The Crystal Ball 2008 Week 4

Hi all. I have just a short offering for you this week, merely a few quick hits and misses as the Lady K and I head for treatment for the dreaded DFS. Thank goodness Peyton and Eli did that commercial to warn the public.


Quick Hits

Woof that was some game the Steeler defense played. Shame it looked like everything they did punished the offense.

I give Roethlisberger a ton of credit. After a game like that, it takes a real man to stand.

Other than that, let’s just hope the extra day this week helps them come up with a solid game plan. Let’s hope it helps a lot.

Wow, I’m stunned Matt Millen is out of a job. I think Herm Edwards is too. Without the lightning rod of crappy teams is being hoisted by Millen, all sports writers looking for a team of which to make fun will be singing Kansas City here I come.

So, did the Ford family finally come to their senses, or just get back the incriminating evidence Millen has had all this time.

Mr. Henry Clay Ford, I put a plan in place last year when I advocated canning Millen. What I would do to turn around the Lions. Just so you know I’m still available and ready to get to work. Honestly, could I really be that much worse?

You know what would be really cool? If Al Davis hired Matt Millen! Is there anyway to make this happen? The Raiders then could properly compete for the title of the worst team in any organized, semi-organized, sand lot, playground and black top sport or activity EVER! Oh, it would be like Christmas coming early!

BRETT FAVRE’S ANKLE IS HEALING QUICKLY! Thank goodness! I was worried!

How about them Dolphins! Who saw that coming? I think we witnessed the official conclusion of Belichick’s deal with the Devil. We may all sigh relief now.

New England Patriot Ellis Hobbs took note, offense, and amazement at Patriot fans that streamed out of Gillette Stadium Sunday. The fans left at the beginning of the fourth quarter, long before game time ended but long after the game had been decided. Hobbs stated,

"Expectations are that high that we're not allowed a bad game or something like that. How many times has somebody had a bad day at the office? How many times has somebody missed a deadline and not gotten in the paper? Missing whatever, forgetting to fix their kids' lunch?"

No Ellis, rest your weary head. It’s not that expectations are that high, it’s that Patriot fans are nothing but bandwagon jumpers. And right now, their keen fair weather friend intuition is screaming, JUMP BAD TIMES AHEAD! Trust me, most of those douche bags were nowhere to be seen before 2001. Oh wait, they were somewhere, hanging outside Fenway Park sobbing, “when’s it gonna be our time, Lord?

In other news, former Patriot Troy Brown retired this week. Wow, everyone is turning their backs on New England! Is it my birthday?

A bench warrant has been issued by a Fresno County, California judge for the arrest of Bengals defensive lineman Jason Shirley for suspicion of drunken driving. Also right on schedule, just don’t call him Shirley.

You almost feel bad for Marvin Lewis. He stands up over the summer and says no more nonsense or trouble makers, and then the team resigns Chris Henry and now barely into the new season the cops are after Shirley. I say almost, because he could have looked for a new job.


Idiot of the week

I toyed with Matt Millen for the obvious reasons, but the man did just lose his job. And in this economy, that’s tough.

No, the more delicious idiot, and justified, is the Patriot fans who suddenly had something better to do at the beginning of the 4th quarter. Listen you jerks, your team is the most successful this decade. They’ve won 3 Super Bowls and been to a 4th. They are perennial post season fixtures and just came off the single greatest regular season ever put together. They have one really bad game, ONE, at the beginning of the season no less, and you turn tail on them that fast? This is your team! You are supposed to support your team, win or lose no matter what. No, you cats only support your team win or destroy the opponent. The first time you face adversity you head for cover. Shame on all of you, not just for this, but giving up on the season when Brady went down. I’m ashamed of all of you as fans, but at the same time glad. Without your pompous blow harding around, I might actually enjoy the season.

It is for these, and many many other, transgressions that you all capture this week’s honor of Idiot. Congratulations, you more than earned it.


Taking the Week Off

This week marks the first official week of bye weeks. Yes, Houston and Baltimore already had their bye, but that was because of Hurricane Ike and its devastation. This week we see the league giving breaks to teams because, well, some really need it.

Lions – We already know how Detroit is spending their week off, dancing in the streets at the news of Matt Millen being deposed. Sadly, this may be the best week Lions fans have all season.

Colts – Peyton will either spend a ridiculous amount of time in the film room and on the practice field, trying to catch up from missing preseason, or just film 3-4 commercials. What am I saying? This is Peyton Manning! He’ll do both.

Dolphins – Joey Porter will take the team for some relaxation on South Beach to celebrate Miami’s big win. Quite possibly the biggest they’ve had since a kid named Dan manned the quarterback position.

