirmed it’s the same injury from the season opener, just aggravated in this game.

So this poses a good question. What is the worst issue facing the Steelers offense? They are loaded with great playmakers, but still seem to find themselves stagnating at times. Here are the main issues I’ve heard bandied around.

- Weak offensive line
- Roethlisberger taking too long releasing the ball
- Roethlisberger’s shoulder
- Receivers unable to get free running routes
- Overall team injuries
- Bruce Arians’ offensive play calling

Look, straight up Arians certainly is not the best coordinator in the league. I’d say not even in the top 15. But what he does can only really affect what happens on the field by say 15-20%.

No, the Steelers suffer from a combination of problems. First and foremost, Roethlisberger’s shoulder, which I think is hurting him more than anyone has let on. The time might come soon, especially since Leftwich has showed he can handle some pressure, for Ben to take a week off.

But the rest of the items add up as well. The offensive line has plenty of good players, but a line is only good because of consistency. Look at the more successful teams in the NFL and what is one of their common denominators? Their offensive lines have all worked together for some time. That’s what makes a line good, years working together so they know each others moves inside and out. They know what each other will do without thinking about it. That kind of consistency won Pittsburgh a Super Bowl a few years ago, but is something they have been lacking since.

The receivers getting separation and team injuries have contributed as well, but both have been overcome when it’s been needed the most. As for Big Ben holding onto the ball too long, well that’s a double edged sword.

All along I’ve said that while it’s part of what makes him a great quarterback, the improvisational part of Roethlisberger’s makeup can and does hurt him at times. Right now it’s hurting him more because his offensive line is not as strong as it used to be. To fully utilize Ben’s skills and talents, the team needs a stronger line to give him the time needed to make those spectacular off the cuff plays.

Punter Mitch Berger has played poorly due to injury, and it showed last week greatly. This week he was cut and replaced by Paul Ernster, who was cut in training camp. Let’s hope our third punter of the season can work with our second long snapper to make some magic.

Why I love Mike Tomlin reason #876: When asked at a recent news conference what he thought of his team and their 6-2 record thus far, this was Tomlin’s response.

I'd prefer to be 8-0.

Now how can you not love that!


NFL The Alternative universe

Nice coup by ESPN getting the McCain and Obama for halftime of Monday Night Football. Some may think Obama won because the Redskins lost, and history followed in suit, but I know better. He won because he advocated a playoff for College Football. Are you listening BCS? Your new president has spoken! And yes, I am a Penn State fan already expecting to somehow get screwed in the final rankings.

Remember when I said it hasn’t hit rock bottom for the Raiders? I was right! Deposed Coach Lane Kiffin has filed a grievance against the team to force the Raiders to pay the remaining money owed Kiffin from his contract, a total of approximately $2.6 million. I have inside information that says a deal will be reached, but in order for Kiffin to get the money, sources say he must try to fool the aging Davis into thinking it’s not for him and that he must don a white wig and pretend he’s Kenny Stabler.

Oh, and this just in too! The Raiders have cut $70 million free agent DeAngelo Hall! Wow, who would have thought that a me first, locker room distraction who is only happy when the team is winning would not thrive for Oakland? Odd, don’t you think?

Unfortunately, this also marked the death knell to the Redskins season, as they snatched Hall right up off of waivers. They had such a strong team atmosphere going too. Wow, Dan Snyder really doesn’t know when to leave well enough alone.

You think these will be a big seller in Wisconsin this year?

I’m a fan of Mike Singletary’s style, not taking guff from prima donna players. But I’ll be danged if I’m dropping my trousers to fire up others.


Upon Further Review

Ok, I blasted the NFL Players Association earlier, mostly because they’re picking on my Steelers. But now they’re taking on the league about the ridiculous rash of fines on hits that were not even penalized on the field, and I have to get behind this.

Their main contention came this week after 6 more fines were levied; the biggest one of contention was the hit Justin Tuck laid on Cowboys quarterback Brooks Bollinger. The hit was legal, and replays showed Tuck laid off as the two were falling to the ground. But the NFL slapped Tuck with a $7,500 fine. But after a small brouhaha erupted, they rescinded the fine. Yes, good on the league for backing off, but it just shows the root of this problem, the inconsistency of this fining.

I can understand the NFL wanting to curb the violence that sells the game, because they lose money with people like Tom Brady out of action. But if you are truly serious, then get serious. Get standards set in place for all of the officiating crews out there. If it is a finable offence, flag it on the field. If it is bad enough, suspend the players without pay, hit them with a paycheck and their playing time. And for Pete’s sake, start punishing people for helmet to helmet hits! I see these every week with zero repercussions. But most importantly, show consistency with both the actions and consequences. Until you do, no one, not the players their union or the fans, will take you or this nonsensical fining seriously.


Midseason Prediction Update

At the beginning of the season, I grudgingly made a few predictions. Since we’ve made it halfway through another season in the world of the NFL, why not look back and see how disturbingly well I know how to move in this world?