Patriots – Bill Belichick will be working the phones all week trying to get an extension on his deal with Beelzebub. Sorry Bill, that contract is expired.

Giants – Wait, the Gints have the week off too? Oh, Peyton’s definitely filming commercials with Eli. Hmmm, that’s a bit of suspicious scheduling….

Seahawks – Mike Holmgren ponders why he came back for this as he auditions Arena league receivers to fill out his depleted receiving corps.


On Tap This Week

Mind you, each week it takes some real effort to put together a good plan for Sunday and Monday. It takes thought, research, study and not a small amount of luck. Last week, well…..

Last week 8-8
Season to date 28-20

I do not think it was so much I did not put enough effort, although admittedly trying to pump my picks out an hour before the party I was hosting Saturday night is not the proper effort. No, I think it was more teams let me down. Well, they’ll pay this week, as I will turn my back on them faster than a Mass Hole on the Pats. So, who’s up first?


Sunday

Minnesota (1-2) at Tennessee (3-0)

I like how Tennessee is winning games. Stout defense, a tough running game combined with smart quarterback play. It’s a recipe for success. Minnesota managed a win with Gus Frerotte, but not on the road this week.

Titans over Vikings


Denver (3-0) at Kansas City (0-3)

Denver is bound to lose at some point by failing to pull things out in the end. Kansas City is bound to win sometime, the odds say they must. Just not this week.

Broncos over Chiefs


San Francisco (2-1) at New Orleans (1-2)

Hmmm, interesting game. San Francisco is off to a pretty good start. How real is it though? This will be O’Sullivan’s second big test on the road. He passed in Seattle, but barely. I think the Saints are a hair better than the Hawks. I’m still not sold, though.

Saints over 49ers


Arizona (2-1) at New York Jets (1-2)

WILL BRETT PLAY? Sure he will; his ankle will be alright. His mind, however, is wondering just why the heck he’s not sitting in Kiln sipping a lemonade. I wanna take the Jets, after the demoralizing win you just have a feeling. Especially since the Cardinals showed chicken late in last weeks contest. But I just don’t feel it.

Cardinals over Jets


Green Bay (2-1) at Tampa Bay (2-1)

The Battle of the Bays! I’ll take Bay Seasoning, thank you. Ok, seriously. The teams look even and good, but always go with the better quarterback. Who is it here? Hmmmm, I think Rodgers gets the benefit of the doubt.

Packers over Buccaneers


Atlanta (2-1) at Carolina (2-1)

Maybe I had it all wrong. Maybe Carolina is better without Steve Smith. We’ll see this week. I think the road is not kind to Mr. Ryan again. Especially if Carolina finds a running game.

Panthers over Falcons


Houston (0-2) at Jacksonville (1-2)

Uhhhhh, well, Mario Williams could have a big day. That’s a hopeful sign. But I don’t think they’re taking this one on the road. Maybe next week boys.

Jaguars over Texans


Cleveland (0-3) at Cincinnati (0-3)

Wait, it’s the new big thing of 2008 versus the new big thing of 2005! Guess which has worked out well. Right! Neither! Yeesh. I’m telling you, the Bungles win no games till Chad wears Ocho Cinco.

Browns over Bengals


San Diego (1-2) at Oakland (1-2)

Wow, there is life in San Diego after all. This is remarkably similar to the way they began the season last year, isn’t it? Their season will end remarkably similar as well.

Chargers over Raiders


Buffalo (3-0) at St. Louis (0-3)

Hee hee, yeah, Linehan’s saying St. Louis is going all out to win this game. Right. Like Trent Green is the answer to the problems. I feel bad for Green; he’s like the messenger on a battlefield they send after the first three have been blown up. He knows it’s coming too, but he grabs the satchel anyway. I have a feeling this won’t end well for Green. I know it won’t for St. Louis.

Bills over Rams


Washington (2-1) at Dallas (3-0)

Hmmm, Washington has some life and spunk. Oh, they’ll play tough this week. It won’t be enough to overcome the glare from Jerry Jones’ surgically refreshed face. Whoops, I mean the Cowboys offensive attack.

Cowboys over Redskins


Philadelphia (2-1) at Chicago (1-2)

Stupid Eagles. Why they gotta hate so much? And stupid Orton, really, you need one first down and the game is yours. Pffft, nothing, done, overtime, lose. The neck beard failed me. I have no confidence in it. Even if McNabb has no Westbrook.

Eagles over Bears


Monday

Baltimore (2-0) at Pittsburgh (2-1)

Baltimore is coming off its second win of the season and taking the early lead in the division and looking good doing it. Pittsburgh is now with a now hugely questioned offensive line, a banged up Ben and a rookie starting at running back for an injured Fast Willie. All on Monday night. Who would you take? Not me.

Steelers over Ravens