- The Patriots will still be lauded as the greatest team ever, despite serious issues with their offensive line, secondary, linebacking corps and the Tom Brady Man-Bot. – Oooooh, a loss right at the start! Sorry, I’m snickering too much to feel bad.

- The Bengals will suck, again. – WINNAH!

- So will the Raiders. – DOUBLE WINNAH!

- And the Rams. – Hey, I’m 3-1!

- And the Falcons, but that one was easy. – Ok, a loss but who saw this coming?

- Brett Favre will retire sometime before March, again. And then unretired. Again. – The jury is still out, so I’ll withhold judgment.


- Nor will he be the magic elixir that cures the Jets’ woes. – I’m calling this a push as well, because while they are 5-3, it’s a terribly underwhelming 5-3.

- Rookie quarterbacks starting for crappy teams will have at least 2.5 “Welcome to the NFL” moments per game. – I’d say a loss. They’ve had those moments, but not nearly enough. That’s 3-3-2

- Mike Holmgren will look like a walrus. – WINNAH!

- Matt Leinart will bore with trying to be the good soldier and throw a kegger with tons of college hotties by week 8. – Push again, because he hasn’t mouthed off, but I’ve seen nothing on YouTube lately.

- The Bills will be better than people think. – WINNAH!

- The Browns will be worse than people think. – WINNAH!

- So will the Jets. Jet fans are already saying this, but they don’t truly believe it. – Push, for the same reasons above. That makes us 6-3-3

- First team in the AFC North to 10-6 wins the division. Again – Withholding judgment, but it’s looking good.

- Shawne Merriman will not play the entire season – WINNAH!

- Michael Phelps will make an appearance at a Ravens game to much fanfare. – WINNAH!

- And finally Roger Goodell will have to dirty his hands at least once dealing with some sort of off the field incident involving a Bengal, Raider or Cowboy. Yes, it could be from another team, but I’m going with the odds. – Thank you Pacman, WINNAH!

Grand total, 9-3-3 with two withholds. Oh, I could still blow the doors off of most predictors! Mel Kiper Jr., look out here I come!


He Said He Said

Hey, let's go 7-0. Let's see if we can go 7-0. ... We're playing for ourselves. We're playing for our professional livelihood. – Cincinnati coach Marvin Lewis

No Marvin, only you are playing for your livelihood.

The Bengals have seven games left, and Chad Johnson says he thinks the team could finish 8-8. Well, in two weeks the Bengals start a rather interesting five-game stretch -- Eagles, at Steelers, Ravens, at Colts, Redskins -- and I'll just say this: If they sweep those five, I'm changing my name to Peter Ocho Cinco. – SI.com’s Peter King

Peter that may be the safest bet you’ve ever made.

I'm tired of saying we are making progress, I'm tired of saying we were close, and I'm tired of saying we just need to execute. It is the same thing week after week. - Lions center Dominic Raiola

Huh, looks like someone is choking on Marinelli’s Kool-Aid.

Vernon just ... It was something that I told everybody at the very beginning of the week: I will not tolerate players that think it's about them when it's about the team. And we cannot make ... we cannot make decisions that cost the team and then come off [to] the sideline and it's nonchalant. No. You know what? This is how I believe. I'm from the old school. I believe this: I would rather play with 10 people and just get penalized all the way until we got to do something else, rather than play with 11 when I know that right now that person is not sold-out to be a part of this team. It is more about them than it is about the team. Cannot play with them. Cannot win with them. Cannot coach with them. Can't do it. I want winners. I want people that want to win. I told him that he would do a better job for us right now taking a shower and coming back and watching the game than going out on the field. Simple as that. – 49er Interim coach Mike Singletary

Oh, it loses so much in the translation from video clip to text quote. But some advice for Mike, since this is his first head coaching job. Mike, if you want a memorable rant, you need to keep it short. Think Herm Edwards “win the game” or Jim Mora’s “playoffs” or the master, Denny Green’s “they are who we thought they were.” Short, sweet, forever in our minds. I think before it’s all said and done, Mike will give us something priceless.


Idiot of the week

Ok, since we missed a week, the nominees have piled up.

Mike Singletary – Because I’ve never knew the best way to inspire a room full of professional athletes was to show off your BVDs.

Joey Porter – Joey must be feeling his oats, because he got involved in a war of words with both Brandon Marshall and Matt Jones.

Brandon Marshall. Well, his mouthing off with Joey Porter after the fact that Joey’s Dolphins beat his Broncos, and he posted a 2 catches for 27 yards performance. And he doubled his chances with attempting to hurt his team with a touchdown celebration in his exuberance for the election of Barack Obama. Although his heart and intentions were in the right place with the idea rather than a hey world look how great I am sort of attitude. Ok, that makes up for alot so Brandon, you are off the list. And the idea of celebrating unity is fabulous. I hope at some point you do show us the celebration.

But I’m going to give it to Commissioner Roger Goodell. Roger, I know you want to cut down on the injuries and violence in the game, even though the violence is what sells the game. But these asinine fines are just too much. Get some consistency both in on the field calls and the fines, and then perhaps people will take this seriously. Until then, you are an idiot.


Taking the Week Off

Bengals – Tearing apart Cincinnati with a championship celebration for winning one lousy game.

Cowboys – Wade will visit Bum, who will tell him he’s a bum, and Jerry Jones will insist to Tony Romo that he knows how to holistically repair broken pinkies.

Buccaneers – Even though Garcia is doing well, Gruden will audition 30 quarterbacks, because after seeing what happened to Dallas, you never know.

Redskins – Foolishly thinking DeAngelo Hall will improve their team, and not destroy it from the inside. Because Dan Snyder has never seen what happened with him in Oakland or Atlanta.


On Tap This Week

Once a season, I pull a huge boner with my picks. I move too fast, pick a team I’d never pick rationally then have to suffer and watch as they get creamed and feel like a moron. I did it again this week, picking Oakland over Atlanta. I even sat through the first half of the day games thinking; thank goodness I picked the falcons. I mean, the only thing I’d ever pick Oakland for is either a prison rodeo or biggest train wreck in all of sports. Suffice to say, it impacted my standings.

Last week 8-6
Season to date 79-59

Suffice to say, I’m getting my butt kicked lately. So, why don’t we do a bit of research this week and see if I can turn this thing around before it’s too late.


Thursday

Denver (4-4) at Cleveland (3-5)

Will the newly formed Brady Bunch be too much for the Broncos? I would not trust either of these teams as far as I could throw them. Especially the terribly inconsistent Shanahan crew. The Browns are at least at home, and could experience a lift from a new quarterback.

Browns over Broncos

(Yes, I know the game has been played, and the Brown defense fell apart faster than paper towels in a dishwasher, but I’m putting this here as a full disclaimer of my screw ups. Like you didn’t know them already.)


Sunday

New Orleans (4-4) at Atlanta (5-3)

No matter how good your quarterback may be, it is no substitute for a good defense.

Falcons over Saints


Tennessee (8-0) at Chicago (5-3)

No neck beard, no win.

Titans over Bears


Jacksonville (3-5) at Detroit (0-8)

Come on, I know Jacksonville has been severely handicapped by injuries, but they can beat Detroit on the road, right?

Jaguars over Lions


Baltimore (5-3) at Houston (3-5)

I hate to say it, but the Ravens with Flacco are just too tough. Oh Boller, how I miss you.

Ravens over Texans


Seattle (2-6) at Miami (4-4)

Wait, Seattle has won 2 games? When did that happen? I’m going with mouthy Joey, and not just because Seattle has to travel 3 time zones.

Dolphins over Seahawks


Green Bay (4-4) at Minnesota (4-4)

Yeah, Adrian Peterson is a monster, but that’s all they have. If you have a doubt, go with the quarterback. And who would you rather have if your life depended on it, Aaron Rodgers or Gus “I gave myself a concussion once by head butting a wall” Frerotte? I thought so.

Packers over Vikings


Buffalo (5-3) at New England (5-3)

If Buffalo cannot come through against the Jets or Dolphins, how can I trust them in Foxboro? Now that I said that, Jauron will finally put everything together.

Patriots over Bills


St. Louis (2-6) at New York Jets (5-3)

Awww, I guess Jim Haslett will be exposed as not being a genius. You’ll see since he will be without Stephen Jackson to save his bacon this time. And that he’s going against THE GREATEST QUARTERBACK OF ALL TIME BRETT FAVRE!

Jets over Rams


Carolina (6-2) at Oakland (2-6)

Carolina is the quietest 6-2 team in the league. After this weekend, they will be the quietest 7-2 team. Double checking my picks to make sure I didn’t screw up again.

Panthers over Raiders


Indianapolis (4-4) at Pittsburgh (6-2)

All I can say is, sorry Colts fans, but you’ve had it good for a while, so just revel in that.

Steelers over Colts


Kansas City (1-7) at San Diego (3-5)

Ugh. Ok, which is worse, a totally crappy KC team, thank you Carl Peterson and Herm Edwards, or a ridiculously underachieving San Diego team? Yes, Ted Cottrell was the issue ailing the team. Well, sometimes even Norv Turner cannot screw up at home.

Chargers over Chiefs


New York Giants (7-1) at Philadelphia (5-3)

This actually is an intriguing contest. The Giants have been laying waste to opponents, nothing like a little Super Bowl winning confidence. The Eagles, though, haven’t lost since the Phillies won the NLDS, nothing like some brotherly confidence. I’m going to out on a limb here and go with the less than obvious.

Eagles over Giants


Monday

San Francisco (2-6) at Arizona (5-3)

Does it seem weird Steelers West, I mean Arizona, has a three game lead over every other team in the division? The only entertaining part of this game most definitely is what Mike Singletary might or might not do to inspire his team to victory. I wouldn’t rule out a Carmen Miranda fruit hat.

Cardinals over 49ers